main
side
curve
  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Beyond - Legends The Armchair Jedi Saga: Special Edition ---- all three tales are back! *Updated 10/5*

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Stormtrooper_TK-421, Sep 22, 2005.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Stormtrooper_TK-421

    Stormtrooper_TK-421 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 29, 2004
    If you've been around some of my older fics, you may remember an innocent little tale called Armchair Jedi , in which Anakin, Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, and Yoda watched Luke rebuild the Jedi Order from the comfort of their couch (or armchair :p ), as Anakin sang Linkin Park, Obi-Wan scolded him, Yoda sipped on Mountain and whacked people with his gimmer stick, and Qui-Gon just did whatever - and of course, plenty of banter. :p

    It was my first fic that actually went any where, after trying to write an epic as my first shot (lasted two chapters... :oops: ), and then a Dr. Phil spin-off called 'Dr. Yoda', which no one ever read...(although I still think the concept is pretty funny [face_laugh] )

    Anyway, to the point: I was thinking about some of my old humor, when I realized I wanted to go back and edit and add some more material on certain parts that were lacking before - soon, after editing the first one, I realized I wanted to do all three tales (does this sound familiar to anyone else? :p ).

    So in this thread you're going to find, firstly:

    Armchair Jedi

    then:

    Amrchair Jedi's School of Humor: Project Jacen Solo (a viggie)

    and then finally:

    Armchair Jedi and the Holy Grail (a Monty Python/NJO crossover)

    to let you know, except for the viggie, I'm going to be posting *one* chapter at a time, so don't worry about having to bear through any reading marathons. ;)

    but anyway, so without further from me, here is the first chapter of the new special edition Armchair Jedi (and yes, folks, this is going to be better, and no, folks, we did *NOT* add any CGI Hutts to it ;) )


    *************************


    Part 1: Armchair Jedi
    Chapter 1: It all begins here


    -----


    A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away?

    ARMCHAIR JEDI

    Five years after the destruction of the second DEATH STAR, our favorite Force Ghosts find a new interest coming into the galaxy?

    The Jedi LUKE SKYWALKER has finally decided to rebuild the Order of the Jedi Knights, the Ancient guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy?

    And from the own comfort of their Force Ghost mansion, OBI-WAN KENOBI, ANAKIN SKYWALKER, QUI-GON JINN, and YODA watch the turn of events?

    ---


    *We see a shot in space, and then zoom in on the tiny alternate world where all reside after death?we zoom in closer to find the four Jedi?s mansion, complete with water slide, and a mini bar in every room*

    *We see inside the house, as Obi-Wan, Anakin, Qui-Gon, and Yoda are watching the events of the GFFA from the comfort of their own living room on their seventy-two inch plasma holo-screen*

    Obi-Wan: It appears as though Luke is wanting to rebuild the Order.

    Yoda: Noticed this, I have.

    Anakin: And explain to me again, Obi-Wan, why you told Luke you couldn?t communicate with him anymore after the Thrawn Trilogy? You could have helped him rebuild the Order!

    Qui-Gon: Maybe Luke needs to let the Living Force guide him.

    Anakin: Look what happened when *you* let the Living Force guide you. You picked *me* up off of Tatooine, not to mention Jar Jar?

    Obi-Wan: Oh God, not Jar Jar?

    Yoda: *spills his Mountain Dew* Make my joints shake, his name does.

    Anakin: You know what? He was as bad as me. *He?s* the one who gave Palpatine all that power!

    Qui-Gone: Palpatine tricked him.

    Obi-Wan: *smirks* I can think of another person Palpatine tricked.

    Anakin: Shut up!

    Yoda: Much anger, I sense in this one. Watch him with care, we should.

    Anakin: You can shut up too!

    Qui-Gon: Let us return our attention to the view screen.

    Anakin: Very well, then.

    *Sometime later*

    Obi-Wan: Oh come on, Luke, you don?t need to whine to Mon Mothma! Screw her!

    Anakin: Is that aloud for a Jedi?

    Qui-Gon: You certainly didn?t have any problem doing it.

    Yoda: Agree with Qui-Gon, I do on this matter.

    Anakin: Yeah, well, my kid saved your guys collective rear!

    Obi-Wan: *smirks* Not to mention yours.

    Anakin: You know what?don
     
  2. Valin_Halcyon

    Valin_Halcyon Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 7, 2005
    This is as funny as it was the first time around.
     
  3. ginchy

    ginchy Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 25, 2005
    AAAACCCKKKK! I sneak online and find: ARMCHAIR JEDI!!!!!!!!!!!! (They need a theme song that I can hum. Whatever happened to your CD idea?)

    So happy, am I, that you've decided to spruce them up! (I can't get away with a Yoda voice, can I? LOL) I LOVE those Armchair Jedi. In fact, I think I'm their biggest fan. [face_batting]

    I love that you haven't added any digital Hutts (LMAO) and I loved Yoda defending himself in the Pepsi ads. LOL [face_laugh]

    Too great! Write more--write more quickly! [face_dancing]

    BTW...I don't remember a "Dr. Yoda" story. I surely would have read that. Sounds funny to me. Maybe you could PM it to me? I can't find it in your profile.
     
  4. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] Wow! I so needed that! =D=
     
  5. AlisonC

    AlisonC Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 27, 2005
    Well, I wasn't here for the first one, but this was a delightful thing to read on its own. :D
     
  6. Stormtrooper_TK-421

    Stormtrooper_TK-421 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 29, 2004
    Valin_Halcyon: Thanks for reading! :D

    ginchy: Well, the Dr. Yoda story was a flop...I didn't write it extremely well, but I just think the concept was funny. (key: I said people could find the links to all my *good* fics in my profile ;) my flops that never went anywhere, or I didn't know what to do with them so I stopped, aren't in there.) However, perhaps I might add a 'deleted scene' with Yoda doing his Dr. Yoda routine with Anakin... [face_thinking] Although I knew you would read it, I'm *still* glad to see that you read it :D and I can really post the next chapter whenever I want to, because I already have it written [face_shhh] I'm just waiting for some time to pass before I post the next one.

    VaderLVR64: Glad to see the humor helped you :p Thanks for reading.

    AlisonC: Thanks for reading! And really, this thing just get's funnier as it goes along - the first chapter is funny, but definetly not the best chapter, so be sure to stay tuned for more. :D
     
  7. Stormtrooper_TK-421

    Stormtrooper_TK-421 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 29, 2004
    Chapter 2: Anti-depression pills



    *Our Force Ghost friends have calmed down a bit, and are once again watching the on going events*


    Yoda: Going to Eol Sha, young Luke is.

    Anakin: Wherever the heck that is.

    Obi-Wan: It?s somewhat like Mustafar.

    Anakin: Ah?

    Qui-Gon: *leans over to Yoda* He didn?t get mad this time.

    Yoda: Snuck him anti-depression pills, I did.

    Qui-Gon: Hmm?

    Yoda: Anger and outbursts are the most common signs of Childhood depression, no?

    Qui-Gon: Something like that. Maybe he needed Anti-Depression pills when he was a boy at the Jedi Temple. Someone should tell Luke about these pills.

    Yoda: Hmm, could have, Obi-Wan. Timothy Zahn?s fault, this is. Screwing continuity, he enjoys doing.

    Qui-Gon: I think he and George Lucas would be good friends.

    Yoda: Hmm?yes. Your character, Tim?s idea it was. Supposed to be Obi-Wan?s master, I was! *whacks Qui-Gon with his gimmer stick*

    Qui-Gon: Ouch! What?d you do that for?

    Yoda: Hmm?

    Anakin: Man, I feel really happy.

    Obi-Wan: And pretty and gay?

    Anakin: *turns to Obi-Wan* Have you been watching South Side Story again?

    Obi-Wan: Possibly.

    Anakin: And Qui-Gon, you?ve been watching Soap Rerun Station on the view screen while me and Obi are trying to get Yoda up on the toilet, haven?t you?

    Qui-Gon: ?

    Anakin: BURNED!

    Obi-Wan: *trying to agree with Anakin* Like Young Sith on Mustafar!

    Anakin: Don?t push it, Old Man, don?t push it.

    Obi-Wan: I was only trying to help!

    Qui-Gon: You were also trying to help when you trained Anakin.

    Yoda: *snickers, and then grabs a Snickers*

    Obi-Wan: Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of Elderberries!

    Anakin: Didn?t a Frenchmen say that?

    Obi-Wan: I?ll fart in your general direction!

    Anakin: Of course, *General* Kenobi.

    Obi-Wan: Grr?

    Yoda: A new meaning, this title now has. But, we should turn our attention to the view screen once more.

    Anakin: You know though, I?ve always wondered why they called Obi-Wan the ?Negotiator??

    Obi-Wan: *cringes* Because I can?negotiate?

    Qui-Gon: *smirks?then bursts out laughing uncontrollably* The Negotiator?! I?ve never heard that one! That?s hilarious!!! *wipes tears from his eyes as he continues to laugh*

    Obi-Wan: *frowns and groans*

    *Sometime later*

    Obi-Wan: He?s walking across lava! Luke?s walking across lava!

    Anakin: I wish *I* had that technique!

    Obi-Wan: I?m sure you do!

    Qui-Gon: Who does Luke he think he is, Jesus?

    Yoda: Walked across water, Jesus did.

    Qui-Gon: Whatever. *when no ones looking, grabs a Bible and begins reading*

    Anakin: *referring to the view screen* Yeah, man, whoa?they didn?t teach us that in Jedi school.

    Obi-Wan: Nope, they didn?t.

    Qui-Gon: *looks up from his Bible* The Jedi didn?t teach you how to have Luke and Leia either. *continues reading*

    Obi-Wan: *curious* Yes, Anakin, just how did you learn how to do that?

    Anakin: *grins smugly from ear to ear* Growing up on Tatooine teaches you a lot of things.

    Obi-Wan: *blinks* You were nine, Anakin.

    Anakin: *shrugs* I didn?t say that *I* did it?but you learned about those kind of things.

    Obi-Wan: Ah.

    Qui-Gon: *begins reading Mathew in the Bible?mouth drops open* It speaks in here that Jesus Christ was of a virgin birth!

    Anakin: Wait ? you mean I?m just a cheap rip off of Jesus?

    Qui-Gon: It would seem so.

    Obi-Wan: *smirks* Your movie lost to Jesus? movie, though.

    Anakin: Hey! My movie *PWNED* the Passion!

    Yoda: Revenge of the Sith, you speak of?

    Anakin: Heck yeah! We smoked that blood bath to Mustafar! Literally!

    Qui-Gon: You know?some people consider that movie to be a religious experience.

    Anakin: *blinks in distaste* You mean to tell me that eating popcorn while a man is being stripped and beaten is a ?religious experience??

    Qui-Gon: Yes?except for the popcorn part.

    Obi-Wan: *smiles* Anakin was the one who ate the popcorn.

    Anakin: *begins singing ?One Step Closer? by Linkin Park again* Everything you say to me, takes me one st
     
  8. Emperion_Blade_Gaurd

    Emperion_Blade_Gaurd Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Mar 28, 2005
    [face_laugh] This is great! It brings back the whole Special Edition feeling I got from the Lord of the Rings Special Editions! (Ok, Not really... Those were not comedies... But it's kinda the same feeling... Ok... Not really even that... But it is cool to re-read something and find new stuff to laugh at....)
     
  9. ginchy

    ginchy Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 25, 2005
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    Obi-Wan: Well, it doesn?t matter! You never became a Jedi Master. Heck, you never even became a Sith Master!

    Qui-Gon: Such a waste of talent?

    Yoda: Agree, I do.


    You already know I love it...!
     
  10. Stormtrooper_TK-421

    Stormtrooper_TK-421 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 29, 2004
    new post today


    Chapter 3: Music ?n Movies


    *The day after the events in Chapter 2*


    Obi-Wan: Hold on one danged minute! Who is this Streen? And who names their child Streen?

    Qui-Gon: I don?t know, but our little concert rocked. You?re a better Chester than Chester!

    Yoda: *nods* Agree with Qui-Gon, I do. Sung your lines well, you did.

    Qui-Gon: But yes, who is this Streen? He looks like Anakin might have looked at age 60.

    Obi-Wan: Speaking of which, where *is* Anakin?

    Yoda: Starting his own band, he is.

    Obi-Wan: Ah. Well, there?s not really anyone else around here to start a band with.

    Qui-Gon: This is a fact.

    Obi-Wan: *raises his eyebrow* Hmm?

    Qui-Gon: What?

    Obi-Wan: Oh nothing?You just sounded like a whiny little puppy from the Young Jedi Knights books, that?s all.

    Qui-Gon: Young Jedi Knights? How do you know of those?

    Obi-Wan: *looks at ground* Never mind.

    *They all sit in silence, watching Luke explain to Streen the ways of the Force*

    Obi-Wan: But it?s not *like* that! Kevin J. Anderson totally screwed it all up!

    Qui-Gon: Who?s that?

    Yoda: A man with weak writing skills, he is.

    Qui-Gon: Like, numb-chuck skills, bow hunting skills and computer hacking skills?

    Obi-Wan: You could say.

    Anakin: I?m back! *walks into the room* And I brought my friends with me! *gestures to the Wiggles* I found them on planet Earth!

    Greg: We?re the Wiggles! I?m Greg!

    Murray: I?m Murray!

    Anthony: I?m Anthony!

    Jeff: And I?m Jeff!

    Greg: We?d like to sing a song, if we may.

    Obi-Wan: *waves him off* Go ahead, if you must.

    Greg: All right, guys. 1-2-3-4. *they start singing* Toot-Toot Chugga-Chugga Big Red Car! We travel near and we travel far-ar-ar!

    Qui-Gon: *slams Bible into ground in anguish, and looks to the clouds* OH JESUS, MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!

    Anakin: Cut! *they stop playing*

    Qui-Gon: *crosses himself* Thank you, Lord.

    Anakin: I thought you guys were a popular band!

    Murray: But we are!

    Anthony: Yes, we are, we are!

    Obi-Wan: Oh look, Jeff fell asleep. Must have been drinking Yoda?s brandy.

    Yoda: *seethes angrily*

    Greg: We?re very popular?with little kids, though! We?re a preschool band, I guess you could say.

    Yoda: Eating all the food, Anthony is. *whacks him with his gimmer stick*

    Anthony: Ouch! But I was hungry!

    Anakin: You guys suck! Get out of here!

    Greg: Well, we?ll have to wake Jeff up first. All right guys, on the count of three we?ll say ?Wake Up Jeff?! 1-2-3 Wake up Jeff!

    Jeff: I?m awake! I?m awake! *all the Wiggles leave*

    Obi-Wan: That was pointless.

    Anakin: Sorry, Masters. I thought they would be better.

    Obi-Wan: It?s all right. *he pats Anakin on the shoulder* Have some Ice Cream!

    Anakin: I?m Lactose Intolerant.

    Qui-Gon: And?

    Anakin: And if I eat it I?ll be stuck in the bathroom for days!

    Yoda: Plumbers leak, hmm?

    Anakin: Something like that.

    Obi-Wan: No *wonder* you joined the Dark Side! You can?t enjoy the benefits of eating Frozen Dairy Products!

    Yoda: A pill for that, there is.

    Qui-Gon: There?s always another pill.

    Anakin: Yeah, like the one Obi-Wan uses to ?just do it?. *cough*Viagra!*cough*

    Obi-Wan: Shut up! I?m sure Yoda used the same thing!

    Yoda: My ally is the force?and a powerful ally it is.

    Qui-Gon: I think this is started to get a little PG-13 here?

    Anakin: Revenge of the Sith?

    Obi-Wan: Well, it was your own bloody fault that it was rated PG-13!

    Anakin: *You?re* the one that chopped my limbs off and sent me flying into lava!

    Obi-Wan: So?

    Anakin: So?it?s your fault.

    Qui-Gon: It?s your *moms* fault.

    Yoda: No, his Father?s fault, it is.

    Anakin: I have no father.

    Yoda: Palpatine, he was your father.

    Anakin: That was only the 1st draft! And?you smell like Nute Gunray!

    Obi-Wan: Your mom *is* Nute Gunray!

    Qui-Gon: Well, Obi-Wan, your mom *sleeps* with Nute Gunray!

    Obi-Wan: She wouldn?t?

    Qui-Gon: She *did*.

    Obi-Wan: Oh my?I didn?t know she was like that.

    Qui-Gon: I knew
     
  11. jedisolo_2

    jedisolo_2 Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Mar 15, 2005
    [face_plain] [face_laugh]

    Where do you get this stuff?? Oh, well its funny and that's all that matters right? of course right.
     
  12. Stormtrooper_TK-421

    Stormtrooper_TK-421 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 29, 2004
    New Chapter...


    Chapter 4: Get a thesaurus


    *A few days after the events in Chapter 3*


    Obi-Wan: So Luke?s got two Jedi now.

    Anakin: Yeah.

    Qui-Gon: w00t.

    Obi-Wan: And now he?s going to go rescue that Han Solo person.

    Yoda: *nods*

    Obi-Wan: *sighs*

    Anakin: *sighs along with him*

    Qui-Gon: This is boring. Luke Skywalker is a boring person.

    Obi-Wan: No, KJA is a boring writer.

    Anakin: I?m going to play my ?Figure out the hidden phrase game? game. *grabs his book, and sits in the corner of the room*

    Yoda: Need music, I do. *turns on the radio to hear?*

    Radio: BANANAS! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

    Qui-Gon: NOOOO!!!!! *slow motion activates, and he dramatically turns the radio off* Much better. Did you guys like my the Million Dollar Man impersonation?

    Yoda: No running, did I see.

    Obi-Wan: I *like* bananas!

    Yoda: *disturbed tone* Hmm?

    Obi-Wan: Bananas in Pajamas that is! *begins singing* Bananas in Pajamas are running down the stairs! Bananas in Pajamas are chasing Teddy Bears!

    Qui-Gon: And we wonder why they?re chasing theses?Teddy Bears.

    Obi-Wan: Shut up! The Bananas in Pajamas are good bananas!

    Anakin: THE PELET WITH THE POISEN?S IN THE FLAGON WITH THE DRAGON!!!

    Obi-Wan: What?!?!

    Anakin: Ahem?I finished my word game. Sorry.

    *some long time later*

    Obi-Wan: Why Yavin IV? Why did Luke pick Yavin IV again?

    Anakin: Because it?s cool there?

    Qui-Gon: In what way? And besides, it was Anakin?s *daughter* that picked Yavin IV.

    Yoda: The dark side, strong it is there.

    Anakin: And the dark side is cool! And Qui-Gon, you?ve got your story a bit screwed up. It was actually?Admiral Ackbar?s idea! And uh?Pledge Antilles!

    Obi-Wan: Pledge? As in those anti-bacterial wipes?

    Anakin: No?er, I mean Wedge. Yeah. Wedge.

    Yoda: More bounce in California, they have.

    Qui-Gon: As in that cursed teen bopper girl song?

    Yoda: Perhaps.

    Anakin: Yoda, you?ve been listening to girl bands again, haven?t you?

    Obi-Wan: He tends to lust over Jump 5.

    Anakin: But uh?that?s got boys *and* girls in it.

    Obi-Wan: *rolls his eyes* I know.

    Yoda: Lust over the boys in that boy and girl band, I do not! Slander about me, *should* you not! *whacks Obi-Wan upside the head with a Sausage stick*

    Obi-Wan: Ouch! Where the heck did that stick meat come from?!?!

    Anakin: You bought it at Force-Ghosts-R-Us: The All in One Store for the Undead. And besides, Obi-Wan, you lust over Elton John!

    Obi-Wan: ?Lies! Bloody lies! And you lust over?hot senators from Naboo!

    Anakin: *grins* Your point?

    Qui-Gon: I think he was referring to Palpatine.

    Yoda: *cough*burned, was he*cough*

    Obi-Wan: *grins* So Anakin, you basically just admitted you lust over Palpatine. Maybe *that?s* why you joined the Sith. *grins all the more*

    Anakin: Why are you guys *ALWAYS* trying to figure out why I joined the Sith?

    Obi-Wan: Because it?s so bloody hilarious, that?s why!

    *he, Qui-Gon, and Yoda burst into laughter*

    Anakin: I lusted over Padme? if you *must* know.

    Yoda: And married her, you did.

    Qui-Gon: And had kids.

    Yoda: A bit more than lusting, hmm?

    Obi-Wan: *smirks* More like the fulfillment of lust.

    Anakin: Well?Qui-Gon lusts over Jar Jar Binks!

    Yoda: Agree with Anakin, I do.

    Anakin: *shocked* What?!? Some agreed with me?!?! SCORE!!!

    Yoda: Wait, one moment, should you. Misheard, I think I did.

    Obi-Wan: Oh boy, your hearing aid fell out again. *picks up and hands it to Yoda* There you go.

    Anakin: Oh? I uh?have to go to the bathroom.

    Obi-Wan: Should one of us come with to make sure there?s not a certain Senator from Naboo in there?

    Anakin: *gets up and walks off* Shut up.

    Yoda: Need a thesaurus, he does.

    Qui-Gon: *pulls out thesaurus* Yes, he could say instead of ?Shut up?: Stop Talking, Silence yourself, Confine your words, close your mouth or face dire consequences! There?s all sorts of things!

    Obi-Wan: Not to mention my favorite: Close ye trap ye bloody pirate!

    Yoda: Pirate?

    Qui-Gon: I think Obi-Wan?s b
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.