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Before - Legends 10-minute challenge responses

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by DarthIshtar, Jul 24, 2005.

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  1. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Mar 26, 2001
    Here's where you post responses to the 10-minute challenge
  2. Commander-DWH

    Commander-DWH Manager Emeritus star 4

    Nov 3, 2003
    Well, here's what I came up with...

    The Bridge

    From the Biography of Aiden Star,
    As written by the Jedi Council

    ?You can?t be serious.?

    Aiden Star stared across the table at his younger sister, Briane. She was a mere 16 years old, 9 years Aiden?s junior. She was, however, a very determined competitive swimmer, and had just announced her intention to swim the Bridge.

    ?You know I?m good enough to do this. I?m a distance swimmer, I swim miles every day.? She set her jaw and looked at him fiercely. ?You can?t stop me, either.?

    ?Swimming the Bridge is no small feat, Briane. There?s at least a hundred kilometers between each island, and goodness knows how many stages- it?s a commitment that takes months.?

    The Bridge was a series of islands that connected two of the main continents on Deralia, and each year there was a competition to see who could swim between them the fastest. Aiden had always thought the whole lot of them were insane, but the thought of his little sister out there was a bit more than he could take.

    Briane was unmoveable, however. ?I?m going to make it as far as I possibly can. And if I fail, I might even let you say ?I told you so.? Until then, though, a little encouragement would be nice.?

    Aiden sighed, seeing his sister had inherited his mother?s stubborn streak. ?Fine. But I?m going to make sure I?m on duty for the event- if you go down, I?m going to be there to get you.?

    * * *

    Months passed, and the time for the swim came. Aiden was stationed a good distance from Briane, much to his discontentment, but there was little he could do to change that. The head Watchman assigned the positions, it was his job to watch is designated swimmers.

    The race went on uneventfully for several days. Aiden almost began to think that Briane might be okay for even half the race. Such thoughts, however, proved to be premature. While his swimmers plugged away at the event, he saw one of his friends, Kira, jump in after a swimmer. Pulling out his binoculars to see what was going on, all the blood drained from his face. He could barely make out the face of the swimmer she was now pulling, unconscious, on to the boat.

    It was Briane.

    Cursing, he berated the fact that he was unable to be the one to rescue her. It was his job to protect her, and he?d been stuck on the other side of the course. No amount of the usual Watchman blather, justifications that he was just doing his duty, were enough to give him any solace. He had failed.

    His sister was hurt, and he was powerless to stop it.


    Sheesh, 10 minutes fly by quickly.
  3. FelsGoddess

    FelsGoddess Game Host star 5 VIP - Game Host

    Sep 5, 2004
    =D= 10 minutes do fly by.
  4. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Mar 26, 2001
    Wow, I want a sequel! And the 10 minutes are a lot faster than you think, I agree!
  5. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrely Community Mod star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Jul 7, 2000
    Oh, but she's just unconcious... she could have survived. You left it there intentionally Commander-DWH !! Superb viggie.
  6. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Mar 5, 2000
    Okay, here's my topical reply! :) Ten minutes to write, and several hours of planning during work!

    Final Countdown
    By Jemmiah


    Qui-Gon paused at the little table at which his young ward sat chewing aimlessly at the end of a writing stylus, as she inevitably did whenever distracted or in desperate need of inspiration. No doubt some particularly boring school project was the root cause of her preoccupation, especially if the unenthusiastic expression on the Corellian girl's face was anything to go by. Not particularly scholarly at the best of times it had to be noted that Jemmiah's mind tended to wander when given assignments that she didn't particularly care for.

    "Enjoying yourself?" Qui-Gon asked a touch mischievously, answered by Jemmiah's special brand of Corellian death-glare. "Do I take it from the disgust on your face that it's mathematics again?"

    Jemmy rested her chin heavily upon the palm of her hand, looking very bored indeed.

    "No, sir. It's creative writing." She sighed, staring fruitlessly at the table and wondering if it might be more exciting to scrawl her name on the surface in fancy handwriting.

    This surprised Qui-Gon greatly. "But that's one of your favourite classes, isn't it?"

    "Usually." Groused Jemmy. "But this one has me beat. I have to write something in ten minutes. Just ten! How in the name of the seven Corellian hells am I supposed to do that and come up with something good?!? I'm telling you - it's impossible! I don't even know what to write!"

    Qui-Gon sat down next to her and pondered her predicament for a moment or two.

    "Write from experience." He smiled, pleased to have been of some assistance. "That way you have your memory to rely upon, rather than have to think up some elaborate back story. It's usually the best way. Besides, real life is usually stranger than fiction."

    Jemmiah nodded, chewing some more on the end of the stylus. "I can do that, I guess. Okay?what should I choose? How about," she frowned, "the time where you and Master Berlingside tried to sneak out to that cantina and got caught by?"

    "No!" Warned Qui-Gon with a raised finger. "Use your experience, not my own!"

    Jemmy snorted, then gave a final look at her chrono. Then with a reluctant sigh she began to scratch out her humble creative effort. It most likely wouldn't be much, but at least she could say she'd given it her best shot.

    The minutes ticked away.

    "How's it going?" Qui-Gon asked when the eighth minute was nearly up, expecting to be shushed or waved at to be silent.

    Jemmy chewed fitfully at her lip. "Nearly done?I'll read it back and you can tell me what you think, okay?" She cleared her throat a couple of times then picked up the flimsy sheet. "Once upon a time, in a galaxy not so far away there lived a padawan called Ben. He lived at the Jedi temple with his master. One day when the master was away from the temple visiting a friend, leaving his padawan behind, Ben decided he was feeling very bored and so he decided to borrow a speeder that was sitting on the temple landing pad. Unfortunately for Ben the speeder wasn't very good. In fact it was almost as useless as he was as at flying! Whilst he was weaving about dodging the traffic he managed to smash into quite a few other speeders and cause quite a bit of damage. To make things worse he was so scared that he was sick all over the seat of the speeder. But the worst thing of all happened when he?"

    Jemmiah stopped suddenly.

    "What?!" Qui-Gon's eyes had widened dramatically. "What is it?!?"

    The ten-year-old stood up disconsolately. "I'm sorry, I've ran out of time." She shrugged, gathering her stuff together and leaving an exasperated Qui-Gon to stare after her, clearly trying to picture all manner of horrible scenarios.

    Which, if the Corellian's grin was anything to go by, was exactly as Jemmiah had planned.
  7. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Mar 26, 2001
    LOL. Poor Qui-Gon. I wonder if he'll ever know. And this is the second one I've seen of a challenge response being about the challenge response. Very amusing.
  8. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrely Community Mod star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Jul 7, 2000
    ROFLMAO!!! Jemmiah darn it ten minutes and you've got an absolutely hilarious fic!
  9. Jennifer_Lyn

    Jennifer_Lyn Jedi Master star 4

    Jun 8, 2005
    Not too much planning in this, I just kinda let it fly.


    00:10 - ?Ow!? Obi-Wan exclaimed as he felt a large insect sink itself into his skin. ?I?ve got a bad feeling about that.? He and his master were on a jungle planet filled with strange creatures he had never seen before.

    00:09- The back of his neck was beginning to feel swollen. ?Master, are there any poisonous insects on this planet??

    ?I?m not sure, Padawan, no one from the Republic has charted it yet. There may be, why do you ask??

    00:08 ? ?Master, something bit me. I?m not feeling too well.?

    ?Perhaps we should turn back and get you to the ship. There are more medical supplies there.?

    00:07 ? Obi-Wan?s chest was beginning to feel constricted. ?Uh-oh, not good.?

    00:06 ? ?Master?? Obi-wan took a deep, rattling breath. The green light around him fades to black.

    00:05 ? Qui-Gon is running, carrying the young mans body. What on earth could have bitten his Padawan?

    00:04 ? More running, Qui-Gon comms ahead to the ship. Thankfully they are not alone on this mission. Obi-Wan?s skin feels cold and clammy against his own.

    00:03 ? Qui-Gon has stopped. Obi-Wan is not breathing. He puts a rebreather in Obi-Wan?s mouth, the young man coughs and falls back into unconsciousness.

    00:02 ? Running again. Qui-Gon?s agitation is growing. ?Hold on, Obi-Wan, just hold on.? May the Force be with him.

    00:01 ? Bant runs out of the ship, various syringes in her hand. She plunges one into Obi-Wan?s chest.

    00:00 ? ?Master? I, I don?t think I like this planet.?
  10. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Mar 26, 2001
  11. Jennifer_Lyn

    Jennifer_Lyn Jedi Master star 4

    Jun 8, 2005
    DarthIshtar: The fic wasn't that bad was it? ;)
  12. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Mar 26, 2001
    Well, it brought back unfond memories of being on a camping trip where we were in canoes all day and I had 5 hornets land on my hand while I was rowing. I was allergic to them, so I had these horrible horrible thoughts of going into shock and having Charlene stab me with my epi-pen right there in my canoe.
  13. Jennifer_Lyn

    Jennifer_Lyn Jedi Master star 4

    Jun 8, 2005
    Ok, yeah, "ouch" is in order there. My cousin is allergic and had to use her epi 2 days in a row! That's kinda the inspiration. Anyway. I'll stop clogging this with chatter now. :)
  14. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Mar 26, 2001
    Ouch and good idea.
  15. Commander-DWH

    Commander-DWH Manager Emeritus star 4

    Nov 3, 2003
    FelsGoddess: Thanks for the applause. :)

    DarthIshtar: I can probably handle a sequel... but do I have to write it in 10 minutes? [face_worried] Actually, I'd like to even flesh this one out a bit more. Few things are more worrisome than the thought of having to rescue someone you know, even worse would be watching someone else rescue them.

    Healer_Leona: Honest, that's where I ran out of time! Besides, from that sort of distance, it's impossible to tell whether an unconscious person is dead or alive... heck, even up close I could make it ambiguous since an irregular heartbeat (such as v-tach or v-fib) feels exactly the same as the complete stopping of the heart when you take a pulse. But from a few hundred yards away, it's a bit difficult to tell, now isn't it? ;)

    Thanks for the kind words, though. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside... like I just swallowed a lemming. :p
  16. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Mar 26, 2001
    The sequel is not required in 10 minutes.
  17. Commander-DWH

    Commander-DWH Manager Emeritus star 4

    Nov 3, 2003
    Ah, good. :D I mean, I could, but man... you really have to cram details into a small space!
  18. lindemacil

    lindemacil Jedi Youngling star 1

    Jun 16, 2005
    Oi. It took me longer to find this thread to actually write the fic. ;)

    Title: A Jedi?s Kiss
    Timeframe: pre-TPM; Obi-Wan?s about six years old
    Characters: Obi-Wan, Cynari (OC), an unnamed OC bully

    "Give it back!" Cynari demanded. She stamped her foot for emphasis.

    The Coruscanti boy laughed back at her, dangling Obi-Wan's soft boot by one of its laces. "Oooh, the little Jedi's getting mad!" His friends, dressed in identical upper-crust school uniforms, chortled from behind him. They were all at least two years older than Cynari, bigger and stronger by intimidating measures. She stared them all down. Next to her, Obi-Wan rubbed his nose and stood on one foot.

    "Give him back his shoe and leave him alone," she said. "He wasn't doing anything to you."

    "He's not where he belongs," the leader retorted. "You can take him and his shoe back to your stupid little temple." She reached for the shoe, but he pulled it back. "But first, you gotta pay the price."

    She glared at him as menacingly as a nine year old girl could.

    "One kiss, and you can have the shoe." His friends dissolved into laughter, slapping each other on the back.

    "Just forget it, Cynari," said Obi-Wan, pulling on the older girl's sleeve. "I'll get another one."

    "And have you walk back to the Temple barefoot? Besides, it's your shoe. He's got his own shoes; he doesn't need yours."

    The boy swung the boot again, smiling. "Just a little kiss. That's all." He leaned forward and puckered his lips.

    Cynari scrunched up her face. As quickly as she could, she took a step forward and kissed him.

    "Ha!" the boy cried, turning around to face his friends. "How many people can say they kissed a Jedi?"

    "Less than can say they were kicked by one!" Cynari cried. She lifted her foot and planted a solid kick to the boy's rear end, sending him face first into the duracrete sidewalk. Before he or his friends could react, she grabbed the fallen shoe, reached out for Obi-Wan's hand, and ran down the street without looking back.
  19. Aiden_Sanic

    Aiden_Sanic Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jun 25, 2005
    LOL! That was funny. You know the bully was right, except for Padme, not many people can say they have kissed a jedi. ^_^
  20. _Derisa_Ollamhin_

    _Derisa_Ollamhin_ Jedi Master star 4

    Jul 31, 2000
    whoops... wrong forum! lol
  21. darksideyesplease

    darksideyesplease Jedi Master star 4

    Feb 12, 2005
    this took somewhere around nine minutes

    The Little Prince

    The little boy stomped his foot at his mother. She could only shake her head at the child as he rounded up his expensive toys.

    He made his wealthy parents by him exact replicas of space cruisers and other weaponry used by the republic. In miniature form of course.

    He got whatever he wanted. But not this.

    ?I am not going to call you that.? His mother reiterated.

    ?But I want my name to be Sidious.? The boy cried aloud, folding his arms. His face turned to stone as he looked down at his mother with a frightening brow.

    ?No, your name is Palpatine. I will not call you such a filthy name.?

    ?It?s not filthy! It?s wizard!?

    ?What do you expect to do with a name like that! Don?t you get enough satisfaction out of playing with your toys, pretending to take over the galaxy??

    ?I?m not pretending.? The little boys eyes started to swell with tears.

    ?What?s going on in here?? A man?s voice said from another room. Soon his father entered the conversation.

    ?Mom won?t call me Sidious.? Palpatine whined.

    ?Because that?s not your name. So what? Now you are going to cry about it?? His father yelled.

    The tears that once formed seemed to disappear into thin air as his scowling look too shape once more, this time directed at his father.

    ?Don?t you look at me like that, son! You wipe that smirk off your face.? His father pointed a daunting finger at the child.

    The room started to mysteriously shake. His parents footing slipped but he stood still as if an aura had protected him from the quake.

    ?I want more toys! Now!? He yelled. Palpatine?s parents gathered their composure and looked at each other frightened. This was the third time this week an incident of this magnitude had occurred.

    ?And call me Sidious!? He barked as his parents backed out of the room.

    ?You just go to sleep now Sidious, I?ll see you in the morning.? His wide eyed mother said as shut the door behind her.
  22. Sith-I-5

    Sith-I-5 Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Aug 14, 2002
    Wow. That was pretty fragging good. Inspired. :)

    Very well done!
  23. kateydidnt

    kateydidnt Jedi Master star 4

    Nov 11, 2004
    Start Time: 3:01

    Tell me Again

    "Mama," five-year old Ari-Yan said plaintively at bedtime, "Tell me a story."
    She smiled indulgently at her little son and tucked him under the covers, "What story do you want to hear, my little Ren?" she used her pet name for him.
    He yawned and blinked tiredly, "Tell me again about Baby Ben."
    Her smile faltered a little and she inwardly sighed, it was his favorite story but it was the one she always loathed to tell.
    "Once there was a little baby named called Ben. He was a very special little baby and so his Mommy and Daddy let him go a long ways away to learn how to help other people. The Mommy and Daddy were sad and so they decided to have another baby, this one called..." she paused at the customary place and her son filled in.
    "That is right! this baby was also special, just as special as Baby Ben, but Mommy and Daddy got to keep this baby and raise him to help people in other ways."
    Ren smiled at his mother and rolled over in his covers, clutching his stuffed nerf. She bent over and kissed him lightly and then left the room.
    She turned briefly towards the bedroom she and her husband shared but changed her mind and moved to the living room, looking out the window at the stars.
    Instinctively she looked towards Coruscant's system and said softly, "Sleep well, my Baby Ben-my Obi-Wan Kenobi."
    Then Ira-Naw Kenobi turned to go to sleep.

    End time: 3:11
    Ten minutes!
  24. kateydidnt

    kateydidnt Jedi Master star 4

    Nov 11, 2004
    Doh! :oops: Obviously has some formatting issues and a redundency or two...well I suppose that is what makes these 10 minute pieces interesting.

    Oh, and I created an odd naming custom for this story. All of the people of this culture have two part names. Children's names are derived from the parents. First child has the first part of the father's name and the second part of the mother's name both inverted. Second child is named from the first part of the mother's name and second part of the father's name. So Ben and Ren's father is named Ibo-Nay. As for children after that...I haven't figured it out yet.
  25. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Mar 26, 2001
    Awwww... very sweet.
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