Saga A Bounty Hunter's Obligation

This is my first fan fic on this forum. it is also my first POST on this forum. and it's also my first ever fan fic. lo llotsa firsts. I've done lots of writing, but never fan fic.
I'm a 15 year old kid, so don't expect any masterpeices. This is basically fan fic, of what would happen if jango hadn't been killed by mace windu. It explains how it's possible. here's the first chapter, it's more of a prolouge..


Bounty Hunter?s Obligation: chapter one
?No Jango, we have intercepted encrypted messages from the Republic. There will be a battle here, and it will be today. You will not be there. As I said, we will send a clone in your armor? Said Dooku quickly rising from his chair at the main table in the meeting room.
He was quite adamant about it, he was determined to keep Jango from the arena for the execution.
?I?m a bounty hunter, trust me, I can take it? Jango said calmly, not rising from his seat.
?You are far too important for our plans to die on us Fett. And besides that, the republic with believe you to be dead, and that?s one more peice of information we will know and they will not.? Count Dooku said with a degree of finality.
?Very well.? Jango sighed, rising from his chair, walking past Dooku and through the sliding door.
?But if my armor is damaged, you will pay for the repairs.? Jango called over his shoulder as the automatic doors slid shut behind him.
Jango stopped by the room he was sharing with Boba Fett, whom Jango called ?son?, only breifly. He patted the boy, who was tinkering with a blaster pistol at the table, on the head and smiled.
The boy was Jango?s entire reason for living. It was the dying wish of Jango?s only freind, Rose, his Toydarian bounty-finder, that Jango find another reason to live, to kill, than the money. Boba Was that reason. When The man, Tyrranis, offered the money to be cloned, jango was excited about the money, but only momentarily. Jango had plenty of money, was would more money do for him? But when Dooku said ?clones? Jango remembered Rose?s dying words, and requested a clone for himself. A son, to carry on his legacy, a son, to give him something to live for.
?Don?t worry Boba, we?ll be here for only a little while longer.? said Jango reassuringly.
?I hope so, I don?t like it here dad.? Boba said not looking up from his tools.
?Niether do I? Jango said turning from the boy and walking to the bed he had been using.
Jango?s Mandellorrian armor was his most prized possession, it was beautiful. It was a deadly work of art. It?s many hidden compartments housed dozens of weapons. Blades, blasters, missle-launchers, thermal detonators, whipcords, Jango?s armor was an arsenal all in one. The armor sat, stacked in a neat pile next to his bed. Jango picked it up carefully and walked to the door.
?Don?t go anywhere Boba, I?ll be back in a few hours to get you, we?re leaving this blasted planet today.? Jango said over his shoulder as he walked out the door.
Jango set the armor on the table in the meeting room where Dooku was waiting, with one of the clones that the confederacy had kept hidden on Geonossis.
?Ah you?re here.? Dooku said, calmly sitting at the meeting table.
?This is clone number: 0249638, he will be your decoy.? Dooku said standing up and gesturing to the man identical to Jango Fett.
An hour later, Jango was sitting in one of the highest chambers of the arena, and #0249638 was in his armor, with Dooku on a platform overlooking the arena. Jango was definitely not happy with the situation. Jango watched three huge beasts enter the arena, and three people evading them easily. Just as the game of cat-and-mouse going on below began to bore Jango, Many jedi entered the arena below. Jango watched intently. A fierce battle began between battle droids and jedi. After a few minutes of chaos, the jedi were forced into a surrender.
Just as the droids had captured the jedi, transports appeared, closing on the arena quickly. As the transports landed inside the dusty arena, hundreds of white-armored figures emerged.
?Send in the clones.?said Jango iron

 

Welcome.

Good start.

The boy was Jango?s entire reason for living. It was the dying wish of Jango?s only freind, Rose, his Toydarian bounty-finder, that Jango find another reason to live, to kill, than the money. A son, to carry on his legacy, a son, to give him something to live for??..I liked how you portrayed a deeper aspect to Jango?s life here.

Blades, blasters, missle-launchers, thermal detonators, whipcords, Jango?s armor was an arsenal all in one. The armor sat, stacked in a neat pile next to his bed. Jango picked it up carefully and walked to the door???this is a good description.

 

cool, thanks I'll probably start work on the next chapter later today. I really havent read ANYTHING about episode III so I'm kinda placing this between ep II and epIII. I hope nobody else on here has written this type of thing, if someone has, I promise I'm not stealing your idea.
I had been playing around with the idea in my head for some time, and one of those weird inspiration moments came along and I felt like trying it out.

 

wow, one review in like 6 hours. other posts get like 10 replies in that time. thats not cool.........

 

Very nice first chapter, although if you put spaces in between the paragraphs, it may help.

?You are far too important for our plans to die on us Fett."

Oooo. Very mysterious. Looking forward to more..

Worry not about the number of replies you get in six hours. Just keep writing for YOU.

-Krystal

 

wow, this board is really a waste of my time. apparently here people just shun the newbies.... hmmmm this really isn't worth my time, thanks to the TWO people that commented. I will continue to write this story but I will not be posting it on this message board.
goodbye.

 

I hear you there. I figure there's at least a few people here with open minds; I'm going to hang a bit and give them a shot. Plus I'm going to bump your story for you. Here's what I thought:

The story is good. There's a couple spots where names aren't capitalized, spellchecker doesn't catch those.

Also, as someone else said, put a double-space in between paragraph breaks to neaten it up a bit.

I like the idea of Jango being a clone when he's 'killed,' it definitely makes sense, seeing as there were thousands that could have taken his place.

And the foreshadowing to a plan of some kind is a good hook, keeps the reader reading.

 

I like this--it's a cool possibility and it's very well worded. I really do like it.

And don't worry--I've had like the last five posts on my fic, so don't feel that bad.

 

wow, this board is really a waste of my time. apparently here people just shun the newbies.... hmmmm this really isn't worth my time, thanks to the TWO people that commented. I will continue to write this story but I will not be posting it on this message board.
goodbye.



Wow...reading the first part of this story was a waste of MY time!!!!

I understand your frustration about not getting reviews...I suffer from the same issues. The biggest thing I have learned about posting my fics on message boards like this, is that I need to write because I WANT TO...not for the adulation of others cause it aint gonna happen, at least not on any of the boards i've posted on.

Don't let the door hit ya where....well you know the rest.