Before - Legends The Talk (Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan/Anakin/humour) viggie

Title: The Talk
Author: JOINME
Characters: Qui/Obi/Ani
Time frame: Pre TPM/Post TPM
Genre: humour
Summary: The title says it all. It's just a bit of fun.



Another plot bunny that wouldn't leave me alone! arrghh.....*runs away into woods screaming*

*there is the sound of crunching and gnashing teeth and more screams*

*screams die down*

*silence*


Honestly I should stop doing that. *shakes head*

---

It was time.

It was time? for The Talk.

Qui-Gon paced miserably in his room.

He remembered the Masters meeting of the previous week. The President of the Padawan Masters Association, membership only for those Jedi with Padawans, had held a special meeting for those Masters with human Padawans in the eleven to thirteen standard years old age group.

After discussing the upcoming Padawan retreat, the President, Master Sara, had announced in a firm voice that it was time for The Talk.

A young male Master, (newly Knighted brat who has no idea what he?s in for, a sleep deprived Qui-Gon had thought irritably) had paled at Sara?s words, and had dared to ask, ?A talk about what exactly??

Qui-Gon had wanted to throttle him.

As if there was a single being in the galaxy who didn't know. It was something that was universally recognised and mutually feared by parents-and the Jedi were no exception. Forget battles. Forget blaster wounds. Forget vibroblades to the gut. The Talk was something that could make even the bravest Jedi Knight feel faint.

Master Sara, who was a very old Jedi who had cared for several human Padawans in her lifetime, had smiled sweetly. ?Why ?The? Talk of course, Jared, my dear. But if you are not familiar with it, perhaps you would like me to enlighten you right now??

There were snorts of laughter in the room then, mostly from the younger Knights.
Jared had blushed a bright red, and didn?t speak at all during the rest of the meeting.
Qui-Gon had thanked the Force.

?Why??? he muttered now.
He felt like flinging himself onto the floor and howling at the sky. ?Why? Why ?? Why must I do this??

?Do what Master??

Qui-Gon jumped. Turning around he saw his thirteen year old apprentice Obi-Wan standing in the door way, looking puzzled.

Seeing the startled look on his Master?s face, Obi-Wan furrowed his brow.
?Are you alright Master??

?Fine!? Qui-Gon snapped, a little too harshly. ?I?m perfectly fine! In fact I?ve never been more fine!?

To his surprise, Obi-Wan did not look hurt.
Instead the corners of his mouth twitched a little.

?It?s alright Master,? he said calmly. ?You don?t have to talk to me,?

Qui-Gon frowned for a moment, before it dawned on him.

?I don?t?? he asked hopefully.

?Nope.?

?Wait..? Qui-Gon folded his arms over his chest.
?How did you know what I was going to say??

?Well?.I?ve been talking with the other Padawans. We?ve all agreed that our Masters have been acting unusually jumpy and irritable in the last week. We kind of figured out what it was that was bothering you.?

?You tell me now?!? But he was feeling more relieved than angry.
[Thank the Force!]

?I?m very sorry Master,? Obi-Wan?s tone was apologetic.
?It?s just we thought we shouldn?t say anything until we rectified the situation. But it?s been fixed. From now on, we shall have a rotating schedule in the Food halls. We can alternate between who gets first served. Masters Monday, Padawans Tuesday, and etc. It is only fair after all.?

Obi-Wan stopped, noticing the expression on Qui-Gon?s face.

?Something wrong Master?? he asked innocently. ?You don?t look too happy.?

Qui-Gon stared at Obi-Wan. [The little imp] he thought to himself. [Grrr?]

?I foresee great trouble for you, Padawan mine,? the Master said calmly as he strode past Obi-Wan and headed towards the main door. ?For your cheek towards me, I foresee that your own Padawan will irritate you, provoke you, and drive you mad.?

With that, he slammed the door shut in annoyance. Obi-Wan could hear him muttering and stomping all th

 

That was wonderful! I can relate!

But it was a little sad when you think of what happened between Obi-Wan and Anakin later!

As if there was a single being in the galaxy who didn't know. It was something that was universally recognised and mutually feared by parents-and the Jedi were no exception. Forget battles. Forget blaster wounds. Forget vibroblades to the gut. The Talk was something that could make even the bravest Jedi Knight feel faint.

Yep, faint is about right!

 

Hee hee! Loved how Qui-Gon's curse came true, poor Obi-Wan. I wonder how Bant and Garen fared with their talks, since they had done the same thing Obi did. It seems all padawan's have a duty to irritate, provoke, and drive their master's mad.
Great viggie!

 

Loved it! Although I shouldn't have enjoyed it quite so much, being a single parent I'm dreading the day I have to have 'The Talk' with my boys. Perhaps I can get my older brother to do it!

 

?No thanks Master. I already had a cup. And that?s your fifth cup in a row Master, I think I should take the kettle away from now or you?ll burst your bladder.?

That's Anakin. You know, I'd think it would probably be easier to give Anakin The Talk, seeing as how he grew up on Tatooine, where you're more likely to see that sort of thing. As opposed to the Temple - well, then again, you never know with those randy Jedi. I mean, how did Obi-Wan eventually learn?

 

lol that was great!!!

 

Very cute. Mischievous little Padawans!

I would say that Obi-Wan deserved it, but he really didn't, in the end . . .

 

That was so cute. Great job!!! This fic really cheered me up.

 

*is giggling insanely*

Great job, JOINME! This is such a cute little humor viggie, and I think you did a wonderful job on the characterizations. Obi-Wan never did get his "talk" from Qui-Gon, though, so I wonder what he said to Anakin?

PM me when you write something new, you hear? I don't want to miss stuff like this!

Stormqueen

 

You cursed your self now...

You are just a writing machine! First Symbols, then The Challenge Within, and now this! Wow, your good.

 

Thanks everyone! Glad you enjoyed!

VaderLVR64: thank you! 'I can relate!' can't we all?
But it was a little sad when you think of what happened between Obi-Wan and Anakin later!
True.

Bastet: Ha ha! I wonder how Bant and Garen fared with their talks, since they had done the same thing Obi did. I'm sure they got a similar reaction. I'm glad you enjoyed!

Bek: Lol! yeah, get your poor brother to do it. You have the 'they're boys, they need a male perspective!' excuse. thanks for reading!

JadeSolo: You know, I'd think it would probably be easier to give Anakin The Talk, seeing as how he grew up on Tatooine, where you're more likely to see that sort of thing. exactly! This is why Anakin is making his Master feel so uncomfortable, he knows exactly what Obi-Wan is going to talk to him about and wants to give him a hard time. I mean, how did Obi-Wan eventually learn? Ha ha! Thanks for reading Jade, glad you enjoyed!

ArwenJadeKenobi: why thank you!

maychorian: Glad you enjoyed!
would say that Obi-Wan deserved it, but he really didn't, in the end . . . ah yes, in the end.. <sniff>


Lost_jedii: aww thank you. I'm glad it cheered you up!

stormqueen874: thanks so much storm! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Obi-Wan never did get his "talk" from Qui-Gon, though, so I wonder what he said to Anakin?
LOL! I'm sure he figured it out... *mutters to herself* at least, I think he did.. lol.

PM me when you write something new, you hear? I don't want to miss stuff like this!
aw, that is so nice of you. I'm so honoured and humbled!

Padmay_Skywalker: Thanks Padawan! Glad you liked.
You cursed your self now... lol..

 

So, he wouldn't take a Padawan ever...

This was so funny! Good job!

Darth Mom

 

?For your cheek towards me, I foresee that your own Padawan will irritate you, provoke you, and drive you mad.?

I wonder if Qui Gon would have said that if he could have forseen what Anakin was going to put Obi Wan through while he was a Padawan

(thinks for a minute) yeah, he probably would have

 

That was funny, but I wonder if Qui-Gon forsore that he was going to be such a jerk to his padawan.

Maybe Obi-wan should have kept his word and NOT trained
Bratkins. Not ever!

 

Thanks star_drifter, Gkilkenny and KELIA!

Glad you liked!

 

very funny! and foreboding too, when Qui_gon 'cursed' him...

 

I really enjoyed this little viggie! I thought it was great showing the two masters handle "the talk"...lol. Great job!

 

Thanks moonwashedrose and SiriKenobi12! Glad you enjoyed!

 

Meant to write a review earlier, but never got around to it. So voila ...



Yes, indeed! The Talk is to be feared by Masters of any generation.

Excellent job.

 

Hee! Cute. I especially liked the part about the tea (Obi really didn't want to give up that teacup, did he?)

 

This was wonderful! I loved it! Poor Obi... hehe... serves him right in a way.

Amazing job! I really enjoyed it!

Ani-maniac

 

corellian-jedi: thanks for reading! The Talk is to be feared by Masters of any generation lol!

Tael: glad you liked! yes he was rather attached to that tea wasn't he?

Ani-maniac: thanks! lol, I know how much you enjoy a suffering Obi-Wan, you Sith you..

 

That was cute JOINME!!
I remember when my mom gave me "the talk"...unfortunately I was only nine at the time. (You can only imagine my SHOCK)

Makes me wonder if they ever did talk about that kind of stuff around the Temple. I know Obi was sweating the whole time. Anakin strikes me as the kind of kid who would never hold back any questions no matter how embarrassing.

uppers

 

How flippin' cute! I loved it.

 

iLoveAnakin7: Thank you! (You can only imagine my SHOCK) ha ha! I didn't even get the talk. I was eight when I found out from a naughty cousin. I was in denial! LOL. I even refused to believe how babies 'get out of the mother' I always thought the stomach was cut open. ha!

Anakin strikes me as the kind of kid who would never hold back any questions no matter how embarrassing I agree. I think with Anakin it'd be the more embarrassing, the better. Anything to make poor Obi-Wan sweat.

Renton_Kenobi: Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.