Saga I Could Never Promise You - AU (Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan) - Long Overdue Replies 2/26/8

Title: I Could Never Promise You

Author: bek (a.k.a. Bekah_K)

Genre: AU

Characters: Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan

Summary: Qui-Gon thinks back on his life as a master and the child that he could never promise his heart to.

Disclaimer: The characters (Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Anakin) belong to Lucas. I make no profit from this. It's just a hobby. The title, I Could Never Promise, is from a song by Don Francisco.


I Could Never Promise You

It?s unnerving to me how he hangs on my every word, my every gesture seeking approval for a skill learned well or a task properly completed. But it's the longing in the depth of that gaze that makes me the most uneasy, for he seeks a connection with something I am hesitant to give, my heart.

I had sworn off teaching as my last bout had not gone well. The very evil we as Jedi strive to overcome staked claim on my apprentice and drug him down into the abyss of darkness. My heart was broken and my belief in myself as a mentor, a friend, was shattered. I was to see a soul healer so it could be confirmed by a professional that it was in no way my fault that the little boy I had raised turned away from the beliefs I had struggled to instill in him, and yet had failed to quiz him in the knowledge of such teachings in an attempt to discover his loyalties as I had assumed they were the same as mine.

For years I went on solo missions refusing any accompaniment on the Order?s part to pull me back into Jedi civilization. I was content to be alone or so I had thought. The silence played havoc with my mind. Phantom sounds of a child?s laughter would echo through the corridor of the ship until it reached the cockpit, a laughter I knew all to well reminding me of what I had lost. Of what I had promised myself I would never again experience.

How long does it take to become a Knight? Will you always be here? I couldn?t have won the tournament without your guidance, Master. Why is it wrong to have contact with my family? You?re jealous of my spending time with my father; you don?t want me to know him or my heritage. Innocent questions, sentiments from the heart, accusations slung because of two opposing views; one with the desire to not be rule bound. These past memories danced through my dreams with vivid color and clarity as if my mind was the canvas and my imagination the brush from which the broad strokes of water colored paints were crafted.

It?s extraordinary how each child is so unique and yet so similar. They each crave affection on different levels. I?ve observed some masters use a look and the padawan smile enthusiastically as if he had just won the Senior Padawan?s Tournament; another may use a kind word or a simple nod of approval; another may allow his liking of the situation to travel along the master/padawan bond causing a contentment to take over the countenance of his apprentice.

I had always used a more physical form of contact such as a squeeze to the shoulder or a ruffling of my padawan?s hair or a gentle tug upon his braid. The physical contact made it more real.

I first met Obi-Wan on my rare visits to the Temple during my self-induced isolation. Master Yoda had encouraged me to return as he thought I needed to reconnect with friends, and the Force. My connection was muddy at best or so he had said; it needed to be cleaned and purified and the Temple would offer the solace of being around other force users while trying to find my correlation again.

While meditating in one of the many gardens as was my liking due to the overabundance of living energy, I spotted a small group of children playing nearby. I could hear their laughter and their taunts of not being caught as they chased one another. Curious, I had opened my eyes and effectively lost myself in the sight of innocence at its best; children with no experience of the outside world. A little boy, having tired of running in circles, sat down under a shade tree to rest. He closed his eyes and I could feel the Force run to him with open

 

Oh that was so sad! But wonderfully well written! Poor Qui one can literally feel what he felt. At least he did open himself somewhat to Obi

Great job!

 

That was beautifly written.

I could really feel Qui-Gon's heartache and it was wonderful to see how Obi-Wan helped him to heal.

but it was so sad

Outstanding job!!

 

Bravo! But

 

Kynstar: Oh that was so sad! But wonderfully well written! Poor Qui one can literally feel what he felt. At least he did open himself somewhat to Obi. Thank you! I thought that passage fit perfectly for their relationship, although at first I had thought of Obi-Wan and Anakin...but Qui and Obi seemed more appropriate.

Kelia: That was beautifly written. I could really feel Qui-Gon's heartache and it was wonderful to see how Obi-Wan helped him to heal. but it was so sad. Outstanding job!! Thanks for reading and for the kind words!

VaderLVR64: Bravo! But Thanks for stopping by! I didn't mean for it come across as sad but I guess it took on a life of it's own.

 

That was beautiful! Little Obi-Wan comforting Qui-Gon, and then a spirit Qui-Gon trying to comfort Obi-Wan...

that was really heart warming, and I enjoyed reading Qui-Gon's reflections, you write him so well!

Loved it.

 

bek, that was great! Wow, I really felt like I was right there with them - smiling, laughing and even tearing up at the very end. That just shows you what a great piece of writing it was!

Very, very well done! I really enjoyed reading it!

 

I didn?t charge him with Anakin?s training as a way to burden him; I did so as a last gift to them both.

Bravo! A unique introspective vignette, and an interesting perspective on what might have been going through Qui-Gon's mind. I especially liked Qui-Gon's observation that Obi-Wan's mind didn't hold any "shadowed corners," even after all that he'd been through in his apprenticeship.

Great job!

 

JOINME: That was beautiful! Little Obi-Wan comforting Qui-Gon, and then a spirit Qui-Gon trying to comfort Obi-Wan... that was really heart warming, and I enjoyed reading Qui-Gon's reflections, you write him so well!

Thank you! I liked the idea of Obi-Wan knowing about Qui having kept his concious in the force before Yoda having revealed it to him. Thanks for reading!

VA Parky: Wow, I really felt like I was right there with them - smiling, laughing and even tearing up at the very end. That just shows you what a great piece of writing it was!
Very, very well done! I really enjoyed reading it

Thank you for the kind words! I am my own worst critic and wasn't sure how this would go over. I'm glad you liked it.

maychorian: Bravo! A unique introspective vignette, and an interesting perspective on what might have been going through Qui-Gon's mind. I especially liked Qui-Gon's observation that Obi-Wan's mind didn't hold any "shadowed corners," even after all that he'd been through in his apprenticeship. Thanks! In this version, Obi-Wan trusted the force more than he trusted his own feelings as he believed that feelings can betray where the Force would not.



Thanks everyone for the wonderful replies! I appreciate it very much!

 

This is just such an incredible piece of work!!!!!!!!!

Your character portrayal was amazing, and I just loved the connection bewteen Jinn and Kenobi.

Once again, truly remarkable stuff.

 

Oh, I missed this one. Lovely portrayal of Qui-Gon's thoughts as he goes through his life. It's so sad that he could not tell Obi-Wan in all those years following his death how much he was loved.

Great job.

 

A little boy, having tired of running in circles, sat down under a shade tree to rest. He closed his eyes and I could feel the Force run to him with open arms as if it had been waiting for him to still. He smiled as it lovingly embraced him. A urethral glow spread around him, completely pure and magnified in its brilliance. The magnitude of that untainted light brought me to my knees. A child, no more than the age of ten, had learned to commune with the Force as if it were a living being instead of the life-force that encompassed all living things.

Reading this has truly been a pleasure!

Thank you for the priviledge!

 

Author Note: I was going through some older fics in my bio and came across some that were lacking in author replies; these replies are long overdue. I apologize for the lateness of them.


Anakin_Heartbreaker This is just such an incredible piece of work!!!!!!!!! Your character portrayal was amazing, and I just loved the connection between Jinn and Kenobi. Once again, truly remarkable stuff.

Thank you for your kind words. I?m glad you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it!


dianethx Oh, I missed this one. Lovely portrayal of Qui-Gon's thoughts as he goes through his life. It's so sad that he could not tell Obi-Wan in all those years following his death how much he was loved.

Qui-Gon was a man of few words, but instead used action to try to convey his feelings. Even though he wasn't always successful in doing so. Obi-Wan knew how his master felt.

Great job.

Thank you!


Star_Drifter Reading this has truly been a pleasure!

Thanks!

Thank you for the privilege!

Thank you for reading and replying!

 

(Hides face in embarrassment) Please forgive me. I can't believed I miss this wonderful piece of work. You beautifully portrayed Qui-Gon's feelings towards Obi-Wan. I would have to agree that often Qui-Gon's actions spoke louder than his words when it came to his apprentice and this really came across in this post.

Great job!