Awards 2011 Before/Saga Fanfic Awards Excerpt Thread

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction and Writing Resource' started by Before-Saga_Awards, Aug 3, 2011.

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  1. Before-Saga_Awards VIP

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    Best Non-Human

    Vyxn in Call of the Siren by obimom

    Vyxn in Call of the Siren

    excerpt 1

    Vyxn slipped silently back through the vent to her quarters and quietly crept back into her room. She secured the vent cover then plopped onto her sleep couch thoughtfully.

    Her employers would be very interested in the datapad the healer had. She would have to acquire it. Then she thought about Master Kenobi.

    " He is so delicious," she thought to herself. "Those eyes could rival any Sirenian female's. And that physique! What I wouldn't do to get ahold of that." She licked her lips in desire. Those boys are fine for a diversion, and Healer Dunn...he's ok. But Master Kenobi! She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself in anticipation.

    She arose from the sleep couch and entered the refresher to freshen up before joining the others for dinner. She looked into the mirror at her long blonde hair with wisps of curls around her face. Her large green luminous eyes stared back at her as she reapplied red lipstick to full lips. She changed into a clingy, form fitting evening dress that highlighted her features, adjusting it to allow just the right amount of cleavage.

    "Now, not even a Jedi Master could resist this!" she said to herself. "My employers sent me here to find out what they know, but they never said I couldn't have any fun. I'll get that datapad, and finish my mission, but I'll have a little Kenobi, also. Or maybe a not so little Kenobi, if I'm any judge of male humans." She giggled to herself, confident in her conquest.

    She wasn't intimidated by Jedi.

    Sirenian women had some of the same abilities as Jedi, like shielding their presence and they were able to resist most Jedi influences, which was thought to be one reason they could entice male Jedi. One female in her race had parents noble enough to send their daughter, who in addition to her special gifts was also force sensitive, to the Temple. She had left the Jedi after several years due to the Council's threats of expulsion for continually getting other male padawans in trouble. No, being a Jedi was not for Sirenian women. Their mating urges ran too deep, their talents for luring males too strong. They were humanoid, looked basically like humans in every respect, but their pheromone levels were impossibly high and combined with their other talents they were nearly unstoppable when they had a conquest in their sights.

    excerpt 2

    Vyxn stood in the doorway wearing only a white frilly robe. Her blonde curls draped seductively down her slim shoulders, her red lips pursed and then her tongue traced the lip line of her mouth as she closed Obi-Wan's door behind her and began walking slowly toward him.

    "What are you doing here?" Obi-Wan finally sputtered. The scent of her perfume mixed with the natural scent she was emitting made him feel suddenly lightheaded.

    "Master Kenobi, you know what I'm here for, don't you?" she purred softly.

    A cloud descended on his mind making his thinking confused and hazy, transforming the room into a cage and he a trapped animal within it. There didn't seem to be a way out. He remembered past missions where he had been surrounded by droids or imprisoned in small cells and he thought that he had felt less trapped then than now. Whatever she was doing was overtaking him.

    excerpt 3

    He finally had an idea. He raised his hand and waved it slightly as he said, "You don't want to be here. You want to go to your own quarters and go to sleep."

    She laughed softly. "That doesn't work with me, Lover. Good try though." She approached him slowly, like a feline stalking her prey, hungry eyes wide and piercing, shining with eager, unbridled lust. She slowly undid the sash around her robe.


    Yoda in A Wroshyr Walking Stick by Luna_Nightshade


    Good relations with the Wookiees, I have? Yoda

    Long before the Clone Wars or Order 66?indeed, even before Yoda was a/>
  2. Before-Saga_Awards VIP

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    Best Child

    Call of the Siren by obimom

    Anakin in Call of the Siren

    excerpt 1

    "So she came on to you, huh Master?"

    Obi-Wan glanced at him warily and slightly nodded his head.

    Anakin leaned forward a little, eyes eager. "Did she get naked?"

    Obi-Wan gave him a sharp look. "Anakin...," he warned.

    Anakin continued to tease his master. "I'll bet she did. What do you think, Ferus?"

    Ferus cleared his throat, then croaked, "Leave me out of this. Please."

    "Very wise decision, Padawan," Siri said, a slight edge to her voice. Obi-Wan cringed inwardly.

    Ferus's head dropped lower as his cheeks reddened. He stared at his plate as though it might get up and walk away if he didn't watch it.

    "Well, I want to know!" Anakin pressed. "How close did she get to you? Did she touch ...."

    "Anakin! I don't believe this is appropriate conversation, especially to your master!" Obi-Wan said firmly.

    Master Dunn stared wide eyed between master and padawan. Obi-Wan couldn't help a slight grin. Master Dunn didn't know Anakin very well, and wasn't used to being around a boy like him. Usual Jedi protocol was pretty much lost on his padawan, but he, Siri and Ferus were used to it.

    "My apologies, Master," Anakin said with a pout and bowed his head, then he shrugged and looked up again with a glint in his eyes. "What I don't understand is, why did she pick you? Does she like men with beards or something?"

    Master Dunn rolled his eyes and Siri coughed.

    "Oh, and what do you mean by that, my Padawan? Do you have someone more suited in mind? You perhaps?" Obi-Wan's dry comment brought an amused smile to the others' faces.

    He grinned. "Well, I am younger and stronger. More athletic." He enjoyed teasing his master, and shook his head solemnly. "Why she would pick on an old man..."

    excerpt 2

    Vyxn strode into the galley carrying a little package. She brightened at the sight of the the two boys sitting at the table. Ferus eyed her warily as Anakin jumped up eagerly and bowed.

    "Good Morning, boys!" she sang cheerfully, giving them her most ravishing smile.

    Anakin smiled widely in return and answered, "Good morning, Vyxn, sleep well?" He pulled out a chair for her. She nodded at him but went to the counter first.

    "Very well! I brought these sweet cakes for you!" Her back to them, she reached for two small plates sitting on the counter and opened the package.

    Ferus was suspicious. He looked at Anakin, and pulled out his comm. It suddenly flew out of his hand and into Anakin's, who grinned at him.

    At Ferus's silent and wondering stare, Anakin whispered, "She seems harmless. We can comm them in minute."

    "Master Obi-Wan said to contact him if she comes in!" Ferus whispered with annoyance.

    "We will! Lets see what she has first." Anakin looked at her standing at the counter, his eyes bright with curiosity and eagerness.

    Ferus shook his head in protest and grabbed for the comm. Anakin jerked it away and wagged a finger at him. "No, no! Not yet." He seemed almost playful, which annoyed Ferus.

    "Anakin, this is serious!" he whispered. He drew on the force to yank the comm from him, but Anakin used the force to stop him.


  3. Before-Saga_Awards VIP

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    Best Villain

    Palpatine in Alliance of Heroes by JediMara77

    A/N: This short scene occurs after Mara decides to stay with the Rebellion and breaks her connection with the Emperor.

    Deep inside the Imperial Palace, Emperor Palpatine sat atop his throne, staring in silence at the skyline of Imperial Center, and contemplating this latest unexpected development.

    His precious Hand?the first girl he had considered for the experimental position?had gone wayward. He once thought that to be impossible. He had trained the girl from childhood, and she was loyal to the Empire as anyone else in Palpatine?s retinue. She had killed terrorists, exposed traitors, and dedicated her life to fulfilling the Emperor?s every last command.

    And she had simply cut him off, just like that, their deeply tuned connection snapped.

    He should have been furious. He should have left Imperial Center immediately, to hunt her down and teach her a lesson that she would never forget. She was his.

    But instead Palpatine sat calmly, listening to the Force bristle around him, surprisingly accepting of this unfortunate turn of events.

    Because, ultimately, Mara?s betrayal was of little consequence.

    Let her have her dalliance. She would become entrenched in the Rebellion, become one of them, and then, when the time was right, Palpatine would order the girl to be brought back to her home. He would remind her where she truly belonged, and she would once again accept her place as the Emperor?s Hand.

    And, in the end, Palpatine was almost pleased that his Hand had gone rogue. For he knew that, wherever he found Mara Jade, he would also find the Son of Skywalker.

    The true threat to the Emperor?s reign.



    Palpatine in The Longest Fall by Fanficfan

    ?It is such a quiet thing, to fall. But a far more terrible thing is to admit it.?

    The twisted, ?evil? old man that the young padawan had become chuckled as he remembered the old saying. The fall was indeed very quiet, peaceful even. Only the faint background hum of machinery doing its work and the soft roar of the wind in his ears disturbed the silence as Cos Palpatine hurtled down the reactor shaft. He found it somewhat ironic that arguably the most powerful and feared Dark Lord of the Sith was finding peace in his imminent death. Admittedly at his current rate he still had over ninety minutes of freefall before the radiation from the reactor actually killed him, but when you?re tumbling at over two hundred kilometres per hour there?s not a lot even a Sith can do to stop. Besides, if all proceeded according to his plan there should be only minutes remaining before the Rebellion destroyed the Death Star. Without the power, the will or the need to delay death any longer, the single most evil man in the galaxy reminisced.

    ?Insolent Jedi WHELP!? The voice roared from the darkness, ?Give me one reason why I shouldn?t kill you where you stand.?
    The seventeen year old Cos had learned many things in the four years since he left the Jedi. Not enough to defeat a Sith Lord of course, but enough to delay death at the hands of one. For a time. With an effort he broke Plagueis? Force-grip on his throat, ?because there must be two,? he gasped. ?Because when you have made me into a Sith, I will destroy you and take an apprentice of my own. Just as you have done.?
    At first Palpatine thought the Sith Lord was coughing, but the deep, choked spluttering soon became hysterical laughter then, quicker than a sabaac card switching values, lightning poured out of Plagueis? hands and into the hapless teens body. Agony the likes of which Cos had never known tore through his nervous system and a desperate scream ripped itself from his throat. But the Sith Lord continued his assault, eliciting scream after painful scream from Cos until his throat was raw and he could scream no more. Finally, Cos found himself curled/>
  4. Before-Saga_Awards VIP

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    Best Ensemble Cast

    Alliance of Heroes by JediMara77

    A/N: During the Rebel Alliance?s escape from the Yavin IV base.

    ?This piece of junk is never going to get us past that Super Star Destroyer!?

    Han cringed and tried to ignore the shrill voice coming from behind the captain?s chair. ?Hey, flying in this ship was your idea, sweetheart, not mine!?

    ?Don?t remind me.? Han could almost hear Leia?s eyes roll.

    ?Are you at least strapped in back there? We gotta jump as soon as we get clear of these TIEs.?

    ?Of course I?m strapped in, you nerfherder! I do have some experience in space travel, you know.?

    Fortunately?or unfortunately, depending on the way Han wanted to look at the situation?See-Threepio?s chatter interrupted their bickering. ?Captain Solo, I do believe that Princess Leia is correct. The odds of successfully avoiding capture by an Imperial Super Star Destroyer are approximately??

    ?Shut up, Goldenrod, or you?re gonna find yourself blown out the airlock!?

    ??Shutting up, sir.?

    ?

    Growling in frustration, Han toggled the comm switch. ?Hey, kid, any time now!?

    Luke?s voice came through apologetically. ?Sorry Han, we got held up. Turn to point oh-seven; we?ll take care of the TIEs and escort you out.?

    ?Gladly.? As Han turned the Falcon as requested, he saw six X-wings approaching from behind. Several of the pursuing TIEs were vaped immediately, and their green laser fire finally stopped crossing the Falcon?s hull. Han breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Luke?s X-wing peel off from the others and close up with the ship, the other five snubfighters quickly demolishing the remaining TIEs.

    ?Are there any other transports on their way?? Luke asked. ?We lost communication with the base.?

    Han grimaced, dreading his next words. ?Sorry, kid, but I don?t think anyone else is making it off.?

    Han could hear Luke?s protest before it even began. ?But there?s only one ship out here, we can hold ?em off in time??

    ?Imperial troops are on the ground, Luke. Sorry, but you better make the jump right behind us if you want to get out of here alive.?

    After a few seconds, Luke sighed. ?You?re right,? he admitted begrudgingly. ?Go ahead and jump; we?ll see you at the rendezvous. May the Force be with you.?

    ?Yeah, you too, kid.? Toggling the switch again, Han turned to his co-pilot. ?Alright Chewie, punch it.?

    The stars outside the cockpit turned to lines, then the swirling patterns of hyperspace. Han leaned back in his chair in relief and pushed up his sleeves. ?See, Princess?? he said, turning around to look smugly at the woman sitting behind him, with her arms crossed over her chest. ?Nothing to it.?

    ?Yes, well. It?s a good thing Luke and the Rogues were there to bail you out.? Without another word, she rose from her chair and exited the cockpit.

    ?What the??? Han sputtered. After a moment, he hurled a stray datapad against the cockpit door. ?And you be quiet!? he added, trying futilely to quiet Chewbacca?s guffaws.

    * * *

    Luke watched the Millennium Falcon disappear into hyperspace, feeling both relief that his friends had escaped and dread that he and his Rogues had no choice but to follow. Han was right; with Imperial troops on the ground, there was no way any other transports would be able to launch.

    The Alliance had been prepared for an attack, but Intelligence had estimated that the attack would not come for several more days. They had hoped that the base would be fully evacuated by then, but they woke up to a surprise that morning: a group of Star Destroyers entering the system. Thankfully, the fleet had come out of hyperspace far away from Yavin IV, alerting the Alliance to the impending assault. General Dodonna?s staff had managed to calculate hyperspace coordinates that would allow the few remaining transports to get around the blockade, and had stayed on the moon to direct the evacuation. As much as Luke wanted to stay behind to assist in the general?s escap
  5. Before-Saga_Awards VIP

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    Best Author


    Harpalyce


    excerpt from Zombie by Harpalyce

    ----------

    After rereading an article, Ahsoka's dreams had shifted. She dreamed every night, on rote, the same pattern again and again.

    They had started the first time she saw a new holovid of him, trapped in the black armor, the steady wheezing audible in the background even as the Emperor delivered a speech about how all was well. There was a special horror in it for her, sympathetic to him when no others were.

    It was a certain sound, distinct. In her dreams it had gotten mingled in with another memory: it had originally been a day for the older jedi trainees, unassigned padawans, to shadow a jedi as he went around the city with regular patrol. But they stumbled across an investigation into an unauthorized, illegal racing ring of Correlian slicer hounds.

    That was when Ahsoka, along with the rest, was introduced to the uncomfortable concept of euthanasia.

    The stables were miserable wrecks of filth, and all of the slicer hounds were dead or dying. She didn't remember the speech of the jedi they were following gave, but she did remember the look in each animal's eyes. One wagged as she passed, laying on its side, gasping hard and wheezing. Instinct told it to fight on, but the look it gave her was a silent plea for Ahsoka to do what it could not. They learned that day the mercy of a blaster shot between the eyes.

    It was the same dying gasp that her dreams assigned to her Master - Vader, now, trapped in that suit of armor. She couldn't see his eyes but she knew them behind the mask. Each wheeze was a cry for help. He had been made to run the course so many times that he could not any more; they whipped him and beat him into another battle where he could be the Republic's golden child and poster boy. He had run and run until he could not take it any more, it was so easy for her to see, victimized by well-meaning souls who did not take into account that every battle seen wounds just as surely as any blaster bolt. She saw him the same as the slicer hound that had run too hard to make first place, shattering the tender and delicate bones in its leg from too much pressure, at the finish line, down, writhing, calling out in yodeling howls of agony as it gasped, nobody stepping up to take responsibility.

    Sometimes it was with the same clear poison, injecting it at a weak spot in the armor into the flesh underneath it. Sometimes it was with a blaster shot, or her lightsaber - both the same way, the tip of the gun and the top of her lightsaber hilt pressed against his chest gently, then a squeeze of the trigger or a twitch of a finger to produce the blade. He never said anything, just laid his head on her shoulder and let her hold his hand until the mechanical wheezing ended in a clattery death-rattle and a contented sigh.

    Ahsoka would awake elated every time, beamingly joyous.

    But now the dreams were different.

    She had been required to study anthropology, as a jedi-in-training, to emphasize how different cultures sometimes were. It pointed out how very few common characteristics there were: family, nakedness, and... the undead. She had laughed at the last item on the list, and continued giggling as she looked up Togruta tales about such things. It was outlandish and absurd.

    But now she was waiting for one of the undead to come into her trap.

    The dreams now started off the same, it was true - the same dying, painful gasps as he stood there, looking so sad despite the impressive armor. Ahsoka took his hand, murmuring gently about how she would help, caressing the gauntleted palm like she was about to remove the thorn from it that had been aggravating it. He was too tired to speak, but she understood how heavy his heart was and did not press it. Let me help you, Anakin. Let me help you, was her soothing mantra as she led him over.

    She wanted to look into his eyes, every single time, a mistake
  6. Before-Saga_Awards VIP

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    JediMara77

    A/N: In this story, Mara witnesses the destruction of Alderaan and begins to have doubts about the Empire. To remind her who she serves, the Emperor tasks her with uncovering defectors in the Imperial Navy. She goes undercover as a TIE fighter pilot and joins up with Tycho Celchu and two other defectors. After earning Tycho's trust, Mara begins passing information to the Emperor, with the intention to betray her new friends. In this scene, Mara and the group of defectors are waiting for the Millennium Falcon to arrive on Dantooine. After a conversation with Tycho, in which he points out that the evils of the Empire are because of Palpatine, Mara begins to have even more doubts about the Empire and the upcoming mission.

    They grew quiet again, waiting for the rendezvous countdown to finish. She glanced at her chrono?five minutes now until the Rebels arrived. Not long after that, the Empire would follow.

    She sighed.

    Then, just as her breath had grown slow and steady, Tycho?s words began to echo ominously through her mind:

    Look at the people Palpatine surrounds himself with. Are they noble? Are they honorable?

    There was only one answer Mara could come up with:

    No.

    She distrusted them. She disliked them?Vader, Tarkin, Isard, Pestage. Everyone else in his retinue. How many times had she questioned why Palpatine placed so much trust in them? Why he gave them so much power? She had never been able to understand why such a noble man as the Emperor would have someone like Vader as the second-in-command of the Empire. How many times had she wondered if Palpatine would finally come to his senses and get rid of the man?

    But what if...what if she had been wrong all along? What if, instead of being the noble, honest man she'd been led to believe...what if the Emperor was just like Vader?

    Or what if he was worse?

    She suddenly knew that it all was true...and Palpatine had chosen her to be his precious Hand. She held a trusted position among his closest acolytes. What did that say about her?

    She was about to betray a person she knew was completely honest and loyal; a person who, against all her better judgment, she had come to think of as a friend. She would point a blaster at his back while Imperial commandos led him and the others away. When it was all over they would surely be executed, and they would go to their graves knowing that it had been Mara Jade, the Emperor's Hand, who had betrayed them.

    Every fiber of her being screamed out not to do this, yet she had no other choice. This was her life. She'd been raised and trained to do the Emperor's bidding without any regard for her feelings and emotions. She didn't know how to be anything else. The thought of betraying Tycho and the others made her feel sick, but the thought of failing her master made her want to stop living.

    There was only one conclusion she could draw.

    Her comlink beeped softly, insistently. Mara glared at it for a moment, then a switch flipped in her mind. Her jaw set in determination and her holdout blaster jumped to her steady hand.

    Rising to her feet, the Emperor's Hand clicked her comlink once in affirmation, then followed Tycho and the others into the morning sun.

    Perhaps she did belong with the Empire after all.



    obimom

    Tatooine Trouble by obimom

    Excerpt from Tatooine Trouble - Sequel to Reunion, 6 years after Siri joined and married Obi-Wan on Tatooine. She took a job and was attacked after work. Obi-Wan to the rescue!

    Obi-Wan followed them to the end of the alley, catching his breath as he watched them flee, making sure they weren't going to try to come back. The road was dark and quiet, but he could hear the sounds of laughter and music coming from the tavern just down the street. He turned bac/>
  7. Before-Saga_Awards VIP

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    Best Collaborative

    Meditations on Maturity (from Chapter 5) by Briannakin and Hazel

    It was early in the morning and Shmi and her little sisters had just seen the rest of their family and friends off, wishing they could have gone too. In fact, they couldn?t understand why they didn?t get to go, they wanted to help Mara too - she was their friend. But their mom had been adamant, there were too many beings in the ship already and the girls would not be helping as much as standing in the way. Besides, the twins had to go back to the Academy and Shmi had been entrusted to take them on the Angel's Breath.

    Apparently the Skywalker couple had forgotten how much their younger offspring liked to not be shipped off to the Jedi Academy and to what lengths they would go to remain home.

    Just as soon as the Millennium Falcon disappeared in Coruscant?s atmosphere, Aymee and Ayden started plotting their next move.

    Unaware of this was their sister, Shmi, tiredly leading the two Skywalker terrors back to their home in the Presidential Palace.

    * * *

    As soon as they had lifted off and went into hyperspace, Luke took his crash-webbing off and went over to kneel at Mara?s feet, who was sitting beside her father. The two lovers had yet to speak this early morning since the group had prepared for departure as soon as the Kenobis had arrived at the hangar.

    ?Good morning Love. Would you like to join me in my cabin? You should lie down,? he said formally, in hopes Obi-Wan would not stop them. Since the Millennium Falcon now mostly carted groups of Jedi around the galaxy, the former smuggling ship?s two extra holds had been transformed into a number of small cabins that could accommodate two occupants each.

    ?Luke, cut the shavit. Your mother, father and I talked last night and I have agreed that if you are going to take care of Mara and the baby, that you should start now. You may stay in the same cabin, but the door is to stay open at all times. This is your only chance, so don?t blow it,? Obi-Wan warned.

    ?I won?t, Master,? Luke said as Mara got up. Just as they were about to leave, Chewbacca and Han came into the main hold. Luke sent calming waves to Leia. He was worried about his sister being around a man who she disliked immensely, but she had assured him that she would stick around their parents in order to avoid him.

    Chewbacca let out a series of barks at Luke and Mara.

    ?Thanks, Chewie.? Fluent in Shyriiwook, Luke translated, ?Captain Chewbacca has offered his quarters to us and he is very adamant we use them since he made Han clean it.?

    Mara smiled. ?Thank you, Chewie.?

    The two then went off.

    The Captain?s quarters were rather plain, but it did have a huge bunk with fresh linens.

    ?I was expecting it to be hairier,? Mara commented, getting onto the bed.

    Luke lay beside her. ?Well, Chewie did say he made Han clean it. You look beautiful today, by the way,? he said, looking her up and down. She wore grey pants with stretchy material around the waist, a stretchy white under-tunic and a blue tunic with pleats along the waist to allow her stomach to swell. He was about to continue, when she interrupted.

    ?You get to tell me I?m glowing once. Are you really going to use it today??

    He chuckled, ?No, but please say I get free access to your belly.?

    She rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. ?I guess so.?

    His smile lit up the room.

    * * *

    After cleaning up lunch, Shmi had sent Threepio to get the twins and make sure they were packed and ready to go when suddenly the whole place went dark, and not just any kind of dark - pitch black. All the lights went out, all the control panels died, all the window panels shut off and down and every single door refused to open. In short, everything that was electronic and connected to the building, was out of business. Even the comm links, which indoors were routed through the building?s system, suddenly went offline.

    Somehow, Shmi just knew her sisters had
  8. Before-Saga_Awards VIP

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  9. Luna_Nightshade Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 25, 2006
    star 5
    Bouncing this guy to to the top. Time for some heavy reading! Thanks for your hard work, volunteers!
  10. JediMara77 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2004
    star 4
    Hi - I believe the wrong excerpt was posted for my "Best Action" nomination.
  11. anakinfansince1983 Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 4, 2011
    star 7
    I didn't know I was supposed to send in an excerpt for the Best Author nomination. [face_blush]

    But I do appreciate being nominated. :)
  12. LilyHobbitJedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 29, 2005
    star 5
    It should be fixed, sorry about that.
  13. AzureAngel2 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2005
    star 6
    Hi there! Just wrote a PM with the laptop of morrison85 and from her house. I am slightly worried that I can spot my excerpt nowhere. I sent it in on the 8th Aug & somebody read in on the 9th Aug. Getting no PM back I thought everything was okay with the excerpt.
  14. DaenaBenjen42 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2005
    star 5
    Upping for visibility...
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