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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Saga The Jedi and the Dessert Tray! Obi discovers Qui-Gon had a lot of secrets. UPDATED 1-20-09

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by hyperspace_police, Jul 4, 2006.

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  1. hyperspace_police

    hyperspace_police Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 22, 2005
    Title: The Jedi and the Dessert Tray.
    Author: hyperspace_police
    Timeframe: During the Triology. Near the time of Episode 2
    Genre: Dramatic Humor.
    Characters: Obi, Anakin, Sam, a holonet reporter,Bant, Mace, Yoda and Chancellor Palpatine and some others
    Summary: Obi-Wan goes to a fancy restaurant for a holonet interview and things take a very humorous and interesting turn. Then he learns that his former Master was a man of many secrets and sets out on a search for the truth.

    Disclaimer: No dessert cups were harmed in the making of this silly bit of humor. I don't own much of anything, and certainly not these characters. (Except for the reporter, Sam.) I just play in Mr. Lucas' sandbox cause he made such a great place to play.

    Author's note: I should have had a beta when I first posted this story. But, I didn't. However, I have gone back through and corrected the mistakes and made some changes so it should be easire to read. Thanks for reading

    Part One:

    The holonet reporter froze in her tracks. Never in her wildest dreams did she think she would ever witness such an event, much less be a part of it. An interview with the legendary Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi had been a dream come true, but the events that had unfolded before her very eyes could quite possibly win her the highest, most coveted Holonet Award: The Golden Palpatine.

    ?General Kenobi,? she asked, not believing that she was actually sitting across from the Obi-Wan Kenobi, ?What have the Clone Wars been like for you??
    Polite as ever he simply replied, ?I regret having to fight; it?s not what the Jedi are used to doing. But, I will do my duty and serve the Republic.?

    The waiter came to take their drink order just as her interview was getting started. Sam ordered a double Corellian Surprise (after all, her nerves were shot) and the Jedi Master ordered a Tootie-Frutie, a blue drink that was perfectly safe in his eyes.

    She continued with the interview. ?So, what how does it feel to be called A Hero Without Fear??
    Obi-Wan blushed, turning an unusual shade of crimson. ?Well, as I said before, I am just doing what I am ordered to do by the Jedi Council. A Jedi has the force as their ally so, most of what people see as amazing is just a Jedi using their natural talents to end this conflict and restore balance and order to the republic.?

    The drinks came and that was when things began to get interesting. Obi-Wan was just as nervous as the reporter, in fact he may have been more nervous. He was at the end of a very trying day, what with dealing with Senate Committee reports and trying to keep track of his Padawan. So he did not notice that the drink before him was not his safe, blue Tootie-Frutie, but the reporter?s Corellian Surprise, which was also a blue drink.

    The nervous Jedi chugged the drink and asked the waiter to keep them coming. The reporter didn?t touch her drink, she was too surprised to see that Anakin Skywalker had just walked up and sat down beside his master.

    ?I hope you don?t mind that I asked Anakin to join us for the interview? he smiled at the reporter as the waiter placed a new drink in front of him. ?I thought it might make the story more interesting if you had the both of us.? And less embarassing for me, he thought to himself.

    ?No, I don?t mind at all. In fact, you just made my day,? she replied, truly stunned.

    ?Since, Obi-Wan?s obviously not going to introduce me, I guess I?ll have to do it myself. I?m Anakin Skywalker, and you are?? Anakin let the comment hang in the air, enjoying Obi-Wan?s blushing at his slip in social etiquette.

    ?Oh, I?m Sam Fel. I?m with the Holo-new channel 16. I?m the designated reporter for the office of the Chancellor as well,? she smiled, blushing slightly.

    ?Pleased to meet you.? Anakin replied, surprised that Obi-Wan had downed two more of the blue drinks while he had been introducing himself.

    ?Master, are you ok? You don?t look so good.?? he asked since Obi-Wan was starting to look a little pink in the face. ?Of course I?m fine,? Obi slurred. ?You m
     
  2. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    Poor Obi! He'll never live this one down.

    Now why didn't the waiter just give him the jello?

    Great job on this

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
     
  3. VA_Parky

    VA_Parky Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 10, 2005
    Hee! [face_laugh] Awwww, all my Obi wanted was a bit of Jello! And who could blame him? It's a delightfully jiggly wiggly treat! :p

    This was so cute, hyperspace_police! I was on my way out the door to a Fourth of July BBQ when I saw you had posted something - and oh, I'm so glad I popped in here. You've definitely sent me off on a high note!

    Well done - so, so funny!! Loved the sneaky way you worked quotes from the movie in too, by the way. "I will do what I must." Hee! I will never look at that line the same way again.

    Two thumbs way up, my friend!! Excellent job!!
     
  4. Kelli_LB

    Kelli_LB Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 24, 2006
    Hilarious hyperspace_police! I say there's nothing funnier than a drunken Obi-Wan, well maybe a drunk Yoda is funner but not by much. Great work!
     
  5. anakin_luver

    anakin_luver Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    [face_laugh] What's bad for them, is all the better for us!

    Oh man! Drunk Kenobi! I've always wanted to see this, and you painted a very nice picture of it ;)

    Awesome job, if it's possible, could you PM for the next updates?
     
  6. iLoveAnakin7

    iLoveAnakin7 Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 17, 2005
    Obi JELLO!!! lol
    This was so funny. Funny how the Council blames Anakin for everything [face_laugh]
     
  7. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    [face_laugh] Great job!

    ?Anakin, alcohol content of the drink, very high it is. Hold his liquor Master Kenobi cannot. All know this.? Master Yoda said in a very scolding tone.

    It was at that time that Mace and Yoda said at exactly the same time, ?Oh, I have a bad feeling about this.?


    I think they should! :p
     
  8. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Oh dear!! And the choas has juz begun! Soooo can't wait for more! Glad to see you posted it! [face_laugh] What a 4th of July treat indeed! :D
     
  9. EGKenobi

    EGKenobi Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Apr 27, 2005
    I'm not sure if this was a one post story, but if there's more I'd love to be on the PM list for it, it's so cool to see a different Obi-Wan to the one we know and love.

    Fantastic stuff

    EG
     
  10. Gina

    Gina Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 3, 2003
    Oh, this was HILARIOUS! [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    ?I hope you don?t mind that I asked Anakin to join us for the interview? he smiled at the reporter as the waiter placed a new drink in front of him. ?I thought it might make the story more interesting if you had the both of us.? ?No, I don?t mind at all. In fact, you just made my day,? she replied, truly stunned.

    Well, it would have made MY day, that's for sure. =P~ :p

    He thumbed the activation switch on his lightsaber but fortunately, after his last drunken escapade, the Council had equipped his saber with a alcohol detection device that kept him from being able to use his saber if he was intoxicated.

    Obi-Wan hit the switch over and over again. Getting more and more frustrated each time. ?I want Jello and I will have it.?


    ROTFL!!!! [face_laugh]

    Loved it!! :D

     
  11. hyperspace_police

    hyperspace_police Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 22, 2005
    Kelia: Thanks!! Poor Obi-Wan, he just wants a little Jello and reporters make him nervous.

    VA_Parky: "Watch it Wiggle"...Glad you like the movie quotes. There's more to come.

    Kelli_LB: I love writing drunken Obi, it lets him relax and "let it all hang out..."

    anakin_luver: PM you, I will. I've always figured that Obi was a bit of a drinker...I mean everytime he's in a bar...he send someone else out to make the contact and orders a drink...so, I figure it's a habit he has...and it's so much fun!!

    iLoveAnakin7: The cuoncil is a bit hard on Anakin, I always felt the were...perhaps if they'd have been a bit nicer...he wouldn't have gone all Order 66 on everybody...

    VaderLVR64: They should have a VERY bad feeling about this...

    Kynstar: Of course I posted it. Glad you like it.

    EGKenobi: Consider yourself PM'd. Glad you like my Obi. Sometimes we need to see the humorous side of the Jedi...it's their "softer side."

    Gina: Lucky Reporter she is! Glad you are enjoying this.

    Thanks to everyone for reading. Glad you like it.

    Author's note: This chapter has been corrected by a beta and the changes have been made.

    Chapter 2:

    Obi-Wan staggered about, knocking over tables and hacking the place up with Anakin's lightsaber. He was keeping himself between Mace and Yoda and the Jello.

    He leapt up on top of a table and yelled at Mace, "Don't try it Windu. I have the high ground." He made a fancy twirl with his lightsaber bringing it up over his head in an attack position.

    "Obi-Wan," Mace said softly while Yoda sneaked up behind the drunken Jedi and crawled under the table. "You need to calm down and come with us."

    "I'll do no such thing," Obi slurred. "I'm going to get that Jello and then I'm going to eat it."

    Yoda decided to end the standoff and turned the table over, causing Obi-Wan to crash to the floor. "I hope that hurt you, I did not. But, stopped you must be." Yoda said from underneath the table.

    Obi staggered to his feet. " Why, you little Troll."

    "Name calling, unkind it is...Oafy-Wan," Yoda reminded Obi-Wan.

    Obi looked around for something to use against the Jedi Master. He spotted a plate of spaghetti and used the force to throw it at the diminutive Jedi Master. "Take that!" he shouted as spaghetti went flying across the room..

    Unfortunately, his aim was a bit off and he missed Master Yoda by a mile and the plate of spaghetti hit the reporter against the head and broke, leaving a rather nasty gash across her forehead.

    "Ouch," she said as she swayed for a moment, then slid to the floor out cold.

    "Oh not good." Obi-Wan muttered, sort of realizing what he had done.

    Mace went to the fallen journalist and checked her over, "She'll be ok," he said. "But, she's going to need Medical Treatment. I'm going to call the Temple for back-up."

    The restaurant was quickly emptying. Those who were near the door had made a run for it and those afraid of getting near the drunk Jedi with the lightsaber were hiding under their tables.

    Mace and Yoda were circling Obi-Wan who was flinging plates of food. They were deflecting the plates as best they could without causing harm to the restaurant patrons. All three Jedi were covered with spaghetti sauce.

    "What on earth is all that noise?" the confused voice of Chancellor Palpatine said from the door behind Obi-Wan.

    "A mix up in drinks there was. Drunk Master Kenobi is. Danger you are in. Return to the party room you should." Yoda told the Chancellor.

    But, Obi-Wan, realizing that Yoda and Mace were distracted by the Chancellor?s sudden appearance took his chance and jumped for the dessert cart. As he leapt past, Mace grabbed the back of Obi's robe causing him to catch the dessert tray by the edge, sending Jello flying everywhere.

    Jello cups covered in creamy whipped topping flew through the air covering the three Jedi with wiggly jiggly goodness.

    Anakin, seeing that the Chancellor was about to be covered in dessert a
     
  12. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Oh my goodness! The update is even better than the first post! [face_laugh] "My Precious..." Yessss! [face_mischief]

    Great work!! Poor Mace... being barfed on is not fun!!

    Well done once more, Padawan! :D
     
  13. VA_Parky

    VA_Parky Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 10, 2005
    Hee!!!!! "Get in my belly." "I have the high ground." "My precious." As you can see, I loved the quotes once again - they are placed brilliantly throughout the story!! [face_laugh]

    Whew - just when I thought Obi-wan's behavior couldn't get any worse, he goes and starts a food fight, knocks out the reporter, and pukes all over Mace Windu! And right in front of all the Galaxy to top it all off! Oh dear!

    What a great update - this was hysterical! And, I don't believe it - you actually made me like Palpatine!!! :eek: 8-}

    So hilarious!!
     
  14. Kelli_LB

    Kelli_LB Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 24, 2006
    Hilarious chapter hyperspace_police! I loved Yoda's "Oafy-Wan" insult; I think that's how I'm going to refer to Obi-Wan from now on. I love Obi-Wan, but that name is just too funny.


    "Now, my dear Jello you will get in my belly."


    LOL, now I'm thinking of Fat Bastard in Austin Powers.

    He rubbed the cup of Jello mumbling "My Prescious..." over and over again.

    Fat Bastard and Gollum in the same sentence, well done!

    I can't wait to read what the interesting discovery is and how Oafy handles his hangover.

    Poor Anakin, he always get blamed for everything.

     
  15. anakin_luver

    anakin_luver Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    "Now, my dear Jello you will get in my belly." He rubbed the cup of Jello mumbling "My Prescious..." over and over again.

    Oh my gosh, it doesn't get any better than that. That picture is far too priceless!

    Awesome stuff! Kenobi has seriously done it this time, but I am really curious about that reporter!

    Great update!
     
  16. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    Mace made no effort to stop his fall and he hit the pavement hard.

    Hmmm....apparently Master Windu didn't appreciate being thrown up on :p

    The tabloid reporters are going to have a fun with this one!

    Great update

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
     
  17. Jaira

    Jaira Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 3, 2005
    [face_laugh]Jello! Throwing up on Mace!! Classic!
     
  18. wawoot

    wawoot Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jan 5, 2006
    Hahaha Obi-Wan REALLY likes his Jello!!! [face_laugh] And his lightsaber has been equipped with an alcohol detection device! LOL This is hilarious... Ahh, poor Obi-Wan... I love it! =D=
     
  19. Gina

    Gina Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 3, 2003
    He rubbed the cup of Jello mumbling "My Prescious..." over and over again.

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    Oh, the Order is going to have to hire a public relations specialist to undo all the damage Obi-Wan is managing to inflict on their reputation. :p

    Hilarious! Loved it! :D

     
  20. hyperspace_police

    hyperspace_police Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 22, 2005
    Kynstar: Hopefully this update will be a good one too...

    VA_Parky: Palpy's a great character...Glad you like the quotes. There's more coming...

    KelliLB: Oafy-Wan came from either Jedi Quest or Jedi Apprentice (can't remember which) but, I love that nickname for him. And Anakin's getting blamed for everything probably helped turn him to the darkside.

    anakin_luver: Poor Obi, he always gets in trouble when he drinds...At least he didn't cut anybody's arm off.

    Kelia: Oh yes, Obi will be on the front cover of all the tabloids.

    Jaria: Mace covered in vomit, classic it is. Don't worry...Mace will get him back.

    wawoot: Obi does love his Jello. Glad ya like this.

    Gina: It's not just Obi getting in the tabloids for his behavior...he's just the one that gets a lot of the attention...(after all, he's just so darn cute.)

    Thanks for reading. Now on with the show:

    Chapter 3

    "I think he's coming around," Mace said to Yoda.

    "A very large hangover, likely to have is Master Kenobi," was the little green Jedi's reply.

    "Oohh, I think I'm going to be" but Obi-Wan didn't get to finish the sentence as he was too busy throwing up in the back of the vehicle that was taking them back to the Temple.

    "Oh dear, what have I done?" Obi-Wan said with a frown.

    "Hung-over you are. Destroyed a restaruant you have. In the tabloids you will be... Again," Yoda listed off the long list of Obi's offenses for the evening.

    "And you knocked out the reporter with a plate of spaghetti and covered the Chancellor in Jello," Mace added.

    "I...I don't even remember having anything alcoholic to drink," Obi-Wan said defensively.

    "Aha. A mix up there was. Drinking Corellian Suprise you were. How unruly you get when you drink, the whole galaxy now knows."

    "It's not like they didn't know anyway after what happened last time," Mace interrupted Yoda.

    "Oh dear. Masters, I am so sorry." Obi began and then realized that he did not see his Padawan. "Where is Anakin?" he asked in a distressed manner.

    "He stayed behind with the Chancellor. I don't like leaving the two of them together. I don't trust him."

    "Well, at least he is allright," Obi-Wan seemed relieved.

    They arrived at the Temple and Mace helped Obi-Wan out of the vehicle and onto a stretcher. "We don't want you falling and hurting yourself," was the reason Mace gave for the stretcher, but he just dind't want to get puked on again.

    They followed Bant and the reporter into the Healer's Ward of the Temple. As Bant pushed the hovering stretcher with the unconscious reporter on ahead of them, Obi-Wan got his first glimpse of the unconscious reporter. Then he noticed that she was covered in blood and turned to Masters Windu and Yoda.

    "How badly did I hurt her?" Obi asked with apprehension.

    "Bant said she seemed fine, but there was something else...We'll just have to wait and see." Mace told him.

    As they entered the Healer's Ward Bant was already moving Sam onto the Medical Scanner. She had hooked her up to the monitors and was taking a blood sample when Mace walked up behind her.

    "Is she going to be allright?" he asked over Bant's shoulder.

    "Oh yes," Bant said. "She's going to have a heck of a headache and she'll need bacta treatment for that cut."

    Bant was starring at the small device in her hand. "Astral," the slang term took Mace by surprise. "Sorry," she said in embarassment. "But, have a look at her Midi-chlorian count. It's almost as high as Anakin's."

    "With a count that high she's bound to be in the records." Mace said as he walked over to a computer and started to search for her in the system.

    "Huh. That's odd. There is no record of her being tested when she was born. As a matter of fact, there is no record of her being born at all. I'm going to go down to the archives and see if Madame Nu can help me out here." Mace said to Bant. "Give me that genetic sample and I'll see if she has a match in the system. Her parents might have changed her n
     
  21. VA_Parky

    VA_Parky Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 10, 2005
    Heeeeee! Obi-wan is having one heck of an evening, isn't he?

    And now he finds out he's been hanging out with one of Qui-gon's long lost relatives! Awesome! Though... will this discovery cause him to hit the bottle again??? ;)

    Great update! Thanks for the PM!
     
  22. Gina

    Gina Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 3, 2003
    :eek: Wow! Didn't see that one coming! Excellent twist! :D

     
  23. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    Hmmmm....Qui-Gon's daughter, huh?

    :eek: :eek: :eek:

    Nice twist.

    but poor Obi! What a way to top off the evening.

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
     
  24. TigerofRobare

    TigerofRobare Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jan 11, 2006
    Way to go Qui-gon! ;)

    This is pretty funny.
     
  25. anakin_luver

    anakin_luver Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    Whoa! I knew that Sam girl was a little more than fishy...

    Obi Obi Obi...what are we going to do with you? :p

    Great turn of events! Loved the update!
     
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