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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Saga Simpson's SW, Episode I: The Fatman Menace (crossover, humor) Final Update! Completed!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Eon-Wan-Mome_NT, Feb 28, 2005.

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  1. Eon-Wan-Mome_NT

    Eon-Wan-Mome_NT Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 1, 2003
    Ohh! [face_worried]

    I'm nervous since this is my first story post. I must take a deep breath, stretch my clentched knuckles to loosen them so taht I can atculaly tpye wlel (seriously though I am tense!)


    Oh well, here it goes. In this story, I will follow the plot of the SW movies, substituting Lucas's characters for Groening's characters..The Simpsons.

    A few other characters, from other toons to real life, will pop in here and there as well.


    Well, without further ado, I want to tell a story that
    takes place:


    A long time ago, in a galaxy called Springfield, far far away...


    [image=http://eonwanmoment.250free.com/Simpsons-Star-Wars-Fatman.gif]


    The Simpsons? Star Wars


    Episode 1: The Fatman Menace


    Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic Republic of Springfield. The purchasing contracts for essential fuels supplies for outlying star systems is in dispute.

    Hoping to resolve the matter with a blockade of deadly battleships, the greedy Strickland Propane and Propane
    Accessories Federation has stopped all shipping of fuel
    sources to the small planet of Texas.

    Little do the good people of Texas realize that the blockade is masterminded my an evil Sith Lord; his first step in attempting to achieve universal dominance.

    Supreme Chancellor Bill Clinton has secretly dispatched
    two Jedi Knights to settle the conflict. But two Jedi, maybe not even all the Jedi will be able to counteract the upset of balance to the Force that this Dark Lord is seeking. Someone is needed to restore balance. That person is a ?FatMan?. He is also an ignoramus ?Menace?. The two Jedi will eventually
    find him. His name:
    Homer Simpson





    Hundreds of Strickland Starships surround the planet of Texas, shoeing away all vessels that approach their deadly formation..except one. Strickland Propane and Propane Accessories have agreed to negotiate this situation. Therefore, a small ship sent by the Republic carrying skillful diplomats is allowed to board the Stricklands? mother ship.


    The landing is successful and the two diplomats exit onto the floors of the mother ship dressed in brown robes, their faces veiled in hoods. For these two diplomats are Jedi Knights: Reverend Qui-Gon Lovejoy and his Padawan, Obi-HiDiddlyDoo-Flanders.


    The two Jedi are escorted to a waiting room by a golden female protocol droid. They are told that their meeting with the Strickland ambassador will begin momentarily. The droid leaves to fetch the two guests some drinks as they begin to discuss the situation.



    "Gee Reverend, I sure hope these negotiations go well." Flanders mentions anxiously. "I?ve been sharpening up the old diplomacy skills but I don?t think I?ve mastered them."


    "I?m sure you?ll do fine, Obi-HiDiddlyDoo" Lovejoy replies in a dry, droning voice.


    "Well I gosh diddly darn hope so." Flanders says. "I practiced all of yesterday by lining up all my plants and using the Force to communicate with them. I wanted to see if anyone of them was in demand of certain resources.?

    A bored sounding Lovejoy comments sarcastically, "That?s great, I?m sure you learned
    plenty from that exercise to prepare you for today?s negotiations?with real breathing people, Obi HiDiddly-Doo!"


    A worried Flanders, oblivious to Lovejoy?s sarcasm, replies.

    "Well, I?m afraid not Reverend. I just got confused. I discovered that that Telly the Tulip was
    receiving more sunshine than Allie the Aloe, and Carla the Cactus was receiving more water than Violet the Violet. And Cacti require much less water than flowers, but I didn?t want to deprive poor Carla the water I had already been giving her and take it
    away. That would be like stealing. And Allie needed a location closer to the window but gosh diddly darn I did not want to move her from my desk since her scent gives soothes my nasal passages when I am studying my Fabric Cleaning techniques for Jedi Robe book"



    "Just keep your thoughts in the Here and Now and you will be fine
     
  2. TIEPilot051999

    TIEPilot051999 Jedi Master star 7

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2002
    Om my god! :eek:!

    ...

    This is the FUNNIEST thing I've ever read! [face_laugh] x infinity. =D=

    MORE! :D!
     
  3. Eon-Wan-Mome_NT

    Eon-Wan-Mome_NT Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 1, 2003
    Thanks for your kind words, TiePilot! Kudos to my very first reader! Maybe I'll have others later, but I am glad you want more of my silly words!


    So here comes more :)




    **********************************************


    Rev. Qui Gon Lovejoy is the first of the two Jedi to make it down to Texas. He is running
    amongst the plants of the Texas jungles, (see in this story, Texas is a little different..being that it is not an arid land north of Mexico but in a galaxy far far away) fleeing still more battle droids. Nope, escaping the Strickland starship did not rid him of dangerous droids but instead put him up against even more deadlier enemies, such as the Strickland landrovers!

    Lovejoy looked ahead and saw one coming; the huge mass of metal hovering over the ground with the capability of blasting away any object that stood in it way!

    Before Lovejoy?s survival instincts took affect, before The Force was able to trigger in
    him a warning, a different kind of "force" spared is life: The force of gravity.

    Unbeknownst to him, he was running over a wide gutter. An absurd thing for a gutter to be in the middle of the jungle (Remember, I said this was a different place), but there it was, and Lovejoy simply forgot to look down. He tripped over a strange human-sized life form that was sprawled out inside the gutter. Lovejoy fell on his face just before the Land Hover passed over him.

    The life form from the gutter then spoke, slurring every word that he said. "Better stay down until that thing is outta sight. Those things are buzz kills, but if you stay down here in the gutter in watch them pass over your face, you can get a helluva rush!" The creature punctuated his statement by releasing a loud, disgusting belch. "BLEEECHH!"

    A repulsed Lovejoy jumped up to his feet and looked down at the pathetic being.He was a bi pedal creature that had the hard green skin of a reptile and a long snout. His belly was quite huge as were his bloodshot eyes. This being just laid there chugging a bottle or Corellian Rum.

    Releasing the bottle form his lips, the creature moaned "Now can you help me up?"

    Lovejoy was embarrassed that a low life form such as this intoxicated thing could save a superior Force
    filled Jedi such as himself. He went into denial about this and mentally blocked any messages his conscience was sending him, telling him to repay the "thing".

    So instead of giving aid, Lovejoy responded with a religious diatribe "The Force helps those who help themselves, my son. And you poison your body with those fluids, giving your health no help whatsoever"

    "Wow, you sober species sure speak funny!" the being replied in an intoxicating slur

    "Furthermore" Lovejoy went on "Thou who speaketh from a slurred tounge has as much chance at anything as a Rancor?s chances at going through the eye of a needle, my son!"

    "Rock on, Reverend!" The creature said, noticing his pastoral collar wrapped around the nape of his Jedi robe.

    It was at his time that Obi HiDiddlyDoodle Flanders appeared.

    "There you are Reverend," he said "I?m glad to have found you. But we gotta get out of here quickly. All these jungle trails are filled with battledroids!"

    "You?re right, ObiHi, Nooowww, let?s seeeeeee" Lovejoy hid his confusion by droning phrases in an authoritative manner "We should go there?.No..that will not do..HMMMM. It is time to go that way?..No trouble over there, too..HMMMM"

    The being in the gutter, having overheard Obi and LoveJoy?s dialouge, offered a solution. "You?ll find no safe path in these trees..those droid thingees are all over the place there. Besides, I peed and threw up on almost every tree and some of you sober species find the smell so bad"

    Flanders opened his mouth and made a face that was mixed with surprise and repulsion as he looked down to where the voice was coming form.

    "My gosh, Reverend. This thing is drunk! What do we do? What do we do?"

    "I?m not a thing!" The creautre rebuttled. ?My name is Barney Gumble. And I am a normal living species as
     
  4. green_eyes

    green_eyes Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Apr 20, 2004
    Please do not post in the story forums to advertise your friend's site.


    - Herman
     
  5. Darth-Floyd

    Darth-Floyd Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 5, 2003
    Well done my friend :)

    I´m looking forward to read more.
     
  6. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrel Wrangler of Fun & Games star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    Eon, this is absolutely hysterical... as I satred the second chapter and Qui-Gon Lovejoy was saved by the belching pathetic lifeform I was chanting, "Don't tell me that is Barney, don't tell me that is Barney." An alco-quatic... oh my!! [face_laugh] [face_laugh]


    I love the Simpson characters you chosen to play the SW ones and look very much forward to reading more.
     
  7. Eon-Wan-Mome_NT

    Eon-Wan-Mome_NT Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 1, 2003
    Darth-Floyd! Thanks for dropping buy, old buddy! I'm glad you like what you read so far.


    And thanks for your kind words too, Healer_Leona

    Wow! You're one of the main people on this board, and you are reading my story?? I mean, your name is on the big billboard on top of screen!


    Well, I hope my next installment won't disappoint you! I'm really looking foward to getting to Homer! I have stuff written already, but now is not his time.


    Well, here we go....! :)


    *****************************

    So Lovejoy, Flanders and Barney slid down through the gutter system, into a huge sewer hole, thereby entering the underwater world..er..excuse me, the ?underalcohol? world of Barney and the rest of the race of Gumbles. This underalcohol world made up about 1/3 of the planet Texas, including the planet?s core. Inside this underalcohol world, there were enormously sized ?bubbles? for a lack of a better term. However, there were some size variations. Some were large enough that they contained cities while others had only the capacity to hold one building.

    The three of them swam along until Barney took them inside a medium sized bubble. A sign attached to the outside or it read: "Moe?s Tavern"

    Once inside, Lovejoy asked Barney "What in Beelzebub?s name are these bubble-like this contraptions"

    Barney replied "Giant Kumprack creatures used to live down here, but they died. However, their belches live on! These bubbles were burped out of their mouths!"

    "Eeeeew!" cried Flanders "I?m gonna throw up!"

    "Great" Barney said. "You?ll fit right in then!"

    Lovejoy had more questions for Barney. "I asked you to take me to your leader. And here we are in this Force forsaken dive. Why in Heavens Pure Glory are we here?"

    "We?re at Moe?s, and Moe is our leader, he leads us by keeping us drunk inside his tavern..makes us never want to leave?droooooool!"

    "This makes no sense. Why would you crave a tavern so much when you can just swim outside these bubbles and have an eternal supply of alcohol?"

    Barney grunts to himself and mutters "These sober species! They?ll never understand the bond that forms between a being and his bar. This is a sacred place"

    Lovejoy gave up on trying to understand this incomprehensible creature and asked "Well where is this ?Moe??"

    Suddenly, a hoarse voice comes from across the room.

    "I?m Moe, what the Hell do you want?"

    A bar stood across the room which was at least a kilometer long. Hundreds of drunk Gumbles sat slumped over on stools. LoveJoy, Flanders, and Barney entered this tavern bubble near the section of the bar that held the cash register. And behind the cash register is where Moe always stood. He seemed to be a second cousin species to the Gumbles. He had green scaley skin and a bony spine with a highly exagerated curve. But like Barney, he also hada human shaped head, which was covered with curly, salt & pepper colored hair.

    Lovejoy warned Moe of all the trouble that was occuring on the surface of the planet.

    "Beware, you Force Heathens. Beware. Judgement is upon you! From the Heavens above your slimey world, armies are invading. Your planet as you know it will be no more! You must change your ways and assist the Federation of Texas"

    Moe shrugged and said in a tired voice "Look Mr. Holier then thou, why do I care what happens to those Yuppie scum up above?"

    Then Flanders added "Yes but Mr. Moe, whatever fate lies in store for them will fall on you."

    Moe was unconvinced. "Would you stop talking about those ?other people?! We don?t need them, we got it all here: A Kessle Run Pinball Machine, A jar of Taun Taun eggs, 30 years old today, and all the booze we can drink, what else do we need? We ain?t getting involved! Now get outta my bar and never come back!"

    Moe pulled out his sawed off laser pistol to show them he was serious. He did, however, tell them which gutter shoot to climb out of so that they were closed to the Queen?s castle: The one that went through: The Planet Core!

    As Flanders and Lovejoy got r
     
  8. Miana Kenobi

    Miana Kenobi Admin Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Apr 5, 2000
    *Dies laughing* [face_laugh]

    OMG... Simpsons & King of the Hill.... Comic Book Guy the Hutt.... *DIES AGAIN*


    This is great! I can't wait for more!
     
  9. TIEPilot051999

    TIEPilot051999 Jedi Master star 7

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2002
    Good job, man! :D!
     
  10. Spike2002

    Spike2002 Former FF-UK RSA and Arena Manager star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 4, 2002
    [face_laugh]

    Mr. Burns should be Sidious :p
     
  11. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrel Wrangler of Fun & Games star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    "Eeeeew!" cried Flanders "I?m gonna throw up!" I so agree.. LOL! "Gigantic Catfish Repellant." ROFLOL! This just keeps getting better.. Groundkeeper Willie... that is brilliant.


    And wow, thanks for the welcome, though the only reason I'm here is to be able to read fine stories like yours. :) (Why does Avril's music come to mind... Just a mod, just an, ordinary mod.. ) :D
     
  12. Eon-Wan-Mome_NT

    Eon-Wan-Mome_NT Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 1, 2003
    Well, let me start by once again thanking my readers!

    Miana, TIEPilot, Spike2002, Leona [:D] I feel so close to you all that I am shortening your names! [face_laugh]


    Hey Spike, you said Mr. Burns should be Sidious? Well, you know that I can't leave out loveable Mr Burns! Oh but it's so confusing..Sidious, Palpitine, The Emperor, George W. Bush, and Mr. Burns!

    It's like so many actors competing for the same role!
    Well, it will all work itself out! I have a plan, you'll see! :)


    Leona: Avril, huh? Now I really know that you are an average person just like the rest! LOL!
    (just kidding!)


    Now, w/out futher ado..(well one more:ADO! ) here comes the moment you all have been waiting for (well, I have been waiting for..hee hee).....The arrival of
    Homer Simpson



    ******************************************


    One day, on a warm, double sunny afternoon on Tatooine,
    Homer Simpson scoots along in his landspeeder, his brown hair ruffling in the breeze. He is 17 years old, carefree and singing his favorite song:


    (SUNG TO THE TUNE OF ?THE JOKER? by the Steve Miller Band)


    ?Some people call me a Space Jedi! Some call me the Gangster the Hutt!?

    (Hmm. Must be my belly!)

    ?Some people call me Lando..and I just..don?t know..why??

    (They should be calling ?Carl? Lando, stupid jawas!?)

    ?I?m a cloner, I?m a loner, I?m a Sith Lord crooner! I?ll soon be choking everyone!!"



    He stops his speeder at his fathers ?Drop..Chop and Shop? machine salvagery.


    He gets out of his vehicle and checks his watch!


    ?EEEEK! 11:30am?? Ohhh..stupid Tuskin Bride Late show! Keeps me up half the night watching?

    Late again, Homer enters the shop.

    ?I?m here, dad!? He says as he conks his head on a 4X2-a droid, therby unintentionally pressing the activation button with his forehead, sending the miniature droid into a frenzy. It jumps around the room, knocking things over in its path until finally it leaps upward to sink its metallic teeth into Homer?s arm. It does not let go, causing Homer to imitate the behavior of the droid. He runs around in a frenzy shouting profanities while knocking everything over in his path.


    ?Homer for Jedi sake, hit the nose.? Abe Simpson shouts ?It wills stop is you hit the nose!?

    ?I?m on it dad! POW! (Owwwww!) POW! (Yeoooow!) ?This hurts, dad!?


    ?Not your nose , idiot! Press down on the nose of the droid!?


    Homer does this and the droid falls into complacency.


    ?God dern..dern frug! You?re late! And you wreck things in the shop! You?re a screw up son! A biiiiig screw up!?


    Homer lowers his head in shame with a mounful reply ?Yes dad!?



    Also on planet Tatooine are Rev. Lovejoy and his entourage. Some members of the party are walking the towns, scouting for aid while the rest are back guarding the ship.

    The scouts are Lovejoy, R2D2, Marge Bouvier and for some reason Barney Gumble. (If this story was a movie, and if the Barney character was a CGI animation project, then I would surmise that the only reason for a pesky idiot?s inclusion on an important mission
    such as this would be to show off as much footage as possible of an intended ?cool? animated project, no matter how crappy it really was).


    Flanders headed the ship guarding party, where he was constantly accosted by Marge?s two ugly sisters. Poor Flanders.


    Lovejoy, Barney, Marge and R2D2 make their way to the Drop..Chop and Shop.

    Homer sees Marge enter the store and he is in love instantly [face_love] . A new song pops in his head. It?s the Carpenter?s song ?Close to You?


    ?Why do birds, suddenly appear?
    Every time you are near.
    Just like me, they long to be, close to you.?


    Homer is too shy and love stricken to speak to Marge, but he follows her around the shop and gawks at her. Marge notices this and can?t help but wonder:



    ?Why do flies, suddenly appear?
    Everytime that fat boy is near.?


    Finally, Marge confronts the stalker.

    ?Excuse me, young man. But your stares are making me quite u
     
  13. TIEPilot051999

    TIEPilot051999 Jedi Master star 7

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2002
    Dude, you're a freaking genius! And nice work with that reference to that Simpsons episode when Homer sings that song.

    MORE! MORE! MORE! :D!
     
  14. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrel Wrangler of Fun & Games star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    (If this story was a movie, and if the Barney character was a CGI animation project, then I would surmise that the only reason for a pesky idiot?s inclusion on an important mission such as this would be to show off as much footage as possible of an intended ?cool? animated project, no matter how crappy it really was). -- Not that you have an opinion on it huh?? [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    Strange place this is! Lovejoy thinks to himself. I am having hallucinations! Pehaps it's the heat?? LOL

    Another fabulously entertaining episode! :D
     
  15. Eon-Wan-Mome_NT

    Eon-Wan-Mome_NT Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 1, 2003
    Thank you!

    And nice work with that reference to that Simpsons episode when Homer sings that song.

    Thank you TiePilot, and look for more references to other Simpsons episodes in future updates.

    Pehaps it's the heat??

    Funny, I had that written for this update, Healer_Leona!


    Well, let's go on, shall we?



    *******************************************************

    As soon as they arrived at his home, Homer shows Marge his room.


    ?Listen Homer,? Marge says ?You seem like a nice boy and all but I feel uncomfortable being in here with you all alone. We hardly know each other!?


    Homer replies ?What?s there to know? I?m a boy..you?re a girl. I?m an emotionally neglected lazy fat slob without too many scruples and you are a pampered, glamorous and beautiful queen. I think we are soul mates, Marge. A match made from the Heaven that spawned you!?


    ?Oh Homer, Hee hee hee, You?re too much. I don?t know about this soul mate stuff, but I can keep you company for a while!?


    ?Wooo Hooo!? I?m gonna score!


    ?But remember, no funny stuff!?


    Doh


    ?So what do you wanna do?? Marge asks innocently.


    ?Well, we can watch TV! I just ordered a droid that boasts 3 billion forms of television reception! 3 billion channels Marge! What more can a person want!"


    ?Homer there are so many other things in this universe besides TV. So many galaxies, systems and maniupalities! Have you ever been to other planets??

    ?No.?

    ?Well, you must be curious then. There is soo much out there..so much life to have. I know, why don?t you tell me where you would like to go some day. Tell me your dreams.?


    ?Well, when I fall asleep in front of the TV..the commercials sometimes make there way into my dreams! Dengar Doughnuts, inc. send their tasty product by lightspeed to appear besides my bed! Mmmm. If this were only true.?


    Marge replies hesitantly ?I?see?Hmmmm. Well, why don?t you just show me this TV droid you bought!?


    ?Good idea!?


    The droid was still in the manufactures box with a Try and Save Space Mall pricetag attached to it. 1000 was the price. Quite a bit pricey for a lousy TV receptical droid! Homer attached the arms and legs, followed by the head.


    He stood back and looked at the contraption with confusion. There was no monitor..nor was there an attena.


    ?Marge. Where?s the TV? I put this thing together, and I see no screen! Ohhh..its almost time for The Space Monkeys!?


    ?Well, this doesn?t look like a TV droid to me, but maybe if you flick on the on switch by his neck he will tell you something.?


    ?Good idea!?


    The droid is powered on and it introudes himself.


    ?Greetings, I am C3PO, and I am at your service. I am a human cyborg with over 3 billion forms of communication. I excell in..?


    Homer does not let C3PO continue and interrupts with a disappointed grunt.


    ?Auuugh! Crap! Who needs communication when there?s TV? I want TV channels! Now show me the Space Monkeys, you no good tube of wires!?


    ?But sir!? C3PO protests. ?You are mistaken. I am not programed for such activities. I have no monitor.I have no..?


    But Homer doesn?t listen and starts to pound C3PO?s head with his fist.

    ?Show it!? he demands.


    ?Homer!? Marge says scoldingly. ?Leave it alone!?


    Homer stops pounding for a couple seconds in bewilderment. Not knowing what to do next, he resumes his pounding and commanding. ?Show it!" Pound! Pound!


    ?But sir! I beg you..this is not good for my circuits! Oh dear! Oh dear!?


    Marge lets out a grunt and walks away in disgust as Homer thinks 'Yes! I know how to impress the ladies.' He continues his pounding.


    ****************************************


    In another part of the house, Lovejoy meets Homer?s mother Mona Simpson, a dreamy eyed free spirit
    woman who is bogged down to a depressing life of catering to her husband Abe? s pitiful needs.


    ?I would like to express my gratitude for giving us shelter.? Lovejoy says.


    ?Oh, you are welcome
     
  16. TIEPilot051999

    TIEPilot051999 Jedi Master star 7

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2002
    ?My wife is right! Homer just appeared! It was immmmaculate conception I tell you! There is no other explanation for his appearance. At first I thought I was blessed. But with the way he is turning out, I now think it?s a curse!?

    BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111oneoneone11111[face_laugh]!

    Keep it up, dude!
     
  17. Spike2002

    Spike2002 Former FF-UK RSA and Arena Manager star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 4, 2002
    I can?t discriminate whether it is a vergence in the Force of the worst case of body odor I have ever come across.

    I?m afraid it?s the body odor. Homer was never one for baths?

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    Comic Book Guy The Hutt? [face_laugh]

    And a pod racing contest? Shouldn't it be an all-you-can-eat contest? :p
     
  18. Eon-Wan-Mome_NT

    Eon-Wan-Mome_NT Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 1, 2003
    Thanks guys! :)

    BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111oneoneone11111


    Hmmm [face_thinking] Ya got me with that one, TiePilot! I thought it was binary laugher at first but then there was no zero's :p

    And a pod racing contest? Shouldn't it be an all-you-can-eat contest? [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    You may be right, Spike! That is funny and I didn't think of it. But I had already wrote stuff about pod racing so we must go with that :D


    Okay? Well now on with the story!




    The next morning, Lovejoy pays a second visit to the Drop, Chop and Shop.


    Abe Simpson looks at Lovejoy and says ?You again? I don?t want you in my shop anymore. Stay away..go on now, ..shoo!?


    ?First, you must listen to what I have to say. I have heard through the grape vine that your son Homer is a contender in tomorrow's Pod race. I would like to propose a wager against Homer. I believe that there is little chance of him winning.?


    ?How dare you?? Abe fires back at Lovejoy ?My son may be a worthless, lazy loser but one thing he is not is a porn star!?


    ?Come again?? Lovejoy asks in confusion ?I?m afraid don?t follow you.?


    ?Guess I have to use ?small? words so you dumb Jedi can understand. I will take your bet. My son will soar over that finish line long before any of the other contenders can start their ignitions. What are you prepared to give me when you lose??


    ?I will leave you my ship. Here..take a look at this pocket size halogram producer I have. You might have seen these in Star Trek films. It projects a scaled down replica of my ship.?


    Abe looks at it.


    ?I will agree.?


    ?And if Homer loses,? Lovejoy continues ?I will be asking for the parts that are needed to repair my ship?


    ?Agreed!?



    Later in the morning, Abe Simpson has a discussion with his son when he shows up to work.


    ?Listen son, you have let me down over and over again in the past, but its time to redeem yourself. In tomorrow?s Pod race, you need to win. Now for once, are
    you going to do things right or will you screw up as usual??


    ?I will do my best dad!?


    ?No..no der.gee bleeh!? Abe slaps Homer across the head. ?I?ve seen your best and it?s the Worst! Now Homer, just win tomorrow, will you? Just wiiiiin!?



    ?I will win this time, dad!?


    ?You better, son or this time I will disown you. I mean it, you lose and you will be walking these hot sands for the rest of your life!?


    ***********************************************

    After work, Homer stands somberly next to the A Simpson Sand Surfer. Both suns on Tatooine?s planet are setting. Too much pressure for such a simple mind! Marge sees Homer?s sorrowful face and decides to offer him comfort.


    ?Homer, is there anything I can do??


    ?Oh Marge, tomorrows the race and I still don?t know how to operate all these doo hickey things on this racer. When I pull this red lever to speed up..the racer goes in circles. When I push in this blue button to stop, music comes on.?


    A new sense of panic and urgency emits from his voice. ?And it?s Steeley Dan, Marge! Steely Dan..Eeeeek!?


    ?Oh Homer, this sounds so dangerous. If you don?t know how to operate this vehicle maybe you shouldn?t race tomorrow??


    ?Oh no Marge, I really need to earn my father?s respect. Dad wants me to win! And for him I must win!?


    ?Why Homer, despite how your father treats you, you love him very much, don?t you??


    ?Ohh I guess so. But I don?t want to win for him only. I want to win for you, too! Because I know I am not good enough for you and I never will be. But maybe if I win, you will be a little impressed.?


    ?Oh Homie, you don?t need to risk your life for me. I am already impressed that underneath all those layers of indifference to everything, you are a sweet and caring person. In fact, it is in the best interest of me and my people that you lose. Rev. Qui-Gon Lovejoy has bet against you.?



    ?He has?!? Well I?ll show that pompous Jedi what Pod Racing is all about! Now, where?s my helmet?"


    Marge looks down at Homer?s butt
     
  19. TIEPilot051999

    TIEPilot051999 Jedi Master star 7

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2002
    ?How dare you?? Abe fires back at Lovejoy ?My son may be a worthless, lazy loser but one thing he is not is a porn star!?

    Ah! I remember that episode! "My son is not a comunist! He may be a liar, an idiot, a pig, a comunist but he is NOT a porn star!"

    Homer blushes and says ?Oh yeah..heh heh. Dad shoved it there! He said I will need it there so I don?t crush my brains. Grrr! Stupid father!?

    [face_laugh]!!!!11111

    ?From that special pod will spawn a chosen pea!? (Oooo! Foreshadowing!) ?Hi, I?m Troy McClure, you might remember from such death defying contests as ?Bundgy Jumping a Sarlac?, or ?Rancor, Rancor, what did you do with that Matador?? Well today
    I am pleased to host the 27th annual Pod Race. Racers will delight your senses by traveling at top speed through these deserts while dodging sand dunes and navigating through small apertures in rock formations. They will risk their very lives just for the
    purpose of?. Well come to think of it, there is no purpose! There is no prize or recognition, just senseless reckless flying. How?s that for entertainment, folks??


    BEST! LINE! EVAH! :D!

    ?Now racers, I want a race so chilling that it would make Speed Racer sweat away all of his faded Tatsunoko ?Technicolor? that was supposed to be so impressive at one time. Audience: anyone caught videotaping and uploading this event will be sent to my execution chamber. From me and me alone you may aquire a DVD of this event. As usual, I will have a net profit of 97% on each copy. All citizens of Tatooine are required to purchase this item along one set of the Doogie Howser Lunchbox collection. These sets are overstocked in my warehouses and they are beginning to annoy me!.?

    No. I take it back. THIS is the BEST! LINE! EVAH! :D!

    Keep it up!
     
  20. Shadowknight1

    Shadowknight1 Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2003
    *blinks* Well....uh.... ROFLMAO!!!!!!
     
  21. Miana Kenobi

    Miana Kenobi Admin Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Apr 5, 2000
    ?Yeah..I saw that Gumball was getting beer and I wasn?t. I thought you Republic people believe in equality.?

    LMAO!! [face_laugh] That was my favorite line.

    And OMG... Troy and Comic Book Guys speeches were PERFECT! [face_laugh]


    Excellent job!
     
  22. Eon-Wan-Mome_NT

    Eon-Wan-Mome_NT Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 1, 2003
    Thank you everyone!! :) Glad you liked my Troy McClure and Comic Book Guy Lines!

    Happy Easter everybody!


    Now, let's see how Homer does in the race!


    The Race is On!


    All the racers take off with the exception of Homer. He is still confused over buttons. He tries a yellow button and the steering airbag pops up and smacks him in the face.


    ?Doh!!!!!?


    From the stands, Mrs Simpson sees this and exclaims ?One of these years, my poor son?s head won?t be able to withstand those airbags anymore!?


    Marge asks ?You mean that happens to Homer every year??



    ?Well one year he traded his safety air bag for M&Ms. It didn?t happen that year?


    Back on the Starting Line, poor Homer still struggled. He pulled a lever and oil squirted him in the face. Abe Simpson stood up in rage and screamed out at Homer
    through a megaphone.


    ?Get the thing moving you idiot! Oh never mind! I knew you would fail! Just give up already!?


    But Homer was determined. He discovers a lever he has not yet tried. He jams it forward as far as it would go, and ZOOOM!!! The A. Simpson Sand Surfer takes off!


    Homer tore through the course at record speeds! The first obstacles were the sand dunes and there he passed one racer, then another, finally all racers were eating his dust. As for Homer, he was eating sand! For he could not control his vehicle at his current speed! As he zoomed along, his mouth wide open in hollar, his vehicle twirled sideways like a
    helicopter blade, spinning Homer like he was a big sack of dirty laundry in a dryer.

    When his vehicle was upside down, his head would crash though a dune, filling his agaped mouth with a million grains of sand. The racer would spin right side up, and Homer would spit out the sand, scream again, and the cycle would repeat itself at the next dune.



    Finally clearing the dunes, the A. Simpson Sand Surfer encountered new challenges. Beggars Canyon! For this is where Homer begged for his life as his racer flew through small apertures in the canyons wonderous rock formations. Not knowing how to lower his racer, Homer?s head took many more beatings as it crashed into the top of the cave openings.


    SMACK! ?DOHH!? (Zooom through the passageway!)

    CLUNK! ?YEOOOW!! ( Cleared another one!)

    Crunch! ?FOR THE LOVE OF?? (Away his racer goes!)


    As Homer?s racer cleared the canyon it passed through tribal boundaries. Primitive beings scavenged these lands. Tuskin Raiders were out walking their Bantha and coming from behind was the out of control A Simpson Sand Surfer!


    ?Get out of the way! Get out?!?


    But these ?sand people? were not able to move their bantha in time and the racer slammed smack dab into its rear as Homer?s head lodged itself perfectly right inside its..well,, you know [face_blush] .


    The appalled Tuskin Raiders jumped back and waved their sticks in the air and screamed profanities in their native tounge, which sounded like the crys of tortured whales .


    ?ARRRG! UG UG! UG! UG ARWWWGGG!?



    The Bantha opened its wide mouth and you would expect it to release a Bantha cry of constipated agony! But another voice came out. It was Homer?s, trailing upwards through its digestive tracks from the rear, screaming out, what else? ?DOOOOOOHHHH!!?


    The A Simpons Sand Surfer reversed itself, dislodging poor Homer?s head, and went on its course passing through a tribe of Jawas.


    ?Coming through!? Homer screamed as his racer parted these savaging creatures; the momentum of his vehicle sending them flying to the ground while the suction
    of its rocket jets tore all the dark hooded robes off of them.


    No one ever knew what kind of creature existed underneath these robes and now their physcial features were revealed. There, lying in the sand, were wrinkled, pitiful molemen. Their tribal leader, Hans Moleman: [image=http://eonwanmoment.250free.com/Hans-Moleman.gif] , gasped out in a monotone whine ?Ohhhh
    our protection is gone. Now the two suns will burn away our skins? And with that, a sound came f
     
  23. darthnick11

    darthnick11 Guest

    its great so far!!!

    please continue!
     
  24. Shadowknight1

    Shadowknight1 Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2003
    OMG...that's pure Homer J. Simpson, all the way through. [face_laugh]
     
  25. Eon-Wan-Mome_NT

    Eon-Wan-Mome_NT Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 1, 2003
    Thanks for your comments, Shadowknight and Darthnick!


    It's fun writing about Homer Simpson! He such a well-rounded character! :p


    Okay, let us move on with the story!





    So Lovejoy won the bet and was able to secure the parts that were needed for his ship. And poor Homer, ostracized by his father, slumped over and started walking away in shame. He headed for the desert and tried to comprehend his fate: he would be a walking nomad, a worthless loser that nobody wanted. His mother shed some tears as Abe just jeered him, calling him a walking loser.



    As he walked away from the group, his flashed everyone his bare rump , for he had not taken the time to stitch his torn pants. C3PO covered his eyes. ?My curcuits were not designed to handle this kind of sensory imput? Marge looked away into the sky,
    feeling sorry for him but not able to watch him go. Too much pity for her. Too much sorrow. Too much flesh!


    Even Lovejoy, with all his force powers, was being blinded by the atrocious sight. But through the blinding glare, he noticed something. He noticed a great ripple in the Force. It was spreading rapidly like waves on a tumultuous ocean. And its epicenter was
    smack dab on top Homer?s right butt cheek. Lovejoy ran after Homer, overcoming the painful sight, and tapped him on the shoulder to signal him to stop. Lovejoy could not believe was about to come out of his own mouth but it was request that must be made.


    ?Uh Homer, before you go any further, would you mind, er, bending a little bit so I could get a better glimpse of?something?


    ?Yes Mr. Qui-Gon.?


    Homer did as Lovejoy asked. Almost immediately, Lovejoy was overcome with revelations. All on account of a birthmark on his right cheek.


    ?Homer,? Qui-Gon asked ?Did you always have that mark on your butt.?


    ?Yes sir. Dad told me that was where they inserted my brain when I was a tot. He said I didn?t have one in my head and that the doctors got confused when dad ordered one and put it in there and..?


    ?No no Homer! What that is the Mark of the Ages. It?s shape, it?s texture, there is no mistaking it,you are the Chosen One! Hallelujah! Praise the Force!?


    ?Oh Great, I?m the Chosen One! Well Whoooopie!? He proceeded to dance sarcastically in circles.


    ?Homer stop that! Homer, be still! Homer I??

    ?Can?t reply! I am doing a dance of joy!?


    ?Homer listen, you have a great future ahead of you. For you are prophesized to bring balance to the Force. You, my friend, are destined to come with me and learn the ways of the Force.?


    Homer then stood motionless and his eyeballs moved to the left and then to the right.


    ?I do what with what now??


    ?The Force, Homer. You will come with me to be trained as a Jedi!?


    ?A Jedi, huh?? Homer closed his eyes and let his imagination soar. A giant comic strip imagination balloon appeared over his head. Inside of it, images of Homer dressed in leather appeared. The image of Homer was riding a Harley Space cycle listening to
    to the wailing guitar sounds of Steppenwolf?s ?Born to be Wild!. With a lightsaber in hand..he was zooming along and slicing off the tops of mail boxes that were positioned on top of posts and scattered along Tatooine roads!


    ?Coool!? He said until Lovejoy reached his arm into the imagination balloon and smacked Homer off the cycle. His imagined images were immediately erased.

    ?Hey!? Homer protested! ?I was Thinking that!?

    ?Homer,? Lovejoy said ?We have a lot of work to do?a lot!?




    So the issue was settled. Homer was destined to leave with Lovejoy and start his new life training to become a Jedi. There was not much that Homer would miss from his home planet. Surely not his father. Okay, he will miss T.V, doughnuts, beer. Good lord, how
    will he be able to give up those things? Well, we?ll just go on with this story and see what happens.


    But there is one thing Homer will miss the most; the love he received from his mother. This causes him to have second thoughts.


    ?Mom, maybe I shouldn?t go??

    ?O
     
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