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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Saga The Wish-Fulfilling Jewel: One-shot: TPM: A/P mush: slight AU in some details

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by ratna, Jul 2, 2007.

  1. ratna

    ratna Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2007
    Homage and companion piece to Wendynat's beautiful http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/21439815/?0]And[/url] the Stars Be Our Witness. Additional inspiration and literary debt owed to geo3's powerful http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=9521759&page=1]Children[/url] of Circumstance, where, among other things, I encountered the game of "tumble-sticks", and to Fernwithy's http://fanfic.theforce.net/fanfic.asp?action=view&ID=368]Father's[/url] Heart for the tale of the magic, Dragon-riding boy.

    The GFFA and its personages, not to mention certain snippets of dialogue, are the creation of the master archetype channeler, George Lucas.



    *********************************************



    When was it that she had so taken him into her heart?

    Was it when he had asked her if she was ...

    " ... an angel?"

    "You're a funny little boy!"


    Was it when the sand storm had blown in, out of nowhere, and he had insisted on sheltering three strangers and a droid in his home?

    Or when he had pulled her into his room, to see the one he was building?

    Or was it when

    "I can help! I can fix anything!"

    And then

    "There's a big race tomorrow, on Boonta Eve. You could enter my pod. It's almost finished...

    Watto doesn't know I've built it. You could make him think it's yours, and you could get him to let me pilot it for you."

    And

    "The prize money would more than pay for the parts they need.

    We have to help them, Mom...you said that the biggest problem in the universe is no one helps each other..."



    You're... a slave?

    I am a person! My name is Anakin.


    ... ... ...



    The storm departed Mos Espa as abruptly as it had arrived. The Jedi, Padme, Jar Jar, even R2D2, all trooped off together, back to Watto's junk shop. Back to barter and gamble with the strange, winged creature, who owned the things that they needed.

    Bound by her disguise to speak as a mere handmaiden, Padme could lift only a brief, pale objection to placing their fates on the shoulders of a child. She was ignored.

    Inside the shop, the Jedi did the talking, while the junk-dealer eyed the astromech at his side with covert appraisal. Outside, Padme waited obediently, and listened as best she could while facing the street and holding Jar Jar's hand, lest he run afoul of the locals again. Padme felt sorry for the Gungan. Like herself, he had never been off planet before. And, just like her, he had been, without warning, thrust into the midst of reasonless violence and peril. Mindful of the amphibian's delicate skin, Padme kept them both in the shade of the junk-shop's archway.

    Beyond the narrow shadow, Tatooine's suns stood like two great, blazing eyes at zenith, washing everything down to ivory and bone. In the wake of the storm, sand was everywhere. From the distant dunes to the mazelike streets, on rounded rooftops, on arches, awnings and walls, even on the clothing and skins of the few people and beasts of burden to venture out at mid-day, a trillion, trillion diamonds clung, multiplying the suns into a chiliocosm of dazzling light. Padme felt herself being pulled into the dreaming shimmer, and tightly shut her eyes.

    "How will you explain this invasion to the Senate?" Sabe demanded, from the guise of Queen, while the Pearl of Naboo remained hidden at her side.

    "The Naboo and the Federation will forge a treaty that will legitimize our occupation here. I've been assured it will be ratified by the Senate."

    "I will not co-operate." Decoy's voice and Queen's heart swore as one.

    "Now, now, your Highness. You are not going to like what we have in store for your people. In time, their suffering will persuade you to see our point of view."

    Gripping the Gungan's hand more tightly than she meant to, Padme hugged herself with her other arm. It was nearly 40 standard hours since they had fled from Theed. It had been early morning when they rocketed out of the atmosphere, through the beginning of o
     
  2. Noelie

    Noelie Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2005
    Lovely job Ratna :)

    =D=
     
  3. Luna_Nightshade

    Luna_Nightshade Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jan 25, 2006
    Beautiful work, ratna.

    Your touching portrayal of little Anakin and Padme is just great, given their whole star-struck lovers idea even as children. You lay out the foundation for their romance very delicately, and give a great dignity to the queen Padme that sort of gets forgotten in some stories. Amazing little AU, and it was my pleasure to get to read it first.

    Much =D=
     
  4. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    That was beautifully written

    I loved reading the sweet, innocent bonding between Anakin and Padme and her introspections were perfectly insynch with her character.

    Great job on this

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
     
  5. ratna

    ratna Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2007
    Oh, my heavens! Readers! And such illustrious ones. Thank you!

    Noelie: Thank you for being so kind.

    Luna_Nightshade: Thank you for being so appreciative, and a kindred spirit regarding Padme's character.

    Kelia: I loved reading the sweet, innocent bonding between Anakin and Padme and her introspections were perfectly insynch with her character.

    I truly wasn't sure how all of it would strike people. You give me courage to attempt future explorations.
     
  6. wendynat

    wendynat Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2005
    Wow... This is absolutely beautiful! The characterization is perfectly done, taking what we see in the movies and moving it beyond without losing the essential essence. Great imagery, too, within Padme's thoughts. Her concern for her planet, her handmaidens, her desire for freedom, and her reactions to Anakin are moving and completely believable.

    I really love it, and am completely flattered that you refer to it as a companion piece to my fic. Now I know what Anakin was up to while Qui and Shmi were out that evening ;). Thank you so much for writing this!
     
  7. ratna

    ratna Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2007
    Wendynat: Now I know what Anakin was up to while Qui and Shmi were out that evening.;)

    tee hee!

    But seriously, your kind reception means a great deal to me because I so truly love your story. The scene on the roof gets me even after the Nth reading.
     
  8. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    This was lovely. I really liked the way Padme was looking at Anakin and trying to help him. The sand bath made sense since there's so little water and it would be very expensive.

    Great job.
     
  9. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Absolutely stunning! Incredibly well written.

    Winning. If the prize money would buy a new hyperdrive, wouldn't it also buy freedom for the boy and his mother?

    Padme was sure that it would.

    A hyperdrive.

    Or freedom for a mother and her son.

    But not both. There was not enough prize for both.

    " ... have you come to free us?"

    "No, I'm afraid not..."

    Their mission was to free Naboo.

    Not Tatooine.

    Not both.

    And still, Shmi had given permission, given blessing. "Ani's right... he was meant to help you."


    You captured all of them so perfectly in this! =D=
     
  10. ratna

    ratna Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2007
    dianethx: Thank you! I'm such a sucker for the love story. As for the sand bath, when I was a kid, some elder or other told me that soldiers use sand to wash their hands when they're rationed on water. Plus animals and birds routinely use sand to clean themselves from parasites and such. So I just ran with it.

    VaderLVR64: Wow! Thanks for checking me out! And for your very generous review.
     
  11. MotionWright

    MotionWright Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Mar 15, 2007
    Incredible! =D= Excellent characterisation, striking imagery and stirring emotions ... what a story. I think every other person who has commented on this agrees with me when I say you've got a gift, ratna.

    Once there, she must gird herself to do battle in the Senate ... against ignorance, and indifference ... and the necessities of ten thousand other worlds.

    You're touching the heart of Padme's emotions and values here. Your understanding of her is spot on.
     
  12. ratna

    ratna Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2007
    MotionWright: Wow, thank you! [face_blush] You've so exactly pinpointed the things I was trying to achieve. That means a lot, especially to someone new, like me. Thank you.

     
  13. azizah

    azizah Jedi Master star 1

    Registered:
    Sep 4, 2006
    Amazing. There are many things I love about this story, but the one thing that I admire the most is your talent for shaping a very complex character, Padme, in little bits and pieces.

    Lovely work ratna. =D=

    azizah

     
  14. ratna

    ratna Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2007
    azizah Wow, thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I'm really glad you enjoyed it. You probably caught the little tie-in with my WIP. Actually that started as a kind of a prequel to Jewel, then started to take on a life of its own...[face_devil]

    To all who have stopped by to read this story, reviewers and lurkers alike, warm thanks. Please also note that I have installed links to the fan fictions that inspired me. They are in my intro. Awesome stories, they are, and I am grateful to their authors for writing and sharing.

    -ratna
     
  15. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 16, 2005
    Wow - so heartfelt and lovely. This is truly wonderful.


    Anakin turned to her anxiously. "What's wrong?"

    "Nothing."

    "Some nothing!" He had brought his voice down to a whisper. "It's making you cry."

    "I just got sand in my eye, that's all."

    Anakin looked at her with surprising seriousness. "If you want to fool anyone, you better learn to fib better than that!" He was still whispering, guarding her secret.

    "I suppose you're an expert fibber?"

    "I try not to." Shame at believed transgressions was written large on his small face. "But sometimes you have to."

    "What kind of times?" she breathed.

    "Like when your Mom broke something by accident and is gonna get a licking for it."

    Padme's eye fell on a scattering of thread-thin white stripes on the child's hips, just peeking above the drawstring of his trousers.

    "Those fibs are blessed in Heaven, Anakin", she whispered. Though all the angels weep.


    What a line! Sheer perfection. :_|





    He was silent for a moment, then reached with one hand to touch her cheek, as though she were some strange creature, the like of which he had never seen before. "You're so beautiful."

    Padme spoke around the lump in her throat. "So are you, Ani."

    "Me?"

    "Yes. There is a beautiful light inside of you. Shining forth in glory."

    She took his hands, and placed them, one on top of the other, over his heart, supporting his back with her other hand. "Close your eyes, and see."

    He did, and after a moment, his face relaxed. Padme thought she almost could see a light, elusive between the molecules of air. The chill had left his hands.

    "When you can see this light in yourself, Ani, then you will be able to see it in others."

    Anakin opened his eyes. "Does everyone have it?" he asked.

    "Yes."

    "I bet the Hutt don't." Or the Trade Federation.

    "They do, Ani, but they've forgotten where they put it. So they suffer. And they spread that suffering to others." Many others.

    "So what can we do?"

    "Don't give in to hurting. See your light, and show it forth. See the light in others, help them to see it, and show it forth."

    "I don't understand."

    "The way that you and your mother are helping us, Ani, that's showing forth your light."


    Oh, if only Anakin had taken her words to heart.

    You set the scene so beautifully and wove a wonderful tale that is sweet and bittersweet both.
     
  16. ratna

    ratna Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2007
    Valairy Scott Thank you for such a lovely and generous review! I have loved your portrayals as well. @};- I do agree, if only....
     
  17. azizah

    azizah Jedi Master star 1

    Registered:
    Sep 4, 2006
    This just must be the day for upping your fic's. Maybe it is a sign. Sigh, we can only hope.

    Just as beautiful the 4th (maybe 5th?) time.


    Did somebody say companion piece?

    azizah
     
  18. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 14, 2005
    He was silent for a moment, then reached with one hand to touch her cheek, as though she were some strange creature, the like of which he had never seen before. "You're so beautiful."

    Padme spoke around the lump in her throat. "So are you, Ani."

    "Me?"

    "Yes. There is a beautiful light inside of you. Shining forth in glory."

    She took his hands, and placed them, one on top of the other, over his heart, supporting his back with her other hand. "Close your eyes, and see."

    He did, and after a moment, his face relaxed. Padme thought she almost could see a light, elusive between the molecules of air. The chill had left his hands.

    "When you can see this light in yourself, Ani, then you will be able to see it in others."

    Anakin opened his eyes. "Does everyone have it?" he asked.

    "Yes."

    "I bet the Hutt don't." Or the Trade Federation.

    "They do, Ani, but they've forgotten where they put it. So they suffer. And they spread that suffering to others." Many others.

    "So what can we do?"

    "Don't give in to hurting. See your light, and show it forth. See the light in others, help them to see it, and show it forth."

    "I don't understand."

    "The way that you and your mother are helping us, Ani, that's showing forth your light."


    What you wrote about their first meeting and their interaction is amazing. She always was able to see his light... [:D]
     
  19. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 16, 2005
    This is perhaps even better with another reading - I still love it.
     
  20. ratna

    ratna Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2007
    azizah: You are such a kind reader.

    Did somebody say companion piece? Erm ... someday, I hope, but right now it is hiding from me...



    AzureAngel2: Thank you so much. Le coeur sous son armure...



    Valairy_Scot: *blushing helplessly* Thank you.[face_blush]
     
  21. DaenaBenjen42

    DaenaBenjen42 Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 15, 2005
    Walking between the rows of vendors' stalls, Qui-Gon Jinn felt a small disturbance in the Force. He glanced back at the young handmaiden who followed meekly behind him, still gripping the Gungan's outsize hand. The Jedi let his gaze return to the winding alleyway in front of him, a small smile hiding in his beard. A fire had suddenly blazed up in this girl that bid fair to put Tatooine's suns to shame. She was not ready to give up yet.

    It was right here that it got to me, though you had me from the start. Padme, emotionally ready to make a stand, and Qui-Gon noticing it for what it is: strength of will.

    Their mission was to free Naboo.

    Not Tatooine.

    Not both.

    And still, Shmi had given permission, given blessing. "Ani's right... he was meant to help you."

    And what were they meant to do? For this boy who dreamed innocently, without limits.


    What are they meant to do? The right thing, even if they aren't quite certain which path that is. (Wow...)


    Well done and wonderful story, ratna. :)
     
  22. ratna

    ratna Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2007
    DaenaBenjen42 [face_blush] I love Padme's character, too, especially as she was shown in TPM. So much potential there that unfortunately got a little lost in the way the love story was portrayed, especially ROTS. I guess that's what fanfiction is for.

    What are they meant to do? The right thing, even if they aren't quite certain which path that is.

    Wow, I love that! Thanks so much for your review!