Before - Legends Transcript - Qui/Obi vig

I really am working on an Unchosen chapter. Honestly. It's so cute it will make you puke.

Title: TRANSCRIPT
Author: Maychorian
Category: Drama
Timeframe: Pre-TPM
Characters: the usual
Summary: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are captured by bad guys yet again.
Notes: For the dare challenge at jelloanarchy.com. Thanks for being so specific, Mousche! I think it did jump-start my writing.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. No, really, I own nothing. ?Cept a whole bunch of bills.

TRANSCRIPT

The cursor blinks white on a dark blue screen. A tapping of keys, and a document flares into existence, stuttered lines on the electronic stage. Slowly, a finger taps a button, scrolling downward.

Record of Surveillance Droid T1G-72, Level 24, Corridor 6

TIME STAMP: 788349129

The arrival of Prisoner 6564 occurred 5.3 minutes before the arrival of Prisoner 6565.

Prisoner 6564
Type: Human Male
Age: Approx. 45 standard years
Condition: Fit
Manner at arrival: Subject held head up while four guards escorted into Cell 24-6D. Did not struggle, and did not appear concerned. (TECH NOTE: T1G-72?s emotion-detection software in need of upgrade.) Once in Cell 24-6D, subject sat in the approx. center of the room and closed eyes. Heartbeat and respiration indicated sleep, though data indicate that humans do not sleep sitting up. Record marked as anomalous and in need of review. (TECH NOTE: Modify T1G-72?s data to account for Jedi. Make changes system-wide.)

Prisoner 6565
Type: Human Male
Age: Approx. 16 standard years
Condition: Undetermined
Manner at arrival: Subject?s head was lowered while four guards escorted into Cell 24-6E. Did not struggle. Held arms folded across chest. Detection of blood smeared on garments over torso. Once in Cell 24-6E, subject sat on cot and leaned against wall. 9.8 minutes later, heartbeat and respiration indicated sleep.

4.67 hours after arrival, Prisoner 6564 opened eyes and looked toward wall adjoining Cell 24-6E.

TRANSCRIPT

6564: Obi-Wan? Are you there?

6565 (Roused himself, apparently with some difficulty. Leaned head back against wall. Voice slower than human standard.): I?m here, Master.

(2.3 seconds silence)

6565: You should have listened to me.

6564 (auditory exhalation): Are we going to continue this now, Obi-Wan?

6565: You should have listened.

6564: Rather, you should have listened to me. I told you stay in the rooms. I am your master. It was unfitting for you to defy me.

6565: You should have . . .

6564 (volume of voice raised): Stop. I will hear no more. Next you?ll be complaining of all the other things you find dissatisfactory about me. Probably right down to the fact that I always over-mix the muja muffins.

(5.4 seconds silence)

6565 (volume of voice lowered): Well, you do.

6564: What?

6565: You do. If I want good muffins I have to go to the refectory or make them myself.

6564: I don?t like your tone, young man.

6565: Then don?t listen to me. You never do anyway.

6564: Enough!

(10.3 seconds silence)

6565 (voice modulation indicating emotional duress): You can shoot back, you know. Tell me all the things that are wrong with me. I know there are many.

(3.2 seconds silence)

6565: I?ll get you started. Too bound by the rules. Too impulsive and headstrong. Too stubborn. Still unskilled at releasing emotions. Inappropriate rivalries with other Padawans, Siri Tachi being one example. Shall I go on, or can you take it from there?

6564: Stop, Obi-Wan. The only one I?m concerned with is your blatant disobedience.

(Prisoner 6565 stiffly laid down on the cot, closed eyes. As if aware of this movement, Prisoner 6564 stood and walked over to wall, leaning against it on one hand.)

6564: That?s the one you don?t want to discuss, isn?t it? I don?t understand. You?ve never been so foolish before. I commanded you to stay behind while I went to the meet. Why did you defy me?

6565 (voice quiet, slow): We?ve been over this too many times. I told you: I had

 

You're so creative Freakin' lovely as usual, girl!

I loved reading this from the view of the droid. These two are so sweet - even when they bicker.

This brought a smile to my face, as most of your pieces do

--shan

 

Loved this, maychorian ! Heh, muffins.

-DS

 

Wow that was just awesome, maychorian. Totally interesting and unique format

Excellent response to the challenge!

 

oh, great answer to that little challenge. i love the format, too. i can picture this viewed in that weird surveillance camera green with bits of static.

and now i want some muja muffins, too.

 

Oh my goodness, what fun! This was so fabulously enjoyable! You are quite the talented author, aren't you??

I really like the perspective you took on this. It was very fresh, original, but beyond merely the creative structure as a 'transcript.' The dialogue/situation between the pair of them was funny, gentle, playful, yet not too indulgent, or cheaply done. You didn't settle for Qui/Obi cliches, if that makes any sense. I mean, they were perfectly in character, but you shone a distinctively fresh light on them. I haven't enjoyed a Qui/Obi ficlet to this degree in ages. Seriously, I think you made me like the pair of them again...

*whispers* And Qui-Gon reminded me of Dooku, a little, in tiny flashes.

Oh, and the muja muffins? I could write you pages of praise for that. I was actually laughing, and during finals, no less!

6565: And Master? I don?t really care about the muja muffins. I?ll eat over-mixed muffins every day, as long as you want to make them.


Adore!!!

 

That was amazing. Just the right amount of humour, and you incorporated everything flawlessly.

And I love the format - very original and authentic.

Awesome stuff.

 

Oh, that was beautiful. Loved the droid perspective - it was so very well done. The emotions it kept picking up, but couldn't process because of lack of technical expertise was great. and all that talk about muja muffins. Wonderful response to the dare, May.

 

Wow. So, Obi's Ok though...right????

Very well written. I am always at folks that can write responses to challenges..

 

6564: Padawan, I can understand a bit of justified disobedience, but let?s not have any lying.

6565: Yes, Master. Whatever you say, Master. I'm absolutely miserable and I want to go home, Master.

The whole thing was great, but that part had me especially amused. I can definitely hear the voices, too.

 

Considering the conditions of the challange
you fitted them all in brilliantly

loved the bickering. and the concern Qui-Gon showed for his Padawan


Lovely story

 

Great response to a challenging dare!

 

Hehehehe! An expertly handled challenge and Jedi escape. They MUST have muffins.

 

Nice job May! Take a bow.

 

(Prisoner 6564 walked around the cell, looking at the walls. Movements were sharp and agitated, indicating distress. [ADMIN NOTE: T1G-72 did not send an alert to the guards, judging no danger in this. Upgrade of data about Jedi needed immediately.])

6565: I?m fine, Master, really.

6564: Padawan, I can understand a bit of justified disobedience, but let?s not have any lying.

6565: Yes, Master. Whatever you say, Master. I'm absolutely miserable and I want to go home, Master.


That part was funny!!

Great fic, I really enjoyed it! Not a bad challenge, maybe I should try one someday...

Anyway, this was really nicely done