Before - Legends Persistence of Blame-Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan-Part 3 of 4 --4/21

Persistence of Blame
by LuvEwan

PG

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.

Some things are hard to get over. Some things are impossible to forgive.
--


On Meezia he comes to understand he is numb to everything. He sees the blood fly from his skin, his own essence a watery red stain on thick teeth, and the color is his only indication that he has been caught.

It is easier to fight in the numbness, he decides, whipping his green blade in a merciless, deadly arc. Perhaps all Jedi should feel this?lack of feeling. It is about the moment, more than ever. All about killing, surviving, getting to the next mission.

He has never experienced such keen focus.

Transcending the self in the extreme, to the point where he barely acknowledges that the blood- his blood-is saturating his boots as fresh dye would sink into a supple new hide. And it takes him several long, blinking seconds to see that the creature?s shorn head has landed between the boots of his silent Padawan.

His Padawan?s boots are splattered with innards. The creature?s blood was black.

Soon, it is all he can see.
--

He opens one eye and sees his Padawan?s back, bowed over a table. He hears the ching of metal knocking metal. He feels the heat of infection, already flaring in the ragged wound on his right bicep.

If he dies, the Force will take him into its infinite warmth.

Obi-Wan rests a cold hand on his forehead. His Padawan is easily chilled, especially in space. ?Our ship has been marked by the Meezian government, and by their neighboring systems.?

So they will find no merciful planet to land on, to seek medical help, before it is too late.

?But I?ve found supplies.? Obi-Wan continues with a forced touch of brightness. ?The antibiotic should prevent any complications.?

The assurances are for Obi-Wan alone, Qui-Gon knows. He himself is not touched by fear. Of course the searing bite will tear past any protective wall built by medication, as time hemorrhages in the search for a hospitable world. He wonders with a distant curiosity what will happen to his body, once his mind slips from its boundaries.

Will Obi-Wan blame himself? In this instance, he should not. Even the razored mouth of their enemy could not be the target of hatred. The creature had harmed Qui-Gon, but Qui-Gon ended its life. There was balance in it. Fairness.

And Obi-Wan was a very balanced individual. Levelheaded was how others often described his apprentice. A levelheaded Jedi Padawan did not scream when his teacher was made a near-meal by a mammoth beast, or vomit when a dismembered head rolled to a stop in front of him. He did not panic when the facts swarmed around him, spelling out imminent demise in empty darkness.

When Qui-Gon died on this pallet in this ship during this collapsed assignment, Obi-Wan would do the rational things. The necessary things. Afterward, he would be given a new Master and, in a few more years, become a very levelheaded Jedi Knight.

For someone like Obi-Wan Kenobi, his entire fate seemed written without need of supporting figures. Whether Qui-Gon Jinn or Mace Windu or a servant droid oversaw his instruction, the end result would be identical.

A strobe of anger overrides the throb of the swelling bite. Why would the Force bring Obi-Wan to him, when Qui-Gon could offer him no real impact? And Obi-Wan, what had he brought to Qui-Gon, except death?
--
His woozy sickdreams are little different from his usual dreams. In them, he is with her, and they are together. Her eyes possess the heat of life, love. And she can see, straight through his eyes to his heart.

She is laughing, and every ribboned burst is worse than the pierce of venom, because it is only memory, re-manufactured from an existence sealed off from him half a dozen years ago.

?I would pledge myself to you,? she whispers.
--

He opens both eyes. The sting of salve has pried him from sleep.

Obi-Wan, bringing him back.

?I?m just changing your dressings.? His Padawan informs him. ?They need to stay as clean as possible.?

Clean. Levelheaded and clean.

If someone kissed Obi

 

Stunnning! Please PM me when you post part two!

 

Absolutely stunning...I'm nearly speechless. The interweaving, then the turning of the tables....!

I can't wait for part 2 - do you PM?

 

Stunning as always. I loved the way you wove the background so that we only saw little pieces of it, with few hints as to what was going on with Obi-Wan.

I would like a happy ending but knowing you..... I'm almost afraid to look.

Great job. So glad you are writing even a little!

 

Well, I guess the consensus is -- stunning! That's sure the first word that came to my mind, too.



You pack so much content and emotion into such a short space. Loved this:

She loved to eat fruit snapped off branches. He wants to find her in the Force and walk through an orchard forever.

So romantic.



And all the subtle little clues:

Obi-Wan rests a cold hand on his forehead. His Padawan is easily chilled, especially in space.

... ...

Someone so civil and stern should not be so round-faced, Qui-Gon decides as he looks up at his student. Although, a deep line appears between Obi-Wan's eyebrows when he is worried, something better suited to an old man's features.

... ...

Qui-Gon wants to spit out the melon cubes. They taste like the can, which is probably why Obi-Wan has left his helping forgotten on the table behind him.




And this was perfect:

How long ago would they have pledged themselves, now?
--

How long ago since Obi-Wan had been in the room?



Soon it becomes clear how utterly Qui-Gon has misperceived his Padawan.

Even though his Padawan saw those last moments, when she was fading and Qui-Gon was grasping onto her, the concept remained foreign to him.

That is killer irony.



And I, too, am afraid to look at how you will end this.

But I will anyway.

 

My jaw is on the bottom of the Grand Canyon.
Totally stunning, shocking, amazing, articulate, (I need a thesaurus) a million more synonyms of those words.
Can someone risk their life for my jaw here? I wanna eat.
This was just, whoa.

tapping fish
aye aye cap, I get my own jaw, huh?

 

Wonderful as always, LE! Somehow you always manage to nail the characters and effortlessly create such emotion in them

Please add me to the PM list

 

Wow! How do you do it? Such intense emotions and such depth. Bravo!!! If you do PM, please add me to the list for anything you write!

 

Wow, just wow. Fantastic update! I'm so glad that you're writing again! I can't wait to read more. Since you're writing again...does this mean we can expect updates on some of your other stories as well? If not, it's cool, what you havewritten is amazing. Thanks again!

 

I don't really have anything to say right now except that I am awed by it...
it is both lovely and sad

 

Once again, you write a multi-layered, nuanced vignette which seems overlain with the twin miasmas of fever and self-indulgence...and this packs the emotional punch. When I read pieces, I like to look for things that could be improved, excess (or awkward) verbiage, any faltering in pacing, or places where descriptions appear forced. This is a seamless work (so far) with no threads to pick at. Kudos! I'm excited and eagerly lookng forward to seeing where this will lead.

I wonder to what extent Obi-Wan *is* level-headed, and how much is just being depressed, sensing the blame coming through the bond and internalizing it? His personality has changed so drastically from the irrepressible spirit that we first read about in the books. And that whole disparagement thing going on, including where Qui-Gon mentions that Obi-Wan would clean off any kiss and not know on an emotional level what it meant...that reminds me of that whole "casting someone as the Other en route to dehumanizing him/her" scenario that they liked to talk about in lit crit classes.

Thank you for sharing this.

 

That was amazing to read and a great find on my first day back. I felt for Qui-Gon's loss and wants in his delirium as well as his thoughts on Obi-Wan.

Even the short description of the fight was intense and vivid. Your words drew me right in quickly again and reminded me how much I used to enjoy reading here.

I don't have much time but hope to look back in on this and others soon.

 

Wow, amazing job! Some of Qui-Gon's comments reminded me of how Anakin views him later on. Poor Obi, he's so misunderstood.

Please PM me when you update, I can't wait to see how it ends. Even if...well, hopefully it won't come to that...

 

Oh no! Poor Obi! That's just like him: ignoring his own health to take care of someone else. Of course, someone should have told him that you need to take care of your own injuries first in order to properly care for the other person. Sort of like in airplanes where they tell you (in an emergency) to put your own oxygen mask on before someone elses.

I really hope our two Jedi (yes, I want this for both of them ) are able to find a safe planet to land at to have their injuries looked at and hopefully recover.

I'm very very worried about what's going to happen to Obi! Please don't let him die!

Great job and I'd like to know what happens next. If you have PM list, may I be on it?

 

Lovely descriptions! Perfect juxtapositions! Breath-taking reveal of Obi's injuries!

Please PM me when you update? Thanks!

 

Come Luvewan!
Where is part 2?
*UP*

 

De ja vu

 

Sorry it took so long for the next part. I had 75 percent of it done for weeks but school started and I haven't been having the best time lately. Don't worry--conclusion will be coming.

VL Thanks!

Valairy You've made me speechless with your art more times than I can count! Thank you.

diane Happy ending? What's your definition of 'happy'? Fine, just for you, I'll make sure the last scene is Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon skipping through Disneyland. Thanks, as always, for your reply and your support.

ratna Thanks so much. I'm glad you like it.

mujapple-juicey Aw shucks, sorry about your jaw.... Thanks for reading!

Glenstorm Thank you very much.

jedidas3 You're very sweet. Thank you.

dimyavie Well, the thing about those other stories is....um...my evil twin wrote them but I recently killed her in a bloody duel so...uh.... Thank you very much for reading this and other stories.

ClaudiaR Yes, it's sad, but I think there's also some hope trapped somewhere in there too. Maybe. Thanks for reading and replying.

Lurkalidth Good to see you! I think that Obi-Wan's personality tends more towards internalization--such as in the infamous Council scene. He isn't so vocal about what he feels, which can help and hurt him. And it makes me love him. Thank you for your reply, I very much appreciate your thoughts!

Altaira Welcome back! It's weird coming back after being gone, but it's fun getting to catch up. Hope to see you around more.

Master_Tigris Yes, Obi-Wan is VERY much misunderstood! That's why he's a tortured, lonely soul and hence why he is so darn sexy. Glad to know you're readin'!

Sionnach I never knew that about airplane masks. It makes sense, but it would be hard to focus on yourself at that kind of moment, especially if you had loved ones with you. That does go with the theme of this, though, that Obi-Wan has let his own identity been buried by this disharmony with Qui-Gon. Thanks for your reply!

Aragon Thanks!

Gkilkenny Meaning...?



-
On the silent ship, he comes to understand how little he knows of numbness. He sees his Padawan?s pallor has turned an ashen yellow, his eyelids thickly rung in shadow, and the unsteady lift and fall of his chest is the only indication that the young man has not died.

It is easier to focus on the injury, he decides, laying his hand lightly against the battered flank. Perhaps other Jedi have survived a worse series of?obstacles. It is about pushing past self-perceived limits, more than ever. All about teeth gritting and hoping.
He has never experienced such sharp fear.

Transcending the bitter spike of nausea in his throat, to the point where he is stilling his breath-his own heartbeat-to avoid the distraction of vomit on his boots. And it takes him several darting, choked seconds to see the fingers flexing weakly from under the sleeves of his stricken Padawan.

His Padawan?s fingernails are imbedded with blood. Old blood from Qui-Gon?s arm, or from the massive claw-scrawl across his side.

Soon, the fingernails are all he can think about.

--

The last image of her is scratched into his brain. A years-old battle injury can renew pain in otherwise healed flesh, if the air is chilled enough, or if the body twists in the wrong way.

Since her death, every thought has been like an icy gust, or a wrenching jolt to brittle bones.
--

These new thoughts are worse.

Obi-Wan is not unconscious, and that makes it more difficult for him to leave the room. His Padawan is looking at him, but the gaze is moistened and imbalanced.

Qui-Gon sees pain there, too. Remembers that he has stifled his own pain?a monster tried to eat him. Obi-Wan?s eyes are bigger teeth to contend with. Biting deep and ver

 

I can't begin to tell you how much your writing draws me in.

Qui-Gon is hanging on in-between thinking about Tahl and saving Obi-Wan.

?There?re pirates in there,? Obi-Wan tells him, looking past Qui-Gon to the cockpit. ?Don?t go.?

He cannot be wrong about Obi-Wan. Even in a smeared world of infection and mirage, his apprentice sounds as if he is announcing the arrival of tea, rather than the imagined infestation of pillagers.

?I?have to go. For a moment only.?

?I?ll?.I?ll come with you.? Before he is able to subdue him, Obi-Wan is lurching up and the crude dressings are unraveling.

Obi-Wan ever the dutiful padawan.

Thanks for the update

 

Woohoo, it's up!! I have so been waiting for this. And it's so good.

I love this:

The last image of her is scratched into his brain. A years-old battle injury can renew pain in otherwise healed flesh, if the air is chilled enough, or if the body twists in the wrong way.

And all the little details of Qui-Gon's delirium. So realistic about how disorienting and illusive the sensations are. You really bring it to life.

Glad there weren't really pirates in the cockpit ... I was worried there for a minute!!!

Will await your next post with equal anticipation.

 

Poor both of them.

As always, your language is wonderful. I really liked this one.

Transcending the bitter spike of nausea in his throat, to the point where he is stilling his breath-his own heartbeat-to avoid the distraction of vomit on his boots. And it takes him several darting, choked seconds to see the fingers flexing weakly from under the sleeves of his stricken Padawan. What a great description of what it feels like!

I don't know how you are going to pull off a happy ending. Knowing you, it won't be. But I'll take them both skipping through Disneyland.

Great job so far.

 

His Padawan?s fingernails are imbedded with blood. Old blood from Qui-Gon?s arm, or from the massive claw-scrawl across his side.

Soon, the fingernails are all he can think about.

Ack - what a sentence to punctuate what came before. Brilliant.

And then in story full of brilliant poignancy:

His Padawan?s jaw and hands and shoulders can be physically touched; he touches them.

And it seeps in: Obi-Wan, his Padawan, is real.

You have managed to paint this story as it if were a dream, a nightmare - real, yet somehow detached - until the final, piercing truth becomes the reality, not the dream.

An outstanding job!

 

You are, hands down, one of the best writers I've ever read. That includes those who get paid!

He feels as if the Force has become a planet, turning him away. The sear of the bite seeks out his arm?s socket, crux, wrist. In time, it will need more to be satiated. Heart, brain.

Obi-Wan?s wounds burn far closer to the young man?s vital organs.

If Qui-Gon dies, the Force will take them both into its infinite warmth?Obi-Wan will not last on his own, feverish and deteriorating. But he knows this is not fair. Qui-Gon took down the creature. Obi-Wan?s death would be unjustifiable.

Stunning.

 

I am so happy you posted!
but it still continues to be sad even if now Qui-gon has
finally understood that his actions do matter, can and will affect
his padawan and his health and future.

I loved how you said in this part that he understood nothing of numbness
and how he cant allow himself to die when Obi's life depends on him being alive!

 

Amazing post! I wish I could have read it sooner, but my wonderful apartment has no power...I'm in one of the campus halls now, (and I really should be doing homework) this whole having to go other places for electricity and hot water is no fun, lol.

Back to the post, I love how you convey Qui-Gon's need to live so Obi-Wan can survive. Thanks for writing!