A clock ticking (JA/AU, Qui angst) My first fic

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Jedi_Knight_Jena, Jul 30, 2001.

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  1. Jedi_Knight_Jena Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2001
    Note: this is my first fic, please give me lots of feedback, or I'll never have the courage to post anything again.

    Summary: A perfect evening ruined by a clock ticking.
    Rating: PG-13

    I don't own any of the original characters, etc.

    ** is thought
    // is telepathic

    here it goes :

    Jedi master Qui-Gon Jinn was sitting quietly in the living room of the quarters he shared with his apprentice. For some time, now, he had been reading a book he never took the time to finish. **I can?t believe I never went through this one. It truly is a masterpiece. I suppose if my master were here, he would say something like : Finish it, you must. Important it is for one to end what he started!**

    Looking slightly above his book, he watched nineteen-years-old Obi-Wan Kenobi sitting in front of him. A datapad in his hands, the apprentice worked silently on some astrophysic problem for one of his classes. Usually more loquacious, the young one had not said a word in hours. **This equation he is working on must require quite a deal of concentration**, the master thought with a grin. Not that he didn?t enjoy talking to his student, but this quiet time they where having together was something new and incredibly relaxing. Yes, this was indeed a perfect evening. Nothing to worry about. He felt calm and serene. Everything was perfect, so he went back to his reading.

    Jedi master Qui-Gon Jinn was sitting quietly in the living room of the quarters he shared with his apprentice. For some time, now, he had been reading a book he never took the time to finish. **I can?t believe I never went through this one. It truly is a masterpiece. I suppose if my master were here, he would say something like : Finish it, you must. Important it is for one to end what he started!**

    Then something caught his attention, a clock ticking. Despite his efforts, he had to admit it fell on his nerves. He look up, nineteen-years-old Obi-Wan Kenobi was sitting in front of him. ** Well, Jinn, he thought to himself, looks like you could take exemple on him for a change**. Usually more loquacious, the young padawan had not said a word in hours. This was very unusual behavior, yet Qui-Gon Jinn guess the astrophysic equation the boy was working on required unusual concentration. Nothing to worry about. He felt calm and serene. Everything was perfect, so he went back to his reading.

    Jedi master Qui-Gon Jinn was sitting quietly in the living room, yet something was disturbing him from his reading. A clock was ticking. How could such a thing annoy him? Putting the electronic book down, he looked around. Everything seemed fine, but Qui-Gon had the feeling something was wrong, out of place. He looked in front of him, nineteen-years-old Obi-Wan Kenobi was sitting with a datapad in his hands, working on some astrophysic equation. The young man had been awfully quiet all evening, unlike his usual self. The master hesitated on distracting him from his work. **Stay focused on the here and now, Jinn! He admonished himself. You wouldn?t want to become paranoid, now, would you?** With a sigh, Qui-Gon picked up the book. Everything was perfect, so he went back to his reading.

    Jedi master Qui-Gon Jinn was sitting quietly, but he was unable to read. The darn ticking was filling his mind, keeping him from concentrating on the story under his eyes. A strange feeling was beginning to obsess him. An uneasyness. For some weird reason, he felt... trapped. Like the walls were threatening to close on him. Unable to control himself, this feeling grew and the idea that he was suffocating took over. He had to get out, take some fresh air.

    Putting the electronic book down, Qui-Gon bypassed nineteen-years-old Obi-Wan Kenobi, holding a datapad and working on some astrophysic equation, and headed for the exit.

    Just has he reached the door, his apprentice stopped him. ? Master, where are you going?? Obi-Wan asked. The master jumped ** I didn?t even noticed he got up!**
    ?Nowhere, padawan, I just need some fresh air.? The apprentice smiled ?I think you should stay, this has bee
  2. kristi-wan Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Apr 12, 2001
    Oh, very weird! I wonder what's going on here - that can't be the real Obi! Maybe Qui has been injured or has a fever or something and this is his dream world!

    You should definitely continue writing, it's very good!

    -Kristi
  3. Cheryl_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 6, 2001
    star 4
    I'm confused what's going on? post more please
  4. Jedi_Borme Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 17, 2000
    star 3
    I think I'm confused ?[face_plain] , I am not sure what is going on. But please post more so I can get unconfused.
  5. Abbi_Cee Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 3, 2000
    star 4
    Hey this is really neat. :) At first I thought you had made a mistake in cutting and pasting, but then I realized what was going on... sort of. Obi-Wan doesn't seem to really be Obi-Wan, more of a keeper of some sort. Please keep going.
  6. BOBAFETISH Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 19, 2001
    star 5
    What's going on here? Is he dreaming?
  7. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Intriguing Jena!!! I too thought the first couple paragraphs were a mistake but quickly saw it was intentional.

    A unique idea. So what is happening to Qui-Gon?? A time loop??? An alternate dimension?? Who's behind this?? Somehow I get images of him being captured, of perhaps being in a zoo...weird huh?? :) :)

    Please continue the story!!

    Post often, post soon!!
  8. Kelly Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 23, 2000
    star 4
    Weird!!!! I was both confused and drawn in!

    I look very forward to seeing exactly what is going on here.


    :D :D
  9. JediCandy Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2000
    star 3
    "Interesting concept...." JediCandy nods thoughtfully. "I would definitely like to read more." JediCandy sits back, feet up, a picture of utter contentment.

    "Interesting concept...." JediCandy nods thoughtfully. "I would definitely like to read more." JediCandy sits back, feet up, a picture of utter contentment...no, wait. "Does anyone have any snacks?"

    "Interesting concept...." JediCandy nods thoughtfully. "I would definitely like to read more." JediCandy sits back, feet up, a picture of utter contentment with an armload of snacks. "Oh, does anyone have anything to drink?"

    "Interesting concept...." JediCandy nods thoughtfully. "I would definitely like to read more." JediCandy sits back, feet up, a picture of utter contentment with snacks and drink. "Wait. Something is wrong...oh, yeah. I need a post to continue being content!"

  10. JediKnightZarc Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2000
    star 3
    WoW! That was really freaky but *very* well done. I'm eager to read more!
  11. Obi-wan's Padawan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 11, 2000
    star 1
    That was very intriguing!! Like every one else, I thought there was a mistake at the beginning, but I caught on that it was intentional. I can't wait to see where you are going with this!!
  12. Maija Darklighter Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 3, 2000
    star 2
    That was very.....Freaky...

    Write more! :D

    Darklighter
  13. Jedi_Knight_Jena Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2001
    Hey, thanks everyone! I wasn't sure anyone but me would like the story.

    Oh, yeah! Next time I do something repeatitive like that. I'll make sure I put a note at the beginning. ;)

    As for the rest of the story, I'll post it this weekend. "Laughing stupidly" The hole thing is so weird I endend up with two possible endings and I can't make up my mind. ?[face_plain]

    Please stay tuned.
  14. Jedi_Knight_Jena Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2001
    Hi everybody! I told you I would post this weekend. Thanks again for the feedback (by the way, feedback is kind of addictive don't you think?)

    So I'm done.

    Part 2 and conclusion

    Jedi master Qui-Gon Jinn was sitting, but he wasn?t reading anymore. Once again, he had plunged into that repetitive scenario and once more the tickering clock took him out of it. Now he was perfectly awake, helped in that by a growing headache. Uncertain what to do, he waited and observed. Running out in every direction like last time would do no good, first he had to learn what was going on.

    He looked around, seeking a clue. The entire room looked exactly the same, except that it was somehow sterile or...new? Yes, nothing was worn. Not one scratch on the walls, no marks on the furniture, no stains on the floor. This was definitly not home. Therefore, it was a jail. A carefully dissumulated cage. And what about the man sitting in front of him?

    Looking slightly above his book, he watched nineteen-years-old Obi-Wan Kenobi sitting in front of him. A datapad in his hands, the apprentice worked silently on some astrophysic problem for one of his classes. Could this person be the same who assaulted him earlier? He tried many times to reach the apprentice trough their shared bond, only to be answered by a blank wall. Either the one sitting there was not who he pretended to be, or his padawan?s mind was out of reach.

    Qui-Gon watched the endless cycle repeat itself. First, Obi-Wan frowned, then bent closer to the pad. Using one finger, he read the part he did not understand. Satisfied, he typed something on the screen and the answer obviously fitted. Discouraged by the next step, he sat back. Then Obi-Wan frowned... All was done in perfect order and silence, again and again.

    Watching in silence for over an hour, Qui-Gon concluded there was nothing else to hope from this situation. Another question came to his mind : what was he doing here and how did he got there? This part of his memory appeared inaccessible. The last thing he remembered was comming home from his last assignement. But that seemed to have happen some time ago, probably a few weeks. He figured this scene hadn?t repeated itself for more than two days, as he was not starving but still extremely hungry. Whoever kept him prisonner forgot to include a lunchtime in the scenario.

    Speaking of which, the Jedi master decided it was time for another encounter with his ?host?. He put the electronic book down a slowly walked away, keeping an eye on his apprentice. As soon as he stepped out of the room, he felt his apprentice standing behind him.
    - Don?t worry, I am not going anywhere.
    Obi-Wan laughed and put a hand on the wall.
    - Really, then what are you doing standing, master? A little hungry maybe? I can fix you something.
    - Actually, I wanted to ask you a few questions.
    Qui-Gon turned around, the apprentice stood there impassive, an neutral look on his face.
    - Why don?t you stop me now?
    - Stop you? Why? From doing what?
    - From getting out of your little maze.
    - What maze? Master, what are you talking about? This isn?t a maze, it?s home. I think you?re a little confused...
    - On the contrary, I am perfectly awake now... and quit calling me master. You are not my padawan.
    Shocked, Obi-Wan stepped back.
    - What!? Who do I look like? Of course I?m your padawan!
    The master smiled.
    - Oh, but you?re not and I can prove it.
    The young man stood aside as Qui-Gon made his way back to the living room.
    - The reason you?re not stopping me is because you are not really here and I am saying you?re not Obi-Wan because the real one is still sitting here working endlessly on an astrophysic equation as I was endlessly reading that book I never had time to finish.

    Has he spoke, he watched nineteen-years-old Obi-Wan Kenobi sitting with a datapad in his hands, working on some astrophysic equation. ?And whoever you are, you?re actually outside this place using either a hologram or illusion to keep us from getting out?. Of course when he looked behind his shoulder, the other Obi-
  15. JediCandy Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2000
    star 3
    I like the way you write. You make the reader actually have to think while reading; that makes it a challenge!

    JediCandy
  16. Abbi_Cee Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 3, 2000
    star 4
    Very nice story. I loved the Twilight Zonish feel it had. :)
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