Before 24- Hour 3 up! 4/22(it's about time!)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by sidious618, Apr 7, 2005.

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  1. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    This story is written like the television show "24" as in each segment takes place during in hour and the whole story is 24 hours. However some hours will be longer than others(i.e. more text).

    So, thanks for stopping in and enjoy an unusual story. Please give me either positive or negative thoughts.

    Cast of Characters
    Qui-Gon Jinn
    Senator Palpatine
    Captain Lee Carnal
    Master Dooku
    Jas Boe
    Yoren
    Master Yoda
    Supreme Chancellor Jeni Klinik


    24

    Hour 1

    00:00:01

    Night. Coruscant is always prettier at night. The lights from the buildings dance with each other and the hovercars? hums fill the air like a Twi?lek jig. Or at least that?s what Jedi Knight Qui-Gon Jinn thought. He sat on the balcony of the Express Tower, his legs dangling over the edge. He enjoyed the feeling of nothingness beneath him and sucked in a big gulp of clean air. The new filtration systems on Coruscant seemed to be working rather well.

    "Qui-Gon."

    Qui-Gon?s eyes snapped wide open once he heard his master?s voice cut through the air. Slowly, the padawan turned around to face Dooku. "Master," he said, his voice deeper than it was just a year ago. "I?ve been reaching out through the Force."

    Dooku smiled ever so slightly. "I can tell when you?re lying, my apprentice."

    Qui-Gon felt his face redden. "Ah, yes. I was just enjoying the sights from up here. Besides it looks all clear to me. I think the perpetrators are all gone and the hostages are safe again."

    Dooku wrapped his robes tightly around him as he let out a long sigh. "I think they?re still here. Nearby, that is. I can sense them."

    Qui-Gon stood up and walked towards his teacher. "I don?t sense anything."

    "It?s elsewhere," Dooku replied. "Elusive."

    Qui-Gon wanted to say how Master Yoda always said that one should be mindful of the here and the now. However, that would only lead to new problems. His teacher wasn?t the biggest fan of Master Yoda on his best days. "Are we ready to go now, Master?"

    "I want to look at the room again."

    The room. Qui-Gon never wanted to step back into that room again. Even now, hours after the incident, he could still feel the fear inside that room as if the fear was in there with them. Perhaps it was.

    Nevertheless Dooku ushered Qui-Gon back inside and they entered the hotel room. The room was ordinary to the average person?s senses but Qui-Gon felt himself becoming uneasy. His master, however, was fine. Qui-Gon tried to ignore the feelings of fear and thought about just who would want to hold three seemingly unconnected senator?s hostage. They didn?t want money, power or for the senators to do anything. They just left after a few hours. Now they were long gone. No where near-

    "They?re here." Dooku gazed around the room. "They?re in the building and they know that we know that." He took a comlink off of his belt. "Captain Carnal, this is Dooku. The perpetrators are still in the building. Allow no one to leave." He took out his green lightsaber and the blade came out with a press of a button. The teacher turned to his student. "Follow me."

    Dooku was out into the halls and down the stairs in a matter of minutes. At the end of the staircase were two security guards and they waved to Dooku, signaling that all was clear. "To the top of the building," Dooku hissed.

    ***

    00:05:32

    Captain Lee Carnal put away his comlink and turned to his troops. The small squad stood in the center of the entrance hall and no visitor dared to step towards them. "All right, folks. The Jedi believe that the perps are on the roof of the building. According to them we shouldn?t take the elevators. To the stairs." The group of fifteen plunged towards the stairs and took two or three steps at a time. Nevertheless a fifty story building was hard to get to the top of via the stairs.

    Each man, including Lee was armed with a blaster pistol, a blaster rifle and a small portable shield generator that would activate when they were shot at. The shield would absorb two or three hits and the collapse. Better than nothing, though.

    He beck
  2. LadyWhilla Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 6, 2002
    star 4
    Qui-Gon and his Master. Very nice! And I like this '24'format. Looking forward to the next hour. :)
  3. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    I'm going to try to pump up the tension and plot every hour.
  4. Crazydan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 1, 2005
    star 3
    Nice idea, I hopes it work out.

    I can't wait for the new chapter.
  5. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    Thanks for popping in. I hope to update tonight.
  6. NenYim Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 6, 2004
    star 3
    Interesting idea. I'm looking forward to more.
  7. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    Sorry folks but I'll have to delay the update until tomorrow night.
  8. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    I haven't watched the show, but find this intriguing. Like how you've given Obi-Wan lines from TPM to Dooku and how Qui-Gon doesn't utter the response he wants to. "Oh, crap!" .. no kidding! Why does it not surprise me that Palpatine is here... boooo, hisss!!

    After the passing away of our previous senator I?m taking charge of representing my little planet. Which of course you had nothing to with, right???

    Ahh, they maged to escape that incident... good.

    "Ah, Senator Palpatine. I?m glad you could join us." .. I knew it!!
  9. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    Which of course you had nothing to with, right???



    If you're interested in what happened to the previous senator I'd suggest picking up "Republic" #64- it's excellent.

    Thanks for stopping in. If you have an critiques feel free to post them.
  10. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    Hour 2

    01:00:01

    Qui-Gon Jinn was nervous. He wasn?t quite sure why but he had a feeling that something big was about to happen. Such a thought seemed outrageous as he was sitting in Master Yoda?s quarters. Although calling it a "quarter" was pushing it. Room with a bed was more accurate, unless of course he hid his belongings inside a closet.

    Master Dooku sat on the floor beside Yoda going through their mission. They?d arrived at the Express Tower fifteen minutes after the senators had been released. The curious item was that there was no negotiation- the senators were just released.

    As Dooku continued to talk Qui-Gon felt a funny sensation in his stomach. He?d almost say he was excited but why he had no idea. Finally he found out why.

    "Master Qui-Gon," Yoda said, speaking to him for the first time. "Good news I have." Yoda?s face broke into a large smile and he hugged Qui-Gon. "Become a Jedi Knight you have! Passed the trials you did!"

    Qui-Gon lost his breath for a minute. He?d taken the trials a week ago and since the Masters had said nothing he assumed he?d failed. Dooku, as always, gave no hint and showed very little emotion. Even now, when he heard that his padawan had passed the trials he showed nothing. Not sorrow, not joy. No emotion. How very curious.

    Nevertheless Qui-Gon wasn?t about to let a grumpy master intrude on his celebrations. After all Jedi Knight Qui-Gon Jinn sounded pretty nifty. Now, he was a true Jedi.

    "No," Yoda said softly. He?d obviously sensed what Qui-Gon was thinking. "Always been a true Jedi. Always. Hehe!" The little figure clapped as Qui-Gon stood, smiling. "Jedi Knight Qui-Gon! Hehe! Now Qui-Gon have annoying padawan soon! Hehe!"

    Ah, a padawan of his own. What a beautiful thought. After all he was twenty three years old, old enough to have a padawan of his own.

    "There will be time for that later," Dooku said, in his always deep voice. "I sense that the senators are still in danger. I?d appreciate Qui-Gon?s continuing help."

    Yoda nodded. "Sense, I do, that right you are. Not passed has the danger. Master Qui-Gon, willing to help your old master are you?"

    Qui-Gon looked over at Dooku. "Of course, Master Yoda. I?d be honored."

    Dooku walked over to Qui-Gon. "We should head to the senators? quarters and see if they have any information available for us. I shall visit Senator Montegran and Goering."

    Still giving out orders, though Qui-Gon. Very well. I?ll obey for now. "Then I guess I?ll take Senator Vesling." He turned to face Yoda. "Thank you, Master, for giving me the honor of being a Jedi Knight. I shall do everything that I must."

    Yoda patted him on the knee. "Hold the official ceremony at a later date we will. May the Force be with you on your mission."

    "And with you," Qui-Gon replied. Dooku said nothing.

    ***

    01:08:43

    Captain Lee Carnal sat with his head lowered as the president conferred with a general about the recent situation. Jos Bae glanced about the war room and kept smiling to Lee?s annoyance. After a moment Jos picked up on Lee?s scowl. "What is it? You?re always in such a foul move."

    Lee rolled his eyes. "You have my job, did you honestly think I wouldn?t be slightly angry. I am supposed to be above you!" he hissed.

    His superior threw up his hands in despair. "You screwed up, not me. I had nothing to do with what you did. As a matter of fact I told you not to-"

    Lee waved his words away. "Yeah, whatever. Don?t worry about it."

    "Gentlemen," called the president as the general walked away. "We?ve decided that Captain Carnal," she pointed towards Lee, "should help guard the senators for the next couple of hours while the Jedi question them about today?s events. To be honest I?m not sure why the Jedi are concentrating on them and not on who blew the Express Tower up but who am I to question our magicians, eh?" The president sighed. "Try to keep a close eye on the Jedi, okay Captain?"

    "No problem." Lee stood. "Will that be all, Mrs. President?"

    "Yes, Captain. A hovercar will be waiting for you outside. Good
  11. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    I'll probably upate either tonight or tomorrow night with Hour 3.
  12. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Oh yay, Qui-Gon's been knighted.

    "No," Yoda said softly. He?d obviously sensed what Qui-Gon was thinking. "Always been a true Jedi. Always. Hehe!" The little figure clapped as Qui-Gon stood, smiling. "Jedi Knight Qui-Gon! Hehe! Now Qui-Gon have annoying padawan soon! Hehe!" Love Yoda's outlook on things. LOL!

    Dooku was, as always, distant. "If you feel you need congratulations for everything you do perhaps you are not fit to be a Jedi Knight. It is a thankless job." Cold much??


    Yoren grabbed him by the shoulder. "Watch it. He has eyes and ears everywhere." Hmmph,isn't that the truth!

    Lots going on here, kidnappings and scandels... cold hearted former master's... lots of excitement and intrigue. Excellent job sidious. :)

  13. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    Thank you for the kind words.
  14. LadyWhilla Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 6, 2002
    star 4
  15. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    Thanks LadyWhilla. Again, feel free to point out any corrections or better ways to write. I won't be embarrassed.
  16. Crazydan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 1, 2005
    star 3
    Thank you for the new update.

    Through, I wonder what is up with Dooku's attitude?
  17. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    Well, Dooku has always been portrayed as aloof by authors of the EU so I figured I'd make him really cold to show that he *always* had that evil streak in him.
  18. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    I'm half way through Hour 3.
  19. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    I'm looking for another author who may want to help me on this project. Any takers?
  20. NenYim Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 6, 2004
    star 3
    Yay for Knighted QuiGon!

    I like how you wrote Dooku...with no emotion.
  21. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    Thanks a lot.

    Also remember that I'm loking for a co-author. I hope to update sometime within the next week. Hour 3 is pretty tough for some reason. I was going one way but then decided to go another.
  22. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    I'm working out the final bits of Hour 3 which seems to nicely compliment Hour 4. The next two hours will be posted a lot faster than this one was. Sorry, guys,
    I've been trying to plot it all out and I seem to be getting there.
  23. LadyWhilla Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 6, 2002
    star 4
    sidious618 posted on 4/19/05 6:19pm
    I've been trying to plot it all out and I seem to be getting there.

    />

    That's cool sid....better to take your time and get it right than rush and not be satisfied./>/>
  24. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    This is the final update for this story. I've decided to take my plot in a different direction and therefore that means another story.

    This final hour leads neatly into my next project.


    Hour 3- Finale

    02:00:01

    President Jeni Klinik splashed water on her face in her private bathroom to keep herself somewhat alert. It was nearing morning now and in a few hours she had a Senate meeting on trading rights for the Outer Rim. After being up for almost 24 hours she felt as if she could collapse at any moment. Even wetting her face did little except give her a shock, which ended up making her even more tired. She firmly grasped the sink and allowed herself a few deep breaths before she left the restroom. Outside Jeni?s chief of staff Jonus Kevell was waiting for her.

    "Yes?"

    Jonus looked to be in worse condition than her but he declined to complain about it. "Ma?am a nucular explosion just went off on the planet Felucia only two minutes ago. The terrorists have released a brief statement saying that they plan to continue causing havoc on other Republic planets."

    Jeni put a hand to her head. "After everything that was going on this was the last thing that she needed. "Have they said why?"

    "No, madam. Also Senator Palpatine is waiting in your office. He believes his planet may be threatened next." Jonus hopped up and down nervously.

    "Tell him I?ll be in there in a minute." Jeni went back into the restroom and vomited.

    ***

    02:08:37

    Jeni made sure she still looked somewhat respectable before walking back into her office where Senator Palpatine would be waiting. She adjusted her robes and opened the doors to her office. Palpatine stood before her desk and gave her a grim smile.

    "Madam President, I?m so relieved that you are able to join me. Over the past few weeks my government has received threats. We?ve ignored them up to now but after all that has happened?well let me get to the point. Do you have any information at all?"

    Jeni shook her head in the negative. "I?m sorry, Senator, but I don?t have any information. I?m sure all of the other representatives and senators are also in an up roar. Panic is going to break out, I think."

    Palpatine walked over to her and allowed himself a small smile. "I do have advice if you want to hear it."

    Jeni let out a long breath. "Please do, senator, I?d love to get a different perspective on this ghastly ordeal."

    "We must have a meeting between the senators at once so you can quell their fears. Once they are calm I suggest an open forum so we can figure out a plan of action."

    The president nodded. "An excellent suggestion. We?ll be in the Senate chamber in less than an hour."

    ***

    02:15:05

    Captain Lee Carnal tapped the driver, Davi, on the shoulder. "We should have already arrived at the Senate chambers by now. What?s going on?"

    Davi leaned back. "Don?t worry, sir, there was an accident on the regular route so we?re going a different way."

    Lee nodded an leaned back. Jan gave him a weird look but said nothing to him. "Hey," he replied to her stare, "I was just taking precautions."

    ***

    02:20:57

    Jonus Kevell stormed into the president?s office, fuming. "Madam President, I?m afraid I?ve got terrible news. The press seems to be pushing the fact that you?re having an affair rather than the fact that Felucia just lost over ten million people."

    "Jonus," she said softly while she glanced out the window at the creeping sun. "You mean my alleged affair, right?"

    He squirmed. "Ah, of course."

    "I?ll be honest: I don?t have the patience for this garbage. We?re going to ignore it for right now. I have to meet in the Senate room in five minutes."

    ***

    02:30:00

    The bomb sat there waiting patiently for its time. Ten minutes left until the show.

    Nine.

    Eight.

    Seven.

    Six.

    Five.

    Four.

    Three.

    Two.

    One.

    ***

    2:40:00

    The Senate chamber shook.

    Blackness.

    To be continued?


    Next: "Impact Winter"- coming soon!
  25. LadyWhilla Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 6, 2002
    star 4
    Nice Sids! Way to give us a cliffhanger :)
    Looking forward to Impact Winter.
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