Discussion in 'Fan Fiction and Writing Resource' started by NSWFF_Awards, Aug 29, 2010.
As amidalachick led the two hobbits away, Thumper and Mac turned to try to clear up the fallen Emyn Muil-landscape canvas. Before they could approach it, a horde of House-Elfs suddenly stormed the staged, lead by Dobby. Ten of them picked up the fallen backdrop and carried it off; ten swept the floor until it sparkled and Dobby Apparated into the heavens and dangled hundreds of Dobby Decorations from the supports. Thumper and Mac stared in shock; Dobby swiped his stack of knitted hats off his head, gave them a bow and flew out after his fellow House-Elfs.
?Well, that was unexpected,? Thumper said.
Suddenly, the figure out a disgruntled Hermione Granger Apparated on to the stage. ?So!? she said. ?I hear that you?ve been using House-Elf labour at this ceremony! I will not endorse??
?Hermione,? the faint voice of Idrelle said from the wings, ?that wasn?t your cue to go on!?
Hermione paused for a moment, looking slightly perplexed. Then she shrugged. ?Yes, but don?t you see??
Harry Potter and Ron Weasley Apparated next to her.
?I don?t think NSWFF endorses spew, Hermione,? Ron said.
Hermione?s bushy hair stood up on end, as if electrified. ?Ron?!?
Harry suddenly noticed the gathered crowd. ?Oh, look, people!? he said. Instead of stepping up to the podium, he took centre stage, pointed his wand at his throat and said, ?Sonorus!?
Ron and Hermione exchanged looks that clearly said ?We?ll continue this conversation later?, and joined Harry, also magically amplifying their voices.
Thumper and Mac sidled quietly off the stage.
?Now why couldn?t we have them do that for us earlier?? Thumper whispered.
?Well, since we?re part of a series,? Harry continued.
??a very good series,? Ron added. ?If you haven?t read Harry Potter, read it now, because it?s freaking awesome!? He reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of what appeared to be jumping chocolate. ?Chocolate Frog, Harry??
?Yeah, sure why not??
Ron held out his hand.
Hermione rolled her eyes. ?Anyway,? she said, ?the NSWFF kindly asked us to come present??
?Oh no!? Ron exclaimed. The Chocolate Frog bounced out of his hand and across the stage floor, ribbiting and croaking all the way.
?Ooh, chocolate!? Mac said gleefully. She dashed across the stage from left to right, scooping up the chocolate and disappearing into the wings.
Harry, Ron and Hermione stared at the minor interruption for a moment and then continued as if nothing had happen.
?We?re here to announce the winner of the award for Best Series,? Harry said.
?The winner of this award will be granted a sample of the Weasley Wizard Wheezes? Portable Swamp,? Ron added. ?Courtesy of my brothers, Fred and George.?
?When did we ever say that?? amidalachick wondered from the wings.
?Cool!? Idrelle said. ?I always wanted to see a Portable Swamp!?
Mac ate the Chocolate Frog. She picked up the card that came with it. ?Oh, nifty,? she said. ?Dumbledore. Again!? She pocketed the card and peeked out at the stage.
Hermione cleared her throat and spoke. ?And the nominees for Best Series are??
[A:TLA] Heart of Fire and [A:TLA] Path of Fire by MasterGhandalf
Once the cheering died down, Harry stepped forward. ?And the winner of the Best?? He paused. He glanced at Ron and Hermione. Pulling out his wand, he waved it and said, ?Accio cue card!?
A cue card that had been in Idrelle?s hands flew out of her grasp, across the stage and fluttered down, gracefully, into Harry?s hands.
?Okay,? Idrelle muttered, ?first the canvas and now I forget to give them the cue card with the winner. I need to go find some more coffee, or at least the *headdesk* icon??
Harry looked at the cue card and stared out at the audience again. ?The winner of the Best Series award and a free Portable Swamp is?!?
[A: TLA] Heart of Fire and [A: TLA] Path of Fire by MasterGhandalf
Congrats, Kritzen and MG!!
I have to head off, but good luck to everyone left! I can't wait to read through the rest of the ceremony!
Idri was just starting to relax and enjoy the ceremony when her walkie-talkie went off, startling her out of the closest thing to a peaceful state that she?d had in an hour.
She grabbed it, on her feet in an instant. ?Idrelle_Micovani reporting for duty!?
?Idri, could you dim the lights?? Thumper?s voice was scratchy in the old device; unfortunately, state-of-the-art cell phones for the volunteers had been out of the question, no matter how passionately it had been argued that they could help the ceremony run even smoother than it was doubtlessly going to go. ?Our next presenter ?we don?t want to blind the crowd, or over-dazzle them??
?Oh, right. I forgot how vampires these days are.? She sighed and shook her head. ?I?m on it now.?
By the time she had managed to find the lighting controls and reduced the glare, amidalachick had finished her spiel on the character-driven awards, and the presenter was ready.
?Now, to give out the Best Male Canon Interpretation award, I present to you? prepare to be dazzled, ladies and gentlemen? Edward Cullen!?
A young man who resembled Robert Pattison slouched up onto the stage, to the gasps and jeers from the crowd. His skin sparkled, as if it were a translucent sheet of earth covering millions of yet-to-be mined diamonds.
?Yeah, that?s right. I?m a vampire. And I?m dangerous,? he added darkly. ?But I?m a vegetarian, so you?re all safe.?
He cleared his throat. ?Now, for the award: your nominees for Best Male Canon Interpretation are Severus Snape in [Harry Potter] ?Life?s Little Cruelties? by ardavenport
Spock in [Star Trek] ?What A Lovely Way to Burn? by Mira_Jade
Spock in [Star Trek] ?Cherished Moments? by Jade-Eyes,
and Dumbledore in [Harry Potter] ?Life?s Little Cruelties? by ardavenport.?
A drum-roll echoed from backstage, and Edward paused. ?And the winner is??
Severus Snape in [Harry Potter] Life?s Little Cruelties by ardavenport
Best Canon Interpretation of a Character (Male)
The applause of the crowd almost drowned out the yells from backstage; they went unheard by everyone except those sitting in a table up front. That is, they went unheard until the yeller herself appeared onstage holding a very sharp wooden stake, and followed by an array of hassled volunteers.
"Miss Summers, this is all a misunderstanding," amidalachick said helplessly. "Edward isn't eating the people -in fact, we were going to escort him straight out, just to make sure that didn't happen-"
"He's a vampire!" the young, blonde woman snapped. "And guess what? Vampires are evil. Vampires are bad, nasty, bloodsucking vermin, and I wasn't made the slayer just to talk about how unpleasant they are." She threw the stake just as the last word left her mouth. It hit Edward straight on his marble-sculpted chest and bounced off. Edward, looking terrified, ran.
"That's right!" Buffy yelled. "Run, you coward! Run out to the sunny outdoors! I'll still scatter your ashes over the parking lot!"
"Miss Summers?" amidalachick asked hesitantly. "Before you scatter Edward's ashes, could you please just present the award?"
"Oh all right," she said, snatching the envelope out of the host's hands. "The nominees for Best Canon Interpretation, Female are-"
Bree Tanner in [Twilight] Desert Rose by Lady_Tahiri
Nyota Uhura in [Star Trek] Cherished Moments by Jade_Eyes
Azula in [A:TLA] Heart of Fire by MasterGhandalf
Buffy paused, tapping her foot, clearly not enjoying the suspense that she was responsible for. "And your winner is-"
Nyota Uhura in [Star Trek] Cherished Moments by Jade_eyes
Best Canon Interpretation of a Character (Female)
Congrats Kriztin, MasterGhandalf, ardavenport, and Jade_eyes!
?I?d like to introduce to you the next presenter for the coveted Best Male Original Character Award.? Mac glanced at her notes and took a deep breath. ?Please welcome the Sandman, Dream, Morpheus, Lord Shaper, Oneiros-?
?That will do.? A tall man walked out ?although really, ?walked? didn?t do the term justice. He glided out onstage, his dark robes trailing behind him. A pattern of flames danced at the edges, something that was being watched very carefully by the volunteers, who had all fire extinguishers on hand, just in case they decided to leap off of the cloth and onto the stage.
?I have been asked to present an award here this noon. As a favor to my sister, I have agreed; however, I would prefer not to waste my time. The nominations for the Best Male Original Character are Ling in [A: TLA] ?Heart of Fire? by MasterGhandalf, and Cyrus/Carl in [Delta Green/Call of Cthulhu] ?Summer in the City? by Darth_Bliss.?
He paused for a moment and tore open the envelope. ?Your winner is-?
Cyrus/Carl in [Delta Green/Call of Cthulhu] Summer in the City by Darth_Bliss
Best OC (Male)
A brown-haired man with a roguish smile and dressed in sharp clothes walked to the podium. As he did so, he acknowledged applause that was nonexistent. He adjusted the microphone, cringed a little at a spurt of shrill feedback, and then directed his smile to the crowd.
"Hello, everyone," he said, completely at ease. "I'm Rick Castle, and I'm honored to be here tonight. You may recognize me as the author of the best-selling Derrick Storm novels, but that's actually not why I'm here. Oh, don't get me wrong, he was a great character and great for my career. But after him, I found something even better."
His eyes floated over the crowd for a moment until they settled on someone he obviously knew. It was a slender woman with short dark hair, and she narrowed her eyes at him in annoyance. Other people in the crowd followed his gaze to her, and she grew obviously uncomfortable with that particular attention.
Castle quirked a smile at her and continued speaking. "We all have that special female character that we have created for a story. The fiery heroine, beautiful and smart and witty. Detective Kate Beckett there was the inspiration for my character Nikki Heat. Stand up, Kate. Take a bow," he said to the woman in a cheery voice. She didn't, opting instead to send a frosty look his way again and mouth the words 'I will shoot you'.
Castle shrugged nonchalantly. "Ah. Well, anyway, whether you have modeled your female OCs after someone extraordinary like I did or you created them in a different way, your characters are to be honored today. So let's take a look inside this envelope."
The nominees for Best OC, Female are:
Joti in [A:TLA] Heart of Fire by MasterGhandalf
Claire/Miriam in [Delta Green/Call of Cthulhu] Summer in the City by Darth_Bliss
Melissa Langerhans in [Harry Potter] The Five Rules of a Successful Bartender by Lane_Winree
?And the winner is ? ?
Melissa Langerhans in [Harry Potter] The Five Rules of a Successful Bartender by Lane_Winree
Best OC (Female)
Congrats to D_B and L_W!!
Sweeney and Mrs. Lovett are sitting on an absurdly modern-looking couch in an absurdly modern-looking room with absurdly modern-looking trimmings of an absurdly modern-looking nature. While they have both been made aware that this is only for the sake of the author?s sanity, it does nothing to alleviate the sense of discomfort they both feel with their absurdly modern-looking surroundings. Mrs. Lovett keeps glancing at Sweeney as if there?s something wrong with him. Sweeney keeps glancing at his holstered razor as if there?s something wrong with him, too. Every once in a while, Mrs. Lovett will wring her hands in unabashed anguish, and smile nervously at Mr. Todd. Sweeney ignores her. But that?s nothing new. I may be the author, but I?m no god; nor am I Stephen Sondheim or Tim Burton or James Malcolm Rymer or Edward Lloyd or any of the other people on the seemingly endless list of creative and somewhat demented individuals who have gotten their hands on this bloody story. Well, I?m not on that list in any official capacity, anyway. I leave my red handprints all over the story often enough in an unofficial capacity, though. But, unfortunately, my conscience won?t let me fundamentally alter the characters that make the story so fun and fascinating and unique. Which means I can?t make Sweeney and Mrs. Lovett fall in love, blast it, even though it tears me into pieces and grinds me up and smashes me down and cracks me into tiny little--
?Tell me again, dear, why we couldn?t just do this in our own time?? asks Mrs. Lovett.
*I had to pull you guys out of your own time so this interview wouldn?t be confined by canonical constraints.*
?You fired a cannon at a what?!?
*Not a cannon, Mrs. Lovett. I?m talking about canon.*
Mrs. Lovett blinks. ?I knows that I?m not the sharpest razor in the box, but a cannon is the sort of thing what blows holes into other things, don?t it??
*That?s a cannon, with two Ns. I?m referring to the one with one N.*
Mrs. Lovett looks at Mr. Todd, who is engaged in an epic staring contest with the empty patch of air directly in front of him. Mr. Todd appears to be winning.
?This better not have anything to do with that bloody judge. You?ve been harping on him ever since we gots here. Always going on about that judge. You know you?re never going to be able to live your life like that? No, always living in the past. Never allow yourself to be happy, you do. Just sittin? there thinkin? about that silly ole judge--?
*Nellie! You?re not allowed to have a Worst Pies in London moment unless I give you permission. They take too long to write.*
?It?s your bloomin? subconscious. It?s not like I can do anything of me own free will anyway.?
?Cannon has three Ns,? Sweeney says slowly, as if he coming to a sudden realization. ?Canon has two.?
*Thank you for that stunning epiphany, Mr. Todd.*
?Epiphany?? whispers Sweeney.
?You shouldn?t have said that.? Nellie grimaces.
Mr. Todd leaps from the absurdly modern-looking couch, throwing himself onto his knees and lifts a twin set of razors into the heavens. The razors glint ominously. (Duh.) ?I?m alive at last, and I?m full of joy!!!?
*Someone seriously needs to get that man a dictionary.*
?You?d have the man pull a dictionary out right in the middle of the song? Then I?d say it?s a good thing you didn?t write this musical.?
*But he?s obviously not full of joy. In the film version, he spends the next sixty-four minutes in complete agony. So does the viewer, by the way.*
Mrs. Lovett looks up at the ceiling as if preparing to mutter a prayer. ?Please tell me you didn?t time it. I?m beggin? you.?
*Sorry to disappoint you, Mrs. Lovett--*
*--but I timed it.*
?Then you?re the one what needs the bloody dictionary! You ain?t got no life, dear. None at all.?
*Apparently not, or I wouldn?t be writing this fan fic.*
?If he?s not full of joy, then just what do you suppose he?s full of, then??
*At that particular point in the story? He?s full of crap.*
?So you?d have ?im say ?I?m alive at last, and I?m full
"Well, Bart, there's no nominees for Best Child," Lisa Simpson said. "I guess we don't have anything to do except watch the rest of the presenters."
"Pfft," Bart said. "You can stay here. I'm going exploring."
Sighing, Lisa picked up Maggie and followed him to an unmarked door backstage. Bart cautiously opened it and let out a whistle. Inside, there was a group of people, including a lobster-like creature in a white coat, a human man with a cane, a robot, and Krusty.
"Krusty?" Bart asked. "What are you doing here, man? Who are all these people?"
"They didn't want us as presenters," the lobster-creature said mournfully before Krusty could answer. He shook his left claw in the air. "Zoidberg would have made a fine presenter!"
"Hey, forget the kid," the robot said, flicking ashes from his cigar. "I've got a winning hand and a new bottle here!"
"Two hundred bucks from Wilson?s wallet says you're bluffing," the man with the cane said.
"You're on!" the robot said.
"Dad?" Both Bart and Homer were surprised to see each other.
"Son, you should run along now," Homer said. He glanced into the room. "Daddy wants to...talk to these people." He hesitated. "Don't tell your mother."
"Okay," Bart said innocently. "See you later, Homer."
He walked back out, resigned to watching the rest of the show with Lisa and Maggie.
There was something of a commotion backstage. Stage hands were running around, Thumper, amidalachick and Mac trying their best to keep everyone calm. A metal-incased Dalek was making its way through the wings towards the stage, Idrelle in tow. Several large boxes were thrown at it by the twittering line up of future presenters all hoping that the Dalek wouldn?t suddenly turn on them and exterminate them all.
Idrelle was waving her arms, trying to get everyone to be quiet.
?You?re being too loud!? she shouted as Dobby the House-Elf bounced by. ?Seriously! The audience can hear you, where?s your common sense?! And this Dalek?s not going to hurt you, it?s under a contract!?
The Dalek?s eyepiece swivelled. ?Daleks do not take or-ders from con-tracts.?
Idrelle raised an eyebrow. ?You do now,? she said. ?Now get out there and present the next award, metalhead.?
?Daleks do not take or-ders from fan fic wri-ters.?
Idrelle sighed and put her hands on her hips. ?Do you want me to go get the Oncoming Storm? ?Cause he was just here and I?m sure I can convince him to fly his TARDIS back here and take you out in a second??
?I will obey your or-ders for now,? the Dalek said. It moved towards the stage.
?No exterminations!? Idrelle called.
?Daleks ex-ter-min-ate when they want to.?
Mac eyed the big metal case with an eyebrow raised. ?Are you sure this was a good idea, Idri??
?No,? Idrelle said, shaking her head. ?But there was no one else since we couldn?t get Zoidberg??
?Still, a Dalek?!? Mac said.
Idrelle shrugged. ?Hey, it?s better than asking HAL 9000.?
The Dalek slowly made its way out onto the stage. Immediately, a mix of screams and laughter could be heard. Someone threw a tomato at it; the tomato splattered all over the eyestalk.
?That? might not be good,? Thumper said.
?We might have to call security,? amidalachick said. ?And here I thought we were just getting settled down? finally??
From the stage, the Dalek did not seem impressed by the tomato. The splattered remains of the tomato began to fizzle and burn, removing the obstacle to its vision.
?Daleks do not like to-ma-toes,? it said in its stilted, electronic voice. ?A-void throw-ing them in the fu-ture, or risk be-ing ex-ter-min-ated.?
Idrelle sighed. ?Silly Dalek.?
?I want-ed to pre-sent the Best Villain Award, but I have been grant-ed the po-si-tion of pre-senter of the Best Non-Human Award. Win-ner ac-cept this a-ward, or you will be ex-ter-min-ated.?
The eyestalk moved around momentarily, searching for the cue card with the correct information on it. The cue card was placed on the podium, but naturally, the Dalek couldn?t reach it due to it not having hands. The Dalek paused for a moment and then announced, ?El-e-vate!?
It rose into the air, hovering above the podium so its eyestalk could look down and zoom in on the cue card resting on the podium.
?Your nom-in-ees are as follows??
Spock in [Star Trek] Cherished Moments by Jade_eyes
Bree in [Twilight] Desert Rose by Lady-Tahiri
The Dalek hovered in the air and then slowly went back down. It moved out from behind the podium and approached the edge of the stage. Its eyestalk glared out at the audience.
?Win-ner ac-cept this a-ward or be ex-ter-min-ated,? it repeated. ?The win-ner of the Best Non-Human a-ward is??
Spock in [Star Trek] Cherished Moments by Jade_eyes
Oh wow, thank you for the votes and the award everyone!
Big congratulations to everyone who has won so far and a round of applause for the wonderful ceremony
Congratulations to Darth_Bliss, Lane_Winree and Jade-eyes!
It was now time for the award for Best Villain, but the presenter, Severus Snape, had not taken the stage. Mac, Idri and Thumper were combing the back rooms in a panic when a tall man in a grey jumpsuit (er, no, not a jumpsuit. Shirt and pants, because he was wearing a belt too, and who wears a belt with a jumpsuit?) pushed a janitorial cart to center stage and stopped at the podium. The audience murmured in confusion, wondering if this was some mid-event cleaning like the grounds crew does at baseball games.
amidalachick started to walk out to him, but he held up a hand and stopped her. "Don't worry. I got this." The authority in his voice left little room for debate.
He faced the crowd. "Greetings!" he announced. "I am The Janitor. Usually you'll find me carrying a mop around Sacred Heart Hospital, plotting the demise of JD, but he was off today so I had no reason to be there. The security here is awful, by the way. They'll let anyone in the doors with a nametag and an excuse. I can fix that for you. Give me twenty minutes and thirty rabid squirrels and all your security problems will be over.
"Anyway," he continued, "I was in back, just looking around, minding my own business, when I met this Snape guy. Nice guy. I could really get to like him. If he wasn't currently tied up in a back room." The Janitor took out something that looked like a magic wand and twirled it nonchalantly through his fingers. "I don't know, it gave me something to do. Not going after JD today has left me needing an outlet, I think. But then I thought, 'Janitor! The show must go on!'" He put a stern look on his face and pounded the podium once with a fist. "And so it shall!"
The Janitor tossed the wand onto his janitorial cart and picked up a piece of paper from the podium. "Ah, villains. Villains are a special breed of character. You have to know the mind of your prey. Get inside his head. Make it so that no part of his world is safe for him. Never let him know what to expect. Pursue him mercilessly, relentlessly! There is no story without conflict, and you are that conflict!" He sniffled and began to tear up a bit. "I'm so proud of all of you!
"The nominees for Best Villain are..."
The Governor in [A:TLA] Heart of Fire by MasterGhandalf
?The winner is??
The Governor in [A: TLA] Heart of Fire by MasterGhandalf
"To present the award for Best Ensemble Cast, please welcome Captain Malcolm Reynolds and the crew of Serenity."
Nine people, the first of which was a man who looked suspiciously like Rick Castle, walked on stage. Captain Reynolds straightened his brown overcoat, took the microphone and said, "Thank you, my crew and I are honored to be here." He covered the microphone with his hand and whispered to Zoe, "We're getting paid for this, right?"
Kaylee's horrified and disapproving expression at his question made him drop it. The instant he did, Kaylee's face morphed back into a wondrous smile as she gazed at the crowd, the decorations and the spotlights. She wore a large, frilly dress that made the rest of the crew's work clothes seem out of place, particularly Jayne's homemade crocheted hat and Wash's loose shirt whose design looked more suited for the tropics.
"Anyway, back to business," Captain Reynolds continued. "It takes a lot to keep a diverse group of folk working smoothly, but when it happens, ain't no feeling in the 'Verse quite like it. And so, here are the nominees for Best Ensemble Cast:"
[Star Trek 2009] as silent stars pay witness by Mira_Jade
[Delta Green/Call of Cthulhu] Summer in the City by Darth_Bliss
?And the winner is ??
[Star Trek 2009] as silent stars pay witness by Mira_Jade
Best Ensemble Cast
I'm just ducking in to say congrats to all the winners so far! The stories were all wonderful.
Great job MasterGhandalf and Mira_Jade!
Rick Castle made his way back to the podium, wearing the same charming yet mischievous smirk as before. When he reached it, he looked offstage at the volunteers. "I heard something about a party after this. I'm invited, right?"
At the annoyed and insistent gestures for him to get on with it, he turned back to the microphone. Castle beamed at the audience and said, "Being a writer is a wonderful thing. Think about it: there is no profession in the world quite like ours. We get to 'kill' and 'injure' people and get away with it. We get disturbed fan mail. We go to parties with mayors and flirty, cute girls. TV deals, movie deals, big paychecks and lucrative advances and contracts for a series of novels!"
A stunned, awkward silence fell over the crowd. Some subconsciously checked their pockets to see if this prophesied money had somehow materialized there without their knowledge. Others whispered questions to the people sitting beside them, asking what all these alleged parties and perks had been like.
Castle cleared his throat and hastened to cover up his inadvertent blunder. "People pay us money-- or, or not-- to convince them of a fake reality for a while. How cool is that? Seriously, this is a great profession. Have fun with it.
"But you all know that already, don't you. You already have fun. You have honed your skills, fought epic battles against writer's block and won, and have created characters and worlds that leap off the page and into the minds and hearts of your readers. You have been nominated by your peers for the title of 'Best Author'. Congratulations to all of you.
"And the nominees for Best Author are..."
After reading the list of names, Castle put the paper face down on the podium. He looked back at the expectant crowd, smiled, checked his watch, and innocently grinned at the crowd once more.
"I'm a mystery writer; I love suspense," he admitted into the microphone. ?Our winner is ? ?
The trumpeting of an elephant heralded his arrival. The elephant was adorned with bright-colored trappings and accoutrements that were emblazoned with the rider's initials, "JD". As one, everyone in the crowd turned to watch as the huge beast plowed through the table area, sending hors-d'oeuvres and attendees in tuxedos and sequined gowns scattering. The elephant-- Big Sasha, he called her-- stopped at the front of the stage and lifted her trunk over her head. He was sitting on the base of her neck, and she gently curled her trunk around him and lifted him in the air.
"Sasha, stop, that tickles!" he giggled.
The elephant set him lightly on his feet on the stage near the podium, and he stroked her face. "That's my girl," he said. "Does Sasha want her cranberry muffin?" He produced said baked good from a pocket on his black tailed suit and adjusted his snazzy top hat.
Instead of taking the muffin, though, Big Sasha reached with her trunk toward an abandoned janitorial cart and picked up a discarded magic wand. With one twitch of the stick she was levitating, and then before his very eyes Big Sasha flew straight up, crashed through the ceiling and was gone into the clear blue sky.
"No! Sashaaaaa!" he called after her amid the falling debris.
The young medical doctor snapped himself out of his daydream at the sharp noise. He was indeed at the podium, but there was a distinct lack of flying elephants and top hats. Like always.
He recovered from his zone-out quickly and smiled to the crowd. "My name is Doctor John Dorian, though you all can call me JD, and I'm honored to present the award for Best New Author. Trust me, I know what it's like to be the newbie. And apparently I still am... even after however many years it's been... How much longer must it be, Perry?!"
The audience had no answer for his last, distraught question. JD took the envelope and said, "Here are some up-and-coming stars. The nominees for Best New Author are..."
?And the winner is??
Best New Author
Congrats, Jade_eyes and MasterGhandalf!
The blue light that filled-- and then became-- his vision slowly faded away. Dr. Sam Beckett felt himself getting heavier, more solid, more physical. At last he felt like he had settled into a body, and reality snapped back into place around him.
He had leaped into some weird situations before, but this one was noteworthy in its strangeness. Small handfuls of people milled around him, some dressed in semi-formal attire, some in outfits that made him think he was at a costume party. He himself had on a nice sport coat. Thank goodness it wasn't a dress; he'd never quite gotten the hang of heels.
If Sam had to guess, he figured he was in a backstage area or the wings of a stage. He listened more closely and could indeed hear the reactions of an audience very close by. The stage was lit; whatever event it was, it was going on right now.
A commotion erupted all around. The other people seemed very concerned about the passage of a metal... thing through their midst. They jumped out of its path, threw boxes between themselves and it, and fearfully vocalized their concerns for their lives. Several people ran around trying to reassure the frightened crowd.
A man backed up into Sam, but was so fixated on the metal being that he just kept backing up, forcing Sam backwards as well.
"These people are crazy! That Dalek is going to kill us all!" the man said, mostly to himself.
Sam's eyes followed the thing as it went past. "Oh boy."
After the Dalek scare calmed down and no one was exterminated, Sam did his best to unobtrusively find out the details of his situation but met with little luck.
Eventually he heard from the stage, "Please welcome our next presenter, Captain Jim Brass from CSI!"
A hologram of his best friend Al Calavicci popped into existence immediately beside him. Al was in a white suit, had a cigar held between his teeth and was holding a small, flashing handlink. "Sam! Sam, that's you!" Al immediately said.
"Al! What do you mean? What am I doing here?"
Onstage there was a pause, and then, "I said, our next presenter, Captain Jim Brass."
"Go! Go!" Al made a move to push Sam in the direction of the stage, but as a hologram he went right through Sam's borrowed body. Once Sam started slowly walking, Al matched strides with him and looked at the handlink. "Okay, Ziggy says your name is Jim Brass. You're some kind of cop-- still working on that-- and the year is 2010. This is an awards presentation for fanfare... no, fanfishes..." Al smacked the side of the handlink, which let out a distressed squawk. "Oh, fan fiction! This is an awards presentation for fan fiction. Huh. Weird. Oh, um, NSWFF, whatever that means. North-Southwest Fan Fiction? That one'll take Ziggy a while."
"Al, what am I supposed to say? I'm presenting something!" Sam whispered as he emerged onstage to the polite applause of the audience. He tried to hide his words with a smile. The woman at the podium handed over the microphone and left the stage.
Al shrugged. "Just say some feel-good fluff. Something ambiguous. Hey, any note cards in your pockets?"
Sam quickly checked but came up empty. He hesitantly moved to the podium and looked out at the expectant audience. Somewhere, a cricket chirped. Glancing down, Sam saw a piece of paper that said, "Best Collaborative. Presenter: Jim Brass".
"Hello," Sam said into the microphone. "Well, my... uh, team couldn't be here today, but I think I speak for all of them when I say that teamwork and collaboration is very important to accomplish our... jobs. People that you trust to help you out, no matter what, are worth their weight in gold." Sam subtly glanced at Al. "Collaborative efforts can produce a product that's better than what one person can do alone by complementing strengths and diminishing weaknesses. So, the, uh, nominees for Best Collaborative are..." Sam looked at the paper more closely. "Oh, there don't seem to be any--"
Al's eyes grew wide. "Sam! Look out!"
Sam spun just in time to see the Dalek raising its death ray at him from offstage. H