~*~The Apprentice Bride~*~ (The Princess Bride Crossover/Humor/Obi-Torture ;)

Title: The Apprentice Bride

Author: SiriGallia

Rating: G

Genre: Humor/Crossover

Summery Can Yoda act? Does Garen look silly in a mustache? Will Anakin ever get over Qui-Gon pinching his cheek? Will Siri and Obi-Wan EVER get the kissing scene right? Or will the Director go crazy first? Find out in this tale by S. Mynockstern, The Apprentice Bride.

Disclaimer: This story is pretty much the screenplay with many changed lines, the story Princess Bride does not belong to me, and neither do any of the characters, I'm just borrowing them None of the Star Wars world belongs to me either they are the sole property of George Lucas, Jude Watson or Scholastic. I do not have official permission, but I'm not getting paid either

Author's Note: If you don't like things in screenplay format, I suggest you don't read this story, because the whole thing is written that way



Okay everyone!! I'm back and *shock* I've got a FUNNY story At least I hope you'll find it funny! I'll put up the trailer first and check back soon for the first post!! Hope you enjoy it

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Apprentice Bride

{{{Music starts dreamily}}}

[Scene: Buttercup standing across from Westly]

Narrator: That day she was amazed to discover that when he was saying 'as you wish,' what he meant was, 'I love you.' And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back.

Buttercup: [Siri voice] Waaait a second.

{{{Music grinds to a halt}}}

Buttercup: First of all Obi-Wan DOES NOT love me and secondly I most certainly DON'T love him.

Narrator: [Qui-Gon voice] Look Siri, you signed up for this job.

Buttercup: I most certainly did not, I was conned into it by a suspicious green troll.

King: [Yoda voice] Troll I am not, my idea this was not.

[Scene switches: Mom stands up]

Mother: I think I'll leave you two pals alone.

Kid: No mom! Don't leave us alone!

Mother: Why honey?

Kid: He's ten times my size! And he pinches people's cheaks!

[Grandfather/Qui-Gon rolls his eyes]

[Scene: Humperdink on the battle field]

Humperdink: The loser is nothing. Only the princess matters. Clearly this was all planned by warriors of Guilder! We must all be ready for whatever lies ahead.

Buttercup: Xani, did anyone mention to you that that outfit looks like a dress.

Count Rugan: [Bruck voice] Siri!


VO: Starring Obi-Wan Kenobi

[Scene: Westly in the pit of despair]

Westley: So it's to be Obi-torture. I can cope with torture. I mean, if your name's going to Obi-Wan you've got to learn to put up with all sorts of things.


VO: Xanatos

[Scene: The crowded street]

Buttercup: You don't want to marry me.

Humperdink: [Xanatos voice] Siri, please, if you keep interupting this story we'll never get to the part where I get to torture Obi-Wan.


VO: Qui-Gon Jinn

[Scene: The battle field]

Humperdink: [examining the ground] There was a mighty duel. It ranged all
over. They were both masters.

Grandfather: Actually Obi-Wan's still an apprentice

Director: Not you too!

Grandfather: well I just wanted to mention it!


VO: Garen Muln

[Scene: The theives forest]

[Inigo swerves to the side]

Westley: [turning to the director] Did someone actually get Garen drunk?!

Director: He wouldn't do it right. Why, what's wrong? He's not that young.

Inigo: Don't bother me with trifles, after twenty years at last my father's soul will be at peace. There will be blood tonight! So we're going to start off in that general direction. [Inigo does a complete about face and stumbles into a wall]

Westly: This was SUCH a bad idea


VO: And introducing Siri Tachi as Princess Buttercup

[Scene: The hill by the Fire Swamp]

[Buttercup pushes Man in Black down the hill]

Man in black: [tumbling down and echoing] As.......you.....wish.......

Buttercup: Toodaloo!

Director: Siri I'm warning you.

Buttercup: I am NOT going down that hill!

Director: Siri!

 

This is AWESOME!!!! I want more!

Love NYC

 

Hee hee hee. I've read this story of her's, so I can tell you, IT'S A SCREAM!!!!!!!! It's sooooooooooooooo funny, great trailer Siri, I need to get that on my computer. I think I'll watch this thread, so I can giggle wildly.

 

Oh boy. I have got to see this! Looking good Siri!

 

WoW! Thanx for all the prompt inthusiasm!!

Here's the first post:

____________________________________________

SiriGallia and S. Mynokstern proudly present:

The Apprentice Bride



The Cast

Grandson [Kid]: Anakin Skywalker
Grandfather: Qui-Gon Jinn
Buttercup: Siri Tachi
Westley: Obi-Wan Kenobi
Fezzik: Aundra the Giant
Inigo Montoya: Garen Muln
Vizzini: Watto Toydarian
Prince Humperdink: Xanatos
Count Rugen: Bruck Chun
Albino: Didi Oddo
Old woman (BOOER): Yaddle
Miracle Max: Mali Errat
Valerie: Astri Oddo
Impressive Clergyman: Jar-Jar Binks
King: Yoda
Queen: Adi Gallia
Asst. Brute: Subulba
Mother: Shmi Skywalker
Yellin: Deca Brun







Opening Scene

[In the opening scene, a young boy is sick in his bed, playing a video game]
[His Mother enters]

Mother: [to her sick little boy] Hi Honey.

Kid: [mumbles quietly] Hi Mom.

Mother: You feeling any better?

Kid: A little bit.

Mother: Guess what?

Kid: What?

Mother: Your Grandfather is here.

Kid: [pleading] Mom, can't you tell him I'm sick...

Mother: You're sick? That's why he's here.

Kid: [distressed] He'll pinch my cheeks....I hate that!

Mother: Maybe he won't...

[Enter the kid's Grandfather, also NARRATOR of Apprentice Bride]

Grandfather: [entering the room] Heyyyyy....How's the sick? Huh? [pinching the kid's cheek]

Mother: I think I'll leave you two pals alone.

Kid: No mom! Don't leave us alone!

Mother: Why honey?

Kid: He's ten times my size! And he pinches people's cheaks.

Mother: Hon, I'm going to make luch, so have fun.

Grandfather: I brought you a special present.

Kid: [excitedly] What is it?

Grandfather: Open it up.

Kid: [opening the gift] A book?

Grandfather: That's right, when I was your age, television was called books; And...actually at my age television was called holos and still is, but Mr. Lucas is determined to make this as primitive as possible so, this is a special book. It was the book my master used to read to me when I was sick and I used to read it to your master...and today, I'm gonna read it to you.

Kid: [less interested] Does it got any sports in it?

Grandfather: Are you kidding? Lightsaber battles, fighting, obi-torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, a weak attempt at true love, miracles.

Kid: [grins wickedly] Obi-torture huh? It doesn't sound too bad. I'll try and stay awake.

Grandfather: Oh, well, thank you very much. That's very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming. Oh..all right..Apprentice Bride by
S. Mynockstern, Chapter 1.

[From here on, the Grandfather will be known as the Narrator]

Narrator: Buttercup was raised on a small farm on the planet of Gala. Her favorite past-times were riding her Gudana and tormenting the farm boy that worked there. His name was Westley Kenobi. But she never called him that. Isn't that a wonderful beginning?

Kid: [with no enthusiasm] Now why is it she gets to torment him?

Grandfather: Hey, you wanted Obi-Torture

Narrator: Nothing gave Buttercup as much pleasure as ordering Westley around.

Buttercup: Farmboy, varnish my Gudana's saddle. I want to see my face shining in it by morning. Boy did that sound so stupid.

Director: [in a warning tone] Siri..

Westley: As you Wish.

Narrator: 'As you wish' was all he ever said to her.

Buttercup: [interjects] Which was fine with me since I intended to do the talking anyway.

Buttercup: [holding two empty pails] Farmboy, fill these with water....Oh I can't say it! it's too embarresing!

Westley: [Obi-Wan voice] Come on Siri this scene is tormenting enough for me without you prolonging it.

Buttercup: Fine! please?

Westley: As you wish.

Narrator: That day she was amazed to discover that when he was saying 'as you wish,' what he meant was, 'I love you.' And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back.

Buttercup: [Siri voice] Waaait a second, first of all Obi-Wan DOES NOT love me and secondly I most certainly DON'T

 

Ha!! ROTFL! This is utterly brilliant Siri and I love it! By the way I like your sig, too, good points!

Looking forward to more!

 

Up!

 

Like I said....hee hee hee. ROTFLOL!! I know I'm just guna DIE at my favorite part, but I won't say what it is....

 

... aww I tried to hold it in but that was just too damn funny. On with the movie!

Hey my name is Valerie...Astri plays me!

Felicia Z.

 

Wild_Huntress: Thank you!! Yeah, my sig is something my Mom said which I thought was pretty interesting

Niobiie-of-Belfalas: *frowns* I'M not even sure what it is! Hope you don't die

Felicia_Zezili: Thank you!! Yeah I like Astri!

NEXT POST:

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Scene 2

Narrator: Five years later the main square of Galu was filled as never before to hear the announcement of the Great Prince Humperdinck's bride to be.

Humperdink: [Trumpets blaring] My people! A month from now, our Planet will have its 500th Anniversary. On that sundown I shall marry a lady who was once a commoner like yourselves. But perhaps you will not find her common now. Would you like to meet her?!

Crowd: [echoing] Yes!!!

One Voice: No!

Humperdink: Who was that?

Voice: Me!

Humperdink: Who are you, fiend?!

Voice: I am Jedi Apprentice Larry

Humperdink: So why don't you want to meet her?

Voice: Cause Siri hit's hard.

Buttercup: [interjects] I agree, guess you don't want to marry me.

Humperdink: [Xanatos voice] Siri, please, if you keep interupting this story we'll never get to the part where I get to torture Obi-Wan.

Buttercup: [sarcastic] Oh we'd hate to miss that.

Larry: I thought you didn't like Obi-Wan

Buttercup: I don't, but I don't see why Humperdink get's to torture him

[Westley pokes his head around the cardboard cut out of the palace]

Westley: [Obi-Wan] Did it every occur to anyone present that listening to you talk about who's going to torture me is probably not very comforting.

Larry: Fine fine, let's meet the princess and get this going.

Humperdink: Thank you, ahem, my people, the Princess Buttercup!

Narrator: Buttercup's emptiness consumed her. Although the law of the land gave Humperdinck the right to choose his bride, she did not love him. Despite Humperdinck's reassurance that she would grow to love him, the only joy she found was in her daily ride.

Buttercup: That sentiment is true in more ways than one.

[The scene fades to Buttercup riding her Gudana the next morning]
[Enter Vizzini, A Spaniard, and a Giant]

Vizzini: [halting Buttercup] A word my lady? ...We are but poor lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?

Buttercup: [laughing] Guys this is sooo comical, Garen aren't you a bit young for a mustache?

Indago: I am a Spaniard, Siri, so please cut me a little slack.

Buttercup: [still laughing] and Watto you look so silly in that costume.

Vizzini: Don't insult my costume'a I'm getting good monies for this'a

Buttercup. [confused] And who's this guy?

Fezzik: I'm Aundra the Giant, the only real actor in this movie.

Buttercup: I'm an actor.

[Fezzik shruggs]

Buttercup: Okay whatever. There is nothing nearby. Not for miles.

Vizzini: Then there will be no one to hear you scream...

Buttercup: Woah! get away!

[Buttecup slings herself over the other side of the Gudana and tears off into he forest]

Director: Siri, please?

Buttercup: [From the bushes] Nope.

Vizzini: Please?

Buttercup: No!

Westley: [pops in from the side] Come on Siri

Buttercup: Uh uh

Queen: [Adi] Siri...

Buttercup: Rats.

[Buttercup walks up to her Gudana and climbs back up]

Buttercup: [to Fezzik] You'd just better not let me fall on that ground or I'll--

[The Giant quickly grabs the princess by the neck, rendering her unconscious. They take the princess to their ship.]

Westley: Oooh very nice.

Spaniard [Inigo Montoya]: [to Vizzini] What is that you're ripping?

Vizzini: It's fabric'a from the uniform of an army officer of Guilder!

Giant [Fezzik]: Who is Guilder?

Vizzini: The country across the sea! The sworn enemy of Galu!

[Vizzini attaches the cloth to Buttercup's Gudana]

Vizzini: Go'a!!!

[The...uh...Gudana doesn't move]

Vizzini: Go'a!!!

[Still no movement]

Westley: [pokes his head in again] Go!!!

[The Gudana takes off]

Inigo: Obi-Wan get to your ship right now.

Vizzini: Ahem. Once the horse reache

 

I am so luven this!!! That's a favorite part, but not THE favorite part. And I am going to die, so here's my will. Everything goes to, uh, Edgar Jingledingle and his wife. (private joke with Siri)

 

Up! (I'll post more soon)

 

Voice: Cause Siri hit's hard.

LOL you know my issues with Siri.

 

Every time I read this, I laugh. You'd think I'd know all the jokes so well by now that it wouldn't effect me, but it does. Shocking.







*cackles hysterically sounding like fingernails scraping down a chalkboard, of fifty musical saws, or... something.*

Okay, I'm all done. UP!

Sarah >^,,^<

 

It's kinda funny, I have this story to read any time I want, and yet I'm having a heckofalot more fun reading it here. We needa nother post!!! :}

I like Jedi Jewel's idea, I'm making up a new lol too. Mine's hhol, (heh heh out loud, that's all I REALLY ever do)

 

Hey Sarah, I'm reading Family Snapshots right now, it's cool! It's like a cross between Air Force One and Busemen's Honeymoon. Lin's new husband r-e-a-l-l-y reminds me of Peter sometimes.

"You are amusing."

"I live to hear you laugh, my dear."

hhol!!

 

Niobiie-of-Belfalas: Haha! Got the joke!! NO DON'T LEAVE IT TO *HIM*!!! And a new one is added to the ranks of shortening cyber-speech Good one Niobiie!! I'm glad you like reading it here cos, you're one of my only readers

Felicia_Zezili: *giggle* I hope you're talking about JA Siri and not me

Sarah_K: *laughs* I'm glad you still enjoy it Sarah even though I sometimes quote myself to you I would think you would think this is old hat! Glad you don't

_____________________________________________

Scene 3

[It is night-time, all three and the princess are still at sea.]

Vizzini: We'll reach the cliffs by dawn. Why are you doing that?

[directed at Inigo who is staring behind]

Inigo: Making sure nobody is following us.

Vizzini: That would'a be inconceivable.

Buttercup: [jumps in] Despite what you think, you will be caught; and when you are, the prince will see you all hanged. And I'm going to personally hurt that Aundra the Giant guy after this scene! I am a Jedi and you're an actor! Just what right do you have to choke me uncontious?!

[Everyone cleverly ignores the question]

Vizzini: Of all the necks on this boat, highness, the one you should be worrying about is your own....[pausing, then glancing at Inigo] Stop doing that! We can all relax! It's almost over.

Inigo: Are you sure nobody is following us?

Vizzini: As I told you it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable! No one'o in Guilder knows what we've done'a, and no one in Galu could have gotten here so fast. [pauses] Out of curiosity, why do you ask?

Inigo: Hey buddy, I'm a Jedi.But even if I HADN'T been a Jedi. Suddenly, I just happened to look behind us and something is there.

Vizzini: [in disbelief] What?! [now, spying a ship in the distance] ...Probably some local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise at night through eel infested waters.

[Inigo and Vizzini glance at one another]

Inigo: [Garen voice] Someone should tell Obi-Wan how to steer a boat before he kills himself.

[Buttercup jumps over the ship]

Vizzini: What?! Go in!! Go after her!!!

Inigo: [frankly] I don't swim.

Fezzik: [turning to Vizzini] I only dog-paddle...

Vizzini: Aauuuggghhhhh!!!!!!

Vizzini: Veer left! ...left! ...left! [suddenly, horrible screeching is heard] Do you know what that sound is, highness? That is the sound of a thousand terrible things heading this way'a.

Buttercup: [treading water] Hey Watto, wrong movie.

Vizzini: Ooops. Um... That is the sound of inevibility.

Buttercup: [rolls her eyes] Wrong movie again.

Vizzini: Um...oh yeah! Those are the shrieking eels! If you don't believe me, just wait. They always grow louder when they're about to feed on human flesh! If you swim back now'a I promise no harm will come to you...I doubt you'll get such an offer from the eels.

Buttercup: I'm not scared, those things are remote controlled rubber and that shreiking is a recording of the sound manager's tires squealing at ten times speed.

Director: Siri.

Buttercup: What? What?! I don't get why Buttercup should be so scared.

Director: If this WAS real she would be scared to death.

Buttercup: Well I'm not.

Director: Could you at least make an effort?

Buttercup: Okay, but don't blame me for the results.

[Buttercup begins flailing around in the water]

Buttercup: Save me! Save me!!!! I'm gonna die!!! Help help help! Bring that ship over here! Move it move it! I'm gonna be dead! Ahhhhh!

[Vizzini, Inigo and Fezzik are at a loss. Finally Inigo gives a light stab at the water not even touching Buttercup]

Buttercup: [screeming] you idiot! That's not helpful! Veer further to the left, wack some sence into those terrible shrieking eels this instant! Help I'm drowning!!!

Director: [slaps his forhead] Let's skip to the Grandfather and Kid

Grandfather: [Narrator] She doesn't get eaten by the eels at this time.

Kid: What?

Grandfather: The eel doesn't get her...I'm explaining to you because you looked n

 

Ha! This fic is absolutely brilliant! One of the things that kept me sane as I've been home sick with stomach flu. Wonderful job Siri!

 

Siri: *feigns confusion* Who said anything about old hats?? ? And you're being self deprecating again... *shakes head soberly* tsk tsk.

Niobiie: I'm so glad you're liking it! Family Snapshots was sort of more *mine*, cuz all the characters are out of my own head. Anywho, I haven't seen the honeymoon movie you mentioned, so I don't know who Peter is, but I'll take the comparison to Air Force One as a compliment! Oh, and I'm glad you liked that line; that was always one of my favorites.

Sarah >^,,^<

 

Oh man, Sarah, you don't know what Busman's (I looked it up, that's how you really spell it) Honeymoon is???? [face_shocked] It's a Peter Wimsey book, it's HIS honeymoon!!!! It a g-r-e-a-t one, if you havn't read it, you should!!!!

Back to the thread...up! Still not to my favorite part, it'll be a while.

 

Gotta keep it from sinking! Up up up!! hhol!!

 

Hillarious Siri!!!! Want more!!!!!

"Inigo: Hey buddy, I'm a Jedi.But even if I HADN'T been a Jedi. Suddenly, I just happened to look behind us and something is there.

Vizzini: [in disbelief] What?! [now, spying a ship in the distance] ...Probably some local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise at night through eel infested waters.

[Inigo and Vizzini glance at one another]

Inigo: [Garen voice] Someone should tell Obi-Wan how to steer a boat before he kills himself. "

Hahahaha!!!!!! That's great.

-Lady Harriet Wimsey

 

I goofed so I accidently posted the same message twice. So I'll just edit and say Up! in this one.

---Nio of da Kitchen

 

Bwahahaha ......there's no scape Siri Joy Tachi, I know you've written this whole story so there's no excuse NOT to post. Cummon, please? [stupid_puppy_eye_emoticon_that_doesn't_exist]

---Nio of da Alps

 

[face_ditto]

-LW