Saga I Stand in Shadows. Dooku makes up his mind to leave the Order.

Title: I Stand in Shadows
Author: Valairy_Scot
Timeframe: immediately post-TPM
Characters: Count Dooku plus Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker through Dooku's eyes
Genre: Vignette
Summary: Master Dooku makes the decision to become Count Dooku. He has chosen a path that will lead him to a place he probably didn't quite contemplate, but indeed the road to hell is paved with good intentions and bad choices.
Notes: Sometimes a phrase just pops into one's mind, and sometimes one is lucky enough that a story can be crafted around that phrase. This is one example.



I Stand in Shadows



It was not until I stood in the shadows that my final decision was made.

I?d been on the edge, debating back and forth. Things needed to change ? and change would never come, not from the Jedi Order, not from the Senate. I had met a man who held out hope, but something ? someone - tied me to the Order. Now that tie was severed.

Now, when it was too late, I understood that deep down he had truly meant something to me. I had not allowed myself to feel it. I did not want to feel it. Only now, did I know otherwise.

It was too many decades too late to know or to speak. I could have cut my silence when I cut the braid. Now, it was all too late.

Qui-Gon Jinn, my padawan, walked the galaxy no more. He no longer belonged to the Order, he belonged to the Force. I myself no longer needed to belong to the Order. Both our times had come to dissolve that tie.

In that, at least, we were alike. In that only, we were alike. We were not alike, he and I, and I had never been able to mold him into the great Jedi he might have been. Despite me, despite himself, he became one anyway.

Oh, my padawan.

His absence cut deeper than the chill air of the hangar as I stood in the shadows, watching as the Temple ship landed. First the Council disembarked. Of course, they would be first. They were always first, always right, and always preeminent.

Then they came ? one who walks in light and one who walks in shadows. Hand in hand they came and I wondered if the light was strong enough to banish the shadows or if the shadows were strong enough to dim the light.

But he never came.

He had already gone, gone to the Force, his body ash on another planet. I was not there; I did not need to be there. All that needed to be said between us had been said long ago or would never be said at all.

My eyes flickered back, back to my padawan?s padawan and now his padawan as well. Obi-Wan Kenobi. Anakin Skywalker.

Many times I had seen the boy; never had I met him. I sensed Qui-Gon wanted it that way, as if he feared the heavy hand of his master would reach to the padawan he reached only with a gentle hand.

I disapproved of Qui-Gon?s relationship with the boy, though few knew of it. A padawan was a learner, not a companion and not a friend. Strict obedience and no coddling were my rules and my rules worked. I was proud of the Jedi Qui-Gon had become. Had I been friend and father to him, he would have been less of one. Had he not been friend and father to his padawan, what would Kenobi have become in time?

The boy had turned out well enough, considering, not the spoiled brat I would have expected him to be. He worked hard for Qui-Gon?s approval and even harder when he got it. Qui-Gon worked hard to avoid my disapproval. Opposites we were, indeed, but it seemed both of us succeeded in our task. We both created Jedi.

The boy was a knight now. Rumor and gossip spread even amongst the Temple. His cowl was up, hiding the tell tale presence or absence of the braid. I could have severed it, this boy of my line ? I wonder if he knew that. I wonder who did sever that braid, just as I wonder who was skilled enough to severe the bond between the boy and his master.

That severing had been anything but easy. With Qui-Gon and I, it had been a simple matter. A slash of a knife, a handshake and a quick dissolution. We both had

 

Ooo, creepily foreshadowing. Dooku isn't a character that usually grabs my attention, but you certainly have with this vignette. Excellently written, I could 'hear' his voice as I read, and the introspection seemed so true for a man that was both proud and frustrated--not to mention on the verge of something monumentally opposed to his previous (recent) beliefs.

The whole thing was superbly written, but this bit really caught me:

The boy looks around and our eyes meet. Recognition jolts through us both; shadows call to shadows.

?The One Who Shall Bring Balance.? The words escape my lips, and I shiver. From fear or excitement? Qui-Gon was right. This boy is a fulcrum, all balances on his slim shoulders.

I'll confess I had to look up 'fulcrum'--what an excellent word and so appropriate. Brill!

 

what an excellent insight in Dooku, giving him that much more depth.

Great writing WOW

 

That was great!

He had already gone, gone to the Force, his body ash on another planet. I was not there; I did not need to be there. All that needed to be said between us had been said long ago or would never be said at all.
And also very sad!

 

You've been busy my friend! Another wonderful insight into a very mysterious man. Tremendous job!

 

Absolutely gorgeous!

I miss him, my padawan. I had not expected to miss him so, and not after so many years of polite hellos and relieved good byes.

If I miss Qui-Gon, how deeply does Kenobi miss him? I study him as he pauses on the ramp. He is taking measure of his home, aware that though home has not changed, he has.

For one so young, his face is lined and weary. Grief is held tightly within. His bond was so much more with Qui-Gon than ever mine had been ? it was a bond between teacher and learner, but it was a bond of deep respect and affection as well. Kenobi has indeed taken it hard, but he has taken it as a Jedi. Qui-Gon trained him well.

Well indeed, if rumor is correct that he has taken as his padawan this blond boy at his side, holding so tightly to Kenobi?s hand that it must hurt them both. I know the rumors all too well ? my padawan put aside his beloved padawan for this boy, put aside a vow for the sake of a prophecy.

Qui-Gon gave up what he loved dearly and was given nothing in return ? the Council denied him and the boy both. Had he lived, would he have lost Kenobi as well, or would the boy?s too generous heart and forgiving spirit have mended that breach?

Perhaps fondness and affection have a power to heal that obedience and duty alone do not.

 

Very awesome. Quite obviously, I love Obi-Wan and Dooku (and hold some affection for the demon seed that is Anakin. ) and so I had to click once I saw the thread.

Interesting thoughts on the Qui-Gon and Dooku relationship, and I think probably very accurate. I wish we'd gotten a bit more of the two of them in fiction, or better yet in the movies, but meh.


Then they came ? one who walks in light and one who walks in shadows. Hand in hand they came and I wondered if the light was strong enough to banish the shadows or if the shadows were strong enough to dim the light.

But he never came.

He had already gone, gone to the Force, his body ash on another planet. I was not there; I did not need to be there. All that needed to be said between us had been said long ago or would never be said at all.

Love that. Very Dooku.


The boy was a knight now. Rumor and gossip spread even amongst the Temple. His cowl was up, hiding the tell tale presence or absence of the braid. I could have severed it, this boy of my line ? I wonder if he knew that.

Aw, how cool would that have been? [/fangirl]


Senator Palpatine and I have together seen what needs to be done. Perhaps, perhaps this boy will help us achieve it.

I no longer have faith in the Senate ? or the Jedi.

All that tied me to the Order is now ashes.

Awesome. And a bit spooky. Dooku's just a spooky guy.

 

Very thought provoking look into Dooku. Well done.

 

Dooku's thoughts very interesting.

Then they came ? one who walks in light and one who walks in shadows. Hand in hand they came and I wondered if the light was strong enough to banish the shadows or if the shadows were strong enough to dim the light.

My eyes flickered back, back to my padawan?s padawan.Obi-Wan Kenobi

The boy had turned out well enough, considering, not the spoiled brat I would have expected him to be. He worked hard for Qui-Gon?s approval and even harder when he got it. Qui-Gon worked hard to avoid my disapproval. Opposites we were, indeed, but it seemed both of us succeeded in our task. We both created Jedi.

If I miss Qui-Gon, how deeply does Kenobi miss him? I study him as he pauses on the ramp. He is taking measure of his home, aware that though home has not changed, he has.

For one so young, his face is lined and weary. Grief is held tightly within. His bond was so much more with Qui-Gon than ever mine had been ? it was a bond between teacher and learner, but it was a bond of deep respect and affection as well. Kenobi has indeed taken it hard, but he has taken it as a Jedi. Qui-Gon trained him well.

I should have met this boy, no man, years ago. I have watched him, from the shadows, trying to understand why the Force drew Qui-Gon to him, why the boy practically worshiped Qui-Gon, and I find no answers but one ? the Force willed it. Why I do not know.


I no longer have faith in the Senate ? or the Jedi.

All that tied me to the Order is now ashes.


Your thought from Dooku ring true.

Well done

 

That was wonderfully written.

I enjoyed the look into Dooku's thoughts, though I didn't think Qui-Gon's death would hit him as hard.

Creepy he could read Anakin so well. *shudders*

Great job on this

 

Great insight into Dooku. He always seemed too chilly, too controlled for Qui-Gon's master. I have to wonder how Qui-Gon, with his great strength in the Living Force, could have stood it.

I disapproved of Qui-Gon?s relationship with the boy, though few knew of it. A padawan was a learner, not a companion and not a friend. Strict obedience and no coddling were my rules and my rules worked. I was proud of the Jedi Qui-Gon had become. Had I been friend and father to him, he would have been less of one. Had he not been friend and father to his padawan, what would Kenobi have become in time?

The boy had turned out well enough, considering, not the spoiled brat I would have expected him to be. He worked hard for Qui-Gon?s approval and even harder when he got it. Qui-Gon worked hard to avoid my disapproval. Opposites we were, indeed, but it seemed both of us succeeded in our task. We both created Jedi.

Ah, but at what cost?

Great job.

 

AWESOME! Really well written and very insightful into Dooku's inner feelings. Also a great foil to the relationship shared between Obi and Qui and later Obi and Anakin.

 

Incredible, just incredible.

I'd say which part I loved best, if it wasn't the entire vignette.

Lovely.

 

Most impressive! I loved how Dooku watched from the shadows, and could see that Anakin did as well. And then he becomes that shadow.

 

I loved this insight into Dooku's character, very nice.

For one so young, his face is lined and weary. Grief is held tightly within. His bond was so much more with Qui-Gon than ever mine had been ? it was a bond between teacher and learner, but it was a bond of deep respect and affection as well. Kenobi has indeed taken it hard, but he has taken it as a Jedi. Qui-Gon trained him well. I'm glad Dooku can see that- there is more than one way to train a padawan!

Thanks for sharing this Valairy!

 

Helen_Taft: Ooo, creepily foreshadowing. Dooku isn't a character that usually grabs my attention, but you certainly have with this vignette. Excellently written, I could 'hear' his voice as I read, and the introspection seemed so true for a man that was both proud and frustrated--not to mention on the verge of something monumentally opposed to his previous (recent) beliefs.

I'm so glad this came across this well. Dooku was proud and frustrated, wasn't he?

The whole thing was superbly written,

Earlybird-obi-wan: even villains have depth, right?

Fifilla: thanks!

Jedidas3: Another wonderful insight into a very mysterious man. Which makes him hard to get a handle on, and thus to write.

VaderLVR64: thanks, Kim.

Amrita_Glittersong: Quite obviously, I love Obi-Wan and Dooku (and hold some affection for the demon seed that is Anakin. Interesting thoughts on the Qui-Gon and Dooku relationship, and I think probably very accurate. I pulled some of that from ? somewhere. Yeah, "demon seed" - I like it.

DaenaBenja42: thought provoking ? thanks.

Gkilkenny: aw, you like my Dooku.

Kelia: I enjoyed the look into Dooku's thoughts, though I didn't think Qui-Gon's death would hit him as hard. Well, I agree, yet supposedly it was Qui-Gon's death that finally made Dooku cut his ties to the Order. I suppose that could be not so personal, yet I'm sure years as a team might have wedged a soft spot in that heart that Dooku didn't acknowledge until too late.

Creepy he could read Anakin so well. *shudders* Like calls to like.

Dianethx: He always seemed too chilly, too controlled for Qui-Gon's master. I have to wonder how Qui-Gon, with his great strength in the Living Force, could have stood it.

Not easily, yet Qui came across as pretty ? unemotional, to me. Definately not the warm-hearted Jedi of fanfiction - dismissive to Jar Jar, tactless to Obi, tactless to Anakin (speaking of him as the Chosen One to the Council as if Anakin counted less as a person and more as this "prophecy)."

Celine: AWESOME! Really well written and very insightful into Dooku's inner feelings Thank you.

darthberrystraw you are far too kind

arthurweasley Most impressive!Thanks so much.

Bastet you?re very welcome.