Before - Legends Qui-Gon and the Gni'pomhw Tree (pre-TPM Qui/Dooku humor fluff, with a dash of lil Obi)

Qui-Gon and the Gni-pmohw Tree
By: Stormqueen

Timeframe: pre-TPM

Category: fluffy humor

Characters: Mainly Qui-Gon and Dooku, but a dash of young Obi-Wan thrown in for kicks (and because I love him too much to keep him out of a story! )

Summary: Dooku recounts a rather interesting experience that his former padawan had with a certain tree. If you?ve read ?Couches?, this is sort of a sequel to that.

Notes: So I owe a huge thank you to Layren and Nienna_Narmolanya for their wonderful beta-ing skills. Also, this fic would not be here if Layren hadn?t taken to inspiring me to write it and then poking me at every turn to see if I?d written it. So thank you to her for making me get off my lazy, lazy bum and finally do some writing!

Disclaimer: I own nuttin?. I?ve swiped the spirits of the characters (hopefully, mind you. I?ve never written young Qui-Gon or Dooku) for some harmless fun, and I swear to put them back when I?m done.

***

Obi-Wan peered up at Jedi Master Dooku, who was firmly but gently steering him from Qui-Gon?s room in the Healer?s Wing. He restrained a gulp as best he could, his legs moving woodenly across the floor. He?d only met Qui-Gon?s former master once or twice, and he still felt as though he were meeting some kind of incredible deity.

?Now, Obi-Wan, has your Master ever told you about the time he got his robes tangled in a Gni?pmohw tree??

Obi-Wan?s eyes grew to the size of saucers. ?Never,? he whispered, blinking up at the Jedi.

?Master, you wouldn?t dare!? came Qui-Gon?s shout as Dooku leaned towards Obi-Wan, a conspiratorial grin growing on the Jedi?s face.

?Well, it all started when we were assigned to a rather drab little planet called Gni??

Qui-Gon was shouting something more, but by that point they were out of earshot, and Obi-Wan turned his entire attention upon the story.

***

-Planet Gni-

Qui-Gon tugged at the shawl that was wrapped around his head, the scratchy fabric irritating his cheeks. He wished he were allowed to remove it, but unfortunately, it was part of the mandatory dress code of the planet. The people were absolutely obsessed with modesty, wrapping themselves in heavy robes that covered everything but the eyes and the hands. The outfit, thankfully, could be removed when indoors, but only then in the privacy of one?s own room. To display anything that would otherwise be covered by the clothes while in the company of strangers was considered the gravest insult.

Those who had violated the dress code were punished accordingly, with the severity of the punishment matching the degree of insult. To display a foot accidentally would earn one a night in the local prison, along with heavy fines, while the removal of the headpiece earned planet-wide remonstration.

All in all, he thought, trying very hard not to trip on the fabric underfoot, not a very pleasant society.

And of course those rules need not apply to royalty. The dignitaries that he and his master had met with upon their landing had politely explained that only the royal family were exempt from the code, for reasons he hadn?t been paying attention well enough to remember.

They?d also explained that while the King was willing to allow the powerful and honorable Jedi Master Dooku the privilege of freedom from the code, he would not be extending the honor to a mere apprentice.

To say that Qui-Gon was insulted was beyond an understatement. Not only did he look like a walking Alderaanian beehive, but he could barely move. He?d tripped at least once every three steps, and then his Master had had the clever idea of telling him to think of it as training.

Qui-Gon was beginning to wonder if he?d spend the rest of his apprenticeship on kitchen duty for what he?d told Master Dooku to do with his idea.

This planet just brings out the worst in me, he thought, trudging onwards.

After the disagreement he?d had with his Master, Dooku had ordered him to find something constru

 

Ah, Stormqueen, you know I love this, but I couldn't resist telling you again.

Poor Qui! That's what he gets for having sympathy on pathetic lifeforms.

Such a fun, cute viggie! Keep those creative juices flowing!

 

That was adorable. I loved that Qui-Gon was almost naked after the bout with the tree. And they got kicked off the planet. Heck, Dooku should have been happy to go. Loved the ending where they were bouncing on the trampoline.

Great job.

 

So excellent! Thought I'd mention again how much this made me laugh -- my side is still in stitches I think

 

That was wonderful! Just what I needed before I go to bed. I'll have good dreams!

 

Lol. Great job. Hilarious. Especially with Kenobi growing round eyed with awe. Qui does have a penchant for getting whacked by..er.. all the wrong things. And his evident enjoyment of it. Loved and all the backward spelled words. Peasants, eh?

 

What a great sequel!

Poor Qui-Gon, getting his clothes shredded in a fight with a tree!

Gasps of outrage and exclamations of horror erupted from everyone in the room as Qui-Gon came barreling into the main chamber, naked save for his smallclothes.

I am going to kill him, Dooku thought as sheer pandemonium erupted around him. I don?t care if it?s illegal. I?ll kill him with my bare hands... Good thing he resisted the urge.

Very funny viggie, stormqueen874! Thanks for sharing it with us!

 

The 'whomping' tree? Interesting...

Another job well done and another embarrassed Jedi! You excell at making Jedi blush don't you Stormie? An all around fun story! Two thumbs up says Julius Caesar!

 

This was hilarious, Holly!

Dooku certainly wasn?t allowed to kill him.

I am going to kill him, Dooku thought as sheer pandemonium erupted around him. I don?t care if it?s illegal. I?ll kill him with my bare hands...

You spoke to soon, Qui...

?So then you agree, Master Dooku, that these stna?saeps are in the wrong?? one eager dignitary interjected, and those on the opposite side of the table leapt to their feet, their eyes bright with fury.

?S?gip fo snos!? One of them shouted, banging his fists on the table. ?Sg?od gniyl! You should be hung from your sl?eeh in the market!?

Interesting development of a language using reversed words (whomping, peasants, sons of pigs, lying dogs, heels, etc). It reminds me of a story I'll have to tell you.

Loved the fashion repressive society - great idea for a story. The humor was blended effortlessly with the background of planet Gni. I'm glad you decided to go ahead and post it.

Great work as always

 

You never cease to make me smile. That was great.

 

That hits the sopt.
Very well done.
Keep up the good work.

 

That made me smile, padawan.
I loved it.

 

Aw...I love it. Great story.

Val