Beyond - Legends A Classic Children's Tale (Yet another Star Wars/Harry Potter crossover)

I will always find the name Darth Severus funny...It just doesn't seem right.

 

Ysalamir, eh. Well it sounds like there's going to be some jedi detaining going on.

 

uh oh. another reason for me to hate snape more.

 

Correlian Cutie: Please do not hate Snape. Hate is on the path to the Dark Side. It leads to suffering.

---

Darth Severus piloted the [i]Powerful One[/i] expertly through the Geonosian asteroid belt. He remembered quite a bit about astronomy from his student days at Hogwarts and wondered how a habitable planet could possibly exist with so many space rocks around it.

The [i]Powerful One[/i] set down outside the same droid factory where the Clone Wars had started over fifty years before. Snape was met at his landing platform by Archduke Google II, his brown skin and flightlessness setting him apart from the other Geonosians.

"Do you have the sample?" inquired Darth Severus.

"Yes, Lord Severus. We have kept it safe and secret from all but your Master himself and the Emperor," replied the Archduke.

A winged Geonosian flew to the Archduke's side. He was carrying a box. He handed it to Snape. Snape lovingly caressed the box, which was cool to the touch. It [i]was[/i] a cryogenic chamber.

Snape opened it to check that the item he had come for was inside. There was a small, quickly clearing cloud of condensed water vapor, and a human forearm, cut off a few centimeters from the elbow. Snape closed the box and turned to leave.

[b]Back at the Skywalkers' home . . .[/b]

Draco Malfoy awoke to find himself dressed as a woman. Thinking that somehow, someone during the battle had cast a sex-changing spell, he let out a yell of horror and was greeted with his normal voice. Wiping non-existant perspiration from his brow, Malfoy sat up to the laughter of the Weasley twins.

 

LOVE IT!!! PM, please!!

 

whoa.....malfoy's a girl?????

 

Malfoy glared at the Weasleys with all the rage and hatred he could muster.

"Why," Malfoy demanded, "have you dressed me in women's clothing?"

Fred and George roared with laughter. "Because you're an evil prat," Fred said.

"And you tried to kill us," George added.

"But that's neither here nor there nor when," said Fred.

Malfoy's eyes narrowed. He had noticed that he was not in the Weasley's shop, but had figured from all the Muggle things that he had been brought to the Burrow.

"What do you mean?" Malfoy asked.

"Your pal Snape seems to have brought us back in time by an indefinate amount," George said.

"Where is Snape? I don't believe that he'd let you two keep me tied up or cross-dressed for long," Malfoy said.

"Quite right. Snape's not here. This is the home of Jedi Master Luke Skywalker and his wife, Jedi Master Mara Jade," Fred answered.

"I don't believe you."

Luke walked in right then, carrying three sets of brown robes and off-white tunics. "I see your prisoner is up. I brought some clothes for you three if you have any desire to change. Mr Malfoy is it? The refresher is on the right. You'll want the sink to wash off the make-up, I presume," Luke said.

Malfoy glared daggers at Fred and George at the mention of "make-up."

Mara's voice floated in from the hall. "They've been into my make-up and wardrobe? Oh well, I rarely use it anymore. Tell me again why we have to hold the prisoners here?"

Luke left. As he did so, he pressed something on the outside wall.

"We're all prisoners?" Malfoy asked, picking up a robe and tunic.

George nodded.

Luke and Mara occupied the children's bedroom. They were trying to figure out a way to open the wormhole to Fred and George's time.

"You know," Luke said, "I just can't shake the feeling that I've heard about them before. All of them."

"I know, niether can I, and according to Fred and George I'm dead," sighed Mara.

Luke turned around and around in the room, trying to get a feel in the Force that would unravel this mystery. Then he saw something that caught his eye, under the chair that Jacen had been using. It was a data card with a green cover. It read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Luke picked it up. "But the manuscripts are over a hundred years old . . . the future begins in the past, I suppose."

 

Interesting fic. I am really lost with some of the terminalogy though, I have never read any of the Harry Potter books.

 

Can't believe I missed a post.
Malofy as a girl, wow I'm trying to picture it, but its too funny.
Ooo, the intrigue continues.

 

....so luke's putting it together...hmmmmmm

 

"The future begins in the past"...My brain seriously hurts trying to figure out that sentence.

 

Malfoy is not a girl, he's just dressed as one. The Weasley twins played a prank on him.

Courtney: All Luke meant was that every future event is determined by past ones, because the present was determined by past events.

---

Snape set down the [i]Powerful One[/i] on some planet. It did not really matter. He was ready to go to his new Master. He exited the ship and went to a safe distance. Darth Severus called upon the Dark Side and used his magic to activate the Time Turner's properties. The wormhole opened up and the waters of time swirled about him, but he felt a presence-Skywalker. Then Evans, Malfoy, and the Weasleys. Skywalker was hitching a ride! Snape could not fight Skywalker, all his energies were needed for the time travel.

When he was set down in his laboratory he quickly put his Master's cell samples in deep storage and set to work cloning the Ysalamir. He couldn't very well have taken it with him. When he had initiated the cloning process, his Master came to him.

"I see you have returned, Darth Severus."

"Yes, Master."

"Did you get the cells?"

"Yes, Lord Vader, your hand was left on Geonossis as if," Snape allowed himself a rare pun, "you had handed it to them."


Luke, Mara, Fred, George, and a naked Draco (the time travelling having started when he was in the refresher. And he was still in make-up) materialized above high above Diagon Alley. Luke and Mara used the Force to slow their desent to a comfortable pace.

 

Cells? Hmm, what would he need these for?

 

Malfoy is having all the fun in this story isn't he?

 

"Solutions to every problem we have right now don't just fall out of the sky," Hermione said.

The rest of the Weasleys had gathered in Diagon Alley by now. Arthur started to say something when Luke, Mara, Fred, George, and nekkid Draco landed with a slight thud.

"Mommy! Daddy!" screamed Wedge. Ben was more composed, yet nevertheless ran to Luke and Mara without dignity.

"Well," said Harry to Draco, "I guess the Hat should've put you in Gryffindor."

"What!" said Draco.

"You're obviously brave enough to showcase your shortcommings in public."

Ron and Hermione sniggered. The Weasleys had a pleasent family reunion in the store and Draco was arrested for public indecency. After the reunion, a round robin discussion ensued to acertain the facts of the myriad adventures. Finally they got to the part you've all been waiting patiently for-

"That leaves the question of Ben and Wedge's feeling that the family was going to get weirder," said Jacen

"Oh, I can explain that," said Mara. "Harry, I am your mother."

Harry, Ben, Wedge, and Jacen fainted. Some millenia in the past Leia Organa Solo, sister to Luke and mother to Jacen, rolled her eyes. Jaina Solo, Jacen's twin sister, got to the end of Half-Blood Prince at the Jedi Academy on Ossus and said to Zekk, "We are not ammused."

 

What the...?

 

Courtney: That was my reference to The Joiner King.

---

[b]In Snape's Secret Lair . . .[/b]

The ysalimiri were ready and Darth Severus began his most important work, bringing his Master back to life. For a man with two such divisive and opposite qualities in life, Snape had decided to make two clones, one to hold his Master, the other for his alter ego.

Using the ysalimiri and advanced cloning techniques learned from the Yuuzhan Vong invasion, growing the bodies had taken just three days. So now, even as the Potters/Skywalkers were trying to figure out their familial relationships, Snape's new Master was returned to life.

The young man in the Spaarti cylinder would be considered handsome by any woman; he had golden blond hair, piercing blue eyes, was quite physically fit and athletic, and possesed a quiet confidence that could be only matched on Earth by Lord Voldemort before his fall.

But only three people could ever stand against Darth Vader and two, including the only one he had ever feared, were dead.

Vader flexed his new fingers experimentally. "You have done well, Lord Severus. In thirty minutes, I think, I shall be ready to meet Lord Voldemort."

Snape bowed his head and left the chamber, taking the cylinder with Anakin Skywalker into stasis and placed the ysalimiri near it on their nutrient frames.

 

The Biggest Plot Hole of them All . . .

Luke Skywalker surveyed the scene. He streatched out with the Force, in an instant discovering everything already printed and passing it on to the assemblage.

"Look," he said, "I've noticed a tendancy for this fanfic to get rather silly. It started out as a nice idea in which my nephew and sons discover that one of the Galaxy's most popular novel series is, in fact, real.

"But look at it now, it's cliche ridden and an absolute dump. In fact, I'm sure that someone will show up and say, 'Excuse me, I'm a professional geneologist and I have just proven that the Weasley family is descended directly from Godric Gryffindor.' Then Harry and Ginny will break up because that's too strange, but then Arthur and Molly will confess that Ginny's adopted and her real father, Ken, will show up, making her the great-granddaughter of Emperor Palpatine.

"And then the real Dumbledore and Sirius will show up, saying that who Harry saw die, were in fact clones."

Everyone took Luke's rant calmly, but then were struck dumb because over the next hour, events unfolded exactly as Luke had said they would. Quetly, Jacen, Harry, Ron, and Hermione sneaked off through plot holes to greener, more sensible fanfics.

"You know," Arthur Weasley said, "this has got to be the silliest fanfic I've ever been in."

"I agree," Luke said. "Do you want to stop it?"

"Yeah, all right."

The End