2010 Non-Star Wars Fanfiction Awards Ceremony

Congrats, QGR, Mira and Bliss!!

 

Congrats to all the winners so far! Also excellent work on the entertainment

 

Congrats to Qui-Gon_Reborn, Mira_Jade, and Darth_Bliss!

 

The instant Chuck announced the winner of Most Underrated, he mumbled a quick "Thank you" into the microphone and scrambled offstage. He ducked and dove his way around workers and other presenters, including two Japanese men.

"Sarah! Casey!" Chuck called. "Where are you? I just flashed on something that I think-- Casey!" He slid to a stop behind the man he was looking for. "Good! Look, this--"

Chuck stopped as "Casey" turned around to glare at him. Somehow he didn't remember John Casey having a thin goatee, owning (or wearing) any shirts that had this weird "Blue Sun" logo on the front, or carrying a yellow, orange and red crocheted hat with a pompom on top. The huge gun in his hand looked normal, though.

"Wrong person, kid," the Casey-quasi-lookalike growled. "Name's Jayne Cobb. Now beat it." Wide-eyed, Chuck backed up a step and then hastily followed the instructions.

Meanwhile, the two Japanese men were slowly making their way to the stage, despite the volunteers' best efforts at hurrying them up while amidalachick stalled for them at the podium. The taller man was more than willing to go and get this over with, but he kept having to stop and wait while his shorter friend with glasses kept giggling like a kid in the world's largest candy store and walking over to meet the other presenters he recognized from comic books and science-fiction shows.

"Hiro, hurry up!" said the taller one, Ando, in exasperated Japanese.

Hiro was busy grinning and making the "Live Long and Prosper" sign to Spock 2009. At least until he stopped in confusion and looked much more closely at Spock's facial features.

Ando finally grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the stage.

"Ando, this is wonderful!" said Hiro. "I feel like I'm at a Star Trek and science-fiction convention! Did you see--"

At last Ando pulled Hiro out on stage, where amidalachick turned over the microphone with relief.

Hiro took it, pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and beamed at the crowd. In broken, heavily accented English and a voice that grew serious he said, "Good day, I am Hiro Nakamura and this is Ando Masahashi. I control time and space. Being a hero is not easy. There are dangerous paths and people who want to trick you into falling from the hero's ways. But I have learned that being a hero means rising to the challenge. That is something that all of these nom-in-ees have done."

He gave the list to Ando, who said in smoother English, "Here are the nominees for Best Response to a Challenge."

[Harry Potter] Conversion? by MsLanna
[Star Trek] 100 Odes of Love by Jade_eyes
[Star Trek] Cherished Moments by Jade_eyes
[Star Trek 2009] as silent stars pay witness by Mira_Jade

?The winner is ??

[Harry Potter] Conversion? by MsLanna

Best Response to a Challenge

 

Congrats, Lanna!!


Man, you guys are doing an awesome job with the presenting Hiro and Spock 2009

 

The time came for the Best Songfic category, and backstage the volunteers were scrambling. The presenter had not shown up yet.

"Where is Bad Horse?" amidalachick demanded. "Has he arrived? Has anyone seen the Thoroughbred of Sin?"

Mac came running up from one of the back rooms. "The Evil League of Evil just called," she said. "Bad Horse can't make it, but he sent some representatives with a letter."

At that instant, three men dressed in old Western-style outfits, complete with hats, bandannas and mustaches, jumped in synch from the shadows to the podium on stage and began to sing:

(to the tune of "Bad Horse Chorus" from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, with apologies to Joss Whedon)

Awards, Awards
Awards, Awards!

We have a list of names here
That were put to a vote
For combining written words
And music notes,
Mixing all together
The lyrics and the quotes.
The prose and song,
Don't make them forced,
Harmony's your best recourse.

Awards, Awards
Awards, they're here!

And now we'll start announcing
The nominated works.
This is something destined for
The history books!
Sit down and pay attention,
Turn your cell phones off, you jerks.
It's "Best Songfic",
The best, of course.
Congratulations,
Signed: Bad Horse.

--

As one, the three men jumped to the sides of the stage, out of sight.

From backstage emerged a blond man with a long white lab coat, thick gloves and goggles. He strode to the podium and looked around, taking in the crowd and basking in the attention.

"Good," he mumbled. "Captain Hammer hasn't shown up yet to make a mess of things." Increasing his volume, he announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Doctor Horrible, filling in here for the esteemed Bad Horse. Remember my name, friends: you'll see it in headlines some day soon. As soon as I deal with Hammer, that insufferable..." He trailed off, muttering darkly to himself.

Suddenly, "But... right, award thing." He snapped himself back to the present and took the piece of paper the three singing men had left.

"Here are the nominees for Best Songfic:

'Always' of Star Trek fandom by Ceillean, and
'My Life Would Suck Without You' of Harry Potter fandom by Miana Kenobi."

Dr. Horrible contemplated the two titles for a moment in obvious thought, then he tore open the envelope. "And the winner of Best Songfic is..."

[Star Trek] Always by Ceillean and [Harry Potter] My Life Would Suck Without You by Miana Kenobi

Best Songfic

 

[image=http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c251/Tauriel/JC_Hogwarts_Cup/slytheroad.jpg]

 

Congrats, Miana and Ceillean!!

Man, I love Dr. Horrible

 

Congrats to the winners.

 

"And now, to present the award for Best Poem, here is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council."

To most humans-- and indeed, most things with eyes-- the dark green alien was not a particularly pleasing sight as he shuffled to the podium. He had been surprised when the 32 forms necessary for requesting his presence as a "Speaker, Awards Function, Planetside" had been filled out and filed and approved appropriately despite the best attempts by bureaucracy and the reddest tape known to the galaxy (nearly infrared), but they were, and so he was here. And he fully intended to take advantage of it.

"People of Earth, your attention please," he said slowly into the microphone. Or, really, it was a series of howls and gargles and extremely vile sounds that resembled an ostrich trying to ice skate with a radioactive elephant on its back, but a Babel fish-enhanced transcriptionist (which required another 24 forms to file) diligently translated the Vogon words to English, which were then displayed on a large screen for the audience.

"I see you have brought me here to read the nominees for Best Poem in your Awards Function," Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz continued. "From this I can tell that you are all appreciative of fine poetry. Therefore I would first like to share some of my own with you."

And he did.

"O yonder, mine crusty mold groweth/ And how the teggered fungus lurch, o'er yon blither bones in grizzled lard mayhaps..."

Shrieks and screams of horror came from the audience, first scattered, then more and more until they reached a crescendo of intellectual agony. The transcriptionist started convulsing at the horrid poetry, which was later determined to have saved the lives of all non-Babel-fish-enhanced attendees who could no longer understand the words. Still, though, the untranslated words kept coming and were so horrendous that they kept wounding the brains of everyone who heard them, even if they couldn't fully understand them. Audience members who weren't paralyzed by the onslaught ran for the doors in a desperate bout for survival.

Backstage, the volunteers held their hands over their ears to guard against the Vogon's awful poetry and the painful screams of the audience.

"Who invited the Vogon?!" Idrelle yelled over the tumult.

"But-- but-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy said that Vogons were known for their poetry!" Thumper called back in a pitiful attempt at self-defense.

"For having some of the worst poetry!" Idrelle clarified.

Suddenly from the stage there was a high-pitched "Yi-yi-yi-yi!", running footsteps, and the sharp whipping snap of a towel in the hands of a master. The Vogon poetry stopped. Ford Prefect now stood at the podium, his towel still at the ready in case the retreating Vogon with the sore backside tried to come back to the microphone.

Ford smiled at the audience apologetically and with more than a little pity while the convulsing and screaming slowly died down. "You Earthlings have no sense of the dangers of this galaxy beyond your own tiny little neighborhood, do you." He picked up the envelope.

"Don't panic! This is not the place for the Worst Poem: this is the place for the Best Poem! And here are the nominees."

[Star Trek 2009] All You Mean to Me by Jade_eyes
[War for the Oaks] Warsong for the Oaks by Lillith Demodae

?The winner is??

[Star Trek 2009] All You Mean to Me by Jade_eyes

Best Poem

 

Bad Horse chorus!

Great job so far, everyone!

 

Congrats, Jade_eyes!!

And ROTF at the Vogon

 

Congrats MsLanna, Ceillean, Miana Kenobi, and Jade_eyes!

 

Two women strode confidently onstage to present the next award. They couldn't have looked more different. One was dark-haired, wearing a tailored pink suit and high heels. The other had frizzy gray hair, a blue dress, and orange S-shaped earrings.

"Good afternoon," the dark-haired one said into the microphone. "My name is Lisa Cuddy."

"And I'm Selma Bouvier," the second one said in a gruff voice.

"I don't know why we're presenting Best Crossover," Cuddy continued. "We've never met or interacted."

"There was probably a mix-up with the invitations," Selma said. "So let's get this over with. I have to get back to my job and my daughter."

"So do I," Cuddy said. She looked at Selma curiously. "What do you do?"

"I'm a bureaucrat at the DMV," Selma said.

"I'm the administrator at PPTH," Cuddy replied.

"Did you adopt your daughter after...other methods didn't work out?" Selma asked.

"Yes," Cuddy said cautiously. "Why?"

"Me, too," Selma said.

"Wow." Cuddy shook her head. "We have a lot in common."

"Probably a coincidence," Selma said.

"Probably," Cuddy agreed. "Anyway...the nominee for Best Crossover is [Dr. Who/Firefly]The Man With No Name by Frostfyre!?

"And the winner for Best Crossover is..." Selma paused dramatically.

[Dr. Who/Firefly] The Man With No Name by Frostfyre

Best Crossover

 

Congrats!!

 

Darth_Bliss came in, looking a little embarrassed. She looked down at Jack Sparrow who sat at the nearest table.

?How much have I missed?? she asked.

He eyed her cheerfully.

?Everything, dahling, everything.?

She grimaced and sat down, her eyes set on the stage.


(Congrats to all the winners so far. Sorry that I?m late. Lovely awards ceremony so far - it's a lot of fun! )

 

"Please welcome our next presenter, Luxo Jr. from Pixar!"

A small, white, jointed desk lamp-- an Anglepoise lamp, to be precise-- hopped across the stage. Clangs and squeaks accompanied its movements. It reached the base of the podium, "crouched" down, wiggled a bit and finally jumped as high as it could. Somehow it managed to land on top of the podium. It batted the microphone away with its "head" and turned so that its lightbulb was facing the audience. The lamp's light flashed off and on in quick succession and rapid patterns, and a large screen displayed the words translated from the lamp's visual Morse code-based communication.

"I'm happy to be here to present the award for Best Vignette. A wonderful story does not always need to be long in length, and these are some excellent examples of that. The nominees are..."

[Harry Potter] Lilies and Petunias by Miana Kenobi
[Merlin] Etchings in Silver by Jedi-Ant
[HP] Dirt by FelsGoddess
[LOTR] After the Adventure by NYCitygurl
[Harry Potter] The Five Rules of a Successful Bartender by Lane_Winree

?The winner is??

[Harry Potter] Lilies and Petunias by Miana Kenobi, [Merlin] Etchings in Silver by Jedi-Ant, and [HP] Dirt by FelsGoddess

Best Vignette

 

Congrats, Miana, FG and Ant!!

 

*sits down, sweeps Jedi robes around him and bows towards the winner section and the organizers respectively*

Congrats to all the winners. Excellent job on the presentation!

 

The lights dimmed as the Vignette presenter hopped off-stage. The audience murmured among themselves, wondering what was happening now.

Heavy metal music began blaring through the speakers, making everyone clap their hands over their ears. A spotlight shone on the stage, revealing two teenagers head-banging and doing the rock salute.

"This music's cool!" one of them, with dark hair and braces and sporting an AC/DC T-shirt, said.

"Yeah! Cool!" the other, blond-haired one said.

The music stopped abruptly, and the lights went up to full brightness.

"Uh...oh yeah," the dark-haired one said. "We're supposed to, like, present an award or something."

"Um...where's the award, Butt-head?" the blond asked.

"Uh...I don't know," Butt-head said. He squinted at the teleprompter. "Uh...like for Best Short Story...huh huh. Hey, Beavis. Short. Huh huh huh huh."

"Heh-heheh," Beavis snickered. He suddenly noticed that each table had a dish of candy, and went down into the audience. Grabbing a big handful of candy from the closest dish, he began wandering around the room, popping candy in his mouth and muttering, "That's pretty good. Yeah. Heh heh."

"Uh-oh," Mac said from the wings. "We'd better go after him."

Mac and Thumper hurried out into the audience, trying to catch Beavis.

"Uh...there's, like, nom-in-ees," Butt-head said, oblivious to the activity around him. "[Twilight] Desert Rose by Lady_Tahiri,
[Castle] Parting Thoughts by brodiew, and [Forgotten Realms] The "Our Group? Saga by whiskers."

Beavis was eating more and more candy. His mutterings grew louder, and he began pacing restlessly. Idrelle and amidalachick slipped out to help Mac and Thumper corner him.

"Huh huh," Butt-head said. "The winner's, uh..."

The teleprompter froze. Butt-head laughed. Beavis pulled his shirt over his head, held his arms up, and marched onstage with the Awards volunteers chasing him.

"I am Cornholio!" he announced. "I need TP for - "

Thumper, Idrelle, Mac, and amidalachick all rushed onto the stage, grabbed Beavis' arms, and hauled him off just in time.

"Somebody whack the teleprompter!" amidalachick shouted over her shoulder.

"Whack," Butt-head repeated. "Huh huh huh huh."

Mac rushed back out and gave the teleprompter a firm smack. It began rolling normally again.

Butt-head announced, "Huh huh huh. Uh...the winner is

[Twilight] Desert Rose by Lady_Tahiri

Best Short Story

 

Congrats, LT!!

 

Great job Frostfyre, Miana Kenobi, Jedi-Ant, FelsGoddess, and Lady_Tahiri!

 

Congrats LT!

 

Congrats, Frost-Fyre, Lady_Tahiri, Miana_Kenobi and Jedi_Ant!

 

As Butt-head was ushered out by a concerned looking Mac and amidalachick, Idrelle rushed to centre stage, towing a large canvas. Muttering to herself about the uselessness of stage hands who were supposed to have things ready to go, she began trying to tack it up on the back wall, providing some kind of backdrop. The lights dimmed dramatically to blue and green and the tune of the Benny Hill theme song blasted out of the loud speakers; the backdrop fell, whacking Idrelle on the head and causing her to fall, covered by the canvas. Thumper and amidalachick ran on to stage and pulled her up; together they tried to pin up the canvas sheet. Mac later joined them by jumping across the stage and doing an impromptu dance, waving her hands and trying to get the sound crew to change the music.

The Benny Hill theme song screeched to a halt just as Idrelle, Thumper, and amidalachick managed to get the canvas up, leaving all three ladies standing in the greenish-blue light.

?Well, this is embarrassing,? Mac said matter-of-factly, her voice echoing in the silence.

A spot light was whisked on to the canvas backdrop ? a painting of what should have been the Emyn Muil landscape looking out at Mordor, except it looked more like a big blotch of grey and green for the land and pinky-red where the sky should have been.

Thumper looked mortified. ?I thought you said you HAD a backdrop!?

?I did,? Idrelle said. ?It?s from my grade seven Lord of the Rings re-enactment, it didn?t age well, okay??

?Definitely embarrassing,? Mac said.

?Why do I get the feeling that they?re going to start throwing stuff at us?? amidalachick said.

Just then, Howard Shore?s Fellowship theme blasted from the speakers, deafening the audience. The NSWFF ladies covered their ears.

From stage right, Frodo Baggins and Sam Gamgee picked their way across the stage, heaving their packs and looking extremely ragged and worn. They stopped in front of the canvas and appeared to look at it.

?Mordor,? Sam said, ignoring the four ladies with their hands over their ears and looking at the vague Mordor-shaped splotch at the top of the backdrop. ?The one place in Middle-earth we don?t want to see any closer, and the one place we?re trying to get to. It?s just where we can?t get. Let?s face it, Mr. Frodo, we?re l??

Sam?s monologue was interrupted when the canvas suddenly fell off the wall, covered poor Sam and causing him to fall to the floor.

?SAM!? Frodo shouted.

?MY CANVAS!? Idrelle yelled.

?Oh no,? Mac, Thumper and amidalachick groaned in unison.

They rushed to get the canvas off of Sam while trying to mollify a very angry Frodo. One shouting match and an Elvish sword threat later (in which security had to come in and wrestle Sting away from Frodo ? it was all very exciting; some audiences members even fainted), Idrelle was self-exiled into the wings for the Best Epic Award presentation for letting the canvas drop on Sam?s head, and the two hobbits were escorted to the podium.

?And now,? Mac said, ?after that? er? interesting ? but epic! ? interlude (all planned, naturally), we have the Best Epic presenters, who have very kindly agreed to take a break from their terribly important quest to grace us with their presence here today. All the way from the Shire, let?s hear it for Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee from The Lord of the Rings!?

There was applause.

Frodo and Sam looked out at the audience. They looked at the podium. They walked up to the podium.

The audience giggled.

The hobbits exchanged looks.

Sam threw a dirty look in the NSWFF staff?s direction.

The audience waited for something to happen.

?Oops,? amidalachick said.

?I?ll go find you two a box,? Mac said cheerfully.

She strode into the wings. After several minutes of rummaging ? where it sounded like half of the set for West Side Story (which was hidden in the wings) collapsed on her ? she returned carrying a large box, struggling under its weight. Thumper went to help her and together they dragged the box across the stage and set it by the podium.

Frodo and Sam stepped u