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Before - Legends I should have... (Qui-gon regrets; Qui's POV, Xanatos. Obi-wan, AU, one shot) Author replies 11/19

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Neon Star, Nov 9, 2005.

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  1. Neon Star

    Neon Star Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 30, 2000
    Title: I should have
    Timeframe: JA AU
    Characters: Qui-gon (first person), Xanatos, Obi-wan
    Genre: angst, AU
    Summary: Qui-gon regrets, and realizes he could never deny Xanatos anything.

    Just stating this is a fairly dark, angsty one shot from me. No one is really the good guy in this piece, and there is no happy ending. Just thought I should warn you. Enjoy! :)
    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    I should have said something. I really should have confessed that deep within, I knew you weren't dead.

    Because, I could still feel that bond between us, old and so fragile as it was, throb with your life. Yet, I walked away from where you supposedly met your end, and I didn't look back. It would have been no use, I know, just as I knew then. Because you wouldn't have emerged from that pit of death until long after we were gone.

    I should have told the Council that we had failed to capture you, but I didn't. I told them instead that you were dead. I lied, straight face, and didn't regret it.

    I lied to Obi-wan as well, but I think he knew the truth. I know he knew, when you started coming at night.

    I don't know know why I turned a blind eye. I let you live, and then I let you come and go as you pleased.

    I knew you were visiting my apprentice at night. Obi-wan never said a word about it, but I could sense you near then, and I could feel your presence lingering on him in the morning. I never said a thing.

    Perhaps I was trying to make it up to you, perhaps I had too much faith in him, I don't know. I failed at you, why not fail at him as well? But I wasn't blind, Xan, far from it. I knew what you were doing then. Slowly, deliberately, you taught him the dark side.

    I don't know why he listened. Perhaps it was vain curiosity first, that just evolved with time. I don't know why I allowed it. Perhaps I just wanted you to save him from me. He didn't need a master that couldn't give him all the love and care he needed. And I couldn't though I tried. Yet I couldn't do with only the shatter remains of a heart. One cannot make something out of nothing after all.

    You could at least be truthful. He wouldn't expect love from you, but you could at least be proud of him, and be open with him, in a way that I could not. Perhaps that is why I stopped looking after a while, when I watched the darkness slowly take over his light. Perhaps my love blinded me again to what was needed, just like it had with you.

    Its too late now for these regrets. Because, everything I saw, and the times that I did nothing, have come to this. The temple is burning, most of the Jedi are either dead or have fled. Because, despite all that I have seen over these few years, I never once realized how powerful, or how dangerous the two of you could become, when I gave him to you. But now, you two seem like a wave of horror, sweeping down to drag us all into the black abyss that has consumed you both.

    Perhaps, that is why I face you both now. He is pale faced; once beautiful, clear and honest eyes are dark with rage and pain. One hand clenches over the wound I just gave him. It's deep, we three know that. He won't live much longer, even if you manage to get him aid now, but he still stands at your side, and glares at me with every bit of hate.

    Yet, I still love him, even after wounding him so. But even with that ill fated feeling, I still have enough strength to kill him. Because this has gone on far enough. I can't let you two destroy everything, though I have let you shatter most of it.

    You stand there, one hand touching his shoulder, offering strength or just because, I know not, smirking at me all the while. You see my pain, you see my grief, and you are laughing at me for it. And I still can't even be angry at you.

    He drops to his knees, pleading with you to help him, or kill me, I don't know, I can't hear his words over the roar of the fire, though I can hear his tone. You glance down, uninterested, before discarding your blood stained cloak.

    As it falls, your lightsaber is ignited, and you approach, your moves casual, though your s
     
  2. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrel Wrangler of Fun & Games star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    Perhaps no good guy, but I find Xanatos to be abdominable in this. It is very sad that Qui-Gon had cared so much for this wretched being. I also find it interesting and tragic that Obi-Wan should so willingly accept Xan's darkness.

    I can't even say under the circumstances I'm not please that Qui at least was able to kill them both.
     
  3. Indra

    Indra Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2003
    Wow, that was really good. You portrayed Qui-Gon's conflict really well, how he can't even save Obi-Wan from Xanatos out of love for his former Padawan and how he's willing to give everything as long as he doesn't have to lose him, only to lose everything in the end. Very powerful and well-written.
     
  4. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    Whoa - that was very chilling.

    The idea that Qui-Gon would let Xanatos come and go and not realized he was slowly corrupting Obi-Wan...

    Then he had to kill them both

    :_| :_| :_| :_|

    Wonderful job!!

    =D= =D==D= =D=
     
  5. obi_ew

    obi_ew Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 14, 2002
    The way I read it, Jinn did know and allowed it to happen. :mad: You can't blame Obi-Wan in any way for this. He was a child who was getting leftover crumbs of affection. And Xan? Well he did what he does best. Took advantage of other people's weaknesses. Go Xan! [face_love]
     
  6. Star_Drifter

    Star_Drifter Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 18, 2005
    Slowly, deliberately, you taught him the dark side.

    I don't know why he listened. Perhaps it was vain curiosity first, that just evolved with time. I don't know why I allowed it. Perhaps I just wanted you to save him from me. He didn't need a master that couldn't give him all the love and care he needed. And I couldn't though I tried. Yet I couldn't do with only the shattered remains of a heart. One cannot make something out of nothing after all.


    The subtle lure of the Dark Side...so innocent is that first step...

    You've destroyed me, just as you wanted. You stole my soul, blinded me to my duty, enraptured and possessed my last attempt at a legacy, and to finish it off, you finally got me to kill you, thus breaking the very inner part of myself...

    You've had your victory, Xanatos. I should have stopped it before it had come to this. But I could never deny you anything.

    How sad to not teach the difference between right and wrong! :(

    If you give a child everything they want, they will never learn to value anything!

    Wonderful dank vignette! =D=





     
  7. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    Very interesting take on the triangle of Qui/Obi/Xan. Selfishness and pain and love all mixed up together in order to bring everyone into darkness. No one is the good guy in this although there are levels of "badness" and I'd have to give Xan the prize for the darkest options.

    Wonderfully done.
     
  8. Ani-maniac

    Ani-maniac Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 5, 2005
    This is incredibly well written and very eerie.

    =D= =D= =D=

    It really shows how powerful hate can be, so much so that, even though Xanatos is lost his life in the fight, he still sees it as a victory.

    You've destroyed me, just as you wanted. You stole my soul, blinded me to my duty, enraptured and possessed my last attempt at a legacy, and to finish it off, you finally got me to kill you, thus breaking the very inner part of myself.

    Amazing, I really enjoyed it.

    I am so glad Star_Drifter told me about it.

    Ani-maniac
     
  9. Jedi_Tigris

    Jedi_Tigris Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 7, 2005
    Wow, amazing job! =D= So sad that Qui had to kill Obi and Xan, and thinking that it was his fault everything came to this point. And in a way it was his fault. Kinda eerie how Qui told his story, how things just kept going on, and he couldn't bring himself to do anything. :(
     
  10. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 16, 2005
    Chilling. For some reason, I find this line "yet, the one thing that I must deny you, is my life" especially moving.


    Heart-breaking and wonderful, and so terribly tragic.

    Val


     
  11. kenobiwanobi

    kenobiwanobi Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 26, 2005
    Absolutly breathtaking- Great job!=D=
    I loved it:D !

    May the force be with you--[face_peace]
     
  12. AnakinGirl05

    AnakinGirl05 Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2005
    Wow. This was eerie and very well written...and so sad. It is tragically dark and I love that. I think this was a daring and interesting vignette! Very well done!
     
  13. Neon Star

    Neon Star Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 30, 2000
    Healer_Leona: Wow, I must say I'm proud I got such a reaction, and I was wondering if Obi-wan's death seemed justified. Thank you so much for pointing all of that out.

    Indra: I am so pleased you picked up on that. Love like that can certainly be destructive. Thank you for your kind words.

    KELIA: Thank you. :) Though, Qui-gon did know, he just ignored the fact.

    obi_ew: That he did, and that you really can't. The ones to blame are really Qui and Xan, and of course Xan was doing only what he does best. Tis part of why we love him. [face_love]

    Star_Drifter: That is all very true. Thank you for your comment, and for telling others about this. :)

    dianethx: I really did want to try something different for the triangle relationship this time around, and I am happy that it turned out intresting. And yes, Xan is certainly the worst of the lot. Thank you.

    Ani-maniac: Hate certainly is a strong force. Thank you, I am glad you enjoyed it, and that she did so.

    Jedi_Tigris: Thank you. That it was in a way. Things certainly did build without him able to stop it.

    Valairy_Scot: I liked that line as well, it was the only time Qui actually stood against Xanatos. Thank you for such wonderful words. I never would have imagined it was heartbreaking, though, I am honored that it had such effect.

    kenobiwanobi: Thank you. :) And may it be with you as well.

    AnakinGirl05: My, it was daring? I am please you loved it. Thank you.

     
  14. emeraldshadow

    emeraldshadow Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Oct 7, 2005
    :_|

    This fic was beautifully tragic and stirring but I must admit that I highly doubt Qui-gon would have allowed Obi-wan to be tutored in the ways of the dark side by Zanatos right under his nose. Qui has a weak spot where Zanatos is concerned but it's not that weak.
     
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