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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Before - Legends The Right Thing- A JA vignette

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by VaderLVR64, Mar 9, 2005.

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  1. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Title: The Right Thing
    Author: VaderLVR64
    Characters: A bunch of Jedi :D
    Timeframe: JA
    Summary: A young Jedi must come to terms with his actions.




    The Right Thing



    He had tried to do the right thing.

    And that is when it all came crashing down. Really, who could know that the best intentions almost always led to disaster?

    It wasn?t fair, not at all.

    But then, as his Master would have reminded him, nothing in life was fair. In the end, there was only the Force.

    And now the Force had him in its crosshairs and didn?t seem inclined to change that any time soon. He deserved to be there; he knew that as surely as he knew the sun would rise tomorrow. He let himself feel a pang of regret for what might have been, and which could now never be.

    It wasn?t supposed to be like this.

    A sob caught in his throat as the enormity of what he?d done washed over him, drowning him in remorse. He felt his soul cry out, knowing that he has been damned by his own hand. There will be no redemption for him, no reprieve at the end. This is all there would be, this hollow feeling of guilt and shame.

    Falling to his knees, he stared at his hands. They were bloody and filthy. They were the hands of a killer.

    From Jedi to murderer in one easy lesson. How far the mighty have fallen, he mocked himself.

    Washing those instruments of destruction, he pretended that the blood spattered on his hands was not that of the man he admired. He imagined that the crimson splashes had come from some nameless enemy, struck down by his righteous blade.

    He knew that he lied but was unable to stop himself.

    A whisper in his ear made him go rigid with shock. The voice was familiar to him; in fact it is the voice he knew better than any other. Closing his eyes, he lets himself make believe that this is just an ordinary day and his Master is calling to him softly to wake him up.

    Time to rise, my young Padawan.

    ?Yes, Master,? he replied obediently. He finished his ablutions and shrugged on a clean tunic. This one was not crusted with dried blood and tears; it was clean and pure, unlike the one who wore it.

    You are troubled, Padawan?

    ?I am unworthy of the name Jedi,? he said in a rasping voice.

    Silence greeted his pronouncement and he shuddered at the condemnation of that quiet. His Master knew that it was so and could find no words to offer as comfort. A shiver raced through the young man and a cold sweat bathed his flesh.

    That was it then; his fall was complete.

    Of course, he had known that it was. He had realized that the moment his blade fell. He could still feel the jolt of the impact; the way the flesh had given way beneath his shimmering saber, the look of shock, the smell?

    In spite of his horror, a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. It had been a terrible moment, but yet there had been a small part of him that had experienced a surge of wicked, perverse joy.

    No.

    He repeated this over and over to himself. But then why did some small demon dance within him as he replayed the moment over and over again?

    Keeping his eyes closed, he rocked back and forth as he saw once more the events which had condemned him.

    ?I only wanted to do the right thing,? he reminded himself. ?That?s all.?

    And yet here he was.

    He let his body fall against the wall, his legs sprawled out in front of him, his hands resting in his lap. The traitorous hands twitched, as if itching to take up the blade once more. He stilled them only with the greatest of effort. His face trembled as if some great quake was forming within him.

    From a distance, he heard a murmur of voices so indistinct that they resembled the rush of a far away river. Shutting them out, he quietly sobbed as he repeated his Master?s name in a litany of sorrow.

    Pulling at his hair, he felt great chunks of it come free from his scalp with a painful stinging. He ignored the tiny streaks of blood that traced their way down his head and made paths on his cheeks. This external pain was in
     
  2. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    =D= x 1,000

    That was incredible, VL! :eek: I loved the tone you set with your word choice. And the twist at the end left me speechless. So beautifully written, with such emotional effectiveness. Amazing!
     
  3. Layren

    Layren Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Oct 28, 2003
    Awwwwww VL that was so heartbreaking!! Once again you leave me in awe..

    :_| Poor Qui and Obi


    Great job!
     
  4. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Looks like you found your muse again? :D

    Awww :( Poor Obi :( and poor Qui! Those two... They need some extra [face_love] and [:D] poor guys!!

    Excellent work!!
     
  5. maychorian

    maychorian Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 7, 2005
    Ahhhh! That is hard. Extremely well-written, but so tragic. No, it's not supposed to be like that. Fortunately for us.

    Glad you're writing! :D
     
  6. Arin_Atona

    Arin_Atona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 10, 2004
    I'd say her muse found her. Ouch, VL! I don't even *like* young!Obi and that hurt. Bravo!
     
  7. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    LuvEwan Thanks! It would not have been possible at all without reading the viggie I mentioned. It got me wondering...

    Layren Thank you! :D

    Kynstar I found her, but apparently she's cranky and slightly insane right now. Not sure if finding her was a good thing or not... I don't foresee any humor in the near future! 8-}

    maychorian This was just so weird I had to write it. I had written the first line months ago and then was completely at a loss.

    Arin_Atona Poor young Obi! So maligned and misunderstood and then I go and do that to him! [face_devil] Thanks for reading.
     
  8. Obi the Kid

    Obi the Kid Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 13, 2000
    Vader, very nicely done! I love short pieces like this. I can't seem to keep any of my stories short anymore, so reading short, yet powerful stories like this one help to inspire me to attempt more abreviated stories.

    Great emotion in this one! Good job!


    Obi
     
  9. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2000
    Wow, emotionally charged, eloquent and fantastic as ever. You get to the heart of every character you write. Well done! :)
     
  10. obi_ew

    obi_ew Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 14, 2002
    :_| noooo! Brutal VL. Just brutal. :(
     
  11. WhosScruffyLooking

    WhosScruffyLooking Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2004
    I agree, that was brutal. But so well done! =D=
     
  12. tangled_sphere

    tangled_sphere Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 28, 2003
    So sad and well written VL!

    P.S. Glad you found your Muse too, even though she's a bit fiesty right now ;)
     
  13. Master_Noi

    Master_Noi Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Well, muse looks like it's back in shape. Very sad and chilling. Poor guys! :(
     
  14. JediMaster_Jen

    JediMaster_Jen Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 3, 2002
    Wonderful. =D= You always amaze me with your descriptions. The characters and their feelings just jump right off the screen.
     
  15. JadeSolo

    JadeSolo Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 20, 2002
    Wwwooowwww...that was creepy. Aaiieeee! [face_worried]

    I didn't even know what was going on, and then the end! [face_crying] Well, for those of us who thought Qui-Gon should've hauled Obi-Wan back to the Temple instead of leaving him on Melida/Daan - ha! There goes our argument. :p
     
  16. Gina

    Gina Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 3, 2003
    *shivers* That was utterly chilling! Poor Obi. I was in shock when I discovered his identity.

    Excellent, VL. Truly excellent. =D= =D=

     
  17. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    Wow. Intense, heart-and-gut-wrenching...
     
  18. Jedikma

    Jedikma Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    That was chilling and heartbreaking.... :_|

    Poor, mad, Obi-Wan!!! :_|
     
  19. leia_naberrie

    leia_naberrie Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2002
    Nice twist at the ending! I was so sure you were writing about OCs. :D Now, I've read Gina's The Prisoner and I liked it but I really can't see the connection. I have to ask how did it inspire this?
     
  20. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrel Wrangler of Fun & Games star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    Wow.. intense is right. And JadeSolo said it ... Well, for those of us who thought Qui-Gon should've hauled Obi-Wan back to the Temple instead of leaving him on Melida/Daan - ha! There goes our argument.. I could very well seeing this happen.
     
  21. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Obi the Kid I know what you mean, but I still love doing viggies! I'm into instant gratification I guess.

    Jemmiah And I have a weird imagination, too! Thanks for reading!

    obi_ew Look who's talking?! But thank you! :D

    WhosScruffyLooking Thank you! :)

    tangled_sphere I think my muse is insane actually! But you take what you can get! :p

    Master_Noi Thank you so much!

    JediMaster_Jen Wow, thanks! [face_blush]

    JadeSolo You never know! [face_devil]

    Gina Well I love my Obi, even if he is insane!

    DarthIshtar And you know a lot of about intense, heart-and-gut-wrenching! So thank you!

    Jedikma Thank you! Glad to make you cry!

    leia_naberrie It just did, I'm not sure how. But I read it and thought "What if Obi-Wan went insane?" It made sense at the time...

    Healer_Leona Thank you so much! I'm honored to have you give this little insanity a read!
     
  22. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    I don't know how I missed this one. Cool. I loved that Obi-Wan realized that he had gone from Jedi to killer so quickly and that he was locked into his own mind without reprieve.

    Nicely done!!! And creepy, too. :D
     
  23. oldjedinurse

    oldjedinurse Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 6, 2003
    =D=

    Wow ... all the superlatives above apply, VaderLVR! Incredibly well done. Emotional and intense, tightly written and certainly eloquent.

    Excellent work!

    ojn @};-
     
  24. Calamity Jinn

    Calamity Jinn Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    May 23, 2000
    Very emotional and a nice twist at the end. Yes, that could have happened had Obi been forced to leave.

    Extremely well written and beautifully conceived.
     
  25. mouse2

    mouse2 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 29, 1999
    Very intense and emotional!

    Bravo VaderLVR64!
     
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