Before - Legends Age Matters Not (Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, one-shot humor)

Title: Age Matters Not
Author: Master_Noi
Genre: humor, I hope
Timeframe: JA
Characters: Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon
Summary: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan run into a little legal trouble on an assigment.
Disclaimer: Usual disclaimers apply.
Notes: Written for dare challenge at Jello Anarchy. See details at the end of the story.

***

This isn?t happening.

It was the one thought that kept circulating through Obi-Wan?s mind as he stood at the door clutching his travel bag tightly against his body. Qui-Gon always claimed that the Force had a sense of humor, but though known among his agemates for his quick wit, Obi-Wan was having a hard time finding anything to laugh about at the moment. The room seemed to swirl dizzily, something sucking the breath from his lungs. He took two slow steps backwards, bumping into the being standing behind him. A slender, three-fingered hand came to rest on his shoulder, as gesture he was certain was meant to be reassuring.

?I know this is hard for you. It?s okay to feel afraid.? She gave the Jedi padawan a gentle nudge forward. ?The other children are outside playing. It will be a good chance for you to look around the room.?

Obi-Wan shot a pained glance back towards her, and she smiled encouragingly, pale yellow eyes bright and twinkling. From what he could sense, Kal Ner?a genuinely cared for him, and he felt the least he could do was to humor her. The spacious room, splashed with bright, happy colors was not unlike the crèche in many ways. There were tables surrounded by chairs where he could imagine children sitting to eat snacks. Shelves with toys and games lined walls adorned with childish artwork and friendly pictures. Windows draped with cheerful, flowered curtains allowed sunlight to fill the space. It was meant to be warm and inviting in every way.

?Come see where you will be sleeping,? she called gently when he paused in the middle of the room.

?This is a mistake,? Obi-Wan whispered under his breath as he returned to the door and fell into step behind the tall, blue-skinned alien.

That had to be an understatement. This ?mistake? had started as a one year assignment to the Jedi Temple on Litara. The Council felt the sister Temple could benefit from having Qui-Gon and his unconventional ways in their ranks for a time. Although Qui-Gon had been excited about the opportunity, Obi-Wan suspected the mission had more to do with the Council needing a breather from his master. In retrospect, it was ill-conceived assignment, and Obi-Wan and his master were now, after only being on planet for one day, dealing with the consequences of questions that needed to have been asked, but weren?t.

There had been very little current information on the Litaran race in the Archives when they had gone to do research, but Obi-Wan was quickly filling in the gaps in his understanding, especially concerning social behavior. The Temple on Litara was small, less than one hundred masters residing within its walls. The host culture, usually very closed to outsiders, had given the Jedi permission to maintain their Temple as it was a relic, dating back to before the Litarans had colonized the planet. They had little understanding of the Jedi they allowed to reside there, and even less desire to learn more about them. Litarans considered their culture perfect. They were ALWAYS right ? that was indisputable. With a lifespan of nearly five hundred years, the Litarans developed much more slowly than humans and many other races, a fact which was making his life very difficult. At twenty years of age, Obi-Wan wasn?t even considered an adolescent in their society. It wouldn?t have been a problem if he and Qui-Gon had been better informed of local laws, especially those concerning weapons. The Litaran officials had been less than pleased to see his master?s weapon at customs, and had been downright astonished that Obi-Wan, a mere ?child?, was armed. If only they had been required to pass customs before legally immigrating onto the planet - then they would have still been Corus

 

*dies* Poor Obi-Wan. This was hysterical.

 

Loved every word.

 

Absolutely hilarious!

Obi-Wan glanced back over his shoulder to see Nera?a looking the Jedi master over. ?You know. You should try to smile more when working with children. Some might find your demeanor cold.?

He stifled a laugh as he listened to Master Windu try to defend himself. It was useless to try, because, Litarans were always right.


PERFECT ending!

 

Oh, stars, but that was funny! I liked how the forced regression actually helped Obi-Wan open up to Qui. And Windu as a "case worker"? Ha ha!

 

I loved this so much.

Master, can we please go home?? Obi-Wan rested his head against the sheet of plexiglass separating him from his master, tapping his brow against it several times. ?Can we please, please go home??

The usually composed, self-assured apprentice seemed downright distraught. Qui-Gon leaned as close to the glass as he could. ?Padawan, you are practically whining. Please act your age.

The gaze that lifted to meet his was venomous, filled with an icy haze. ?I would like to point out that I am acting my age for this planet,? Obi-Wan whispered through clenched teeth.

Wonderful,wonderful story.

 

Poor Obi! Loved how he ended up acting like a child there for a minute.

 

ROFLOL I loved it! You fulfilled the challenge with an excellent touch.

 

What a good laugh

?I see they put a nightlight in your room because you are afraid of the dark. When did this develop? I never recall you being afraid of the dark before,? he said teasingly.

?That?s a misunderstanding, Master. I am not afraid of the dark.? Qui-Gon laughed out loud at his padawan?s sudden defensiveness. ?I simply expressed a concern that I was afraid that this situation would drive me to the Dark side. They just heard what they wanted to hear.?

That was so funny

 

Awww...poor Obi-Wan!

At least the Litaran's tried to take good care of him.

It was rather sweet...from a certain point of view

You know. You should try to smile more when working with children. Some might find your demeanor cold.?



That's putting it midly!

Excellent response to your challenge

 

I love this! Obi-Wan was too cute with all his frustrations.

 

Aw, poor Obi-Wan. I just wanted to give him a big ol' hug. But I guess that's nothing new.

I loved the conversation with Qui-Gon, especially the part when that confession comes out. Qui-Gon's reaction to it was sweet.

 

LOL awe man that was great!

 

perfect in every way!!!~

 

Oh, Qui-Gon going over Obi-Wan's 'report card' was priceless. I especially liked him looking over Obi-Wan's pictures of things that intimidated him. It's a pity Qui-Gon didn't have a refrigerator to put the pictures up on.

 

This story was adorable!

I just love Obi-Wan!

 

Ha. The ever-right Litarans, and their many other annoying qualities. Poor, poor, Obi-Wan. of course, Qui-Gon would always see this as just another learning experience. Or maybe he wouldn't. Probably not.

Lovely, lovely.

 

where all twenty year olds whose parents couldn?t care for them went on Litara ? a children?s home.

AHHHHHHHHH!!!! Obi-Wan's in hell!!!

The usually composed, self-assured apprentice seemed downright distraught. Qui-Gon leaned as close to the glass as he could. ?Padawan, you are practically whining. Please act your age.

The gaze that lifted to meet his was venomous, filled with an icy haze. ?I would like to point out that I am acting my age for this planet,? Obi-Wan whispered through clenched teeth.

I could actually see this, and it cracked me up. Ewan would so such a great job with that--a hairpin turn from whimpering and begging to "I. Am going to kill something. NOW," with a quick layover in trauma-induced psychosis.

?Let?s see,? Qui-Gon said, looking down at a datapad. ?In your first session with a counselor you were supposed to draw a picture of a place that you found intimidating.? Obi-Wan?s eyes slid shut. He let out a groan as Qui-Gon picked up a sheet of flimsiplast. ?This looks like the Council chambers. I never knew it bothered you so much ??

?Master ? I can explain ??

?Is that supposed to be Master Windu??

That was beautiful. Evil for Obi-Wan, but beautiful.

?Perhaps,? Qui-Gon said nodding his head from side to side while he appeared to concentrate real hard. ?But, Master Yoda looks like ??

?I know ? a kitling ? I?ve been told. They think I?m afraid of them now.?

Apparently somebody opted out of art as an elective.


?It was twenty Litaran girls in brightly colored skirts,? Obi-Wan protested. ?And they screamed ?ewww, a boy? when I walked in.?

This image was hysterical, too . . . for some reason it reminded me of a Tele-Tubbies episode in which all the weird little things were taking turns leaping about in this skirt. The gender of the Tele-Tubby was irrelevant in that case. I hope they didn't try putting one on Obi-Wan. I wouldn't blame him for swearing at that point, even if they did make him eat hot sauce afterward.

Quickly standing he hurried to the door and threw his arms around Qui-Gon, taking the Jedi master by surprise. ?I am so glad to see you.? Only as he stepped back did he see Master Windu, eyeing him with a raised eyebrow.

?Master Windu,? Obi-Wan said, executing a short bow.

Adorable, yet horrendous. "Maaaster, take me hooome--OH Force help me, it's HIM."

That was definitely the funniest "Obi-Wan is doomed" story I've read in a long time.

 

I must now laugh as I finish reading this lovely little peice of work!
Great job!

Seven

 

<falls over giggling> Utterly hysterical. This was adorable! <gives Obi-Wan's braid a tug>