A clock ticking Re-Posted (JA, angst) updated 12/28

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Jedi_Knight_Jena, Nov 25, 2001.

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  1. Jedi_Knight_Jena Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2001
    Note: Hi everyone! Been a long time since I posted anything (It's a lot less work to read, and your all so good writers too). A long time ago, I posted this as my first fic. Unfortunately, I was in a hurry to finish it, so the second part was real ... podoo. Therefor, I conclude that someone else might do I better job than me(I read some add-on stories and they ARE good). Might be fun too...

    IMPORTANT NOTICE: You might think I made a mistake in copying/pasting the text, but keep reading and you'll find out why ;)

    Summary: A perfect evening ruined by a clock ticking.
    Rating: PG-13 (I guess)
    Time frame: Obi is 19.

    I don't own any of the original characters, Lord Lucas does, etc.

    ** is thought
    // is telepathic

    here it goes :

    Jedi master Qui-Gon Jinn was sitting quietly in the living room of the quarters he shared with his apprentice. For some time, now, he had been reading a book he never took the time to finish. **I can?t believe I never went through this one. It truly is a masterpiece. I suppose if my master were here, he would say something like : Finish it, you must. Important it is for one to end what he started!**

    Looking slightly above his book, he watched nineteen-years-old Obi-Wan Kenobi sitting in front of him. A datapad in his hands, the apprentice worked silently on some astrophysic problem for one of his classes. Usually more loquacious, the young one had not said a word in hours. **This equation he is working on must require quite a deal of concentration**, the master thought with a grin. Not that he didn?t enjoy talking to his student, but this quiet time they where having together was something new and incredibly relaxing. Yes, this was indeed a perfect evening. Nothing to worry about. He felt calm and serene. Everything was perfect, so he went back to his reading.

    Jedi master Qui-Gon Jinn was sitting quietly in the living room of the quarters he shared with his apprentice. For some time, now, he had been reading a book he never took the time to finish. **I can?t believe I never went through this one. It truly is a masterpiece. I suppose if my master were here, he would say something like : Finish it, you must. Important it is for one to end what he started!**

    Then something caught his attention, a clock ticking. Despite his efforts, he had to admit it fell on his nerves. He look up, nineteen-years-old Obi-Wan Kenobi was sitting in front of him. ** Well, Jinn, he thought to himself, looks like you could take exemple on him for a change**. Usually more loquacious, the young padawan had not said a word in hours. This was very unusual behavior, yet Qui-Gon Jinn guess the astrophysic equation the boy was working on required unusual concentration. Nothing to worry about. He felt calm and serene. Everything was perfect, so he went back to his reading.

    Jedi master Qui-Gon Jinn was sitting quietly in the living room, yet something was disturbing him from his reading. A clock was ticking. How could such a thing annoy him? Putting the electronic book down, he looked around. Everything seemed fine, but Qui-Gon had the feeling something was wrong, out of place. He looked in front of him, nineteen-years-old Obi-Wan Kenobi was sitting with a datapad in his hands, working on some astrophysic equation. The young man had been awfully quiet all evening, unlike his usual self. The master hesitated on distracting him from his work. **Stay focused on the here and now, Jinn! He admonished himself. You wouldn?t want to become paranoid, now, would you?** With a sigh, Qui-Gon picked up the book. Everything was perfect, so he went back to his reading.

    Jedi master Qui-Gon Jinn was sitting quietly, but he was unable to read. The darn ticking was filling his mind, keeping him from concentrating on the story under his eyes. A strange feeling was beginning to obsess him. An uneasyness. For some weird reason, he felt... trapped. Like the walls were threatening to close on him. Unable to control himself, this feeling grew and the idea that he was suffocating took over. He had to get out, take s
  2. Cheryl_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 6, 2001
    star 4
    I remember this. it was so good
  3. Jessica Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 6, 2000
    star 1
    Oooooooh, very intrigueing. Despite your warning, I still did a double take at first. Post soon, this has gotten my attention!
  4. Jedi_Knight_Jena Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2001
    Wow! Someone remembers, cool! (thanks Cheryl) This is just a small post, but better than none... From this point, the story diverges from the original I made during the summer. Enjoy!

    ********

    The body of Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn laid still on the cold surface. Surrounded by a circle of bright light, it was impossible to distinguish anything else in the room. Only a regular beeping allowed to guess the presence of some machine monitoring his body?s activity. Yet, in the shadows stood two figures: one nervous and one very displeased.
    - I?m afraid this one is resisting intensively to the ?treatment?. Said the nervous one. I had to contain him more than once. I doubt we could really do anything inside without him noticing?
    - So, you have failed.
    That was not a question. The other one felt cold drops of sweat sliding along his neck.
    - I? yes, my Lord. But there are still many things we could do, should I be granted more time. It might be possible to?
    - I have been extremely clear about what I expected from you, interrupted the angry shadow. Yet there is no need to have two. I believe enough time was lost on this one.
    - How can you be sure the other will respond better?
    - The apprentice is still young and naïve. You will have no trouble controlling him.
    - Yes, my Lord.
    A door slid open, allowing more light to enter. The dark figures stepped out, leaving the still body of the Jedi Master behind them. Yet the last words of the shadowed figures made their way through the unconscious mind : ?The apprentice? You will have no trouble controlling him?.

    ******

    Mmm... So what happens next?

    Anyone wants to give it a shot? Change what I just wrote? Someone wants to try and do Obi-Wan's POV?

    Or do I continue on my own?

    ( Yet, I can't beleive someone remembered this thing ?[face_plain] )
  5. KenobisGirl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2001
    star 4
    Hey, I remember this! It was cool! :D
  6. Jedi_Knight_Jena Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2001
    KenobisGirl, you make me very happy right now :D

    (2 people remember)
  7. KenobisGirl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2001
    star 4
  8. Jedi_Knight_Jena Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2001
    MMm... Weekend is approaching and I'm still working on the next part.

    Don't be shy if -YOU- have an idea to continue this thread.

    *****
    By the way, if a third person tells me he/she remember this thread, I'll do the "Snoopy Dance"! :D
  9. xxcrys Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Apr 26, 2001
    Let's see your Snoopy Dance because I remember this thread also :)


  10. Jedi_Knight_Jena Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2001
    All right... third person remembers, therefor...

    I'm doing the "Snoopy dance"! :D

    Go there to see me dance...
    http://cheminsbrumeux.multimania.com/snoopydance.htm
    (don't close the had, or the animation will stop -ain't my fault they're testing new kinds of ad- :_| )

    (geez, the things a girl has to do to get some attention)

    Now, I won't do this twice 'cause I don't want this thread to be closed... ;) :cool:
  11. Cow_Girl Chapter Rep Niagara ON, CA

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Jun 15, 2001
    star 5
    I like this story, it is verry cool!
    Someone post something!
  12. Jedi_Knight_Jena Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2001
    ...It's friday! :cool: I'm back. As a matter of fact, I'm typing the next part right now...

    Any suggestions?
  13. darth_rebelscum Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 16, 2001
    star 4
  14. TheSwedishJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 15, 2001
    star 4
    What will you do I four people say they've read this, because I remebemer this too. It was pretty good, though I have to say that the ending didn't seem to go with the rest of the story. Though I did like what happened to Obi-Wan, but then I just like any bad that happens to him. [face_devil] Just as long as he gets better later.

    ~Swede :p
  15. Jedi_Knight_Jena Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2001
    Hey! Thanks for the feedback. Here's the next part.

    ****

    Obi-Wan Kenobi stood in a very strange place. He could not tell for how long he had been here? wherever here was.

    No skies, no ground. It was like walking in mid-air, yet it felt like glass. Looking down made his head spin. But that was not the strangest of things, after all he could actually be in a very large room with glass floors. No? what was strange were the people around him.

    He remembered walking with them in straight line, going nowhere. At some point, he felt like waking, he must have been in some kind of trance. The feeling hadn?t last and he kept walking. Then he woke again with a strange, regular noise filling his head, but he knew the noise wasn?t meant for him and feel asleep again. He could have kept it up forever, probably had for at least half an eternity, until something brushed against his shoulder, the briefest of touch. It startled him. He turned around only to see the ghost of a shadow?and hear his name ?Obi-Wan?

    That had woke him. Has if someone had tried to reach him. Obi-Wan turned around an ran across the wave of people to catch the shadow and give him a name. But the crowd had closed on him until the presence completely disappeared. He broke free, but there was obviously no way out, either from the room or away from the mass.

    Since running was useless, he opted for a different strategy. Obi-Wan retreated to what seemed like a corner ??more like an edge?? he corrected himself as he threw a white piece of clothing down the endless pit. He sat down he began thinking.

    Like the room , the people walking were entirely dressed in white. They had dark, black hair and eyes and were the same height. They walked in two single files, one going forward and the other in opposite direction. They followed what seemed to be an invisible bridge. But the bridge wasn?t going anywhere. Obi-Wan dared to look up, the same thing was happening on the floor above, and the one above that and same again as far as his eyes could see. Under him was the same, repetitive scene. Obi-Wan had wore the same clothes and was surprised to find his tunic under them.

    This made no sense. He tried to talk with these people, but they were like zombies and walked like pre-programmed androids. So there he was, trying to get out from a room with no exit, without even knowing how he got in, in the first place, and with all the people in here, no one could help him.

    He was very careful not to fall into that strange trance, but a long time seemed to pass and nothing was happening, only the people walking with nowhere to go, no will to go anywhere?

    Then something changed, a cold breeze touched the back of his neck, making him shiver. He turned around, be the task felt incredibly difficult. Everything moved in slow motion. It was as if there suddenly was too much information processed inside his brains. The entire room was moving, the glass bridges changed shapes, bending with loud noises in the same direction. Two giant doors had appeared out of thin air. It was like the entrance to an old cathedral. The doors opened with a loud, cracking wood noise, revealing a dark passage to?

    - The exit? Obi-Wan asked out loud.

    Not likely, his mind answered.

    Obi-Wan watched as the giant mass of people made their way towards the new path, like ants following the path to their hive. After consideration, Obi-Wan followed them.

    Now, that is NOT a good idea? , his brain complained.

    - Not like I have a choice, anyway?

    As he entered the dark passage, the wooden doors closed behind, cutting all light. Wherever this lead, it would be in darkness.

    **-*

    As Obi-Wan moved forward, he realized the people were slowly disappearing and walls seemed to come closer. When finally only his footsteps echoed in the darkness, he stopped.

    - Hello? He called. Is there anyone out here?

    No one answered. Has he made another step forward, he heard a faint whisper and froze in place. He listened more carefully?

    *Come?come
  16. Jedi_Knight_Jena Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2001
    Don't worry TheSwdishJedi, I'll think of something.

    (Yet, it will be hard to find something more cool than the "Snoopy Dance" )

    *******

    Stay tuned, I'll have another chapter ready tomorrow... I'm just tired right now and I want to think over a few paragraphs I wrote...

    Be cool :cool: , send me feedback!
  17. Jedi_Knight_Jena Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2001
    Oh, by the way... You may have notice that I don't have a BETA READER and since I always have trouble with my stories, I would really need one.

    Anyone think they could help me, just raise you hand...

    ********
    TheSwedishJedi, I haven't forgot you, my brains are seeking another way of expressing my joy and gratitude... [face_mischief] :cool:
  18. Jedi_Knight_Jena Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2001
  19. Jedi_Knight_Jena Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2001
    Well, since no one seems to like this, I think I'm gonna stop this here and move on to something more simple...

    :_| Too bad.
  20. darth_rebelscum Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 16, 2001
    star 4

    I liked it, I wanted to read more! :)


    Write some more! :)
  21. Jedi_Knight_Jena Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2001
    Really?
    Thanks!

    Hmm, I'll think about it, because I'm still a long way from the end and I don't want to spoil it, like I did the last time I posted it.

    Say, if other people want me to go on with this I will, OK?

    ******

    By the way, sorry for letting you down with your story.I promised a hole bag of feedbacks, by I got caught in this and I have a lot of studying to do... but don't worry, I'll find time to finish reading it.

    Stay cool :cool:
  22. KenobisGirl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2001
    star 4
    Ooo, go on, go on! Me thinks Obi's gone a little wacko!

    More soon please! :D
  23. TheSwedishJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 15, 2001
    star 4
    LOL [face_laugh] I loved the link. [face_laugh] Thanks. :D

    Keep it up. More.

    ~Swede :p
  24. Ani_rhymeswith_pansy Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 13, 2001
    star 1
  25. Jedi_Knight_Jena Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2001
    TheSwedishJedi?..
    More story
    or
    More Me doing the "Snoopy Dance?"
    :D [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
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