Saga A Cut Scene from Star Wars Episode IV (Vader Humour)

Hi folks,

I was listening to Eddie Izzard the other night, when I heard him do a FANTASTIC possible scene from Star Wars. I though it would be worthy of mention here.

Please let me know what you think.

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Title: The Death Star Canteen
Author(s): EgKenobi based on a sketch by Eddie Izzard
Timeframe: Saga.
Characters: Darth Vader and some O/C's
Genre: Comedy (I hope)
Keywords: Darth Vader
Summary: You can never get the staff these days.

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Alderaan
The demonstration of the Death Star's destructive power had the desired effect throughout the galaxy. No one would dare challenge the Empire now. Vader stood on the control room of the Death Star, looking out to where the planet Alderaan once stood. His stomach grumbled. He remembered that he had not eaten since this morning. And he knew that if he didn?t eat soon, then he would be grouchy for the rest of the day.

He excused himself from Tarkin?s presence and headed down towards the cafeteria that was in the depths of the Death Star. It took some time for the elevator to get to it?s destination. It finally came to a stop, and Vader stepped out. Mmmm, the food smelt fantastic.

He walked up excitedly to the counter to see what was on offer. He looked around and finally made up his mind.

?I?ll have the penne arrabiata? his voice boomed. The kitchen assistant loaded up a plate, ?you?ll need a tray.? He said. This caught Vader somewhat off guard. ?Do you know who I am?? he asked. The assistant looked up, non plussed, ?Do you know who I am?? he asked in return. Vader was getting annoyed, ?This is not a game of who the hell are you. For I am Vader?? he paused, only is breathing could be heard, ?Darth Vader; Lord Vader. I could kill you with a single thought.? He said, hoping that this would scare the assistant into submission. ?Well you?ll still need a tray.? The assistant replied.

Vader was well truly peeved off now. ?No I will not need a tray, I do not need a tray to kill you. I could kill you with out a tray using the power of the Force which is strong within me. Even though I could kill you with a tray if I so wished. For I would hack at your neck with the thin bit, until the blood flowed all across the canteen floor?? The assistant interrupted him at this point looking more than a little pale, ?no, the food is hot, you?ll need a tray to put the food on.? This stopped Vader in his tracks. ?Oh I see, the food is hot? I?m sorry I did not realize.?

Vader gave a nervous chuckle, ?I thought you were challenging me to a fight to the death.? He said, trying to sound good natured. It didn?t work. ?Fight to the death?? the assistant stammered, ?this is a canteen I work here.? Vader sighed, ?yes but I am Vader, Lord Vader? Everyone challenges me to a fight to the death.? The assistant looked totally confused. ?Lord Vader, Darth Vader? I?m Darth Vader? Sir Lord Vader? Sir Lord Darth Vader? Sir?Lord?.Lord Vader of Cheem? Sir Baron Lord Vaderham? The Death Star, I run the Death Star??

The assistant was totally lost now. ?What?s the Death Star?? Vader exploded, ?THIS is the Death Star, you?re in the Death Star!? The assistant looked around, ?this is a star?? he asked. ?THIS IS A FLIPPING STAR!! I run it. I?m your boss.? Vader said finally, hoping to get some food in the next few moments. ?You?re Mr Stevens.? The assistant said, recognition coming over his face. Vader turned, ?no I?m not?who is Mr Stevens?? Vader?s voice was going up an octave. ?He?s head of catering? the assistant replied. Vader was now getting very grouchy, ?I AM NOT HEAD OF CATERING.? He all but screamed, ?I could kill catering with a thought. I could kill you all!! I could kill ME with a thought? OH SOD IT I?ll get a tray.? Vader turned to get a tray, the top one was wet. As was the second one, and the third and the fourth. ?Did you dry these in a rainforest? Why with the power of the Death Star do we not have a tra

 

Wow, I'm the first post! This was Hilarious. I love the deal about Vader killing them with the tray, and all the misunderstandings in there. And Geoff Vader? Oh man, I was rolling on the floor. Keep it up, and PM me when you write more!

 

Oh, poor Vader! *runs to get Vader GOOD penne, tray included*

 

The Tray! The Penne!

*laughs at Vader*

Oh dear... absolutely hilarious, EGKenobi!

 

at least now Vader understands why delivery was invented in the first place.

Very funny