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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Before - Legends Cease-(Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon) Reposted & Complete 10.4

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by LuvEwan, Oct 4, 2006.

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  1. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    Cease

    [image=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v673/LuvEwan/ceasecover.jpg]

    Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. Plot bunny by the glorious and ever-patient idea machine shanobi. I decided to repost this in its entirety so maybe the ending will flow a little better....and since it's been almost a year since I posted on it. [face_blush] Thanks to those who have read and put up with my terrible posting habits. [face_love]


    There is always a breaking point. Even for a Jedi.


    IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

    He is the center of the Universe.

    He knows it, because the eyes are on him. They watch him, from the swirling dust of the catacombs, nestled in flooding shadow. If they blinked, he would be able to hear the meeting of crisp hairs?but they never blink. If they blinked, if their focus drifted from its rigid stridency for a single moment, he would have a chance.

    But he doesn?t have a chance. He knew that a long time ago.

    He is the center of the Universe, and the eyes are the stars. The white walls are their unending stare?so he can never have darkness. Certainly his own eyes can shut, but their eyes spring to his consciousness, to seep the burning white into his refuge.

    He lies on his side, legs and arms limp. A long, slender section of hair is resting on his face. It was once neatly arranged in a series of shining plaits, divided by colored beads, but now the hair is ratted, and seems to swarm and cloud around the vibrant markers. It is slick with oil, from the constant touch of clammy, sweaty fingers. Those fingers stray to the braided locks now, and after a heavy breath slips from his lips, he slips, from the cold core of unrelieved white, to the only space beyond the periphery of the eyes.

    There are no words. There are never any words, or sound, but he doesn?t need to hear to know he is no longer alone. He is sitting on a chair, looking at something. The name of the object, he can no longer recall. He had to let it go, another barter to keep what mattered in his memory. But he is sitting there when there is gentle pressure against his shoulder, and he turns around.

    He feels a smile on his face when he sees the man.

    Master. His Master.

    His Master is reaching for the braid, and slides it idly through blunt fingers.

    Someone says something, but it has faded from his recollections, like a passage from a well-loved page of a well-loved book, worn away by time and fingerprints. He doesn?t know the exact sentences anymore?only the sentiment. Whatever is spoken causes an eruption of laughter, though he cannot tell exactly WHAT laughter sounds like.

    But he knows how it feels. It is a warm swell in his lungs, the compulsion to rest his head against a stalwart chest, and shut his eyes. There is darkness, sweet and embracing, when his vision melts to black.


    And opening his eyes is like being pitched from sheltering arms to an endless sea of crashing white ice.

    The jolt of being ripped from the soft world beneath his aching lids has ebbed, and he is no longer left in huddling shock. It is a gentle ?oh?, and the weary acknowledgement ?there is only here?. Of course, these words never leave his lips, to reverberate against the casing of this harder world. He lives inside himself, in the cage of a mind that looks more and more like a stark cube, and only speaks-whispers-to himself.

    In the beginning, he spoke. He yelled, in fact, screaming until his voice was a buffeted rasp and he felt pain streak like hot blood down his throat?


    IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII


    He wakes, but it a slow dawn without sun, and he struggles to achieve the void again. But already he is too far from the lull; his bones want nothing of rest anymore, his thoughts are revived.

    He rolls from his shoulder to his back, lying on the solid, unyielding surface that braces him. It is uncomfortable, and he feels the tension of it start to grind at his temples. He wonders when the cushion of his bed was hammered and beaten down to this flatness,
     
  2. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    That is so creepy, LE. I know that Obi-Wan is insane and is held hostage in his own mind. Must be a terrible thing and mind-numbing. Qui-Gon can't help him nor the doctors. So he's pretty much trapped there forever.

    Great job.
     
  3. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 16, 2005
    The stuff of nightmares...and I'm shivering. By the Force, you have a gift for - getting in your reader's psyche and taking them someplace else.

    I'd love to see a sequel with Obi-Wan coming back to reality. Not so dramatic, of course, but I love happy endings.

    This was...goes off muttering...having no words left within....
     
  4. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2001
    Hides under the bed
     
  5. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrel Wrangler of Fun & Games star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    Very creepy and oh so sad. I love your writing. You alwasy manage to make me feel I'm right there.
     
  6. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    You never fail to amaze me! :_|

    He stood inside the room, observing his Padawan observe nothing, and felt the door closed so solidly behind him. He could detect the edge of Jraye?s spectacles from the corner of his eye.

    ?Do you think he knows I?m here? Does he see our eyes, feel us watching over him?? Does he know he isn?t alone?

    Dr. Jraye studied the figure, shivering very slightly in his daze, and released a slender breath. ?I?m not sure. Do you think he does??

    But Qui-Gon could not answer.


    Wow. That's about all I can say. =D=
     
  7. shanobi

    shanobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 11, 2001
    I came to the boards looking for a 'Cadence' post as if I sensed your prescence somewhere nearby :D

    Wow.

    You continue to amaze me, LE. I'm glad you decided to repost. It was definately more powerful reading it all through in one go.

    Wow.

    Your use of words is unmatched. The picture you paint and the emotions you convey with each syllable is as good as any of the professional authors i've had the pleasure to read as of late. I'm so happy you've decided to complete some of these unfinished works of yours - but you so have the talent and potential for so much more.

    =D=

    --shan


    slight mumble as I leave - I must remember to stipulate a happy ending when i give these bunnies away!! :) I loved it, really :)
     
  8. Luminara_Kenobi

    Luminara_Kenobi Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Sep 6, 2006
    Ack! My Obi! :( I kept thinking he was captured and that it was some form of torture, especially when the physician first came in...I thought maybe it was drug-induced. But...my poor Obi! Even if they could bring him out of it now, there'd be so much damage done... [face_worried] ...Nicely done!
     
  9. ardavenport

    ardavenport Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Y'know the spacer you're using between scenes 'looks' like an eerie sound?

    The formatting definitely adds to the whole mood.

    Really, Obi-Wan has fallen into the Twilight Zone, eh? You desperately want him to snap back, but while the healer is saying he can recover, he's really been getting worse, more detached from reality. And help is right there next to him, desperately hoping that he'll see. Agonozing. Well done. =D=

    It's like, youn DON'T want someone to walk in and say, "Oh, I know what the problem is." with a sensible explanation and snaps Obi-Wan back, because that would just crap all over the gorgeous, haunting imagery......even though Qui-Gon would probably fall apart with gratitude if that did happen....and then guilt because he didn't think of it sooner.

    Now, let's see..................

     
  10. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    diane That is so creepy, LE. I know that Obi-Wan is insane and is held hostage in his own mind. Must be a terrible thing and mind-numbing. Qui-Gon can't help him nor the doctors. So he's pretty much trapped there forever.
    Pretty much. Qui-Gon?s always with him, but they?re very much apart. Thank you for reading, as always. [face_love]

    Valairy_Scot The stuff of nightmares...and I'm shivering. By the Force, you have a gift for - getting in your reader's psyche and taking them someplace else.

    I'd love to see a sequel with Obi-Wan coming back to reality. Not so dramatic, of course, but I love happy endings.
    Thank you! I can safely say there won?t be any more added to this. I don?t have the time with work and school (and midterms especially!), plus it?s a little too sad. :( I?m not sure Obi-Wan would return to reality, but it?s a possibility. Thank you so much for reading.

    PK Hides under the bed Watch out for dust bunnies?they?re pretty scary too. [face_skull]

    Leona [face_blush] Thank you so much.

    VL Thanks! And what you said was quite enough. [:D]

    shanobi *shuffles in, hands folded, head bowed* I?m sorry it took so long, especially since it was such a lovely, juicy bunny (ew, bad image there) I hope I wrote what you were hoping for when you thought up that idea..but yes, unless you specify, I will always leave Obi-Wan insane, evil or dead. [face_mischief] If you ever think up a happy-ending vignette bunny, I?d write it to make up for all the depressing ones I?ve written. [face_batting] Thank you for all the inspiration you give me through your incredible plot ideas. @};- @};-

    Luminara_Kenobi I kept thinking he was captured and that it was some form of torture, especially when the physician first came in...I thought maybe it was drug-induced. But...my poor Obi! Even if they could bring him out of it now, there'd be so much damage done... Yessss, I wanted the reader to believe he was captured and being subjected to torture through isolation and Force-blocking, so your reply makes me very happy. [face_dancing] I agree that a great deal of damage has been done; I don?t think Obi-Wan would ever be the same if he came out of it at all. Thank you for reading. :)

    ardavenport Y'know the spacer you're using between scenes 'looks' like an eerie sound? I?ve never read a comment like that before?thanks! ;) Thank you for such a lovely review. It made my day, believe me. [face_love]
     
  11. ___Sithspawn___

    ___Sithspawn___ Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 17, 2004
    So you finished it...

    Twisted and creepy - it's so ironic and horrifying that it was his own mind that imprisoned him. The sad part is that he really does want out and they want to draw him out, but there's an unbreakable barrier between them.

    Amazing, like the rest of your work.

     
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