"Star Wars" Pt. 1-The Phantom Menace-COMPLETE--Tagged!

OK, I decided there have been plenty of rewrites for TPM, but I haven't seen any (but I'm sure there are some) for any of the other episodes, except for a few speculative ones for II and III.

So I'm going to attempt to rewrite the entire series. I love Star Wars, and wouldn't want to seriously change anything in any of the movies, but I thought a rewrite might be fun. You may be sick of Episode I rewrites, but you'll have to bear with me .

STAR WARS
EPISODE I
The Phantom Menace

Turmoil has engulfed the Galactice Republic. The taxation of trade routes to the outlying star systems is in dispute.

Hoping to resolve the matter with a blockade of deadly starships, the Trade Federation has stopped all transportation and shipping to the small planet of Naboo.

While the Congress of the Republic endlessly debates the disturbing turn of events, Chancellor Valorum has secretly dispatched two Jedi Knights, the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy, to settle the conflict...



A Republic starship, a diplomatic transport, cruised along the invisible winds of space towards the glistening orb that is known as Naboo. It's course was altered slightly as it arced toward one of the many enormous silver Trade Federation battleships.

On board, two figures shrouded in the shadows stood behind the two pilots of the ship, arms folded in front of them. The taller one moved an arm onto the co-pilot's shoulder, and in a soothing voice, he gave his order.

"Contact the Federation battleship. Let them know the Ambassadors of the Chancellor wish to board."

In a fine display of obedience, the pilot opened a communications link with the other ship.

"Republic Diplomatic Transport [i[Redemption[/i] requesting permission to dock. The Ambassadors sent by the Chancellor are on board."

"Permission granted, you may proceed to docking bay fourteen, two escorts are on their way."

_____________________________________________

Jedi Knight Qui-Gon Jinn was guided into a long, elegant dining hall by a silver plated protocol droid. Followed by his friend Obi-Wan Kenobi, he greeted the Federation leader Nute Gunray and his aide/secretary Lott Dodd.

"Welcome aboard, Ambassador." Gunray's demeanor was pleasant enough. His record showed he was non-confrontational and a rather quiet Nieumodian. Obi-Wan followed suit and grasped for Gunray's forearm, a greeting typical of the Nieumodian race. Despite the warm greeting, Obi-Wan felt something...different...in the air.

The Jedi were seated and the usual pleasentries were exchanged. The Federation expressed it's will to cooperate with the investigation and the ambassador's wishes. Qui-Gon Jinn was becoming increasingly suspicious of the secretary, as was his fellow Knight Kenobi. Dodd had been examining both of the guests for a few moments, and both Jedi were becoming conscious of it.

Before talks truly began, the silver droid interrupted the meeting to speak to the Federation officials. They excused themselves and left the hall with little explanation other than they had a message to respond to.

Once alone, Qui-Gon stood and turned to his friend. "I sense something...out of place. An unusual amount of fear here..."

Kenobi nodded. "I have felt this as well, what do you think they're up to?"

The other shook his head in dismay. "With things like this trade dispute causing so much trouble lately, it makes me wonder what kind of Republic I'm serving. Is it really what it used to be?"

"Our job is to make sure these disputes are solved quickly, don't be so quick to accuse the authority."

Jinn turned his attention to the vast canvas of space, and the lower portion of the gleaming planet of Naboo. "Perhaps...It's possible my master was right all along. What are we fighting for, Obi-Wan?"

Kenobi reached a comforting shoulder out to his friend. "Control your feelings, Qui-Gon, those particular ones wil not get you very far with Master Yoda." He revealed one of his common rogueish sm

 

This sunk really fast, but I can't let anything die, you'd know that if you know me.

I'll post another entry if anyones interested.

 

Fast pacing, less than perfect Jedi, smart Trade Federation. I like what I'm seeing and looking forward to more.( ::shameless plug:: Give mine a look if you get a chance. The link's in my signature.)
Since you're doing all six, what do you have in mind for the rest of the series?

 

Back in the dining hall, Obi-Wan Kenobi sat at the long table, concentrating on finding out why the meeting was interrupted. Qui-Gon paced slowly at the viewport, his hands folded behind his back.

"Is it customary to have us wait this long?" he wondered aloud.

Kenobi shook his head. "We're in danger. This--"

He was interrupted by a hissing sound that filled the room. Both Jedi immediately looked up towards the vents. "Gas! Let's go."
_____________________________________________
Gunray entered the bridge of his control ship, letting himself get distracted by the beauty of outer space. His aide headed straight for the second in command, Rune Haako, and informed him of the situation. Haako nodded comprehension and had the bridge shut off.
_____________________________________________
The battle droid captain waved his squad to a halt in front of the main door. "Our orders are to make sure no one is left alive."

The order barely escaped his voicebox when the doors opened and two Jedi came barreling out of the room. Both sides were momentarily caught by surprise, but the Jedi had the quicker reflexes. As the captain droid lifted his rifle, he was cut down by Obi-Wan Kenobi, who's green lightsaber hissed as it sliced through wire.

Qui-Gon extended a hand and force-pushed two droids into the far wall, spinning his saber to decapitate a droid behind him. They proceeded to avoid and block all the shots the droids dished out, taking out the entire squad in a matter of seconds. They took off down the hall, heading for the control bridge.

"I'll stand guard, you get through the door," Obi-Wan ordered. His friend complied and jammed his saber through the thick door to the bridge. The heat of the saber began to melt away the metal protecting the leaders inside from the Jedi threat. Obi-Wan surveyed the area, increasingly suspicious of his surroundings.

"Do you hear that, Qui-Gon?"

 

I like this! Keep it coming!


('cough'- shameless plug- why not give mine a quick look. Thanks!-cough-)

 

Question: how old are Obiwan and Qui-Gon in this rewrite? I gte the impression that Obiwan is the older of the two firends, which I like; it's a throwback to some of the earlier drafts of TPM. Are both of them apprentices of Yoda, just Obiwan has already moved on? That's the impression I got, correct me if I'm wrong. Keep it UP.

 

The thing with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan.

Yes, Obi-Wan is slightly older in this. They're both Jedi Knights, neither with an apprentice, and both are kind o fkeeping an eye out for one. I'm glad you are enjoying yourselves.

 

Since you're doing all six, what do you have in mind for the rest of the series?

Oh, I have some things in mind...most of which I don't think have been done. Now you have something to look forward to.

 

i like it! keep it comin'!

 

"This is insane! Close the blast doors!" Nute Gunray ordered. A solid, heavier door fell down in front of the first one, and for a moment, the glow of the lightsaber burning through the metal disappeared. Dodd averted his gaze from the door to Rune Haako, second-in-command with a slightly worried expression on his face.

"They're still coming through," Gunray noted when he saw a piece of metal drop from the door, having been burned off. "How did this go so wrong?"

"We're about the fix the problem, Viceroy," Haako said, reassuringly. Don't let him overreact....yet.
_____________________________________________
Qui-Gon heard the blast doors slam down on the opposite side of the wall, but didn't let that discourage him. He continued to melt away the metal as Obi-Wan kept watch. His friend had just asked if he had heard something. It took a moment, but soon he could hear it as well. A rolling sound...?

"Destroyer droids!" Obi-Wan's warning was sharp and urgent, drawing Qui-Gon away from the door. He swung his saber around to face the two destroyer droids that were rolling down the hall towards them. The two Jedi eyed the opponent, then each other. A volley of repeating laser fire sped towards them, and they attempted to block or deflect all of the shots. Deciding it was a losing battle, Qui-Gon lead the escape, using a Jedi trick to increase his speed. Obi-Wan followed closely, barely escaping the assault, and getting a piece of his brown cloak ripped off by a bolt that came too close to home for the Jedi.

Qui-Gon leaped up into a ventiliation shaft and crawled a few feet in, waiting for his friend, who arrived seconds later. He reattached his lightsaber to his belt and proceeded down the long shaft.
_____________________________________________
"I can't believe it. They escaped...twice?" Gunray stood in shock. Haako sent a technician to the gate for a damage assessment and watched his superior officer. "This is not good." Gunray's mind was racing, he could barely think straight. He had not felt this nervous in a long time, since he began his career.

"Viceroy, shall I have their transport destroyed so they can't get off the ship?" Haako asked.

The Viceroy hesitated, not sure if he wanted to take it that far, but realized it was best, or else word could get out that ambassadors were killed by the Trade Federation. "Have the ship destroyed...and tell the Senate that we never recieved them."

"Yes, Viceroy."
_____________________________________________

The Jedi crawled to a crossways, and now they were faced with the decision of which way to go. An explosion that could be heard to the left made the decision a little easier. "The ship..." Obi-Wan stated grimly.

Qui-Gon nodded, turning right, heading towards what he hoped was one of the adjoining docking bays.
_____________________________________________
The silver circular table in the conference room was surrounded by officials of the Trade Federation, called together for an emergency meeting by the Viceroy himself. Only the top-most commanders were invited. Once everyone had settled, Gunray stood from the seat directly in front of the viewport.

"What is said here will never leave these walls, is that understood?" There was a universal nod from around the table. "At least until the subject is deemed suitable for public knowledge. Earlier, the Supreme Chancellor secretly dispatched two ambassadors to plead with us. These ambassador's turned out to be Jedi warriors, whom several of my crew believe were sent to destroy us rather than bargain with us. This is a disturbing turn of events, and we have two options before us now. This blockade fleet is equipped with an invasion force strong enough to neutralize the Naboo. We can mobilize and use these to force a settlement, or we can sit by and head back to the negotiating tables."

One of the top Nieumodian Generals, Benek, stood several seats away from the Viceroy. "It is abundantly clear now that the Senate has no intentions of

 

hey! I like this! please keep it up!

 

Thanks! I will keep it up if people keep replying.

 

yes, please do it.

this is actually my first rewrite reading. I'm looking forward to it.

oh yeah... love your icon... is Jabba's pet isn't it?

 

Up.

 

Jabba's pet it is indeed. He is the real hero of Star Wars...though not in my rewrites.


Next entry should be up within an hour or so.

 

Qui-Gon entered the docking bay area first, stopping at the exit of the vent shaft. Behind him, Obi-Wan stopped and tried to peer around his partner.

"That looks like enough ships to knock out an entire region," Qui-Gon stated as he examined all the craft laying before him. He recieved a nudge from Kenobi to move along, and he did so.

"That's what they intend to do, let's go."

The two left the ventilation shaft and sneaked aboard one of the enormous landing craft, right behind one of the last tan attack tanks, using a Jedi trick to divert anyone's attention.

The docking bay shields opened to let the first wave of invasion ships through. Enormous "H" shaped drop ships slowly proceeded towards the blue orb that was Naboo. Each ship had an escort of a few droid fighter craft for defense, which arrayed in a forward pattern guarding the drop ships.
____________________________________________
"They might have escaped aboard one of the landing craft, Viceroy."

"Or they could be hiding on this very ship, either way it is not good," came a sharp response. To say the Viceroy was not happy with the current turn of events would be an understatement. He was furious. "Put all troops on the alert. I don't want them to escape this time."

The officer bowed respectfully and drew away from the group of commanders. Haako turned to take a private message from a junior officer. He nodded and turned to the Viceroy, speaking in a quiet voice. "Viceroy, Queen Amidala is requesting a channel to speak with you."

Gunray let out a heavy sigh and looked to his second in command. "Put it through."

Queen Amidala, wearning large ornate clothes appeared in the center of the room via hologram transmission. Her attempts to hide her anxiousness weren't enough to keep Gunray from noticing. As far as the Viceroy could tell, the young Queen of Naboo, around eighteen years of age, was sitting in her throne, but with all those heavy clothes it was hard to tell.

"Viceroy Gunray, I have received word that two ambassadors have been holding negotiations with your Trade Federation above my planet. I demand to know what progress has been made."

Gunray didn't have to think much about a response. "Your Highness, we have received no such ambassadors, though we have received word, as well, that they would be arriving."

The Queen was still and silent upon hearing this news. What's your next move...your Highness...Gunray thought to himself. He almost let a smile slip out.

"I do hope nothing has happened to them. I would not enjoy further problems hampering our negotiations, Viceroy."

"The Trade Federation wants this issue resolved quickly, Queen Amidala. We have faith that it will be over soon enough." There was a lie in that statement, but there was a layer of truth to it. In fact, it would be over soon enough. "At current, we have some issues to take care of, as always, it is a pleasure to speak to you."

Amidala scowled just before the transmission was cut. "Quick, cut off all communications in and out of Theed. I want that entire region out of commission before our troops land, is that understood?"

Emphatic affirmatives rang in his ears. The men went to work, except for Dodd. Instead, he and the Viceroy shared a meaningful look. "There's no turning back now, Viceroy."

"I know."
_____________________________________________"It is all proceeding as I have foreseen it. The Naboo will be no match for your troops, this matter will be resolved quickly enough."

Dodd stood in the middle of his private quarters, watching a hologram transmission that came from an unknown area of the galaxy. Represented on the holgram was a hooded figure wearing all black, his face concealed by shadows of his cloak. A sadistic smile broke out on the visible lower portion of the creature's face. Dodd wasn't so sure of the situation as his contracter was.

"Lord Sideous, the Chancellor has dispatched ambassadors to negotiate with us." Dodd was cut off by Sideous.

"Yes, I know. They must be disp

 

One more for today, hope you like it.
_____________________________________________


A small part of the landing force had found a clearing a few miles away from Theed, away from any settlements that would alarm the Naboo army. It took a few hours, but the troops and equipment was finally unloaded and forming up ranks around the perimeter of camp.

The last few STAPs were revving up to bring up the rear. The landing bays were empty except for the STAPs and around five pilot droids. Seizing the opportunity, the Jedi ignited their sabers and assaulted the final three. One took off out of the bay just in time, but the other two weren't so lucky.

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan jumped onto the vehicles and gunned the engines, flying at full speed out of the bay, into a closed in swamp area. The tanks had already begun to move out, crashing their way through the swamp trees and scaring the native wildlife.

Obi-Wan lead the escape, turning his STAP to head on a course in the general direction of the assault force, but off to the side, out of view. They left the clearing behind in a matter of seconds, but not necessarily what the clearing held. Qui-Gon was caught by surprise when a laser struck the lower portion of his craft, tilting him off balance momentarily. He glanced back to see a single droid piloting a STAP behind them avert a large tree trunk and pull into a course directly behind them.

Up ahead, Kenobi noticed it as well, banking sharply to turn into a cluster of trees. Qui-Gon was just about to follow when Obi-Wan came speeding out of the cluster as fast as he went in, if not faster. Behind Kenobi were two more STAPs who pulled in between the Jedi, unknowingly in front of Qui-Gon.
Qui-Gon searched for a way to fire the weapons of the STAP, finding them before he could lose sight of the trailing droid. He fired a few times, clipping the right wing of the STAP and sending it into a tree. He avoided the tree, but not the droid that Obi-Wan had just force-pushed. His reflexes weren't enough to save the bottom tip from behind hit by the droid as it fell, which sent Qui-Gon into a downward spiral. He managed to get off the deathtrap, but as he fell he was knocked unconscious and collapsed into a limp heap on the dirt.

The droid behind him sped past without a seconds notice, intent on taking out the other Jedi.
_____________________________________________
Queen Amidala sat in her throne chair, surveying the room around her. It was filled with her top advisors and local leaders of the people. They all formed a circle around a hologram of Naboo's Senator Palpatine, who had a dumbfounded look on his face.

"If what the Viceroy said is true, then this is a very bleak moment indeed. The negotiations should--" His transmission was interrupted by static that disrupted his voice and eventually destroyed the image altogether.

"Senator Palpatine? Senator?" Amidala looked to one of her aides. "What happened?"

"We lost connection with Coruscant, your Highness."

Governor Sio Bibble straightened in his seat. "Try the other channels."
The order was followed, and they still could not set up a clean communication link with the capital of the Republic.

"Sir, I can't establish a link anywhere outside the palace..."

Bibble's calm expression soon was changed to one of dread. "If the Viceroy cut
communications...it can mean only one thing..."

Amidala looked to a group of handmaidens, sworn bodyguards of the Queen, and frowned. "--Invasion." She interrupted.

Panaka, the Royal Guard squad commander, shook his head vehemently. "It may be too soon to tell. Perhaps this is just a temporary problem."

The whole room watched him. "Wishful thinking," Bibble added. He shook his head as well. "It is an invasion, is the military prepared to defend Theed?"

The general of the armies glanced to the floor. She blinked and didn't respond. Amidala knew what that meant.

 

This is good! You should check out mine too!

 

excellent! please more!

the real hero? he messed with 3PO my hero... I don't know he's cute but he's mean *grin*

 

Scum, I've read yours, the Episode I one, right? It's looking good as well, I'll be posting more over there, too.

 

Generals? Who need generals when you've got a captain apparently in charge of your entire military? <<chuckling>> Just joking. Thank you for adding the generals. Amidala's active role in the conversation, and her not keeping her head in the sand, is a nice change also. Keep up the good work.

 

Thanks . I'm on a roll typing the thing out, so I have about four that are ready to be posted, but I think I'll post two today, or maybe just one. Definately one though.

 

Big questions now...Would I have Jar Jar return?____________________________________________

Dodd stood back to let the Viceroy, who was anxiously pacing the floor, pass. "Reassure me, Secretary Dodd, that our forces can easily crush the Naboo resistance and end this taxation. It was you who formulated the plan, after all, correct?"

"Yes, Viceroy, it was. And I will reassure you hundreds of times that this conflict will be at an end quickly."
Gunray halted and spun to face his aide.

"What makes you so sure?"

Dodd nearly choked at this sudden seeming accusation, for it wasn't the Viceroy's usual character to be this clever. His mind briefly flicked back to Sideous, but he buried the thought deep inside, realizing that Gunray couldn't possibly know anything about it. Even so, his black eyes swung to look behind the Viceroy, at Haako, who narrowed his eyes.

"I...have faith in my plan, Viceroy. I assure you--"

"You can assure me nothing, secretary. You've failed me before, you had better not fail me this time. I had better not made a mistake in trusting you." He raised a spindly finger in his aides face. Dodd felt the pressure grow on him, but his training brushed the threat off.

His voice lowered, and he spoke in a more direct manner, staring at the Viceroy. "You have not made a mistake. Things will follow through. I have assurances..."

Gunray stood straight and scoffed. "Assurances. Ready my shuttle, I'm going to the surface."

He quickly disappeared down the hall, leaving his aide and second in command alone. They watched each other for a long moment, then dispersed.
_____________________________________________

Qui-Gon Jinn opened his eyes to find himself looking straight up at the sun. He blinked, squinted, and tried to sit up. His head was sore. Reaching a hand up to rub it, he tried to scan his surroundings, he was in the same place where he fell. At least as far as he could tell.

"Are you alright?"

The Jedi spun around to face a tall, frog-faced creature who was hunched over a pile of nuts and berries, eating at a quick pace. The Jedi blinked again to regain his composure, then leaned back onto his arm. "I think I'll live."

"My name's Jar Jar Binks. Who're you?"

Qui-Gon examined the creature before him. It was tall, fairly well built, tannish orange skin, and spoke in a slow speech. It seemed kind of offish at first, not really wanting to be around him, but Qui-Gon sense some friendliness in it.

"Qui-Gon Jinn. I'm....an ambassador from the Republic. I have to speak to the Queen."
Jar Jar shook his head. "I don't know no Queen, Mr. Qui-Gon Jinn. You must've hit your head pretty hard, where' you from again?"

"Coruscant, the captial of the Republic." The creature nodded his head, watching the Jedi closely. "You don't believe me? I'm here to speak to Queen Amidala, of the Naboo."

Binks looked to the dirt whe he heard the word Naboo. "We don't talk to the Naboo."

"Who's we?"

"The Gungans. The Naboo think they're superior to us, at least, that's what I've been told. I've never talked to one before."
A noise distracted them from their conversation. Obi-Wan appeared from out of the thick of the woods on a STAP, cruising for their location. He brought it to a halt a ways away from the camp and jumped off. The whole time his eye was on the newcomer.

"What's this creature, Qui-Gon. A friend of yours?" Obi-Wan quipped.

Qui-Gon held his head. "This creature helped me recover from when I hit my head falling off of the speeder. His name is Jar Jar Binks. He's a Gungan."

Obi-Wan smirked. "A Gungan, eh?"
J
ar Jar stood tall and puffed his chest. "Yeah, a Gungan. This ambassador here isn't strong enough to handle himself for a while."

The Jedi looked to each other, smiling at the naive animal before them. "Can you help us find anyone who can take us to the Queen?"
Jar Jar looked examined the craft Obi-Wan rode in on suspiciously. "I dunno if I should be helping you...it's your fault those invaders are

 

good job as usual Vaderbait

you know, I actually like Jar Jar. I mean, I don't have anything against him...I don't get why people hate him so much.

More

 

Omigod. Jar Jar is actually understandable? And helpful? What's the world coming to? UP