Not worthy, JA, anguish, ending three

Yeah, yeah, I know I should be working on Eyes and Bonds but this hit me and I had to do it.

The deal with this is, the orignal ending I had was really, really anguishy and I felt kinda bad putting it up. (Plus my sister was calling me evil) So I'm going to put the first part up and then the three different endings later. But I was also wondering how you guys wanted them posted? It really doesn't matter what order. There's one that's really bad, one that's a little better and one that's a happy ending. So, bad to good? Good to bad? Or mixed?

Summary: Obi-Wan is going through a tough time.
Disclaimers: You know the drill.
Spoilers: Up to JA 6.

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He was pathetic. Worthless. Couldn?t do anything right. The Council was right to keep him from being a Jedi. He didn?t deserve it.

Obi-Wan trudged slowly down the Temple halls back to his room. He was returning from lightsaber practice. He had failed. Again. That would be two weeks in a row now. He just couldn?t keep up. He was too slow, too clumsy, too aggressive, too angry, too something. The ?saber teacher said that he needed to practice more and concentrate on what he was doing. It?s not like he wasn?t trying. Did the teacher think he wanted to fail?

Do or go not, there is no try. That?s what Mater Yoda always said. Maybe that was the problem. He was trying and not doing. He was always trying. It must be why he was always failing.

But it wasn?t only that. He had betrayed Mater Qui-Gon; the man that had finally accepted him after the Force now?s how long, he had let one friend die and was the cause of another Jedi?s, Bant had almost died, the Temple destroyed, and the list went on. But the worst, the worst was definitely his betrayal of Qui-Gon. The man had known he was going to sometime, and he had. It was no wonder he had never trusted him.

He palmed his room open and stepped inside. A sob worked his way up his throat and he shoved his fist against his mouth to keep any sound from coming out as the events of the past month crashed down around him.

He was still in his old initiate room, the one he had stayed in before becoming a Padawan. One of the things he had been looking forward to was being able to live with his Master but they hadn?t had a chance to come back to the Temple before Melida/Daan. Now it looked like it was never going to happen.

Dumping his bag on the floor he slumped on his bed and started at the wall. What was the use? He couldn?t do anything right. He had been better off as a farmer on Bandomeer. At least there he wouldn?t be bothering anyone.

Master Qui-Gon had said that he would take him back after his probation was done but Obi-Wan wasn?t sure if it was out of duty or if he really wanted to. He never, ever wanted to force himself on anyone. But he had done just that. And as if Master Qui-Gon hadn?t been hurting enough from Xanatos, he had to go and stab the man in the back once again.

Force, it would have been better if he had never been born. That was a thought?

He couldn?t change the past, but maybe, maybe he could make the future better for everyone else. Eyeing his lightsaber still hanging from his belt he slowly unclipped it and rolled it slowly in his hands. Absently, he slid off the edge of his bed and knelt on the floor. This would be the fastest, the least painful. But was it the cowards way out? No, it would make things better. Master Qui-Gon wouldn?t have to waste his time on him, Bruck?s friends would be happy, and the Council wouldn?t have to worry about keeping track of him all the time. Yes, this was best.

Wasn?t it?

With a simple flick of his finger, the blue-white blade hummed to life. Eyes stared at the buzzing light in a daze, his mind not letting itself think about what he was going to do. Waving the lightsaber deliberately in front of him he watched the light make long waves of light in the air.

Sighing slightly, he flicked it off.

Then placed the top of the hilt against his chest, right over his heart.

His hand trem

 

Oh, I like it! Please post the 'bad' one first, I'm a sucker for sad stories

My guess: Qui's entrance has startled Obi and he accidentally thumbs on the saber!

-Kristi

 

You are EVIL. That was a cliff hanger! I hate cliffhangers!
Okay umm post the bad one first. That way I can read the happy one (there is a happy one right?) later and make myself feel better.



Meri

 

Oh I defintely think that you should post the bad story first.

Great story Swede but you're right you really should be working on Bonds before those sith hampsters are called out

Can't wait to read the three endings

 

::Looks around at ff.n crowd::

Swede, do you really think you have to ask to know which one we're gonna want?

Half of us here dream about "bad" endings (endings resulting in the most Obi-angst possible). You, yourself are one of the masses. Post the angsty/evil one, girl!

Wonderful fic, Obi-angst abounds, now, I only have to wait for this "bad" ending - would it have anything to do with a certain master rejecting a certain padawan? Hmmm?

Anyway, great job and I am waiting, rather impatiently, for more.

~Antigone

 

Nice.

The order of the endings doesn't really matter to me...as long as we get to read 'em all.

 

He finally arrived. *let out a sigh of relief*

*punchs Qui in the shoulder* What took you so long?? And don't tell me you had to look for a speeder with the right colour!!! *shoves him towards Obi* Now go hug him and tell him that everything will be alright. I want a good end!!!!

 

I always like building to a climax....so I'd say good ending first with the angsty bad ending last.

Diane

 

Well, I see 2 votes for good and 4 votes for bad, so bad it is. Enjoy. If you can. Mwhahahahaha....

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The Evil Ending

Startled from the intrusion, Obi-Wan?s finger slipped on the activation button on the ?saber hilt. As it was built to do, the light blue blade hummed to life. And doing so, ended another.

?Obi-Wan!?

Shocked, the Jedi Master did the only thing he could think of. He called for help from the healers, nearly yelling in the commlink. With that done, he was instantly by the boy?s side. The hand holding the active hilt started to go limp and the Jedi shut it off and flung it across the room. He then turned his total attention to the wide-eyed boy that was slumped up against the bed.

?Obi-Wan, what?? He shook his head trying to clear his stunned mind and sudden blurring eyes. ?Why??

The boy lifted his hand from the charred mark on his chest, gazing down in morbid wonder at what he had done before slowly lifting his head to meet the Master?s eye.

?So, sorry.? He whispered, his breath coming in soft gasps. ?Wasn?t worthy. Wasn?t? good enough.? The boy shuddered and Qui-Gon quickly wrapped his arms around him as if to hold off the impending future. ?Didn?t mean to.? Obi-Wan murmured up to him, his usually bright eyes starting to dim and grow unfocused. ?Coward.?

?No, Obi-Wan. Never.? Qui-Gon whispered back harshly. ?But why? This?? He waved one hand over the boy?s failing chest. ?This was never needed.?

?Didn?t know.? Obi-Wan hissed and blinked. He raised his eyes to Qui-Gon?s, the blue-green orbs pleading for him to forgive. Shivering, the boy weakly placed one small hand on the Jedi?s arm and did something that neither had done before.

He let down his shields completely and let the older man view his mind fully.

Speechless, Qui-Gon could do nothing but follow the boy?s act. And for one moment each understood the other better then was ever possible. Obi-Wan saw the hurt from Xanatos? betrayal and how, though no act of his, had been loathed to trust another. Qui-Gon saw the doubt and fear of the boy and how, confused about his path as a Jedi, had at the last minute pulled back from the brink of death. It had been Qui-Gon, with barging through the door, who had basically dealt the killing blow.

Overwhelmed, Qui-Gon tightened his embrace, bowed his head and wept. The light tap of thin fingers on his cheek lifted his gaze to see Obi-Wan looking back at him. The boy?s eyes seemed clearer now, more peaceful.

??s ok, Master.? He slurred softly, his breathing slowing with each passing moment. ?I? understand. Not? your fault.? Obi-Wan?s voice was dreamy, almost childlike. Qui-Gon just wept more.

?Please, Obi-Wan, don?t do. Don?t leave me. I can?t lose you too.?

?I?ll be here? Master.? He whispered, eyes now slits. ?Don?t worry? I?ll be fine.? A small, content sigh passed his narrow lips. ?Master, can you see it? It?s beautiful. So beautiful. It doesn?t? hurt anymore.?

?Oh, Padawan. Please.?

?...?s ok?? The boy repeated, so softly that Qui-Gon almost didn?t hear. ???s ok?? He said to reassure the man. Then, with one last breath, the boy was gone.

Qui-Gon hugged the still body close to him, his heart ripping apart inside his chest. No, please, it wasn?t supposed to be like this. Please? He had failed. Again. Two Padawan?s, two failures. And it was all his fault. If only he had been faster when he had first sensed the warning in the Force, if only he had taken the boy back right after Melida/Daan, if only he hadn?t been so cold to him on Bandomeer, if only he had been better. If only.

Raising his head slowly, a gleam caught his eye. Obi-Wan?s lightsaber?

When the healers finally arrived, all they found were two body?s and a glowing blue blade.
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What's next the semi-bad one, compared to this, or the good one?

 

Holy moley, Swede - don't you ever dare tell me I make people cry with my fics. WOW!

Need you to hurry up and post something that isn't completely devastating.

Good job - great portrayal of how a kid can jump to all sorts of conclusions - and how obtuse some adults can be in failing to see how much pain they cause with their silence.

Write more soon.

CYN

 

Holy Force! Swede, what have you done?!

Oh yeah, that was awesome! I just love angst.

Post the semi-bad one next, please!

A post on Bonds and Eyes would be greatly appreciated, also!

KenobisGirl

 

Holy SITH!!!!!

*dies*

*raises herself from the dead*

No need to add to the carnage. Post semi evil then good after!

 

semi-bad, semi-bad, semi-bad... 7

 

I'm going to vote for semi-bad.

You're right, Swede - you've got to put some kind of WARNING on all of your fics. But I still loved the ending because I am, after all, the spawn of the dark prince himself.

 

Yeesh, Swede! You killed them all... [face_shocked]

Doesn't anyone put tissue warnings on their stories?

Okay, Please hurry up with the other endings!

 

Oh, force. *falls to knees* Men and their damn pride.
Why can't they just go shopping when they're down, either. *sobs*

 

Well that was definitely the sad ending, now how about the not so sad ending and then the good ending.

 

I have GOT to stop reading stuff as depressing as this!

Nice work Swede I'm crying my eyes out

 

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

*sniffs and hugs them* Oh...You were both good enough!!!

Ah, I love angst!!! Post another soon.

 

"The Evil Ending"

OK, how many of you agree with me when I say that is the understatement of the millenium? That ending was positively heart-wrenching. I can't wait for the happy ending, just to see something good happen to Obi-Wan for a change. (Not that I mind, though!) I think that the semi-bad ending should come next, though, and soon!!!

 

ditto O&Q


we are all upset, so take us to the semi bad, then end on a happy note!

Oh, don't worry about the hamsters chasing you around for a while. They are all napping in the nice, warm 85 degree sunshine right now

 

...Dang! No post!!! You gotta write soon.

Oh, and PadawanKitara:

85 DEGREES?!?!?!?!?! Dude, where do you live?! It's, like, 105 down here! *wipes brow* Stinkin' hot!

 

I liked everything! Either one is good. The story was very interesting and well written.

 

We need a post!

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese??

 

Swede, I will murder you for killing off both Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan.

Right after I find that box of tissue...



Now post the next ending.