A second chance ( a Qui-Gon and obi-wan JA story, angst)

This is my first fan fic so please go easy on me....

Oh and sorry, but my spelling really stinks :S

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The rain pours down without mercy outside as qui-gon runs down the long halls of the Jedi Temple. * I should have never let him leave.*

The halls seem to last forever never ending, never allowing him to find his Padawan. The seconds tick by reminding Qui-Gon that he has no time to waste.

Qui-Gon can remember the sound of the blaster fire ripping through the air, making him fully alert and aware. But that wasn't what worried him. It was the sudden feeling of a burning pain in his chest. The feeling had come from his padawan telling him something horrible had happened.

" Qui-Gon! " Yelled a voice from behind him, but Qui-Gon didn't stop. Something was wrong and Obi-Wan was in trouble.

Qui-Gon reached the Gardens and saw several healers and Jedi knights around one small area by a tree.

Qui-Gon slowly aproched the area afraid of what he might find there.

Tahl walked up to Qui-Gon with a sarrowful look on her face. " I'm sorry Qui... Obi-wan..."

Qui-Gon's jaw tightened. * NO! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!*

Qui-Gon walked past several Knights making his way to the center.

Mace Windu approches Qui-Gon. " Qui... it would be best if you didn't go in there. "

Qui-Gon walks past the Jedi Master and what he sees before him tears out his heart. In the grass surrounded by frowning healers lays Obi-Wan with a blaster shot in his chest. " NOOO!" Qui-Gon runs up to the lifeless body of his padawan and picks it up holding Obi-Wan's Lifeless body in his arms.

Tahl approches a heart-Broken Qui-Gon.
" Qui...-"

" Who did this?" Qui-Gon askes in a low almost growling tone, cutting Tahl off.

" I don't know... there was nothing you could do about it.."

Qui-Gon hugs the lifeless body close to him shedding quiet tears.

Obi-Wan's pale and lifeless form lays limp in Qui-Gon's arms. Qui-Gon wipes the slow trale of blood from Obi-Wan's chin that was running from his mouth. " Obi-Wan I'm sorry..." Qui-Gon whispers quietly.

A small tear makes it's way down Qui-Gons cheek and falls on Obi-Wan's body.

Mace and a couple other Jedis get the group that has formed out of the gardens and leave Qui-Gon alone.

Qui-Gon let's the tears flow as he wishes he could have a second chance... and that Obi-Wan would come back to him. " You can't leave me..." Qui-Gon whispers, but even though he knows the cold hard truth. Obi-Wan is gone and he isn't coming back.

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TBC
ok that is it for now... I may finish more later and FB is greatly appreciated but please go easy on me...

 

This lame huh?....

 

Don't feel too bad. Personally I'd love to see what happens. I didn't get any reviews or anything for my story either.

 

I think it's good.

Sometimes you have to give it time. Just keep writing. And don't worry about the spelling. I totally understand.

~Swede

 

Thanks...
but I think I may drop this one.. because in the long run I guess it is stupid so.. anyways thanks for the replies...

 

Don't give up on it! The best way to improve as a writer is to keep writing! I think this has potential!

 

Great start.I hope the title means what it says,I am not sure I can read any stroy that Obi is actually dead.I mean you can't convince me now the QGJ was killed by Maul.I choose not to except it.Looking for another post.PEACE Ewen

 

Yeah, don't give up. Listen to Obi the Kid. She knows what she's talking about. And if all else fails, make it a round robin.

~Swede

 

Ooo! Great start! Please don't give up, this looks really good, and I'll be sad if it ends!

More soon please!

 

that is a sad start but hey good story post more please and don't give up

 

ok you convinced me Here's Part two
sorry it's kinda short
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Qui-Gon sits in his room not wanting to believe that it happened. he knew it wasn't supposed to happen this way somehow he knew it. He'd give anything to go back two days and change everything. " If only I had known that my actions would lead to my losing the one person I hold dear none of this would have happened."

Although he knows sleep won't come easy Qui-Gon knows he must try to get some rest. For the first time in his adult life he's never felt so lost.

Qui-Gon slowly closes his eyes. Although the dark visions of Obi-Wan's body haunt him in his sleep he eventually dirfts off.

~~~Next Morning~~~

Qui-Gon wakes to the sound of the holo vid running in the living area. * I don't remember turning it on.* Qui-Gon slowly get's out of bed and walks out of a small hallways leading to the living area.

What Qui-Gon sees sitting in the living area nearly makes him want to pass out.

" Master are you alright? You look like you've seen a ghost..."

 

Glad to see you're going to keep this up. Sounds like Ground Hogs Day (the movie). Looks good.

~Swede

 

Oh this is just so great Aayla! Fantastic start here. I think your spelling is just fine. Don't worry about it. Have confidence in your writing. If you ever do think you would like help for that,there are many in the fan fic forum or writers resource forum that would be happy to help you out. Again i love your story. Keep it up please!

Sara

 

OH this is a great start I love it all ready and can't wait for more! I just found this today and when I read that you were not gonna continue I was like "NO!" then I scrolled down and I was like "YAY she continued!" I'm not really sure what my point is but just please please please continue!
Felicia Z.

 

Oooo, what's going on?

 

Keep going! UP!

-Little Jedi-
MTFBWY

 

Yeah don't give up yet! I NEED to know what's going to happen!

Great start! It's not lame at all

 

hey all thanks for the replies... I'll start part three in a bit right now I'm kinda busy so keep checking everyonce in a while today and the new part will be up soon

-Aayla-

 

hey kels...it is me james from JediSith...great job...YOU RULE!!!
Nutters live forever man...

 

OK all here is part 3 and hi james and thanks for reading.

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" Master?"

Qui-Gon just stands in the empty doorway for second just staring at the scene before him. " Obi-wan?.."

" um.... ya...." obi-wan says like it's totally obvious.

Qui-Gon staggers over to the couch that Obi-Wan is sitting on. " But you're dead."

" If I was dead master would I be sitting here watching the Young and the Green? Speaking of which... Why am I watching this?" Obi-wan changes the channel just as Qui-Gon sits down next to him.

Qui-Gon gently touches the side of Obi-Wan's face and Obi-Wan just stares at him.

" Master you been eating paint chips again?" asks Obi-wan still looking at his master wondering why he is acting so strange.

Qui-Gon then grabs Obi-Wan and hugs him tightly. " Obi-Wan I thought I had lost you."

" I hadn't relized I had been missplaced..." Obi-Wan says into Qui-Gon chest. Obi-Wan just let's qui-gon hug him for a bit. " Uh.. master.. can you release me now... you're hurting me..." Obi-Wan says wiggling slightly.

Qui-Gon let's go " Sorry padawan..."

" It's ok" Obi-Wan replies rubbing his sore neck.

Qui-Gon looks at the calender. * Thursday, but I thought It was Sunday... Calender must be slow two Days* " Padawan what day of the week is it?"

" Thursday... Why?"

* I've been given two days to prevent what happened...* " No reason"

" Ok..."

* wait what about the murderer?...* Qui-Gon suddenly feels dizzy from the thought that if he loses Obi-Wan this time he is truely gone forever.

" Master are you ok?"

The last thing qui-gon remembers is His padawan's worried face just as he blacks out.

~~~ a while later ~~~

Qui-Gon slowly comes to and what he sees before him scares the crud out of him. "AAAAHHH!"

Obi-Wan steps back and pulls the picture of Yoda in a thong that he had been holding infront of Qui-Gon away. " I knew that photo would come in handy some day." Obi-Wan turns the photo over and looks at it slightly.
" eeeewwwwwwww, Yoda has an old guys arse..."

" Padawan..." Qui-Gon uses his warning tone.

" Sorry master..." Obi-Wan apologizes.

" Nevermind that..."

" Master I'm gonna go for a walk with bant ok?"

" NO!"

Obi-wan is taken aback by the sudden mood change in his master.

" You will remain by me at all time!" Qui-Gon says sternly.

" Yes master..."

" Now come with me we have a murder investigation to work on.

" Who was killed?" Obi-wan asks looking at his master interested.

" You were..." Qui-Gon answers gravely.

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OK more to come... sorry this on is kinda weird and slightly lighthearted

 

Oooo, did Qui go back into the past? Great post!

More soon please!

Hehe... Yoda in a thong!!!!!

 

HEY BEST BUDDY IN THE WORLD!!!! lol,all the replies are really good so why dissin ya self well i love it okay so shut up! well ya okay i G2G right now layta

 

hehehe... sorry I just had to add the Yoda in a thong...
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" What do you mean I was Murdered? I'm standing right here!" Obi-wan says suprised as he walks downt he hall with his Master.

Qui-Gon doesn't answer as he turns the corner.

" Hey Obi! Wanna come and go for a swim with me?" Bant asks as she walks up next to Obi-Wan.

" Sorry I can't... Qui-Gon is being a Mother Hen... won't let me out of his sight.." Obi-wan rolls his eyes.

Bant Giggles. " Ok obi.. I'll see you later."

" Bye Bant." Obi-wan says as Bant walks off to the gardens without him. Obi-Wan sighs and follows Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan follows Qui-Gon to the Council Chambers. " Master what are we doing here?"

" I have to speak with Master Yoda, although I won't beable to look at him and not think about him in a thong thanks to you." Obi-Wan grins.

" Wish to speak to me you do?"

Qui-Gon looks down to see yoda just coming out of the Chambers. " Yes but I wish to speak to you alone..."

" Follow me you will... wait out here Obi-Wan will." Yoda says as he walks into the room followed by Qui-Gon.

Qui-Gon is hesitant at first to leave Obi-Wan behind. " Stay here until I get back Obi-Wan..."

" Yes master..." Obi-Wan says as he sits down in a chair.

Qui-Gon and Yoda walk in and close the door.

Obi-Wan sits in the chair by the wall waiting for his master to come back. Suddenly Obi-Wan feels a dark presence.

" So your Master thinks he can protect you this time does he?"

Obi-Wan doesn't even have a chance to call for his Master's help as the mystery man punches Obi-Wan sending him to the floor.

The man picks Obi-Wan up by then collar and gags him the over powers Obi-Wan into thinking he needs to block his and his master's training bond. " Now... You will pay for what you have done to me..."

Obi-Wan feels the mans fist strike him again trying to knock him out but Obi-Wan isn't quiet knocked out till the man punches him a final time.

" this time he isn't getting a second Chance..." the man growls as he drags Obi-wan away.

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more to come soon, but only if you like the story

 

Of course I like this story. More.

~Swede

 

Well I'm glade ppl are ACTUALLY reading it... I'll post more soon..