Before - Legends Noir: (for ardavenport) Conclusion 5.10

[image=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v673/LuvEwan/Noircover.jpg]

PG

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. Prize for ardavenport, who won the Anarchy sock challenge.


_

The gnarled stick lay half-crumbled among the ash, its cinder-orange mouth still burning. The smoke lifted in tendrils, twisting loosely as it rose towards the glasses, which hung, unpolished, above the bar.

A hefty man sat on the vacant stool in front of the tray. He scratched at the wilted brim of his hat, then plucked the stick from amongst the other, guttered remains, and blew off the gray dust. Crooking his lip, he plopped in the stale artifact of another patron, and inhaled.

When he breathed, he sounded as though he were clogged with tar, or maybe years-old mucus.

Beside him sat another man, a few years younger and not nearly as burdened by flesh. He didn?t wear a hat, allowing his brown hair to settle near his waist, where a wide, leather belt was clasped. His attire was strange for a place like Garbusi?s. Usually the curtain of soft darkness concealed a multitude of rumpled shirts and dingy shoes and government robes. But this man wore a layering of cream and beige, with mahogany boots. For someone occupying one of the seedier clubs of Coruscant?s lower levels, he sat with curiously straight posture, and ignored the glass of nearly black liquor, what Garbusi called ?paradise from a damned bottle?, that was placed before him.

The next man was little more than a child in the row of weathered, shaded faces. The mouth of his glass opened wider than his companion?s, but the contents were a watered red, the only tame drink available. His clothes were an identical combination of pale hues, matched with lighter boots and shorter hair. A plaited section of that hair, auburn heading towards gold, dangled past his chest.

?Did we have the correct time, Qui-Gon?? The younger man, Obi-Wan, asked, glancing at the dark square of door in the distance. They were anticipating the arrival of Neleez Ralv, a druggie-turned-informant that had been planted in a notorious spice operation. She was bringing information crucial to the deterioration of the ring, which the Jedi would transfer to the Coruscant authorities. Neleez had been glad for the Jedi?s involvement, because she felt they were more skilled than the crooked cops that scampered through the lower levels like rats in the sewers.

Qui-Gon sighed. ?Yes. And that time was more than an hour ago.?

They sat in a stewing silence, listening to the lazy stream of music coming from a corner of the club. The band was spiritless, straight-mouthed, but no one complained. It was likely that very few of the life forms clustered at the tables even heard them.

Obi-Wan took a tentative sip of the red beverage. ?This tastes awful,? He commented, before setting it aside.

Qui-Gon smiled. ?Of course it does, Padawan. It?s missing the alcohol, to numb your senses.?

?I can throw myself in front of a political assassin?s bullet, pilot flaming ships through war zones, and eat Yoda?s gruel, but I?m not permitted to??

?In four more months, you can walk right inside this charming establishment and order enough of these black concoctions to drown a bantha. After which, I will disown you entirely. For now, enjoy being untarnished.?

Obi-Wan snorted, and swallowed another mouthful. ?My revenge on you for this?unnecessary sheltering will be swift and terrible.?

?Tell me, young one,? Qui-Gon replied, amusement coloring his baritone, ?Do you plan to stumble from bar to bar, drinking your fill and causing trouble??

?Yes,? Obi-Wan grinned, ?It shall be your legacy, my honorable teacher.?

Qui-Gon had been taking a steady helping of the dark liquor, and choked on his unexpected laughter. Clearing his throat, he countered, ?Then my only hope is that I am long dead before then.?

The weak, burnished light wreathing the glow rods flickered, and the old club was eclipsed.

Qui-Gon exchanged a worried look with his apprentice, who frowned and touched the cylinder hanging from his be

 

OMG! What happend? I need to know, keep going!

 

Oh this was wonderful, the bar full of seedy individuals. I loved the banter between Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. LOl on the disowning part as Obi went from bar to bar. I can just see him trying concoctions and spitting them back out. Love the mystery as well. Who, what, why?

Great job. As always.

Loved this description. So very vivid.
The gnarled stick lay half-crumbled among the ash, its cinder-orange mouth still burning. The smoke lifted in tendrils, twisting loosely as it rose towards the glasses, which hung, unpolished, above the bar.

A hefty man sat on the vacant stool in front of the tray. He scratched at the wilted brim of his hat, then plucked the stick from amongst the other, guttered remains, and blew off the gray dust. Crooking his lip, he plopped in the stale artifact of another patron, and inhaled.

When he breathed, he sounded as though he were clogged with tar, or maybe years-old mucus.

 

Oh intriguing start. Can't wait for more

 

Oooh wow LE....what an exciting beginning! Love the banter and then you just went and left us with a horrible cliffe!

 

As usual, my dear, your writing just leaves me thirsting for more.

?In four more months, you can walk right inside this charming establishment and order enough of these black concoctions to drown a bantha. After which, I will disown you entirely. For now, enjoy being untarnished.?

Lovely banter between Master and padawan. And such an intriguing mystery to look forward to, in your delicious prose. your words are so poetic, m'dear.

More soon, pwease.

 

I agree, I'm quite greedy when it comes to your writing! I always want more! And may I say you always have such lovely cover art for your stories!

Bravo!

 

Interesting I wonder what will happen

 

Their informant wasn?t late. She was dead.

Oh, not good!

Star

 

oh, wonderful post - loved the banter between Qui and Obi...but I need more!

Post soon!

 

The gnarled stick lay half-crumbled among the ash, its cinder-orange mouth still burning. The smoke lifted in tendrils, twisting loosely as it rose towards the glasses, which hung, unpolished, above the bar.

Aaaaaaah, now that's the way to start a noir, dark and gritty. I look forward to seeing what happened to the body.

 

I am truly enjoying this story L.E.! Bravo!

The banter at the beginning was great. I loved how you transitioned from lightheartedness to grimness at the end. Very nice.

I look forward to more.

 

LilQui-Gon What happened? Eh, I don't know.

diane I love seedy individuals best. Thanks for the comments. They mean so much.

micky-nikki Thanks!

Layren You're welcome for the cliffie.

P_A Such compliments from the Queen of Banter! I'm honored.

VL Thank you. Making cover art is so much fun, I usually do it before I even start writing the story.

MASTER_KAYM Thank you.

Leona Well, it'll take one more post besides this one...writing this was a little harder than I thought. Thank you so much for reading and replying!

Star_Drifter No, not good at all.

Kestrel Thank you.

ardavenport I'm sooo glad you like it. I was worried about writing in this genre, but I liked it a lot more once I got going. Thank you very much. And I'm very sorry for the gap between posts. Lots of stuff happening at school, but I'm hoping to finish the third and last post by the weekend.

Katieelessar Thanks you so much!

Ugh, I didn't know it was that short! But I wanted to post something after making you wait nearly a month.


-

?What the hell?s going on over here?!?

The Jedi simultaneously lifted their eyes to the owner of the deep, bellowing voice.

It was Garbusi, the club owner, cutting through the onlookers like a sea monster through a field of tadpole. His gut swelled over the stained waistband of his pressed black pants, protruding from his otherwise diminutive body as though it were a tumor. Flaxen hair lay flat and sweat-slicked on his round skull, and his whitish-blue eyes were wide with raging alarm. He walked into the sickly washroom ambience, the green tint settling along his skin so that he appeared yellow and bruised.

Qui-Gon stood. ?Are you Garbusi??

The man?s large eyes darted to the fresh corpse, then the Master?s placid countenance. ?Yeah. Who?re you??

?I am Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn and??

?Oh,? Garbusi?s chest puffed out,and a pale blonde strand of hair fell onto his forehead, ?So you killed this broad??

Qui-Gon frowned. ?No. I was sitting at the bar with my apprentice. We heard a scream, and followed the commotion here.? He motioned to Neleez, ?A woman had found her here. Considering the traffic of a lavatory, I would guess she?s only been dead a few minutes.?

The eyes, so huge they looked lidless, studied Qui-Gon with distrust. ?I?m gonna call the cops.? He mumbled, and parted the crowd again, disappearing into the shadows beyond the hallway.

Obi-Wan came to stand closer to his teacher. ?She must have been found out.? He deduced.

Qui-Gon nodded absently, studying the slack face that had so recently been flushed by life. Her perfume still laced the air. ?Strange, though.? He remarked, after a while.

?What, Master??

?Her body would?ve been discovered very soon after her death, considering how many women are here. But we?ve been waiting here over an hour.?

Obi-Wan canted his head to study Qui-Gon?s face. ?Do you think she arrived here before us??

?Perhaps??

The anxious audience was herded out by a few of Garbusi?s stern men. The Jedi were permitted to remain, although not without a warning against any ?funny business?. Qui-Gon nodded his understanding. Obi-Wan was confused, until he realized that the club owner?s suspicions had extended to his employees.

Qui-Gon bent down beside Neleez?s cooling form. ?Perhaps there was a confrontation of some sort. It started in another area of the club, and ended here, obviously.?

Obi-Wan?s brow creased, a telltale sign of his internal discord. ?But there doesn?t seem to have been a physical struggle.? He pointed out.

Qui-Gon blew out a breath and glanced up at his young counterpart. ?Maybe there wasn?t one.?

?I thought Neleez was tough, Master. She had to hold her own in a dangerous drug ring. I don?t think she would go down without a considerable fight.?

Qui-Gon sc

 

?There are other ways to kill an informant.? He told Obi-Wan.

Oh, dear, more mystery. So, if Qui-Gon is forced into the role of detective, as good guys in noir tend to be, then I suppose that makes Obi-Wan the sidekick?

Garbusi is just the sort of character who would turn up in a noir. Thanks so much for writing this!

 

?I thought Neleez was tough, Master. She had to hold her own in a dangerous drug ring. I don?t think she would go down without a considerable fight.?

Qui-Gon scanned the dead woman with keen, reflective eyes. It was true that her clothes were tidy, her dark hair untangled. Her hands were clean, without marks of self-defense. ?There are other ways to kill an informant.? He told Obi-Wan.



My my my. The plot is thickening like syrup. Now you have me wondering what other ways there are and which was used against the victim.

 

ardavenport So, if Qui-Gon is forced into the role of detective, as good guys in noir tend to be, then I suppose that makes Obi-Wan the sidekick? Isn't that what he was in The Phantom Menace?

Layren Now you have me wondering what other ways there are and which was used against the victim. Moo hoo ha ha.

-

The detective, dressed in a brown, rumpled jacket, a buttoned shirt and dark pants, stood above the body. With ruddy red hair thinly lining his skull and a thick moustache, the man looked like he belonged at one of the dark tables in a corner of the bar, ogling a bleak-faced waitress. He took a long drag of his smoke, releasing the sooty vapors from the curl of his lip.

Qui-Gon watched the polluted gray screen float across the detective?s creased face. ?You?d think someone who?d just killed a woman would get some notice when they left the bar,? the man said, resting the disappearing stick between his teeth.

?The killer could have been playing it cool in order to slip out undetected.? Obi-Wan suggested.

?Or didn?t leave at all.? Qui-Gon remarked with a grim expression. To the Master, it seemed a strange statement for a presumably seasoned law official to have made. Of course, said officer didn?t appear too interested in the situation to begin with.

The detective sighed, grunted, and crouched beside Neleez?s still body. His cobalt eyes raked over her form a few times, then settled on her death-frozen face. ?I?ve seen her around here before. She has something of a reputation.?

Qui-Gon crossed his arms. ?Meaning??

The other man laughed. ?If you don?t know what that means, I?m not going to explain it to you. Ruling out natural causes, I?d say one of her boyfriends did it.?

?But how? There are no indications of a physical struggle.?

The detective shrugged. ?This kind of thing?s always happening. If it?s not happening at Garbusi?s, it?s happening a million other damn places. It?s impossible to keep track of them all. Boyfriends killing their girlfriends, or girlfriends killing their boyfriends. Hells, boyfriends kill boyfriends down here. All the cases get tangled together and pushed further and further down, until it?s nothing. I?ll get your statements, draft a report, but it won?t do any good.?

Qui-Gon peered into the unaffected eyes. ?Surely you aren?t suggesting that this matter will not be looked into with the proper respect and thoroughness it requires? Even if the Coruscant authorities are dismissive of this crime, the Jedi Council will not be, and neither will the Senate.?

?High and mighty threats for us low-lives,? Garbusi drawled, emerging from the shadows to stand slightly beside the detective.

Obi-Wan inhaled, then frowned, but remained silent.

?A woman has been found dead here. That cannot be overlooked.? Qui-Gon told both men, arms locked and sleeves hanging low from them.

?A dead tramp?s better than a live one.? Garbusi replied, a fledgling smile trembling on his wet mouth. ?Besides, I cleared the place out for tonight. I?ve cooperated with Detective Shibb. I don?t see why you Jedi should be sticking your heads where they don?t belong.?

?As Jedi, Mr. Garbusi, it is our responsibility to??

?I got responsibilities too, big shot. Like keeping this place up and running, keeping it in the black for my staff and my family. You want to try and interfere with that, see what happens. You think you can swoop in and destroy anything you damn well please. But I got protection, layers of armor around here so deep not even a bullet could find its way into my skin. You sit up there in the clouds, but there?s a whole ?nother world down here, the gutters and the sludge that you couldn?t imagine in that ideological head of yours. Why don?t you get back on up there and shine your halos and forget about whores who get what they deserve.? Garbusi stared into Qui-Gon?s face, then chortled, ?Yeah, you get it. The cops don?t belong to Jedi who try to control the whole damn universe. They belong to the peop

 

Stark and beautifully written. I rather liked the way it was left rather unresolved - or it felt like that, to me, indicating that this is how it'd be, in a real universe. Everything doesn't come to a perfect end. Loved Garbusi's (Garbage??!!) language - he seems so in character. And his way of reminding Jedi that they were *big shots* who didn't really belong in there.

This kind of thingâ??s always happening. If itâ??s not happening at Garbusiâ??s, itâ??s happening a million other damn places. Itâ??s impossible to keep track of them all. Boyfriends killing their girlfriends, or girlfriends killing their boyfriends. Hells, boyfriends kill boyfriends down here. All the cases get tangled together and pushed further and further down, until itâ??s nothing. Iâ??ll get your statements, draft a report, but it wonâ??t do any good.â??

This, somehow, brought it alive for me.

Lovely, dear.

 

?I got responsibilities too, big shot. Like keeping this place up and running, keeping it in the black for my staff and my family. You want to try and interfere with that, see what happens. You think you can swoop in and destroy anything you damn well please. But I got protection, layers of armor around here so deep not even a bullet could find its way into my skin. You sit up there in the clouds, but there?s a whole ?nother world down here, the gutters and the sludge that you couldn?t imagine in that ideological head of yours. Why don?t you get back on up there and shine your halos and forget about whores who get what they deserve.? Garbusi stared into Qui-Gon?s face, then chortled, ?Yeah, you get it. The cops don?t belong to Jedi who try to control the whole damn universe. They belong to the people that keep them fed. So get the hell out of here.?


Very good ending, LE. That passage particularly stood out for me because I wonder how many people feel just like him around the galaxy about Jedi.

 

Wow! You never fail to move, surprise, astound and make me jealous.

The ending was perfection!

?Of course.? Qui-Gon picked up his gait, resting his hand on Obi-Wan?s shoulder. ?But I fear it will have little impact. The Force may be omnipotent, Padawan, but the Jedi are not.

?Sometimes the darkness has better armor.?

That it does!

 

Loved the film noir aspect of this. Very 30s movies style. I could almost picture them with fedoras and wide lapeled suits.

Loved this.
?I got responsibilities too, big shot. Like keeping this place up and running, keeping it in the black for my staff and my family. You want to try and interfere with that, see what happens. You think you can swoop in and destroy anything you damn well please. But I got protection, layers of armor around here so deep not even a bullet could find its way into my skin. You sit up there in the clouds, but there?s a whole ?nother world down here, the gutters and the sludge that you couldn?t imagine in that ideological head of yours. Why don?t you get back on up there and shine your halos and forget about whores who get what they deserve.? Garbusi stared into Qui-Gon?s face, then chortled, ?Yeah, you get it. The cops don?t belong to Jedi who try to control the whole damn universe. They belong to the people that keep them fed. So get the hell out of here.?

Great job with the whole thing.

 

Wow, what an interesting, unique story! I love the different turns your stories can make.

It was very noir--congratulations! I could almost see it filmed in sepia tones, the very lack of color adding to the harsh ambience.

And my, what a creepy line to end it on. Delicious.

Thanks for writing this!

 

Aaawwww, wonderful noir. Thanks for writing it! The cop's speech that others have quoted really captured the mood and the sentiment. Who knows what evil lurks in the bowels of Curoscant. I'm glad Obi-Wan figured it out. The Jedi will do the right thing, but the city will move on.

 

I'm generally not a fan of noir, but this was a great excursion into the genre. From the sprinklings of gritty details, to the spotty lighting, to the bleak ending, I think you nailed it.

And, it was very interesting to see a character who didn't give a whit of respect to the Jedi. He must feel very secure in his own world.