Saga Remembrance- Obi-Wan Vig Post ROTS- Qui-Gon's POV 01 09 07

Note: This was made because Ish and I were talking about the PTS I went through after the Nick Berg Murder. I couldn't eat, sleep and I didn't go SEE anything. I wondered idly in our messages what it would have felt like for Obi-Wan for a few weeks after watching the death of the Jedi and the younglings, when he knew the killer.

~~~~~

I gasp and pull myself into a sitting position, rubbing my eyes against the horror that will not leave. My breathing is deep and labored in an attempt to keep from losing the little broth I was finally able to convince myself I needed just hours earlier. My battle is a vain one.

I stumble for the door to my desert prison after retching up the meager contents of my stomach, praying to the force that this one night, a cool breeze will relieve the unrelenting fire of this hell. My whispered pleas go unheard as the oppressive heat slams me like a wall.

My head throbs with the effort of trying to push the memories that come with every breathing moment of my life. I cannot fathom why I still breathe or my heart still beats as tight as my chest constricts in recollection of the murders I am fully culpable for.

It is useless.

Hour upon hour I have spent trying to meditate my mind to healing, my flesh to acceptance. The bruises on my well-worn knees are proof enough that such attempts are futile.

I simply cannot forget or disperse this terror to the force.

The pleas of mercy from little ones innocent of crime fill my ears during silence. The sightless eyes brimming with terror crowd over me during the few daily chores I force myself to accomplish.

I am unable to eat for the smell of burned flesh I have imagined for weeks. I cannot read for visions of hacked limbs dancing in garish repetition upon the pages. Walking becomes a gauntlet of ghosts of the numberless dead. Sleep has been impossible as it becomes the moment I view the carnage once again in my dreams, every repetition taking with it a piece of my soul.

Leaning my head back against a rock and stare into the endless sands of this planet, I remember those days striding through my lost home, living the sublime arrogance that way of life would go on past my time, past my brother?s time, past the younglings whose lives had barely begun. How could I have taken the beauty that was my life for granted?

Sobs wrack my frame as a wave of fresh grief engulfs my soul. I have seen death before and I thought I had looked it in the face. It was just that the face of death before this was never my own. It was always some other being full of evil and greed that had caused the slaughter of innocents or the end of life for beloved friends. It had been my vocation to bring them to justice and peace to the galaxy.


Them

With one horrific choice, my padawan, my brother proved that ?them? is no longer a distant and unknown soul. ?Them? became ?one of us? in a despicable, filthy moment.

Whispered words reach out to touch me, arms willing to comfort me, but I am not ready for that. I brush the presence away.

My training will just have to wait.

 

I don't think I remember the Nick Berg Murder.

Whispered words reach out to touch me, arms willing to comfort me, but I am not ready for that. I brush the presence away.

My training will just have to wait.

I loved this line. I think that tells you how sad he was, when he would turn away the comfort of his former master.

Next you need to write how that first session would have gone.

 

Absolutely chilling, but very credible. Well done.

 

Araxie: I will tell you about it later, here is not a good place, but it was gruesome and evil. I refused to watch or look at what was out there about it, because I was already in bad shape without it.


Yes, I wonder about the first session. I wonder how that would go

Ish: Thanks, I did really sweat over this one.

 

Haunting, Noelie! Very, very well written! You captured Obi-wan's anguish perfectly - it's just how I imagined it must have been for him.

I agree with you about the Nick Berg murder - there are no words for such evil violence.

Hugs for you:

 

I agree, very well written viggie!
Poor Obi-wan,you've catured the emotions and the his suffering conflicted upon him after losing those in his life.

Walking becomes a gauntlet of ghosts of the numberless dead. Sleep has been impossible as it becomes the moment I view the carnage once again in my dreams, every repetition taking with it a piece of my soul.

I especially liked these few lines as they were very powerful and moving at the same time!
Bravo!

 

VA_Parky: Thanks for coming to read and double thanks for the Hugs! It was a strange event to go through PTS for someone I didn't know. I could only imagine what it would be like, alone, away from anything you loved and cared about, knowing someone you loved and cared about did this.

EmpressJade: I hope I could capture something. This would have been a horrible hard time of growth for a person like Obi-Wan, so I am glad you thought it fit.

I appreciate the time you took to read this.

 

oh very nice. the writing of course, not what it was based on. that was just heartbreaking.

to imagine Obi-Wan sitting there, slouched over - defeated...it's one of the many horrible things that came with the ROTS ending.

you did a great job portraying his pain. It was just that the face of death before this was never my own. - love that line.

wonderful job!

 

Sobs wrack my frame as a wave of fresh grief engulfs my soul. I have seen death before and I thought I had looked it in the face. It was just that the face of death before this was never my own. It was always some other being full of evil and greed that had caused the slaughter of innocents or the end of life for beloved friends. It had been my vocation to bring them to justice and peace to the galaxy.

Them

With one horrific choice, my padawan, my brother proved that ?them? is no longer a distant and unknown soul. ?Them? became ?one of us? in a despicable, filthy moment.



Truly wonderful...love the language in this.

 

anakin_luver: You are very right. That is one of the hardest things to realize about the end of ROTS, is that a wonderful Jedi, a man that has worked hard to master himself, is now left alone on a planet with memories, and not all of those good. The only thing that even began to help was the knowledge that he would have someone to train him, but I don't think he would be ready for the first little while because it had been so overwhelming.

Even for a Jedi.

Thank you so much for reading and stopping to comment


Valairy_Scot: Thank you I appreciate you stopping to take the time to read and comment. I am glad some of it passed muster!

 

Poor Obi My heart breaks for him. Obi-Wan is so STRONG physically and emotionally. That's why he's my favorite Star Wars character.. Very well done Noelie. Obi-Wan was left with alot of demons and regret to think about for 20 years. If not for baby Luke and Qui-Gonn..I don't think he would have made it.



THE PIED PIPER

 

ohhh...lovely. And sad too. Great job!

I don't tink I know of the Nick Berg murder murder. But then I watch so much court TV and stuff like that that I might have watched something about it and not even remember.

 

Pied Piper: Thank you so much for reading. Obi-Wan is an amazing character. He wouldn't have had it easy learning to live with all of this. You are right that Qui-Gon and baby Luke were reasons for him to live on.

Alley_Skywalker: I have been careful about stating things about the Nick Berg murder by viscious and evil men, because it would also be politically charged, which we just don't need here. I do not believe it will show up on court TV because it was not done in the US, and isn't going to be a court case here.

Thank you so much for reading and your kind words anyway!


Edited because I am a dork and I didn't read right this morning!

 

Hello Noelie. This is powerful fic about guilt, whether earned or perceived. You writing style is tight and your descriptions fill out the scene. Obi-Wan is such a tortured soul. A man taking responsibility for the actions of another, because his grief tells him nothing less.

I am unable to eat for the smell of burned flesh I have imagined for weeks. I cannot read for visions of hacked limbs dancing in garish repetition upon the pages. Walking becomes a gauntlet of ghosts of the numberless dead. Sleep has been impossible as it becomes the moment I view the carnage once again in my dreams, every repetition taking with it a piece of my soul.

These descriptions of Obi-Wan's waking life are heartbreaking and very real. There is something about your style that is empathic or cathartic. You were feeling this way after witnessing a horrifying act. Your experience comes through loud and clear and the rest of us can't help but feel with you(Obi-Wan). Excellent prose.

With one horrific choice, my padawan, my brother proved that ?them? is no longer a distant and unknown soul. ?Them? became ?one of us? in a despicable, filthy moment.

The phrase "despicable, filthy moment" had hard impact. Obi-Wan, under weight of such guilt and grief, can still see that a terrible choice was made by Anakin alone. the entire above section strikes to the heart of his Obi-Wan's pain.

 

Thank you so much for helping me understand a bit more even about me, because I really am newbie. Not a newbie to the boards, just writing.

I did feel this one, and the projection of what his first weeks would have been like after dropping off little Luke, no one really to talk to until his training is fully accomplished, but his life gone. Mourning is real, the steps are one that none of us can avoid, not even Jedi. His denial and anguish, and probable self-blame ( how I see his personality anyway) would have been a challenge most of us I think would be glad not to go through.

 

Holy crap, how did I not read this before. Shivery. I want to hug Obi-Wan. ...How dare they dump him on that backwater planet with no one for him to talk to or lean on?! After... that... man. I've never imagined the shock he must have gone through later, when he actually had a spare moment to deal with it all.

Everyone you've ever known, the family you grew up with... slaughtered by the Padawan you trained and the clone troopers you trusted. Ouch. Wow. I just... oh and I love the end at the mention of his training. Would LOVE to see a sequel to this vig where QG helps him heal and get through this. Yes. Totally. You must write sequel please?

The first person pov was interesting and I haven't read anything in this pov for awhile. But it was more real, in a way, and just, ooh. Poor Obi.

Sequel? Yes?

-Mia

 

Thank you for reading Mia!

I know Araxie would like a sequel and fortunately lately I realized what would be the appropriate voice to use for such a thing.

I am glad you liked it, and yes I was trying to make it the most real I could.

 

Whoa. Awesome, Noelie! Feel so bad for Obi-Wan, there. So sad, those memories...

Very stark and well-written!

 

That was brutal but very realistic. Poor Obi!

Great job on this

 

Hey Jon : Yeah, those memories would be tough and it would take time and support to put them in a place where they would no longer do the brutal damage.

Kelia: thanks for coming to read. I really appreciate it. I was trying for realistic so I am glad I was effective to some degree

 

Wow!

What a truly haunting and powerful vignette! You did a superb job painting Obi-Wan's anguish in my chest. It's clear that the sort of seemingly numbing but ultimately visceral pain that Obi-Wan felt was very real to you. People respond very differently to tragedy and to varying degrees but somehow you managed to pefectly capture the tortured sensations of genuine sorrow.

Sobs wrack my frame as a wave of fresh grief engulfs my soul. I have seen death before and I thought I had looked it in the face. It was just that the face of death before this was never my own. It was always some other being full of evil and greed that had caused the slaughter of innocents or the end of life for beloved friends. It had been my vocation to bring them to justice and peace to the galaxy.


Them

With one horrific choice, my padawan, my brother proved that ?them? is no longer a distant and unknown soul. ?Them? became ?one of us? in a despicable, filthy moment.

This just reached out and grabbed by throat. Superb work, my friend!

 

I am unable to eat for the smell of burned flesh I have imagined for weeks. I cannot read for visions of hacked limbs dancing in garish repetition upon the pages. Walking becomes a gauntlet of ghosts of the numberless dead. Sleep has been impossible as it becomes the moment I view the carnage once again in my dreams, every repetition taking with it a piece of my soul.


WOW! That's all I can say about that.

This silly icon is hardly worthy of being on the same page, but it's all I can really do.

You must continue this.

 

Souderwan- Thank you for reading this for me. I did feel it. Something like that could not be brushed off simply or easily. Not for someone so steeped in his home and traditions as Obi-Wan.

BrentusofGath:- That Icon can be anywhere cheering me on. I just appreciate the support. Being harder on myself than others, I can see a millions ways someone else might have done it better. I just am glad i have you around

Now: for Qui-Gon's point of View: i have started this over and over again since Araxie and Mia started asking. Somewhere I lost a little confidence on actually writing Qui-Gon, but I am trying. It is a good story to tell. I hope it serves.

~~~~

Every fiber of my soul weeps with the man I see before me.

I feel empathetic sympathy for the part he was required by the Force to play in this tragedy, the man of bright humor almost gone beyond recognition. Regret that it was by my hand he was placed in this unenviable position.

So many fair ones lost. I felt them ripple into the fabric of the Force as they perished, all that they were becoming one entity. How I longed to help them discover what I know. They could not hear me, not even the little ones.

I wish I had kept an accounting of all the times I reached out to those that I loved, trying to help them avoid this end. Yet even now as I keep watch over my Padawan during his disturbed dreams, I know that wasn?t meant to be.

The death of our family has all but been accomplished. There are many that are on the run and trying to hide. There are those that try to help them placing themselves in direct danger with the Empire of evil. Such courage fills my heart and I breathe encouragement to the refugees of Sith lies.

Our hopes are dependent on the ability of Master Obi-Wan Kenobi mastering his grief and pain, and keeping watch over the beautiful and precious burden he brought full circle to where we began on this barren rock.

Our hopes.

I know that Obi-Wan and Yoda would probably disagree, but the Living Force still tells me that hope lies with the Chosen One. Perhaps that only means the little ones, but still something?.

When he sleeps I impress images of those precious beings to ease the images of Anakin through the years. He needs to remember faith.

So I watch and wait, touching his heart as I used to touch his shoulder to comfort as the father I felt I was and I still feel I am.

A wise teacher waits until the pupil is ready for the lesson.

We have all the time in the universe.

 

So glad to see you writing again, Noelie! *Sigh* Poor Qui-Gon, there. Wanting to do something, but can only watch and hope. Very nicely done, btw.

 

Oh, man...

So I watch and wait, touching his heart as I used to touch his shoulder to comfort as the father I felt I was and I still feel I am.

A wise teacher waits until the pupil is ready for the lesson.

We have all the time in the universe

I can feel my heart breaking at the same time it struggles to hold onto hope.

Absolutely soul-touching. Beautiful.