Beyond - Legends A Darth by Any Other Name ~ Dare Challenge Response!

Author: Irish_Jedi_Jade
Title: A Darth by Any Other Name
Genre: Sarcastic humor
Time Period: Sometime after LOTF
Summary: The fourth convocation of Deceased Sith has convened, with highly sensitive issues to discuss.
A/N: Written for the Dare Challenge! This is the dare I was given: ?Write a humor fic staring one or more of the following Sith: Lady Lumiya, Darth Caedus, Darth Krayt, Darth Talon or the ghost of Darth Sidious or Darth Vader, and include the following line: ?This deal is getting worse all the time.? Hope you all enjoy the results, and whoever?s dare this is, I sincerely hope you don?t mind I added a couple more Sith to the mix! Thanks too, to Jade_Pilot[/link] for helping me as tirelessly as always, and with the title!


Clang Clang.

The sound echoed throughout the great halls, sending tiny waves of dissonant matter skittering through the hazy blue forms that were all that were left of the gathered dead.

?The Fourth Convocation of Deceased Sith will now come to order, the honorable Lady Lumiya presiding. All rise.?

The Sith rose from their seats, solemn with dignity. However, Darth Krayt mumbled that he did not see why Lumiya got to have all the fun with the gavel.

Casting only a withering glance his way, Lumiya held her head high and spoke: ?This year?s meeting will pursue enlightenment on the true nature of the Dark Side. Also we shall touch upon the age-old controversy: Light versus Dark. This meeting is now officially convened.?

With another touch of the gavel, she sat down, her glance settling on each of the table?s occupants for a moment.

?Well, I think this entire subject is entirely overrated,? the bass voice of Darth Vader rumbled. ?Clearly, as my life?s history has shown, strength truly lies with the Light?in fact, I?m not even sure why I?m a part of this Society.?

The wizened face of Darth Sidious glared at him from across the table?s gleaming surface. ?You?re an honorary member, my friend, in keeping with your many faithful years service.? He paused, a martial light slinking into his eyes. ?And about your comment, the Dark side is infinitely more powerful?and besides, we?ve got cookies.?

?Oh please, don?t bring up the whole cookies thing again,? rumbled the hulking spirit of Darth Bane. ?Besides, that?s not even a valid reason?infinite power and unrestrained ambition are among the highest precepts hoped for by man, and only achieved by the Sith!?

Applause sounded from the various members, while Darth Caedus sat sullenly, slouched in his seat. Lumiya noticed her former apprentice?s state and tapped her gavel to signal silence.

?Darth Caedus? You have something to add??

Looking up and meeting the gaze of his former mentor, Caedus?s face was momentarily painted with something akin to disgust before he straightened and nodded.

?Thank you, yes. The Dark side does give great power to its wielder as Darth Bane has commented. However, I think too many times the blessing of enlightenment is glossed over by most. The Dark side gives unlimited knowledge and the ability to use it properly if coupled by strength and wisdom. The secrets of the universe are unlocked for the Sith, enabling them to grant illumination to those willing to??

A loud snore interrupted his soliloquy. Glancing with frustration at Darth Krayt, Caedus twisted his fingers and formed a tiny ball of Force lightning. With a flick of his wrist, he sent it bouncing and skittering across the table towards the armored Dark Lord. However, it only bounced off the bristling arm gauntlet of the snoring Sith, causing him to shift slightly and mumble.

?That?s not the way to do it, young whippersnapper! Watch and learn, sithling.? Before Lumiya could bang the gavel, Darth Talon had jumped on the table and blasted Krayt with a maelstrom of lightning. It slithered and snaked around him, seeking an entrance through his armor. When it came in contact with an uncovered area, Krayt awoke with a howl, jumping out of his chair and igniting his lightsaber. Seeing Talon standing on the t

 

You continue to embrace many genres here, my padawan! I LOL all through this as the 'Darths' themselves could not even decide what the essence of the Dark Side is!

I loved how Vader was the "honorary member" and wanted out. Sidious, as usual bided his time and knew that true 'Sithdom' was only attained through the cookies. Wonder if they were milk or dark chocolate?

LOL moment: ?Where are the cookies??

Sidious only cackled.

Well done!

 

Instantly captivated by the funny title. This was a hoot. Your versatility and depth are absolutely astounding. You write each kinda thing so perfectly, quintessential mush & humor of all stripes, subtle and outright hilarious. Huggles!!!! Ever & always

 

Cookies! Oh my gosh!



Girl, this is priceless!

 

Oh, IJJ, you are so funny! I absolutely adored this!

I love how you made Caedus still trying to defend his reasons, Vader making his very valid point that his lifestory confirmed that the light side was stronger, and Sidious' obsession with the cookies.

Sarcastic humor, indeed.

Wait...I just noticed something in your summary. This is the fourth convocation? You've written other ones?? I have to read them!!

 

Oh heavens! MarasFire...I didn't mean that I had four more! But thats quite an idea....hmm.....you've given me plot bunnies! But sorry, no there's not three before these!

Irish

 

Ahh, what a great fic to come home to! I love humor and Sith, two things that often don't mix well. And the debate was simply hilarious! Fantastic job and what a gem.

 

OUCH! *rubs head* My hopes just came crashing down on me...

 

Ultimate Powah!!!!!




and cookies.

Who could ever want more!?

Great response to the challenge!

 

Oh, this was so funny. I loved how Sidious bided his time until everyone was confronting everyone else then took the cookies for himself. Such an insidious mind that sith has.

 

lol the Siths!

 

That dare looks familiar.


A sneer spread over his lips. ?Are you going to just stand there and give us a view, considering you died at the age of 103 still wearing that ridiculous bikini??

Oh, there?s a mental image.


Darth Vader sat back and discreetly twiddled his thumbs beneath the table. Sidious too sat back with a bored expression, mumbling to himself about galactic domination and the idiocy of Vader?s offspring.

Everyone is funny but I gotta say that Palpy and Vader stole the show. "the idiocy of Vader's offspring" LOLOL!!!



Vader rumbled as he leaned back. But then a thought struck him and he started, seeing for the first time the empty plate in the middle of the table.

?Where are the cookies??

Sidious only cackled.




Brava, IJJ!! A wonderful and hilarious challenge response!

 

The wizened face of Darth Sidious glared at him from across the table?s gleaming surface. ?You?re an honorary member, my friend, in keeping with your many faithful years service.? He paused, a martial light slinking into his eyes. ?And about your comment, the Dark side is infinitely more powerful?and besides, we?ve got cookies.?



Oh. My. Goodness. Major requirement for reading this story -- no liquids near the computer!

So now we know the real reason for going Sith. I think you've made my day.

 

I liked this immensely - my kind of humor. Cookies!

And is there anyone with the links to the previous three convocations of the dead Sith?

Alkibiades Cleiniou Scambonides

 

Couldn't resist dropping in again... whomever mentioned the no liquids near the computer is right. *cleans up coffee spill* And you must write about the other three previous convocations! How could we have the Dark Side without the cookies, too?

 

Ok Ok!!! You've all convinced me!!!! I'll write the previous threee!!!!!

*ducks back out* thanks to all my wonderful readers!!!!

Huggles,
Irish

 

Wow. as much as the humor in this fic is sudued and dry, which I love, I was more enamored your wonderful writing style. This piece is very well written and engaging.

?Thank you, yes. The Dark side does give great power to its wielder as Darth Bane has commented. However, I think too many times the blessing of enlightenment is glossed over by most. The Dark side gives unlimited knowledge and the ability to use it properly if coupled by strength and wisdom. The secrets of the universe are unlocked for the Sith, enabling them to grant illumination to those willing to??

Poor Caedus. No one wants to take his academic, philosophical aproach seriously. He does make a good argument, but there are too many bullies in the room that want to take his lunch money.

?The Dark Side is a river to be dammed with our wills, a nova to be dimmed by our control, a black hole to be filled with our hate. Those who seek mediocrity will champion its philosophical uses, but I declare the truth: the Dark Side is power, it is guidance, it is the tool of the Sith to bring about the ends forged in the minds of a Dark Lord. It is our servant.?

Fantastic imagery and sentence structure. She is a frightening lady and her words are as intense as her actions.

Darth Vader leaned over to his former master. ?This deal is getting worse all the time. You?d think Sith Lords could at least agree on being evil. How do I un-honorary-member myself??

I loved Vader and Paptine as silent observers, kind of providing a play by play. Vader's comment at the end is both funny and tragic. Such are the Sith.

Rich, powerful, and humorous. The full package. Excellent response to the challenge. I'll be looking at more of your work.

 

haha, Brillaint one caedus krayt fighting , and darth talon still wearing a bikini at age 103?

 

This was very bizarrely hilarious and in-character on so many levels.

 

Great response!

 

"Where are the cookies?"

Sidious only cackled.




And that is why I will always say Darth Sidious is the greatest Sith Lord in history. He's so devious whenever there are cookies around.

Terrific job!

 

So, I'm confused. Did Sidious eat the cookies? If so, dark-side power is derived from the cookies, thus if Sidious ate all of the cookies, then HE is the ultimate dark side power!!!!!! Or, was his evil plan all along to claim that cookies are the root of the dark side's power, then purposefully not bring cookies in the first place? If so, THAT'S evil. Nice story, and I couldn't help but laugh the whole time.

 

Dang, the earlier poster was right...no ingesting liquids when reading this. Great job!