Saga Even Jedi Cry. Drama AU Author note added 121411

Title: Even Jedi Cry
Author: Valairy_Scot
Timeframe: TPM - forward
Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn, Anakin Skywalker, Yoda, Mace, Bant Eerin, others
Genre: Drama, angst, touches of comedy. AU.
Sub-genre: "Obi-torture" and "poor-Obi."
Keywords: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn, Mace Windu, Yoda, Naboo
Summary: Qui-Gon?s desire to train the ?Chosen One? causes him to cast Obi-Wan aside as in canon, but there our story diverges with devastating results.
Notes: Qui and Anakin lovers ? be warned ? it?s not pretty (but is all what it seems?) Style is not chronological; it is deliberately written as it is in the beginning to contrast and reveal its development. This story will stand alone, but also is a set up for a yet-unwritten sequel.


Even Jedi Cry



Prologue

The clash of lightsaber against lightsaber was already of the past; the battle ended. One combatant still stood, weapon held loosely in one hand as he wearily contemplated what this victory had cost him. The tide of adrenaline that had sustained him ebbed, only to resurge as his mind comprehended his new reality.

He stood alone on the field of battle. At what price, victory?

A sluggish, weary body obeyed the command of a suddenly alert mind: go to him. He will need you, to save him or ease his passing. Nothing else for the moment matters. Only he.

One moment he trembled, standing ? there. The next moment he trembled ? here. Where an invincible man lay in a heap, no longer invincible. Even the mighty did not stand forever. The warrior had fallen at last.

He who had been the least among them was the only one still to stand.

Time, which had seemed to hold its breath, was again as it had been.

Except that one who had been the student now cradled the one who had been the teacher.

And wept.


Chapter 1. Even Giants May Fall

The Jedi master had been a large man in both physique and presence. Crumpled on the cold floor, the giant had become a dwarf, shrunk by his mortal wound; he who had been amongst the more powerful of the Jedi now only a mere man, dying, on a strange planet far from ?home,? dying for duty, dying with no one at his side to mourn him.

Dying alone for he feared none others yet lived ? for his enemy, too, had surely died, along with the student he had been willing to set aside for another - while that other student, the one he wished to now guide, had been imperiled elsewhere and was far from his side.

He had left the Chosen One behind, left him hidden and hopefully safe, but he had sensed during his battle that Anakin was no longer safe. Anakin had been in danger, in the thick of a different battle.

The dying Jedi feared that he, too, no longer lived.

Naboo had not been kind this day to those who knew the Force. It had taken them all, or so the Jedi feared, for the Force did not speak of others to a dying man. It offered comfort of a different kind: welcoming arms, whispers of everlasting peace, a gentle welcome ?home.?

It was not the comfort he sought. Comfort for this dying man was to know the fate of those he loved and hoped he was leaving behind, alive. Comfort could not come when he feared that they had already preceded him into the Force, dead.

Afraid there was no one to mourn him and yet hoping there was. Suspected otherwise.

Was he, the dying, the only one still living, however long that life might last?

Surely that was so. Dead, all were certainly now dead, and soon he would join them. He was fading; a strangled cough shook his chest. The Force was reaching for him and he could feel a familiar presence within it. He was dead, then. They were all dead. He would be with them in a few minutes, and a hint of a smile mixed with a tear at the thought.

I had hoped you lived. I shed my last tears for you. Know you held my heart.

He felt a swell in the Force; it offered knowledge of that one?s fate: its gift to the dying.

?He lives,?

 

Oh. My. Gawd.








You better believe I'm strapping in for the Ride o 'Angst. Poor-Obi indeed. It's going to be hard to like Qui-Gon in this one isn't it? Great writing, as usual.

 

What do you mean it's Obi torture.

I'm certain from my crying and shock that it's reader torture.

My Obi-Wan is being tormented once again by Qui-Gon.

I certainly hope it's a dream, for reality is just too sad to comprehend.

Once again you've drawn me in.

Wonderful start.

 

Oh, Qui-Gon...
I don't suppose it's temporary insanity brought about by loss of blood, hmmm?
I think the forecast reads "poor Obi-wan"!

Nice start.

 

Yay, you started another story!

...and you nearly managed to make me cry in the first chapter Why is it always Obi-Wan? Qui-Gon couldn't have done anything worse than telling Obi-Wan that he was a failure while dying...grr.

Can you add me to your PM list, please?

 

Oh my! That was so mean!. Poor Obi. Ok to be honest I love the angst stuff. (Maybe I have some unresolved issues of my own?) I'm on board too. I'm strapped in behind LuvEwan. More as soon as humanly possible please.

 

We're happy little fanfic writers, bright as bright can be
We all enjoy our Obi-angst for breakfast lunch and tea,
Our Masters say we're growing stronger every single week,
Because we love our Obi-angst,
We all adore our Obi-angst,
It puts a tear in every eye!

*ahem* Anyways... Great start! I can't wait to see where you take this!

 

wow!!

Please add me to the pm list for this!!

EG

 

This must be a bad nightmare for Obi-Wan. Saving his master and hearing those words.

Evil Qui

 

oh boy...

I'm wondering how you're going to wreck our favorite Jedi today. Also, I'm wondering what role Mace is going to play in all this--I loved the way you utilized him in They Who Stay Behind. All sorts of bad stuff is going to happen in this fic, I can feel it =/

 

YAY! Another one of the Qui-Gon-lives-and-hurts-Obi-Wan stories! I've actually been shovelling through the internet looking for fics like this and rereading the ones I've already known. ^^;

I, too, hope that Qui-Gon's harsh words are some nasty side-effects from having been run through with a Sith's blade, but boy, is he going to regret it someday. This is going to be pretty traumatising for Obi-Wan, huh? It'll be very interesting to see how it changes him.

Good start! I look forward to more!

 

Oh,wow!!!!! What an incredible beginning. Qui certainly didn't pull any punches. Perhaps this is the story that I should come and comfort Obi-Wan! LOL

 

Ouch! Going to be hard to like Qui-Gon in this one.

 

L_E: Ride o 'Angst. Poor-Obi indeed. It's going to be hard to like Qui-Gon in this one isn't it? That?s an understatement.

Gkilkenny: I'm certain from my crying and shock that it's reader torture. Okay, okay ? I?m caught.

My Obi-Wan is being tormented once again by Qui-Gon. Hey, who do you think I learned it from?

I certainly hope it's a dream, for reality is just too sad to comprehend. Ummm ? no.

Nada_Smith: I don't suppose it's temporary insanity brought about by loss of blood, hmmm? We wish.

I think the forecast reads "poor Obi-wan"! Ah, we have a Obi-caster here!

GeneralKenobi7: ...and you nearly managed to make me cry in the first chapter. Darn ? only nearly. I tried.

Why is it always Obi-Wan? So he can be comforted? Actually, I think it?s his way of getting all those readers? hugs.

Qui-Gon couldn't have done anything worse than telling Obi-Wan that he was a failure while dying...grr. You think ? hang on. That?s not the worst of it.

Charie: Oh my! That was so mean! It gets meaner.

Lolly_Tolly*ahem* Anyways... Great start!. Loved your ditty!

EGKenobi: Wow indeed! How dare that Qui treat our Obi so! But ? but, he?s got more important things on his mind now, like his legacy ? the Chosen One ? saving the galaxy. What?s Obi-Wan to all that?

Earlybird-Obi-Wan: This must be a bad nightmare for Obi-Wan. Saving his master and hearing those words. ? Don?t we all wish.

Vivid_Scripts: I'm wondering how you're going to wreck our favorite Jedi today. In all the ways I can ? mentally, emotionally and physically.

Also, I'm wondering what role Mace is going to play in all this--I loved the way you utilized him in They Who Stay Behind. He?s going to be a fairly prominent figure, at least in sections.

All sorts of bad stuff is going to happen in this fic, I can feel it. Yep.

Usuratonkonchi: YAY! Another one of the Qui-Gon-lives-and-hurts-Obi-Wan stories! Oh, most definitely.

I, too, hope that Qui-Gon's harsh words are some nasty side-effects from having been run through with a Sith's blade, but boy, is he going to regret it someday. Well, that?s one of my dirty little secrets. I have some ideas in the back of my head as to ?why? Qui behaves as he does, but I might well incorporate some reader speculation ? so feel free to speculate away.

Jedidas3: Qui certainly didn't pull any punches. Perhaps this is the story that I should come and comfort Obi-Wan! Girl, you say that about EVERY story.

Master_Noi: Ouch! Going to be hard to like Qui-Gon in this one. Really ? maybe Obi-Wan is the one who has done wrong here, and has reaped what he has sown.



PM List: (if you don't specifically ask, I don't presume)

Charie
Bastet
Jedidas3 (because you've asked to be permanently PM'd )
GeneralKenobi7
EGKenobi
earlybird-obi-wan

 

Yup, I officially hate Qui-Gon 100 times more than I did in They Who Stay Behind. He's so cruel! It would be nice if he eventually felt guilty for saying those horrible things to poor Obi, but it sounds like the bucket on his head is steel-plated titanium this time.


Qui-Gon:

Obi-Wan:


I'm hooked already, I can't wait for more!

 

Bastet: Qui - cruel? He's "following the will of the Force." (He thinks?)



Chapter Two. The Hollowness of Being


Some weeks later?

He stared out the window, into a sullen, gray sky, only his breathing betraying that this statue was alive. He had stood, unmoving, for an hour or so, frozen in place, eyes unfocused as idle thoughts swirled in his mind. It should be winter out there, as it was winter within him ? barren and hollow, but he no longer knew.

His wounded mind had lost much, including track of time. Was it winter ? bare trees and stark branches, shades of black and gray buried within shadows under a weak sun? A foolish thought, for Coruscant was made of nothing natural, and one season was impossible to distinguish from another.

Coruscant was nothing like ? that place. Hell. A shudder ran up his spine, unnoticed.

He had thought Naboo beautiful, once. Before. When he could still see beauty in the world. When he could appreciate the lordly waterfalls dropping like necklaces of liquid silver into pools sitting in meadows of soft green under an open blue sky. A city of towering spires and rounded domes, colorful flower boxes brightening the plazas. He had had barely time to appreciate its beauty then, though it had soaked into his soul; now it haunted him.

Like so much else, what was once meaningful and good had turned cruel. Had he acknowledged such an emotion as love, he had loved it, but love had shown him its darker side, to end his life as he knew it.

Did flowers still bloom on Naboo? Were the days sunny and the citizens now happy, freed from the yoke of occupation? Did they rejoice, or did they, as did he, wander in the memories of bygone days, remembering what had been lost and could not be reclaimed?

Was Naboo warm under a summer sun, or did it shiver in the dark?

Had one season moved into another, or had time even moved on? It was hard to tell the seasons on a planet that was all city, climate-controlled, all but artificial except at its core. It was a planet that masqueraded as one, as he masqueraded as a Jedi.

They were frauds, both imposters in their universes, outwardly one thing and inwardly another. They all knew it; he could see it in their eyes. Concern, dismay, pity. It was why he had been all but hiding in the cocoon that had been his refuge, his bed in the healers ward, but he could hide no more. The healers had given him no more reason.

Taking pity, or withdrawing it, he wasn?t sure, but discharged him from their care they had done. Life went on and so must he. He had shed far too many tears. It was time to stop and to move forward. He just wished he knew how.

He leaned forward, finally, and pressed his face to the transparisteel panel. Its chill went unfelt; he was already cold, always cold. Warmth was one more thing denied him, since that day. He wondered if he would ever feel it again ? if he even remembered how it felt. Would he ever know, or was he locked forever in this stasis ? stagnant and molding, only half-alive and no more than half-dead?

A hand dropped on his shoulder and he started, eyes betraying his confusion as he relaxed and turned around. He startled too easily these days; shied from most touches, fled most looks and well wishes.

?Obi-Wan, I?m sorry,? the sonorous tones held a hint of apology. ?I startled you.?

He nodded, shrugged. He hadn?t yet gotten used to the sensation that someone had crept up behind him, taking him unawares. For too many years he had felt the approach of someone?s Force signature, augmented his human senses with the Force.

?I wasn?t listening ? I should have heard your footsteps,? he said, shivering suddenly. ?Is it winter??

?Hmm, I suppose so,? Mace conceded, a puzzled frown on his face. ?Why??

Obi-Wan looked at his fingers, rubbed them against each other. ?Cold. Dreary?empty.?

?You need some hot tea, then,? Mace said briskly, knowing that Obi-Wan was alluding to himself, not the weather. He had brought Obi-Wan from the he

 

Poor Obi!
Wait did you say that wasn't the worst of it??

Yay for Mace! Go Mace, go!! Obi-Wan needs you now.

Why can't Obi-Wan sense the Force?

 

Fantastic post! I can't wait to see what will happen. Why can obi-wan not feel the force? Is it because the bond was abruptly broken or he fed so much into Qui-gon? Or both along with Qui-gon's treatment of Obi-wan that day. I'm glad Mace is there for him. More soon please.

 

I know I'm sadistic but I'm loving the angst.
You make my day and I'm looking forward to the pins and daggers you are going to push in the Anakin and Qui voodoo dolls.

This next part is brilliant I'm so glad Mace is siding with Obi. Of course the whole story is brilliant

?I?m tired of hearing Qui-Gon use the Force to excuse his behavior. There were far kinder ways of accomplishing what he accomplished. You may not blame him for your suffering but I do,? Mace said bluntly. He softened his voice. ?I once promised him I?d look after you if anything happened to him before your knighting. I now transfer that promise to you, Obi-Wan; I?ll stand at your side as long as you need someone there, even after your knighting. You won?t be alone until you?re ready.?

?Thank you,? Obi-Wan choked out, wrapping the quilt even more tightly around himself. ?It ? might be a while.?

The Force is trying to protect Obi-Wan otherwise he would have died trying to save buckethead Jinn. I'm sure the Force will return to him when he decides to keep it within himself.


Wonderful

 

Oops, I almost missed this.

Oh dear, what's wrong with poor Obi? How was his mind damaged? Was it something Qui did, deliberately perhaps? (I wouldn't be surprised. ) Is it because Qui severed their bond? And why can't Obi feel the Force? Will Qui ever pay for being so horrible to Obi? Or has he just forgotten about his former padawan completely? And why am I asking all these questions I know you won't answer right away?

I'm so glad Mace is being so supportive, I really like him in this.

I?m tired of hearing Qui-Gon use the Force to excuse his behavior. So am I!

There were far kinder ways of accomplishing what he accomplished. Exactly! I doubt the Force told Qui to be so cruel to Obi, unless Qui was listening to the dark side.

Can't wait for more!

 

Poor Obi But nice to see he is having such a good friend in Mace.

Nice update and thanks for the PM

 

GeneralKenobi7: Yay for Mace! Go Mace, go!! Obi-Wan needs you now. He really does.

Why can't Obi-Wan sense the Force? Because I want it that way ? more angst. You?ll see, though, in a few more chapters.

Charie Why can obi-wan not feel the force? Is it because the bond was abruptly broken or he fed so much into Qui-gon? Or both along with Qui-gon's treatment of Obi-wan that day. Dang it ? you?re too perceptive or I'm far too predictable. All of the above.

Gkilkenny: The Force is trying to protect Obi-Wan otherwise he would have died trying to save buckethead Jinn. I'm sure the Force will return to him when he decides to keep it within himself. That made me loud. So, Obi-Wan is not to be giving the Force away, eh? What if he already has?

Bastet: Oh dear, what's wrong with poor Obi? How was his mind damaged? Was it something Qui did, deliberately perhaps? (I wouldn't be surprised.) Is it because Qui severed their bond? And why can't Obi feel the Force? Will Qui ever pay for being so horrible to Obi? Or has he just forgotten about his former padawan completely? And why am I asking all these questions I know you won't answer right away?

Sounds like the trailer for the 60?s Batman TV show!

There were far kinder ways of accomplishing what he accomplished. Exactly! I doubt the Force told Qui to be so cruel to Obi, unless Qui was listening to the dark side. Well... perhaps he was.

Earlybird-Obi-Wan: Mace is being a good friend in this fic.



If anyone knows, I really wish someone would clue me in what I'm doing - or not - to, er, not-attract readers. I suppose one thing is to post/bump/thank you every other day - but I won't - must allow others their time to shine on page 1 as well, right? <nods head> (hey, I just agreed with myself - that's a first! )

Ah, well, I have you guys. You dedicated few - - you keep me posting when I'm tempted by the dark side to just walk away. You guys make it worthwhile and keep me from falling to the dark. Thank you all for your support over the last few years.

 

Oh, believe me Valairy, I'm checking every day. I just don't post as what I usually have to say is just stupid anyway. But that doesn't mean I'm not totally enjoying your fics. (and I have read quite a few of them - I just have trouble finding some of them). Anyway, please don't stop. I'm sure a lot of your fans are like me and read but don't always respond.

 

*comes out of lurk mode* I'm guilty there, too. I spend a majority of my board time over in the roleplaying forums, but I do wander into the fanfic forums on a regular basis to check on a few stories, though I haven't posted over here in years. I've been following this one for a bit now, and am throughly enjoying it. Overall, I liked Qui-Gon in TPM, but I still read and enjoy stories like this, where he's painted as a less likable character.

Keep up the good work!

 

Just found this. I like it a lot. Please post more.