Before - Legends No Consolation--A Vignette--Request to Readers-3/12

No Consolation
A Vignette by LuvEwan

G

(Disclaimer) Nothing belongs to me.

Qui-Gon must employ cruelty to justify an act of love.

Okay, last vignette for, like, a century.

--

I did it for him.

He refuses to see that. Through eyes so heavily bruised, his vision is skewered, and he can only perceive my actions as an insult.

His back is to me, and the lines composing it are stressed, though not to the point of frenzy. He is upset, that is clear, but Obi-Wan doesn?t broadcast his emotions. They live well beneath his skin, and few are able to detect the subtle shifts in his mood. For so many, Obi-Wan Kenobi is blank, almost expressionless. He carries things with a tight lip.

I know that well. He has not spoken to me since it happened.

He lies close to me, but the tent is small, so in actuality, he is as far away as he can get. Still, I can hear each breath as it slips from him. I can hear him, even as the wind rages beyond our meager shelter.

The air has battled in this war as much as any of us, and it doesn?t follow any code. It cuts swollen cheeks and chills aching bones. Since this morning, it has purged tears from otherwise hardened eyes.

It whips through the atmosphere and plunders the trees. But it serves purpose now: a bit of the dense silence is drained away, beneath the tumult. I only wish a gust would come so powerful, it would blow the words from my mind. Because there are words I could say, I would say, that?d mend every severance, and free this place from its stagnation. His muscles would ease, and more importantly, so would his heart.

But I let him believe what he will, and he believes I ordered him to leave the assault because I thought him incapable.

My foolish Padawan. If only he could know, my faith in him is unwavering as stone.

I let my mind drift to the time of his childhood, the beginning of the apprenticeship. How brash and timid he had been, confident and deeply uncertain. And now, beside me, he is a man. A man I watched today, in the thick of heavy fighting and blaster fire. The only person on the rugged face of this Universe that could cause my very soul to clench up.

The perimeter of the combat had been shrinking. Through the swirling grit and debris, I saw him, and for the briefest of moments, forgot all else. It was sheer luck that I was not taken down in that instant. My eyes and existence were centered on him. I watched him deflect the constant barrage of neon bolts, his face bathed in sweat, gaze determined. And I knew I couldn?t lose him. I told him to leave.

He was surprised, but hadn?t the luxury to indulge it. He instantly screamed back his refusal. He wasn?t going to obey me.

So my second attempt was delivered with more force, through the mental avenues that attach us to one another. I forbid him to remain in that core of violence. I forbid him to stay with me.

Ultimately, he could not carry the rebellion through. The outrage and concern were needling our connection; I had to shut it off as he departed from me. I couldn?t be distracted any further.

But I had a balm in the knowledge that he was away from the attack.

When it was over, and the aftermath had settled, I came here. He was sitting against the wall of the tent, arms folded around his knees. When he saw me, the relief was evident?as was his irritation.

I relayed to him the outcome of the battle, then, when it became increasingly clear he was cemented in his stubbornness, I told him to go to bed.

He nodded then, and quietly curled up in his robe, turning to the shadows of our haven.

My chest was bound in anguish, but still, I said nothing of my true motives. I watched him huddle among the ghosts, for I knew he had resurrected the memory of our first days. I know he goes back there, sifting through the dust, feeling it sting the wounds again. Compared to others, our history is a short one, but it is rife with the defining moments, the instances that sculpt everything that could ever occur afterward. I didn?t want him. I saw

 

Oh LE that was intense! Poor Qui-Gon... can't tell the youth the truth and Obi-Wan doesn't/can't fathom what Qui-Gon's true feelings or thoughts were/are

Great job! This was excellently well written! Loved this part!

It whips through the atmosphere and plunders the trees. But it serves purpose now: a bit of the dense silence is drained away, beneath the tumult. I only wish a gust would come so powerful, it would blow the words from my mind. Because there are words I could say, I would say, that?d mend every severance, and free this place from its stagnation. His muscles would ease, and more importantly, so would his heart.

But I let him believe what he will, and he believes I ordered him to leave the assault because I thought him incapable.

My foolish Padawan. If only he could know, my faith in him is unwavering as stone.

Poor Qui-Gon... and Obi-Wan for not truly knowing.

 

Awwwwwwww LE don't stop writing these -- these are so lovely. I adore all of your vignettes -- how do you keep getting ideas for these?! These are wonderful...such wonderful Qui/Obi angst.. poor Qui.....that's wonderful..

 

Ouch! This one hurts too! Stop it! Write something fluffy! I'm serious! You're going to kill me!

Argh.

How do you do that? Packing so much emotion and pain into such a short space, and using such unique language to do it. I especially loved the image of the wind plundering the trees. That's just perfect, the way it rips away leaves and twigs and such. Oh.

Are you quite done causing pain? I promise I won't read the next one unless it's fuzzy and insubstantial and absolutely without depth. I can't take this.

You're a wonderful writer.

 

Argh! That hurt, like way down deep inside! I agree with maychorian, I want fluff!


My foolish Padawan. If only he could know, my faith in him is unwavering as stone.

I let my mind drift to the time of his childhood, the beginning of the apprenticeship. How brash and timid he had been, confident and deeply uncertain. And now, beside me, he is a man. A man I watched today, in the thick of heavy fighting and blaster fire. The only person on the rugged face of this Universe that could cause my very soul to clench up.


This passage was amazing! As always, your work is powerful and compelling. []face_applause]

 

That was intense!!! So sad too!! Poor Qui!! *hugs*

Awesome job!!

 

Oh, another wonderful angsty story. Where do you find the time to write them??? I liked that he could not tell Obi-Wan the truth because then he would realize that Qui-Gon was violating the code of attachment. He had to teach him about being a Jedi, even if it hurt them both.

Great job.

Fluff is good but angst is better. Maybe both

 

Kynstar Somehow, when I saw that first reply to this, I knew it was going to be you. Thank you so much.

Layren It takes awhile to think of it, actually. On Thursday I just stared at a blank screen for quite a long time.

maychorian Aw, you're so nice to say such things.

VL Thank you.

Arwen You went on a little reading marathon with my vigs tonight, huh? Thank you so much for that.

diane I had two days off and I have no social life. There's plenty of time. Yes, I think it's best when angst and mush just meld together. It makes it so..nice.


** Okay. I'm so grateful to you all for taking the time to not only read my vigs, but to also leave your thoughts on them. I'm just so thankful for that. So, I'd really like to hear some ideas on what I could write for a vig (or two, or three...) based on what you guys might want to read about, be it mush or angst or a combination of the two. It seems some fluff n' stuff is in order. I'm open for some suggestions.

 

Two days????? Heck, after a week, I'm still working hard on the first page of garbage... Jeez!

Well, since I love both angst and mush or a combo....
Qui/Obi interaction always.
1. the first time Obi wins a competition after becoming Padawan
2. immediately after Telos - on the ship going back to the Temple
3. the first time Qui hints that Obi is ready for his trials and Obi doesn't get the hint
4. pathetic life forms
5. why Obi wants to be Qui's apprentice so much - before Bandomeer
6. after that Council meeting fiasco - on the ship going back to Naboo
7. Obi explaining Qui's methods of training to Garen
8. the first time Obi meets Qui

Is that enough?

 

It?s better this way?it is the only way.
That was such a sad line.

I liked the part especially of Qui thinking of all the dangerous things he has to ask Obi-Wan to do.

 

I have more if you need them. Heck, if I was a faster writer, I'd do them myself but... besides, you write so well that I'd rather read yours anyway...

 

Oh my - that was painful to read. You have such an elegance with words my dear

Now, as for ideas for viggies. This has probably been done - but your take on it is sure to be unique.

It's been so long since i've read the books - I think it was in JA 3 that Qui and Obi were on Phindar and Obi was mindwiped. I'd loved to read your take on Qui's inner thoughts, feelings, emotions as he realized what had happened - and how he felt when he saw Obi posing as the prince(?) and realized not only was his padawan alive, but had done a pretty darn good job finding his way back into the mission.

Just an idea.

Oh, and sticking with some canon ideas - how about the ride back to Couruscant after Melida/Daan or after Xanatos was killed on Telos in JA #7......

--shan

 

So, I'd really like to hear some ideas on what I could write for a vig (or two, or three...) based on what you guys might want to read about, be it mush or angst or a combination of the two.

Oh since that one you did for me Eyes Half Closed I'm still taken back. That was sooo good Loved it! Others to write... not sure you've covered a LOT of areas and people. Though anything with Dooku would be appreciated but I'm sure you already knew that

Or some with Qui as a Pad those are always fun to read to me Or even Mace as a Pad there are only like a few I've seen of that. Shoot even one with Dooku as a Pad. Only seen a couple of those. I was gonna try to do a lil viggie on that...but *sigh* been boddled down with a child that is so obstinate about NOT wanting to do his work at school or homework. Kids... sometimes one can get sooo fed up with them!

Oh well enough of my rants Can't wait to see what comes of this Gonna be a lot of folks offering suggestions that's for sure!

 

Master_Noi Thanks.

Leona I've had some responses over at the other site that were upset Qui-Gon acted so harshly, but I think that's just how he would handle it. I mean, he doesn't have a reputation of cushioning blows for Obi-Wan, after all.

diane Yes, more, more! As many as you can! I need ideas, woman! And yours are all gems!

shanobi You're always so generous in your replies. And some great suggestions, too.

Kynstar I should have been more specific...Obi-Wan fics. I'd butcher the others for sure.

 

More did you say....

9. The first time Obi and Qui have mind speech with each other
10. Qui and Obi complaining about Yoda
11. Obi is afraid of the dark
12. the first time Obi kills someone
13. Obi sees Qui mourning Tahl
14. Obi's first meeting with Palpatine
15. he just can't seem to get calculus
16. don't come near Obi with those needles.
17. bacta doesn't really taste like jello
18. learning to drive a speeder
19. collecting babies for the Jedi
20. no matter what anyone says, Obi-Wan can't cook.
21. Obi likes vids, Qui likes books - will they ever agree on anything?
22. Mace talks to Obi about Qui's death
23. growing a beard - while he's a Padawan
24. Obi has classes at opposite ends of the Temple and 15 minutes between them... See Padawan run.
25. Why do Jedi always have to wear boots...

 

Oh my. Those are all really good, diane. I actually think I could do all of those--except calculus. I have no idea what calculus is, except that it is a math subject.

 

Ah Obi's I'd have to think on that since so many have been done...I thought you meant something that hadn't been done yet or done much of.

Though these two by diane sound good:

The first time Obi and Qui have mind speech with each other

and

Obi's first meeting with Palpatine


Now those two look promising!! The first one especially! how sweet that'd be! If you believe in the mind speak. Some folks don't as to only empathic sensations/feelings.

And meeting Palps for the first time! Ahhh now that'd be interesting!

 

Yes, I'm like a kid in a candy store. Or, more fitting , a hugely geeky kid at a plot bunny farm.

And you added more, diane. I'll have to take an extended leave of absence from work.

 

See, I'm just a farmer with too many plot bunnies. And I didn't give you the ones I'm using.. As for the calculus one, you could chose any complicated subject - astrophysics, language, tribal customs... And calculus is just more in-depth math.

 

No Diane, Calculus is a SITH

I loved it even though it was really angsty. nOw for some fluffy wuffy?

 

diane I'll probably leave that one for last. It'll take some thought.

PK Oh, there's plenty of fluff to come.

 

Very intense indeed. And at this rate I am never gonna catch up! Sheesh is right, Diane.

I am awed by the words you use and the way you string them together. Reading this is like looking at a beautiful tapestry full of thousands of rich colors and tiny details.

I don't think Qui-Gon was right, though. Unless Obi-Wan really was exhausted, telling him that that is why he was removed from the battle is not the right answer. I can see the argument that Qui-Gon wouldn't be able to send his child into danger (though, I don't fully buy it) if he had told Obi-Wan it was to protect his own heart. I can even see the argument about not showing anything other than a mentor face. But, therein lies the problem, by telling Obi-Wan he was not capable at a time when he really was, is not Qui-Gon damaging his apprentice just as badly but in a different way?

Which is of course what makes it such a wonderful viggie full of such perfectly believeable human failings. On both sides really.



KD

edited because I'm a flake today...

 

Great viggie (as usual), and I thought diane threw a lot of great ideas at you. Can't wait to see how you handle them.

And for the record pre-calc is Sithly. Once you get through that Calc is a breeze in comparison.

 

Opal Gee, I hope I don't have to take any math when I start college. (Just let me live in my dreamworld for a little while longer) Thank you so much for reading.