A Time Kept Secret...*re-written first fan fic*

This was my firt fan fic, but it sucked so I'm writing it over again.

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The lightning streaked across the sky, with long, branching fingertips. The wind whipped the curtains by the open window, and the thunder echoed with a loud boom in the night. The sounds on Corellia were that of any typical storm. But this night, the air was peirced by the pain-filled cry of a woman in labor. "Tis alright ma'am. It'll be harder cause of yer fall, but ye and yer babe will be just fine..." cooed the gentle mid-wife as she wiped a cold rag across the woman's sweaty forehead. The woman only looked up, her blue eyes pleading, her body writhing in absolute agony.
The mid-wife beckoned to her assistant. "Tell the servant to get a message to the father right away. He needs to be here in case....." she trailed off, her assistant only nodding in mute understandingand running to do her mistress's bidding. The mid-wife turned back to the pained woman. "Alright now, you need to push..."
* * *
As the servant rushed past, an older, slim woman gabbed her by the arm, flinging her arond to face her. "Whats going on?!" the older one demanded. "I...I...must get a m...message to h..him.....in case....she do...don't make it." stammered the young assistant. The older woman flung her away in disgust, a mean look on her face. "Go!" she shouted, and the young woman complied immediatly. The older woman paced. He'll be back soon... she thought to herself. Maybe too soon...I'll have to do it tonight then... A look of determined resolution came over her face and she stormed off down the hall.
* * *
A final scream came from the new mother, followed by the cry of a newborn. "Tis a boy ma'am!" cried the mid-wife happily as she cut the cord and began to clean the infant up. "Ma'am?" She turned back around and saw the woman limp, her eyes closed and her breathing rapidly slowing. The mid-wife set the infant down and ran to the door, shouting for her assistant and the house servant. Having no immediate reply, the mid-wife took off down the hall at a dead run.
As the wind, since quieted, blw the soft curtains about, a darkly cloaked figure climbed in the window. She picked up the swaddled bundle and chuckled lightly. Looking over at the mother, she whispered softly. "He took my son....now I take his." The mother stirred just barely, teetering on the edge of unconsciousness. A soft word escaped her lips, barely audible, barely understandable. "O...Obi-Wan..." With that, the woman gracefully climbed out the window, baby in arms and made her way into the streets, smiling wickedly at the shrill scream that echoed in the night a few moments later as the mid-wife returned to the room.

 

More more more more...

 

As soon as I get it written...

 

here's more!

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25 years later
"We don't want you here!" shouted an angry voice in a sea of angry voices. The poor announcer dodged another rock and pleaded with the crowd to settle down. "Please! Listen to reason! An advanced mining operations will bring commerce and progress here!" The crowd booed and hisses, the violent feeling palpable. "Preserve our world!" rang a shout, soon picked up by others. "Preserve nature!" A rain of foodstuffs and rocks were hurled at the podium and the building behind him. The crowd roared with a loud, angry voice as they began to tear apart the square.
A tiny, black speck, a grenade was tosed into one of the now broken windows, and a few minutes later, a giant fireball blew off the top half of the building and send a giant cloud of flame roiling up into the sky. Customs and police arrived quicly, but the damage had already been done and people lay dead in the streets.
* * *
"Father, is it really worth it? Is this operation worth the blood that has been spilt over it?" came a young girl's voice. A tall, broad shouldered man, with dark eyes, and short dark hair turned from the window at which he stood. Anger shone clear in his eyes. With a swift motion, he backhanded the girl, cutting her cheek deep from his ring. She landed on the floor, her backslamming against the bed's footboard with a cry of pain. "Know your place Julara! I am your father and the head of this house! You will NOT qestion me!"
The blue eyes girl just nodded and curled up on the floor, trembling with her tears. He stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Crawling on her hands and knees to the door by the bed, she went into her mother's room. She got to her knees by the bed and took her hand.
The woman in the bed opened her eyes slowly, her chestnut colored hair, streaked with silver fanning out behind her, and her blue eyes twinkling slightly, but clouded from sickness. Her slight smile disappeared when she saw Julara's cheek. She reached out a trembling hand and touched it. In a raspy voice, deteriorated from lack of use, she spoke. "He hit you again didn't he?". Julara bit back her already lowing tears and nodded. The woman sighed. "Your brother would have put him in his place, your brother would have been a strong man....." Julara rose, tears of bitterness flowing fresh down her cheeks. She spoke, her voice full of pain and anger, "My brother, my brother! Always my brother!! What about me?! Why can't you talk about me? The child of yours who is here!" She turned and ran out of the room, and her mother closed her eyes and slept again.
Julara ran into her room and shut the door, sinking to the floor in a pile of sobs. Why did her mother's life, what little she had left anyway, alwayshave to center on him? Why was he the one talked aout, fawned over, missed, when she sat in the corner ignored. She was ignored in favor of a sibling who wasn't even there. Who never would be, and barely had been. Her whole life, se was shuffled around like an unwanted piece of luggage. All because her poor mother was so devastated over the loss of her first child. The child, who's birth had put her into a coma for five months. The child who had nearly killed her, yet he was still the favorite. And she, the one who they had, the one who should have been lavished affection and love, sat alone, in a cold, dark room and cried.
She could never forgt his name. The name her mother spoke so much, the name she had come to hate as the one who stole away her parent's love.....his name...Obi-Wan

 

Oh my.... you have left me speechless.

If the first two posts are any indication this will be a great story, excellent writing!

Hope you can post more soon!

 

Thank You! As soon as I finish my summer reading journals I'll post more.

 

*busily works on her next post and giggles*

 

I remember this story. I was hoping you would pick it up again. (Incidently, it really wasn't half bad the first time, but I must say, you've come a long way in expanding what little you have redone so far. Way to go! (As I have told others, posts are never bad; they just haven't been completely revised yet). Keep up the good work. Looking forward to seeing what you ultimatly plan to do with this one. --AWK

 

Very chilling indeed. I think that Obi-Wan is going to have one crazy sibling on his tail soon, hmm? Keep up the good work, JMA!!!


aa

 

It'll be done no later then tonight...

 

here ya go:

The man paced in his office. These riots by these mere farmers were a thorn in his side. He sat down in his chair, in angry contemplation. Not only were his operations being delayed because some ignorant backwoodsmen wanted to stay ignorant, but his own daughter was a defient wench. All he asked for was total obedience. She owed it to him. HE was her father. And his wife lay dying. She had never been the same since their first child, their only son had been stolen. He had a fair idea of who it was. His ex-wife had sworn revenge when he sent their son to live with his grandparents. She was insane. But, the idea of having kids at all made him want to rip his hair out, so he had not pursued it. He had enough hell having to deal with that wench of a daughter without having a bull headed son along with it.
He sighed, well tonight he would go visit his mistress again and get a little "stress relief". He deserved it after all. His dying, manic depressive wife and spoiled brat of a daughter weren't doing him any good. But first, he had to figure out how to mediate between his forces and these idiot agriculturists and tree huggers. "The Jedi..." he mumbled. He straightened up and whispered again. "The Jedi...". And with a look of determination, he sat down and started making calls.
* * *
"Serious the situation is. But intervene should we?" came Yoda's riddle speak voice. "Blood has been shed on several occassions Master Yoda, and the Republic ambassadors aren't doing anything helpful." Spoke Depa Bilba, in her soft voice. Mace was the nest to speak. "Then if no other option has yet succeeded, we must intrvene." he paused a moment and then continued on. "Have you all so quickly forgotten the Prophecy of the Teacher?" A collective series of gasps and raised eyebrows went around the circle of Masters. Yoda nodded. "True you words are. His family they are. But relevence what does this have to the problem at hand?" Mace shook his had. "I do not know. But my feelings tell me that now he must be told. Does he not have the right to know who his family is?"
Several moments passed and a reluctant consensus was agreed.
* * *
"This is an unusual mission Master. I didn't know we negotiated on behalf of private parties." Qui-Gon's clear steady voice echoed off the wall of the Council Chambers. "Private party this is not just. Family to your padawan they are. Family he must know, secret he must face." Qui-Gon thought he heard his jaw hit the floor beneath his feet. "His family? Secret?" he asked, surprise evident in his voice. Mace nodded. "You are familiar of the Prophecy of the Chosen one. But are you familiar with the Prophecy of his Teacher?"
Qui-Gon shook his head. This was all news to him. Yoda sighed. "Then tell you now we will. Your padawan you will tell after."
*************

 

Wow. You've caught my attention. What's the Prophecy of the Teacher? Post more! Soon!

 

hehehehehe...
*writes her next post*

 

*is grounded but still writing! will comew sometime soon!*

 

Ahh, grounding. At least that is one thing which won't delay my fanfic, (unlike work.) Glad to see this is still somewhere on your agenda. Awaiting more with patience. --AWK

 

UP!!!!

 

Awaiting more with slightly less patience.

(Are you still grounded?)

--AWK

 

sowwy...mommy's being a mean person. Hopefull I'll get a post up next weekend....and yes. Meesa still grounded...

 

Hey! Last time you tried to write this you were "Grounded"! Do you get in trouble alot?

 

I'm not a bad girl....my mother is just one of those tight fisted anal people who think a 91 on a test is grounds for punishment cause they think I didn't study and I could have gotten a 100.

 

That's rough! Did She get 100's on EVERY test??

Post when you can!

 

No, bu thats just how she is.

I've got 4 pages hand written so far. It will be up most likely by the end of the night.

 

here ya go:

Yoda paused, allowing an anticipatory silence to percolate through the room. Qui-Gon sighed, or rather took a slightly deeper breath than normal.
*Prophecy of the Teacher?*
He pondered for a few moments before Yoda spoke about what it ould mean. He was familiar with the Prophecy of the Chosen One. The Jedi, concieved by the essence of life itself, by the Force. The Jedi destined to bring balance to the Force. He had wondered a few times wether or not its meaning was literal. But he never dwellt on it for very long if at all. For what other meaning could it possibly have?
Perhaps this new...or rather, new to him, Prophecy of the Teacher had a connection? His thoughts were interrupted by Yoda's sage voice.

"Now you already, the Prophecy of the Chosen One. This one, our hope, will bring balanc to the Force. Concieved by the Force he will be, but all t human live and feel will he. Guided he must be, taught he will be. The Teacher shall be the on who does this. The Teacher of the Prohecy. "

Yoda paused, allowing Qui-Gon a chance to respond and comprehend all that he had just been told. He remained silent for a long time. The other Council members waited patiently. Finally he spoke, softly, and with a very serious tone.

"You think its Obi-Wan don't you?"

Yoda's ears raised, and so did Mace's eyebrow.
"Know we do, the Teacher he is. Test for him, the reason we help his family. Go the way of Xanatos he must not."

At the mention of Xanatos's name, Qui-Gon viably flinched. He still hd a deep well of pain and guilt from that experience. I had taken him any years, and probably would take many more for those wounds to heal. He did not want to lose Obi-Wan to. But he did not really fear this increasingly unique mission as he might have been, were it not for the faith he had in Obi-Wan.
The young man, a boy no longer, had a strong will and a pure heart. No darkness would easily sway him. Yet at the same time, Qui-Gon still feared for him.
*Fear leads to the darkside* he mentally chided himself. He must keep his faith in his apprentice. For he would not be a worthy teacher if he did not.
He silently pondered these things further as Yoda went on into the details of the mission.

* * *
A loud cracking hiss sounded, echoing off the training room walls as two swift combatants engaged one another's sabers with their own in a swirling blaze of color and motion.
"Your getting better Obi-Wan, maybe one day you'll be good enough to beat me." said a pleasent, joking female voice. Obi-Wan grinned and parriedher thrust at his chest. Spinning around suddenly, he hoped to catch her unguarded side. Unfortunately for him, she saw it coming and rewarded his efforts with a swift heel kick to his jaw.
"OW!!! That hurt Bant!" cried an indignant Obi-Wan as he stumbled back, his hand to his jaw. Bant laughed, the sund rippling through the air. "What do you think this is Kenobi? Initiate school?" she said teasingly, deactivating and clipping her lightsaber to her belt. Obi-Wan followed suit and soon both were walking to the healer's to take care of the nose bleed she had also had the courtesy of giving him.
A few laughs erupted from behind them. Bant turned around and gave them the jedi equivalent of the evil eye. They stopped, but had to stiffle their giggles.
"Very funny Helas!" Obi-Wan shouted at him, causing another burst of laughter from the two, due to his pinched-nose sounding voice. Even Bant was chuckling under her breath.
"Oh right, lets all laugh at me."
Helas, still laughing, came up behind him and gave him a pat on the back. "Hey man, we didn' come to laugh at you."
Obi-Wan brought his head down and gave him that "yeah, right" look. Helas stepped back, feigning offense. "Seriously, just come to tell you your master is looking foyou."
Obi-Wan's face immediatly asumed a "god help me" look. "Tell him I'm at the healer's. Bant kicked my arse again."
Helas smiled. "Nothing nw but I'll tell him anywa." And with that, he ran off before Obi-Wan cold do anything.
Bant sm