Story [Multi-Fandom] UDC VI: For a Few Drabbles More (Week XX: Babylon 5)

This is my thread for UDC VI. Rather than go all-Doctor Who or a hundred different fandoms, this time, I'll just do twenty fandoms, a different one each week. We'll see how that works for me.

Fandoms:
Week I: Doctor Who
Week II: The Big Bang Theory
Week III: Indiana Jones
Week IV: Get Smart
Week V: Animaniacs
Week VI: Firefly
Week VII: 24
Week VIII: Harry Potter
Week IX: Psych
Week X: Community
Week XI: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Week XII: World of Warcraft
Week XIII: How I Met Your Mother
Week XIV: Phineas and Ferb
Week XV: Ghostbusters
Week XVI: James Bond
Week XVII: Blake's 7
Week XVIII: Better Off Ted
Week XIX: Wonderfalls
Week XX: Babylon 5


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Great Chieftain o' the Puddin'-Race
Fandom: Doctor Who
Doctor: Second
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Lights!"


Zoe pinched her nose as she entered the dining area. "What's that awful smell? Is the food dispenser broken again?"

"Not this time," the Doctor said. "Jamie and I are trying our hands at cooking. Would you like to join us?"

"What are you making?" she asked warily.

"A traditional Scottish dish," the Doctor explained. "Haggis."

"Aye, it's great," Jamie agreed.

The Doctor pointed toward the table behind Zoe. "Could you hand me that, please?"

She picked up the large grey item and winced. "What am I holding?"

"A sheep's lung," Jamie said.

Zoe screamed and threw it at him.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Sneaking In
Fandom: Doctor Who
Doctor: Fourth
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Camera!"


Sarah Jane watched from the forest for signs of a patrol, but there didn't seem to be any. She darted across the open space to the brick wall and scrambled over.

There were more woods on this side; she used them as cover while she made her way into the compound. At the treeline, she got out her camera, then stopped. "Doctor!" she groaned.

* * *

"You told me it was a military compound!"

"I did say it may be hidden under something more innocuous," the Doctor said.

"A women's nudist colony?"

"Does this mean," he asked, "you didn't get the pictures?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Opposite, Maybe
Fandom: Doctor Who
Doctor: Sixth
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Action!"


"It's quite simple, Mel," the Doctor said. "Surely you're familiar with Newton's Third Law."

"Of course I am, but," she countered, holding up the mangled remains of the stationary bicycle, "I don't think there was anything 'equal and opposite' about this reaction." Another piece fell off and hit the floor with a rattling clang. "I think that as soon as I left the room, you deliberately threw this at the wall."

The Doctor nodded. "And jumped on it a few times. That was the reaction. You should be happy," he added. "It was the most exercise I've had in days."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Over a Barrel
Fandom: Doctor Who
Doctor: Third
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Roll!"


The Doctor pulled the pilot's corpse from the chair and sat down. Jo slid into the co-pilot's seat. "Strap yourself in," he told her.

Once she had, he took the plane into a tight barrel roll, stopping halfway through. "Jo, I need you to take over and hold us steady."

"But we're upside-down!" she yelled.

"Yes, I had noticed." He made sure she was gripping the co-pilot's control column, then climbed out of his seat and dropped to the cockpit ceiling. "Don't finish the roll until I tell you to. First, I have to go check on our Sontaran friends."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Panda in the Mist
Fandom: Doctor Who
Doctor: First
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Shoot!"


The panda returned Steven's stare, slowly chewing its bamboo, making no move to attack or flee. After a minute or so, it turned away and continued eating.

Steven cautiously backed up to where the Doctor stood. "It's magnificent," he whispered.

"Have you ever seen a live panda before?" the

 

I was originally going to go with something else, but I'll save that fandom for later.



* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Caribbean Irregularity
Fandom: The Big Bang Theory
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Adventure."


"Wishing we'd gone with them now?" Leonard asked, not taking his eyes off the television.

"Not so much," Howard agreed. "Since when did pirates start hijacking cruise ships in the Caribbean?"

"I'm just wondering how disappointed they must have been when they discovered that the passengers were all theoretical physicists," Leonard said.

Penny came in and sat beside them. "Do you think Sheldon and Raj are okay?"

"We don't know about Raj," Leonard told her, "but Sheldon's probably hiding somewhere."

"Why do you think that?"

Onscreen, the reporter said, "We repeat, there's no word of any casualties among the passengers."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Lingual Expectation
Fandom: The Big Bang Theory
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Romance."


Howard and Raj looked up from their conversation as Leonard set his tray down and sat beside them. "Hey guys," he asked, "what's up?"

"I'm teaching Raj some French," Howard said.

Raj grinned. "It's the language of love, dude. The ladies always fall for a guy who can speak French."

"Yeah," Leonard said, "because it's worked so well for Howard all these years."

"Hey!" Howard yelled.

"What do you mean?" Raj wondered.

"I'm just saying that Howard's not necessarily the best choice if you're looking for dating tips."

"Who else was I supposed to turn to, Leonard?" Raj retorted. "You?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Hallmark Refutation
Fandom: The Big Bang Theory
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Science."


Penny looked up from her magazine. "How'd the shopping go?"

"The good news," Leonard said, "is that Sheldon wasn't arrested."

"What did he do?"

* * *

As the two elderly mall walkers passed the greeting card store, one told the other, "Of course your Murray's stubborn. He's a Taurus; it's a scientific fact."

Twenty yards away, Sheldon's head whipped around.

* * *

"He was pretty magnificent, actually," Leonard admitted. "Until the one old lady started having a heart attack. Things kinda went downhill from there."

"Another mall Sheldon's banned from?" Penny asked.

"Only for six months. Possibly sooner if the women die before then."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Telescribe Conjugation
Fandom: The Big Bang Theory
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Fiction."


Leonard had set the laundry basket down and was fishing for his key when he heard someone coming up the stairs. "Penny? You're home early."

Penny just grunted as she passed him.

"What's wrong?" Leonard asked. "I thought you had another date with that TV writer."

"I don't want to talk about it," she said. Leonard got as far as opening his door and picking up the basket before she added, "You know, for someone whose show is so terrible, he was really good at coming up with the fiction."

Leonard nodded. "Let me guess. He's married?"

"Close. Civil union."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Kripke Decomposition
Fandom: The Big Bang Theory
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Comedy."


"My wife has become a twagedy," Kripke moaned.

Howard muttered under his breath, "I didn't know you were married."

"You know what I meant, Wowowitz. And thanks for wubbing in my wack of womantic success."

"I don't think," Leonard interjected, "that losing one grant counts as tragedy."

"That's not the twagic pawt."

Sheldon joined them at the table and grinned at Kripke. "Did everyone hear about my new research grant? Almost half a million dollars."

"That's the twagic pawt."

"Sheldon, don't gloat," Leonard said.

"Why not?" Sheldon asked. "He most certainly would if he had won it."

Kripke shrugged. "Twue."

 

LOL. I love TBBT! You nailed Sheldon down perfectly!

 

Love you Doctor Who and The Big Bang Theory

Kripke was hilarious

 

Gotta love these guys.

 

They were all great, but I especially love the one with Kripke

 

Love the Big Bang set! Very nice!

 

Your drabbles are always awesome. I especially loved TBBT ones - you have all of their voices down perfectly!

 

Thank you all. This week, we change to another fandom.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Image of the Forgotten Idol
Fandom: Indiana Jones
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Wings."


"And you're sure this statue hasn't been seen in almost two thousand years?" Marcus asked.

Indy thought back to the tomb where he'd found it. "Definitely. Why?"

"It's just I could swear I've seen it somewhere before." Marcus stared at the statue for several minutes. "Of course! Indy, have you ever made it over to the arts wing?"

"Once or twice," Indy said.

"Good. You can lead the way then." Minutes later, they were standing in front of a painting by some minor Renaissance figure; in the background was the same statue.

"Maybe," Marcus suggested, "there were two of them?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Vengeance of the Scorned
Fandom: Indiana Jones
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Unforgiven."


"I'll kill you Indiana Jones, if it's the last thing I do!"

Indy saw her running toward him and leaped into the back of the cab. "Drive!" he yelled. "Just drive!"

The driver pulled out, and they quickly left the woman far behind. "Who was that, mister? Bitter ex?"

Indy tried to think. "No, I'd remember that. I don't know who she is or why she'd want to kill me."

"Too bad," the driver said. "About not being an ex, I mean. She looked like she'd be a feisty one." He grinned lasciviously.

"Trust me, it's rarely ever worth it."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Force of Gravity
Fandom: Indiana Jones
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Rocky."


Indy knelt to maintain his balance as the boulder beneath him wobbled ominously. Once it settled again, he stayed low and slowly crawled across. He was almost there when he heard cracking somewhere below. The boulder began sliding forward! Indy dropped flat and frantically searched for handholds.

The boulder was rocketing down the mountainside, skipping off larger outcroppings and smashing through smaller ones. Indy saw, a short distance ahead, a wide ledge his boulder would just miss. As it did, he took a running leap, landing on that ledge. He grinned; the cave he'd been looking for loomed before him.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Ominous Odor
Fandom: Indiana Jones
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Titanic."


"Wait here," Indy told Short Round and climbed a hillock to look around. As he stood at the top, his feet sinking in slightly, a foul stench overwhelmed him.

"Doctor Jones!" Short Round yelled. "Why are you standing in-"

"Don't say it," Indy hissed.

"That's the biggest pile of-"

"Don't."

"-I've ever seen!" he continued. "What could make that much-"

"I don't know," Indy interrupted, "and I don't want to find out." He jumped down and started scraping his shoes against a tree. "Let's get-"

They felt the footsteps before they heard them. "Shorty, you can say the word now."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Perfect Landing
Fandom: Indiana Jones
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Crash."


Indy smiled at the bartender. Half a world away, she could've been one of his students. She smiled back politely, and he suddenly felt very old.

He was shaken from his thoughts by the growing whine of an engine. A shadow passed over the window, and he jumped over the bar, pulling the young woman down with him.

The wall and ceiling were torn apart as something large smashed through them and crashed into the floor.

Indy cautiously peered over the bar at the remains of a small plane. "Jock?"

"Indy?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah, but we may need new transport."

 

Indiana Jones - the greatest trouble magnet in this galaxy.

Loved it!

 

Lovely. Indiana Jones and his troubles. Excellent adventures

 

Thanks, both of you. This week's set goes back to television, to a show that ran from 1965 to 1970.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Master Detective Maxwell Smart
Fandom: Get Smart
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Clue."


Max knelt down and examined the floor around the body. "This man was definitely murdered," he said.

"Yes, Max," 99 said. "We already know he was shot in the back."

"Please, 99, I'm a professional. Let me do this. There were two other men here." He snapped his fingers. "No, wait, three men."

She stared past him. "You're right, Max."

He looked up at her. "I am? Really?" He nodded sadly. "Don't tell me, there are three KAOS agents standing behind me."

She said, "There are three KAOS agents standing behind you."

"I asked you not to tell me that!"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Operation: A for Effort!
Fandom: Get Smart
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Operation."


Five men, dressed all in black, their faces hidden, swept into the compound from different locations. They cut through or scaled over the outer fences and moved swiftly but stealthily over the open terrain. All five converged on the main building. They broke in through doors or windows or skylights and stopped. "Guys," the leader radioed, "does this look to anyone else like..."

* * *

"An elementary school!" the Chief yelled. "Max, all that planning, and you sent them to the wrong address!"

"You gave me that address, Chief," Max said, "256 Maple Avenue."

"No, I told you Maple Boulevard!"

"Ah. Right."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Siegfried's Choice
Fandom: Get Smart
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Life."


Siegfried grinned as Max struggled vainly against his bonds. "Schmart, I have good news, und I have bad news. Vhich do you vant first?"

Max stopped struggling and considered. "The good news."

"Are you sure?" Siegfried asked. "You really should hear ze bad news first."

Max rolled his eyes. "Fine."

"Ze bad news is zat for ze rest of your life, you vill know nothing but pain und torment!"

"What could the good news possibly be?" Max wondered.

"It vill be short." Siegfried chuckled. "See, it doesn't really work ze other way around."

Max yelled, "Then why did you ask?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Mad (Verb)er
Fandom: Get Smart
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Sorry."


"Sorry about that, Chief," Max said as he put the (noun) back on the Chief's desk. "I didn't know it would (verb) like that."

The Chief (verb)ed. "That was the result of a highly (adjective) project with (group). All over the world, (occupation)s are (verb)ing, and that was our (adjective)est hope of stopping it."

"I wish I could help," Max said, "but 99 and I are (verb)ing with a very (adjective) (occupation) and her husband, (name)."

"Did I mention that (animal)s were involved?" the Chief asked. "(Verb)ing ones?"

Max (verb)ed. "I'll call 99 to cancel."

"You're my (adjective)est agent, Max."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Kamchatka Kalamity
Fandom: Get Smart
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Risk."


"It's going to be dangerous, Max," the Chief explained, "possibly the most dangerous assignment you've ever been on. You'll be facing certain death at every turn."

"And loving it."

"Max," 99 said, "he hasn't told us what it is yet."

Max laughed. "Serving my country is its own reward."

"I'm glad to hear that," the Chief said. "You'll be parachuting into Kamchatka, infiltrating a KAOS base, and retrieving the plans to their latest weapon."

"See, 99? That doesn't sound so bad!" Max turned back to the Chief. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather have me pick up your dry cleaning?"

 

-- you captured the tone excellently. I laughed and thought: Yup, Max would say that, and definitely get the addresses muddled

 

Thanks.



* * * * * * * * * *

Title: For Immature Audiences
Fandom: Animaniacs
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Rated."


"Deesgusting!" Dot yelled as the Warners left the theater.

Yakko said, "I like violence as much as the next guy-"

"Am I the next guy?" Wakko asked.

"-But that movie has scarred me for life. Or at least the afternoon."

Dr. Scratchansniff ran over from the lobby. "Kidses! Vhat vere you doing in zere? Don't you know vhat zat movie vas rated?"

"Zero stars out of five?" Dot asked.

"It's for mature audiences only!"

"That ain't us," Yakko said.

The doors opened again, and Slappy poked her head out. "Pipe down, will ya? I'm trying to enjoy the movie here!"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Bird vs. Wild
Fandom: Animaniacs
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Guidance."


The hikers sat in the dirt and cried. ?We?re lost!?

?We?ll never find our way out of here!?

?How are we going to survive??

One of them pointed up at the ridge. ?Guys, do you see who that is? That?s Boo Grylls! He can show us what to do! I heard he once survived six weeks in these woods with nothing but a spoon!?

?I heard he once hiked across Antarctica in bike shorts!?

?I heard he?s nothing but a giant chicken!?

?I heard he drinks his own urine! For fun!?

?That?s just silly! Of course he?s not a chicken!?


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Seen You Last Wednesday
Fandom: Animaniacs
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Suggested."


The Goodfeathers kissed the Godpigeon's toe. "You wanted to see us?" Squit asked.

As the older bird mumbled, Bobby translated, "The Godpigeon heard what we did last Wednesday and suggests we spend some time elsewhere. He suggests Staten Island."

"Staten Island?" Pesto whined. "I don't wanna go to Staten Island!"

"What'd we do last Wednesday?" Squit wondered.

Pesto said, "We had lunch at my sister's. We gotta go to Staten Island for that?"

The Godpigeon asked something. "No," Bobby explained, "we're the Goodfeathers." After more mumbling, he said, "The Godpigeon has decided we don't have to go to Staten Island."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Yellow Card
Fandom: Animaniacs
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Caution."


After the referee called yet another penalty against Skippy?s team, Slappy jumped down from the stands. ?What?s the matter, ref? You blind as well as stupid??

He held up a yellow card. ?What?s that, then?? Slappy asked.

?Aunt Slappy, you got a yellow card!? Skippy yelled. ?You need to sit back down!?

She laughed. ?And if I don?t??

?He?ll give you a red card and make you leave the game!?

?Him and what army?? she asked. ?What comes after a red card??

?Nothing.?

?That?s it?? Slappy cracked her neck. ?Stand back, Skippy. Your aunt?s going to have a little fun.?


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Country Clubbing
Fandom: Animaniacs
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Restricted."


Rita slipped through the bars and started walking across the green, but Runt wasn't with her. She looked back and saw him staring up at a sign on the fence. "Uh, Rita, what's that say?"

"How should I know?" she snapped.

"It says this club's restricted." A large Doberman stalked toward them. "We don't allow her kind here."

Runt tilted his head. "You don't allow girl dogs?"

The Doberman looked at Runt, then at Rita, who just shrugged, and then at Runt again. "Son, I think that actually hurt my brain."

Rita laughed. "Who knew you had one to hurt?"

 

?That?s just silly! Of course he?s not a chicken!?

These were all really funny!!

 

Thanks.

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Inara's Tryst
Fandom: Firefly
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Sex."


Jayne and Kaylee watched from across the docks as Inara's shuttle touched down. A carriage stopped alongside, and a frail elderly man was helped out of it.

"He looks a hundred," Kaylee said. "Do you think he can even...?"

"Just 'cause he can't get it up, doesn't mean there ain't other stuff they could do. They might-" Engine noise drowned out the rest of Jayne's lengthy answer.

* * *

"Thank you," the man said. "My wife is not skilled at this."

"I understand. I should warn you," Inara explained as she set up the board, "I was Guild chess champion three times."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: River's Fun
Fandom: Firefly
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Graphic."


As Kaylee entered the dining area, she saw River seated at the table staring at a sheet of paper. She glanced over River's shoulder and saw it was a newspaper; Simon had picked some up at their last stop. "Any interesting stories in there?" she asked.

River grunted noncommittally. "Right now I'm doing the crossword puzzle."

None of the spaces had been filled in. Kaylee asked, "Are you doing it in your head?"

"It's more fun this way."

Kaylee glanced up as Wash came in. "Did you know River could do crossword puzzles in her head?"

He shrugged. "Can't everyone?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Jayne's Day Off
Fandom: Firefly
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Violence."


"What'd you call me?" Jayne demanded.

The guy looked up from his drink. "I'm sorry, were you talking to-"

Jayne punched him across the chin, and he was out before he hit the floor. Jayne turned to the rest of the patrons. "Anyone got a problem with that?"

They shrugged and stared into their drinks. "Nobody?" he asked. "That's just disappointing."

"The magistrate don't like when we fight," someone said.

The bar shook in time with the footsteps of something heavy and mechanical. Jayne grinned. "That him?"

* * *

Mal stared into the cell. "You attacked the magistrate?"

"I almost won, too."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Mal's Mandarin
Fandom: Firefly
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Language."


"Have you been to one of the Chinese planets before?" Book asked.

Mal nodded. "Once or twice, but I can't say I've spent much time on 'em. Don't know the language all that much beyond a few choice swear words," he admitted.

"There's a lot of that about. Funnily enough, that's all many people there know of English."

"I've heard," Mal said. "You think they know those are just nonsense phrases we never really use?"

Book's expression stayed neutral. "I really couldn't say."

Mal added, "We're just lucky that whoever taught us their profanities didn't try pulling the same trick."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Wash's Good News
Fandom: Firefly
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Drugs."


Wash was waiting as Mal and Zoe rolled back into the cargo bay. "The good news," he announced, "is that the doc is going to be just fine. Eventually."

Mal drew his pistol and started pointedly examining it. "The bad news better include an explanation as to why that's the good news."

"Well, I don't know if I'd call it bad news. Shepherd Book found him unconscious in the infirmary with a hypodermic of anesthetic sticking out of his backside."

"How's someone attacking our doctor not bad news?" Mal asked.

"Shepherd thinks maybe he sat on the needle by accident."

 

These are great!!! And the Firefly one were right on the money! Priceless!

 

Funny reads

 

"Did you know River could do crossword puzzles in her head?"

He shrugged. "Can't everyone?"


I also really liked the Inara one

 

Thanks, everyone.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Going Out Bravely
Fandom: 24
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Hours" (UDC 1, Week 2, Theme 1).


?It?s no good, Jack,? Belinda wheezed. ?I?m not going to be any help to you.? She coughed again, and blood speckled the floor.

Jack grabbed her shoulders. ?Listen to me! You?ve got what, two or three hours left??

?About that, maybe.?

?Trust me,? he said, ?you can do a lot in that time! I need your help, Belinda. I can?t do this without you.?

Belinda nodded. ?You?re right. I can do this.? She rose to a crouch. ?Just tell me what-? The first bullet entered her above her eye, and she was dead before the next two obliterated her head.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Pain Plus Time
Fandom: 24
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Pain" (UDC 2, Week 14, Theme 5).


Jack winced as the bones in his shoulder ground against each other. Jorgensen's torturers had been sloppy but thorough. If Jack was lucky, after surgery and weeks of rehab, he might regain use of the arm.

* * *

Three hours later, Jorgensen sat in the back of helicopter as it lifted from the rooftop pad. It had risen three meters when it lurched violently. Jorgensen gasped as Jack pulled himself up on the landing strut, still clutching the time bomb. "You forgot something." Jack tossed the bomb into Jorgensen's lap and dropped back to the roof seconds before the timer hit zero.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Shared Goals
Fandom: 24
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Enemies" (UDC 3, Week 14, Theme 2).


Morovich fired two quick shots over the barrier and ducked back behind it just ahead of the returning fire. ?Fine,? he grunted. ?For now, Bauer, we have a common enemy, and I will work with you. But know that, when this is over and Carter is dead, I will gladly kill you myself.?

Jack took his turn to fire over the barrier. ?Likewise, Sergei.?

They heard Carter?s gunmen getting closer. Instead of firing over the barrier, Jack and Morovich dropped to the floor and fired around the sides, catching the men unaware. ?But not,? Jack said, ?until this is over.?


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Mole in the Midst
Fandom: 24
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "No One to Trust" (UDC 4, Week 7, Theme 4).


Just once, Jack thought, I'd like to get through a mission without someone betraying me. He slowly raised his hands. "I never thought the mole would be you."

"Why?" she asked, keeping her gun aimed at his heart. "What do you know about me?"

"You're one of CTU's best analysts," he said.

"I asked what you knew about me!" she yelled. "Do you even know my name?"

"Is that what this is about? Recognition?"

She laughed bitterly. "No, it's about money. You really don't know my name, do you?"

His mind raced, but he couldn't remember. "What's the first letter?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Jack Attack
Fandom: 24
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Jack" (UDC 5, Week 12, Theme 3).


Bauer knelt by the stolen car, pretending to change the tire and gnawing on a piece of cheese as he watched the vessel offshore. The Knave's Donkey appeared to be a simple fishing boat, and its flags and markings both showed it as being from Canada. The sailors shined their lights on the water and dragged their nets through it.

He grabbed his PDA from its charger. "Chloe, you into Kestrel Bank's systems yet?"

"Not yet. I-"

"Someone's here." He ran toward the mango grove. "Show yourself!"

A man, pants around his ankles, fell down. "Dude, I ain't doin' nothin'!"

 

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Ideal Candidate
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Cube."


The silver cube spun unnoticed above Minerva's twitching fingers as she stared at the applications before her. While most positions had many qualified candidates, these three, none remotely suitable, were the only applicants interested in Muggle Studies.

The cube evaporated as she turned toward the painting of Dumbledore. "Albus, who was that woman who always pestered you and poor Charity?"

"Young Ackerley's mother?" he asked. "The one who insisted that Muggle Studies needed a muggle teacher?"

"She didn't happen to be one herself, did she?" Minerva wondered.

He nodded. "University lecturer, I think."

"Perfect. Do we have her contact information?"



* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Sweet Inspiration
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Sphere."


"In a way," Fred said, "Harry here inspired this one."

"But not in a way," George added quickly, "that means we'd have to pay him."

Fred continued, "It's not as fast as a real one, of course. We tried that, but they all melted in midair."

"Very messy."

They turned to Harry. "Go on, open it."

Harry opened the box and looked inside. "A snitch?"

"A chocolate snitch," they said in unison. It shot upward and flitted around the room. Several younger Gryffindors tried to grab it.

"Mustn't do that!" George said. "You can only catch it with your mouth."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Sow the Whirlwind
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Cone."


Around the classroom, students created and dismissed their miniature whirlwinds. Most of the tiny cyclones lasted only a few seconds before quietly dissipating, but not all.

"Uh, guys," Seamus asked, "what's the command to make it go away?" The whirlwind was bouncing around his desk, sending objects flying.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "There isn't one. Just stop concentrating on it."

"Yeah, I tried that; didn't work." It hopped off his desk onto Hermione's, and she screamed. Within moments, it had skipped onto Ron's, jumped across several others', and leaped through the window, leaving a neat hole in the glass. "Whoops."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Missed Flight
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Cylinder."


Neville watched the large metal cylinder rise into the air. "You sure you don't want us to call the plane back, sir?" the muggle guard beside him asked.

Neville shook his head. "He's not worth it."

"I understand. The paperwork's a nightmare."

"Right," Neville said absently. His target hadn't been a Death Eater; he'd barely been worth the Aurors' attention, which explained how Neville got the assignment.

"Where is it headed?" he asked.

"Miami."

That ruled out just apparating to the destination, Neville thought. The Ministry would have to coordinate with the Americans. "So much for avoiding paperwork," he muttered.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Boys? Night Out
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Pyramid."


"Fred!" Molly yelled. "George! Ronald!" She stalked up the stairs and pounded on the twins' door. "Come out here this instant!"

She heard the front door open below and raced back down, but it was only her husband. "Arthur, have you seen the boys?"

"Not since they left for that concert, dear."

She glared at him. "Concert?"

"In Ipswich, I believe."

Molly looked back up the stairs. "Ginny Weasley, I know you're listening. Where is this concert your brothers ran off to?"

"I can't believe they got to go to Giza and not me!"

Arthur asked, "So, not Ipswich, then?"

 

"In a way," Fred said, "Harry here inspired this one."

"But not in a way," George added quickly, "that means we'd have to pay him."

You have them down pat

 

Thanks.

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Drive My Baby
Fandom: Psych
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Who?"


Henry heard the front door open. "You're crazy, you know that?" Gus's voice carried down the hall.

"That's a matter of opinion," Shawn replied.

"It's not an opinion," Gus said as they entered the room. "It's a certifiable fact."

Henry grunted. "I know I'm going to regret asking, but what's Shawn done now?"

"I just think," Shawn explained, "that if they made CSI: Santa Barbara, 'Magic Bus' should be the theme. Would you really rather have 'Squeeze Box' instead?"

"What about 'My Generation'?" Henry wondered.

Gus yelled, "That's what I said!"

Shawn stormed out. "You two aren't even trying anymore."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: I Moustache You a Question
Fandom: Psych
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "What?"


"Shawn, what," Gus demanded, "is that thing on your lip?"

Shawn stopped admiring his reflection and put the mirror down. "What, you mean my awesome moustache?"

"Take it off. It looks ridiculous."

"It does not!" Shawn shouted. "It makes me look like Burt Reynolds circa Smokey and the Bandit. Anyway, what makes you think I couldn't have grown this?"

"In six hours? All the minoxidil in the world wouldn't help you grow one that fast," Gus said.

"All right, fine. I visited Lassy's moustache guy," Shawn admitted. "Still, though? Burt Reynolds or maybe Tom Selleck?"

"I was thinking Gabe Kaplan."



* * * * * * * * * *

Title: A Hard Day's Nitrous
Fandom: Psych
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "When?"


Henry kept his tone level. "Shawn, what time did I ask you to be here?"

"After my dental appointment. Here I am."

"I believe I specified right after," Henry said, "not several hours later. You told me your appointment was at eleven. It's now eight. What kind of dentist appointment lasts nine hours?"

"Seven," Shawn told him. "I was feeling too loopy from the nitrous oxide to drive, so I walked here. What did you need?"

"What I needed was help with the roof. Typical! What did you do, Shawn, ask for too much anesthetic?"

"No!" Shawn insisted. "Well, maybe."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: A Song in His Head
Fandom: Psych
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Where?"


As consciousness slowly returned, Shawn tried to make sense of where he was. He was bound, blindfolded, and lying on concrete, but definitely indoors. No pain, so that was good, but a song was stuck in his head.

He wriggled his nose, but no light seeped around the blindfold; the room was probably dark anyway. He smelled grease, which suggested a garage.

He strained to listen, hoping for another clue, but he could only hear that song, starting over yet again, and it wasn't in his head. "Do you actually like 'Friday'?" he shouted. "Or is that to torture me?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Two's a Crowd, Six Is...
Fandom: Psych
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Why?"


"Someone order a large pepperoni?" the delivery boy asked.

"Why are you bringing that in here?" Lassiter yelled.

"Relax, Lassy," Shawn said. "It's for me. Gus, pay the kid."

"Why do I always have to pay?" Gus muttered.

"Spencer," Lassiter said, "I don't even know why you and your flunky are in here."

"Partner," Gus corrected.

Chief Vick explained, "They're here because I invited them. Do you have a problem with that, Detective?"

"Frankly, yes. Why is everyone in the men's room?"

The door opened again. "Carlton," Juliet said, "did you want to read the Grogan file now or later?"