Before - Legends To Spare His Heart. Angst* MUSH. Qui & Obi. **Ch. 7* updated 0516. Mush - party and all's well!

Title: To Spare His Heart
Author(s): Valairy_Scot
Timeframe: JA
Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn
Genre: Mush (eventually)
Keywords: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn
Summary: A misunderstanding almost splits up the team.
Notes: Angry words can hurt, but so can silence.

Chapter One. The Right Thing to Do, Gone Wrong


It had been the right thing to do, Obi-Wan knew with no doubt at all. It was right, so why was he trying to reassure himself? No, it wasn?t that he doubted his decision, or the consequences of going behind Qui-Gon?s back. It wasn?t fear, for Qui-Gon would come to agree that Obi-Wan had made the correct decision, no matter his ire at the moment.

It was only that his master was disappointed in him. No matter how muddled his thoughts during his illness, no matter the correctness of what Obi-Wan had done, Qui-Gon Jinn was upset that Obi-Wan was responsible for getting them recalled from a very important mission and replaced by another team. The padawan had made a decision for the team, and the master was displeased. Highly displeased.

I don?t care, the young padawan thought, looking at his master?s crossed arms and glare of disapproval. You almost died with this fever a year ago; I will not risk your health again, even if you will.

But he could not deny that he did, indeed, care. For in his heart of hearts, his biggest fear was of disappointing his master. He had thought he had come close in the past, and the brush only fueled his determination to be better, do better and to never come so close again.

Qui-Gon Jinn was angry, upset and disappointed ? all in a quiet and verbally silent way. His was not the emotion of flailed arms or biting words, or cold tone of voice.

It was silence ? a cold glare of brilliant blue eyes turned to glacial ice, of firmly closed lips, and waves of cool disappointment that leached the warmth from his padawan?s body.

Obi-Wan continued to kneel, head bowed and waiting for his dismissal. He would not speak, he would accept whatever Qui-Gon chose to do, but he would not apologize. He stole a look at the Jedi master, and thought he would far prefer that Qui-Gon actually yell at him or otherwise verbalize his emotions. The words he could accept and dismiss; this cold stare only chilled him.

Finally, the master spoke, words of chipped and fractured ice within the hot furnace that boiled within. ?It is done, padawan. We return to the Temple. You will spend your time in reflection and meditation until our arrival. You are dismissed.?

?Yes, Master,? Obi-Wan murmured, and fled, bright burning spots of red on his cheekbones, leaving in his wake soft tremors of rebelliousness and stubborn determination that leaked past his tight shields. He tightened his lips and blinked away the tears behind his eyes. He will come to see that I only did what I must. He will. Master Yoda himself said that I did the correct thing. He will forgive me, when he is well.

Obi-Wan was troubled, for he was only fourteen ? nearly fifteen. He had thought his master and he had come to some kind of mutual understanding and trust after this time together. The doubt had never been on his side of the bond; it had been Qui-Gon?s hesitation and uneasiness that had kept a sliver of distance between them.

I am not he, and I will never betray you, Obi-Wan thought, catching a strangled gasp of pain and breathing it out. Master, anything I have done, or may do, is never to betray you. You may not understand, you may not agree, but whatever it is that I have done or will do ? it will never be a betrayal. Even this...though I know you feel betrayed.

**

Obi-Wan had decided on his own to contact the Temple to ask for a replacement team when Qui-Gon had first gotten sick. He had not been ? technically - specifically forbidden to do so, for Qui-Gon had never dreamed that Obi-Wan would take such action on his own initiative.

The stubborn Jedi master had insisted he was well enough to cont

 

That just made me cry
poor Obi-wan can never get on the right side of his Master Bucket head Qui-Gon

Brilliant post

 

I can't wait to see where you go with this. Make sure you PM with updates, Padawan!

 

Qui-Gon is not a buckethead. He's stubborn, foolish, vulnerable and quite human. A great character.

Loved that Master Ceil was able to let Obi-Wan know that Yoda was not upset with him and indeed thought he did the right thing as did Ceil. I guess everyone knows how darn stubborn Qui-Gon is. LOL. I can just hear the whispers now as he is adding to his reputation again with this nonsense.

And, of course, there are misunderstandings. Obi-Wan thinks that Qui thinks less of him, and Qui is thinking to keep Obi from getting ill. Classic them.

?Go. Now.? Qui-Gon was slipping back into his fevered dream? don?t let Obi-Wan get sick...he was so terribly sick before and I thought I would lose him. I can?t lose him...my padawan. Go away?don?t risk catching this...."go away, padawan,? he said clearly, before he started shaking and huddled within the bunk.

Obi-Wan slowly stood and stared at his master, and hung his head. ?Yes, Master,? he said softly and stumbled out of the cabin and back to his quiet spot in the cargo hold, where he sat on the cold floor and put his face into his hands. Qui-Gon would never forgive him. How could they go on, together? He thought his heart would break.

Great job with this!

Edit: PM me with updates please.

 

This is a cute piece. Love Qui-Gon (who I don't think of as a bucket-head either ), and how stubborn he can be - but he is concerned about his apprentice, after all. And Obi-Wan is well aware of what he must do...except that he doesn't quite know how to reconcile it with Qui-Gon's maverick ways.

Cool! More pwease.

 

Ahhhh! Angst! I love angst!

Poor Obi, I just want to give him a hug!

 

Awwwwwwww what's wrong with poor Quiggy!?


Poor Obi and poor Qui wanting to only spare his padawan the illness and poor Obi just doesn't understand. Beautiful.

I'd like to be added to your pm list for this fic

 

Awwww....I love how Obi-Wan is determined to do what's in Qui-Gon's best interest despite his Master's reaction.

It's too bad Qui-Gon is being so stubborn.

Wonderful beginning, I look forward to more

 

Ooooh. As usual from you, this is lovely . Just perfect, in character, and wonderfully written. I look forward to more!

 

Qui-Gon Jinn was angry, upset and disappointed ? all in a quiet and verbally silent way. His was not the emotion of flailed arms or biting words, or cold tone of voice.

It was silence ? a cold glare of brilliant blue eyes turned to glacial ice, of firmly closed lips, and waves of cool disappointment that leached the warmth from his padawan?s body.

Oooooh, that captures Qui-Gon's bad mood quite well. He can be quite stubborn and uncooperative. And Obi-Wan is so loyal! He sort of understands his master's moods, but he's still hurting. Qui-Gon has just got to stop doing that.

 

Poor Qui...

Hope he recovers soon...love his concern for Obi-Wan...

-DS

 

I definitely agree! But he IS stubborn!

A great start! Please update soon and if you don't mind, PM me please when you update...

 

I REALLY liked this PM me with updates if you will...great job!!I Can't wait for more!

 

Gkilkenny: Aw?better keep the tissues handy.

VaderLVR64: I plan on going to the end.

Dianethx: And, of course, there are misunderstandings. Obi-Wan thinks that Qui thinks less of him, and Qui is thinking to keep Obi from getting ill. Classic them Yup, this is a classic tale of two fools ? such lovely fodder for mush.

Princess Arulmuzhi: Love Qui-Gon (who I don't think of as a bucket-head either ), and how stubborn he can be - but he is concerned about his apprentice, after all. And Obi-Wan is well aware of what he must do...except that he doesn't quite know how to reconcile it with Qui-Gon's maverick ways.
Um, close ? I see it as Obi-Wan?s insecurities getting to him ? kinda the classic perfectionist that always worries if his best is good enough, and Qui-Gon being the one who assumes everyone knows things are peachy keen but he?d say if it were otherwise ? like the boss who never says good job but points out your errors.

Master_Kaym: I get first dibs on the hugs, thank you very much.

Layren Basically, um yes. If they didn?t have these stupid misunderstandings, how would we fanfic writers find stories to write? Though I wish I could take a series of misunderstandings and turn it into farce ? humor, I can do, farce, don?t think so.

Kelia: I think Obi-Wan is determined to do what is always in someone else?s best interests, even if that conflicts with his own. Such a delight to write.

Sakura: Thankee. I don?t think I have that much a feel for Qui-Gon ? definitely not from the movies ? mainly from JA and fan fics.

Ardavenport: He can be quite stubborn and uncooperative. And Obi-Wan is so loyal! He sort of understands his master's moods, but he's still hurting. Qui-Gon has just got to stop doing that. That, in short, is the classic young Obi/Qui-Gon story right there in a nutshell.

Darksaber: He?ll stay sick as long as it takes to really screw up poor Obi-Wan?s feelings, otherwise, my story might end prematurely.

Fifilla: He's stubborn, foolish, vulnerable and quite human. A great character. Yeah, both of them, actually.

Kenobiwanobi: More coming!

I plan on posting chapter 2 Monday 04/10

 

Sickness, guilt, stubborn jedi, misunderstandings all around- and you have the recipe for the perfect angst! I loved this, can't wait for the next part!

 

Stella_Ripple: Here's Part 2.




Chapter Two. The Ties That Bind



A team of healers awaited their arrival. They quickly whisked Qui-Gon upstairs to the Healers? Ward, reassuring his worrying padawan that, while he was indeed very sick, he was in absolutely no danger of dying. They reassured him that he had done the right thing by getting Qui-Gon to medical treatment, and commended his initiative.

But Obi-Wan wasn?t reassured, for he was both worried about his master, and their future together. Clearly, they had not established the strong master-padawan bond that Obi-Wan so longed for. Qui-Gon tolerated him, was all, and his tolerance was currently quite low.

Obi-Wan was sure that it was not just the fever speaking, for Qui-Gon had too often watched him from hooded eyes and with cautious vigilance. Obi-Wan wasn?t sure when he first became aware of this or if his slowly growing awareness of the Force now allowed him to sense what he missed seeing before. It was apparent that the fever had just loosened his master?s tongue and let him speak what was in his mind, hidden these two years.

Obi-Wan decided he would ignore his own worries for the moment and only be concerned that his master get well. Maybe then he would learn just how disappointed Qui-Gon was in him, and if he would ever be forgiven ? and how he could get back into his master?s good graces.

Master Yoda had approved of his actions, but that meant nothing if Qui-Gon withheld his after he recovered. Surely, there must have been other times and ways he had disappointed his master, which was why this had only made this latest transgression so unforgivable.

It wasn?t just Qui-Gon?s feverish words that so hurt him, for he knew from experience that fever dreams often resulted in strange mumblings and absurd thoughts ? he remembered, according to Qui-Gon?s retelling, that it was his own mumblings that he had wanted a snuggly T?k?ta stuffed toy to cuddle when he had been so sick himself, a toy he had put aside at age three and not thought of since.

Sick as they both had been, Qui-Gon had made the healers borrow the toy from the crèche, threatening to haul his own sick self after it himself if they would not. Obi-Wan had struggled blearily awake when the toy had been slipped into his arms, and found himself hugging the toy as if he would never let go. He had caught his master?s eye on him, and his grin, and even as desperately sick as he had been he had been mortified. Qui-Gon had sent a reassuring wave of the Force to him and calmly told him to enjoy the toy while he had the chance, for a boy of nearly fourteen was never going to get that chance again.

He had blushed, and Qui-Gon gently laughed, not bothering to hide his amusement. And ill as he had been, he had been happy. For he thought his master had finally, fully accepted him, and let go of the faint reservations of doubt that he had continued to harbor. And he had grinned sloppily, and fallen back asleep, the toy still cradled in his arms.

His happiness at achieving the understanding and acceptance with his master he had so longed for slowly began to disintegrate as he had become aware of the silent watchfulness. There was still a part of Qui-Gon he couldn?t reach, so he had tried harder to be better, to be worthy of his position as Padawan to Master Qui-Gon Jinn.

He had spent much of his recuperation meditating and studying, for he had been physically weak for a while. Even as he had grown slowly more attuned to the Force, he continued to mature physically and emotionally. Steadied by the guiding hand of his master, the impetuous and slightly reckless boy he had been was steadying down into a more thoughtful and reflective boy.

He thought Qui-Gon approved, but it hadn?t affected the Jedi master?s attitude towards him. Qui-Gon tended him with just as much care ? but no more ?than that he lavished on his plants and flowers. He was serene, patient and impersonal.

His padawan might have been content with that, except for the sense of cool al

 

After several long and restless hours in bed, he got up with no clear sense of what he planned to do to occupy the longer, silent hours of the night. The open door to his master?s room seemed to beckon him.

He hesitated, then walked into Qui-Gon?s room, where an essence of his master seemed to linger, and curled up on the foot of the bed. It gave him comfort, and he soon fell asleep.

He had to blink when he first awoke, for he wasn?t in his own room. He lifted his head and looked around, and found he had curled up with a pillow that Qui-Gon?s head had rested on, only a few nights back. As a Jedi Padawan of nearly fifteen, he felt a bit embarrassed, but admitted to himself with a sigh that he would probably sleep there each night until his master reclaimed his bed for himself. When Qui-Gon was well, and things were back to normal.


Awwwwwww that was adorable. I just have a warm fuzzy feeling all over from that. How sweet that Obi found comfort by sleeping in Qui's bed.

 

The episode with the toy was so sweet - I just can imagine Qui-Gon sneaking in the crèche to get the toy.
He loves his Padawan truly, but he must learn to tell Obi-Wan this! Poor Obi, he thinks Qui-Gon sent him away because he did something wrong I hope they will speak soon and can then solve their problems.

Great update and thanks for the PM!

 

Obi was sooo cute in this one with the stuffed toy, sleeping on Qui's bed, and the worrying...great job on both sick Qui and frightened Obi!!!Thanks for the PM!

 

Such a sweet, well-written story.

But while his young apprentice was a Jedi Padawan, and therefore would never have an average childhood, he was still a boy, and a boy should leave the nursing to the healers. Obi-Wan had too little time to himself anyway. He never relaxed and let himself just be Obi-Wan; he always was studying, sparring, or trying too hard to be the perfect padawan. Not for the first time, Qui-Gon wished he had known the boy when he had been young and far more carefree, before he turned into this intense and serious boy.


I loved this bit, because it explains why it is so difficult to understand and write Obi-Wan. I think a lot of the time he can be dismissed as a saint, as being boring, when really there is so much more that you've deftly described in this fic. Beautiful job you're doing.

 

Lovely story -

Qui-Gon was supposed to be just his master and his mentor, but he was far more to him. He was a welcome fixture in his heart. He just wished the reverse were true.

Ah, poor obi! ...Qui loves you he really does!

I look forward to the next part!

 

Why didn't review earlier? This is excellent! Update soon!

 

Poor Obi-Wan...actually beliving Qui-Gon only tollerates him



I certainly hope Qui sets the record straight!

I loved the part with the toy, that was so sweet.

Great update

 

Ooooh, how very lovely. Again . I really think that you captured a lot about Obi-Wan's personality in this chapter--it was insightful and deep as well as filled with so much mush it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Not only adorable, but meaningful. I'm really liking the history you're giving this story, with the prior illness. Lovely job!

 

What you write is so beautiful!

This post was great!