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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Saga A Day Hasn't Gone By (A/P AOTC missing scene-vignette)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by RebelScum77, Dec 22, 2003.

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  1. RebelScum77

    RebelScum77 Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2003
    Characters: Anakin and Padmé
    Setting: post firelight confession scene
    Genre: romance/angst viggie
    Disclaimer: I own nothing, I am nothing
    Feedback: Yes please! And no lurkers!! ;)

    I have to give thanks to Leia_Naberrie who is one amazing Beta, everything I am is because of her! ;) Also to That_Wascally_Droid for also giving it the once over, and for having almost nary a complaint :p

    And special thanks to stacysatrip's story "Bring Me to Life" which ultimately inspired this. That was the first fic I ever read on these boards and it is still the standard to which I hold myself to. I hope I can can someday come close to half the brillance of that story.


    And here we go!


    __________________________________


    A Day Hasn?t Gone By


    Padmé watched numbly as Anakin Skywalker turned his back on her, the red glow of the fire flickering out as he walked away. She reached out mentally as he had taught her to do, but felt nothing.

    Her hands grasped for something to hold onto. She suddenly felt very exposed and very alone. Pulling on the wrap so easily discarded, Padmé sat in front of the fire, the flames licking dangerously close.

    "It would destroy our lives."

    And I find myself not caring.


    Anakin did the one thing he swore to himself he never would, he turned his back on Padmé Naberrie. He could feel her reaching out to his mind, but he closed it to her. She already had his heart, and now she knew it. His mind was too much.

    Damn her reasoning and damn her maddening political logic. He knew it to be true in the Jedi centre of his brain. But love, he reasoned, was not logical. For one instant, Anakin actually longed for his Master?s guidance. He grunted cynically and the moment passed. For all Obi-Wan?s promises of friendship and brotherhood, this was something he could never understand. When he was ten years old and he had told his new Master that he loved Padmé Amidala, his Master had not believed him. It was his own fault. But that knowledge offered no comfort. Anakin was lost and alone without her.

    Mechanically he walked through the marble hallways towards his sleeping quarters.

    "Could you live like that Anakin?"

    I cannot live like this.


    Padmé remained still for several moments, trying not to think, not to feel. She failed. Her mind could not stop replaying his confession. She had heard such words of devotion spoken before; they had been empty, stemming from personal and political gain. But she was no one?s trophy, no one?s political pawn. This had been different. The waves of emotion that had emanated from Anakin were staggering, infiltrating her very thoughts, threatening to suffocate her and instinctively she had fought her way out. She had demanded his attention to reason and protocol. She had demanded it from herself.

    Finally, she began the blind walk back to her bedroom. She wondered if he had done the same.

    The beauty of the Lake Retreat vanished and all she could see was Anakin?s broken face staring at her, Anakin?s eyes pleading with her.

    She lost her balance and gripped the wall for support. Every lie and half-truth she had ever told began to burn on her lips. She needed to end it.

    "We could keep it a secret."

    I don?t want to lie anymore.


    Anakin shut the door to his room quietly. The bed was far more lavish than his own on Coruscant, but he would not enjoy it. Sleep only brought more nightmares, more pain. Jedi do not have nightmares. He nearly laughed out loud. The only question was: who would the nightmares be about? Automatically he changed into to his sleep pants and sat cross legged on the bed.

    The pain of sleep could not compare to the acuteness of the pain he had felt every waking moment since being reunited with Padmé.

    There is no pain, only the Force. There is no pain, only the Force. Anakin repeated the mantra over and over trying to elicit a meditative state. But it felt hollow and forced, only succeeding in making the events of the night more intense. He couldn?t remember th
     
  2. That_Wascally_Droid

    That_Wascally_Droid Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 29, 2001
    I'll repost my original review ;P

    As far as I could tell, nothing was wrong
    But, I'll ty to find something, just for you
    OK, I think the only thing I'd change would be to get rid of the thought of revenge.
    I don't think that thought had manifested itself in his mind just yet.
    I think after all the months of the dreams, and the stress of worrying about them and 'losing' Padme in his eyes, and all of the 'holding back' from Obi-Wan finally erupted in that one moment. I don't think it was a thought of 'when I find them I'll...'
    So, just something to think about.
    I loved the mention of the magma though I thought that was subtle and brilliant foreshadowing on your part
    I also think you nailed Padme's character and feelings of the situation. I find too many people think she fell for Anakin out of pity. I'm sorry, but no, you don't marry someone out of pity or fear. At least, not Padme.
    I also liked the structure with the spurts of insights into the lines and their reactions to it.
    You also explained how Padme heard Anakin's nightmare well.
    She might have done the whispering bit, but I dunno. Her walls might've still been a bit too strong at that point. I think they started to crumble during the Tatooine confession.
    But then I could also see her doing it so...

    Nevermind :p
     
  3. RebelScum77

    RebelScum77 Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2003
    Actually I didn't fix the revenge thing [face_laugh] :p
     
  4. That_Wascally_Droid

    That_Wascally_Droid Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 29, 2001
    So it is. I was looking at the wrong part.
    There it is, in all of its italicized tormentment. *sobs* ;)

    Is tormentment a word?
    *hugs it*
     
  5. CrystalKenobi

    CrystalKenobi Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2003
    Very good.

    I could really see that happening. I like the emotion of the post also.

    The last line just says a lot. It tells of the future and of their love I think.
     
  6. Arriss

    Arriss Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2002
    This was stunning!! A beautiful piece!! Completely believable and heart-wrenching.

    I admit though, I wish Padmé wouldn't have left him alone. [face_love]
     
  7. Padlei

    Padlei Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2003
    *stops out of breath* I'm here! I'm here!

    Thanks for the PM... :D
    That was great! You can see that I'm a sucker for angst and romance because I loved it. ;)

    BTW this part was haunting :

    Blinding images. Her face, crumpled and bleeding. Padmé?s face, crumpled and bleeding. The sound of her weeping hit his ears like a siren. He tried to scream but his mouth would not open. His mother was dying. An elusive predator stalked them. In terror Anakin saw himself reaching for his lightsaber to fight off the darkness, but his arm could not grasp it, his arm was lost into the darkness, and then it swallowed him whole. A woman who looked remarkably like Padmé kissed him and he realized in horror she was sucking the soul from his broken body. She is yours. Go to her. You will have your revenge. His voice popped and crackled morphing into an exploding lake of molten fire.


    The only thing I didn't really get was the part about Padme using the Force. I was like "Did I miss something?" 8-}


     
  8. RebelScum77

    RebelScum77 Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2003
    That Wascally Droid- I've already thanked you personally ;) But...
    subtle and brilliant foreshadowing on your part
    :eek: special thanks for that comment! I really worry that I overkill the foreshadowing sometimes, so that means a lot :)

    Crystal Kenobi- Thanks, glad you liked it :D

    Arriss- Stunning? Thanks [face_blush]
    And you have no idea how difficult it was to make Padmé leave!

    Padlei- Thanks for coming! Padmé using the Force? Just like to keep everyone on their toes ;) Plus I feel like she must have a little more than average Force potential.
     
  9. MissPadme

    MissPadme Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 9, 1998
    Nice viggie...I haven't read good A/P angst in a while.

    A couple of things: I think you mean "elicit" (to call forth, draw out) instead of "illicit" (prohibited, unlawful). Padmé would not have been able to hear an "inaudible cry" either ;).

    Overall, good stuff with well-written imagery.

    --MissPadme
     
  10. JDH3

    JDH3 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2003
    OK, so as a holiday treat I'm going to read this later offline, but I'm no lurker...usually. I'm sure it's great, as I've lurked on your work before...old habits are hard to break. Anyhow, so long as I don't have too much punch I'll be back later to review lol!

    BTW: Your other work has been excelent as well, and I think (hope) I've reviewed at least once.[face hopeful]


    JD.
     
  11. Dally

    Dally Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2001
    That is really powerful. The story presents an excellent portrayal of both Anakin's and Padme's heartbreak and confusion, and I really like the hints of the darkness in Ani. Very believable and well-written. I hope you write more!
     
  12. julie_marthe

    julie_marthe Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Nov 18, 2003
    Great job, RebelScum!

    This is a wonderful story. Vivid description of very powerful emotions. I really enjoyed it! I am looking forward to your next story.
     
  13. RebelScum77

    RebelScum77 Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2003
    Oh bless the Force, I have readers! :p

    MissPadme- Good angst? I specialize in that :p And you're right about "elicit" somehow nobody caught that :eek: Thanks!!

    JDH3- Thanks! And you have replied before (on Too Much of Not Enough) so no worries... but come back and review (and have some punch) ;)

    Dally- Thank you for the lovely comments [face_blush] To me accurate characterizations are the most important, I'm glad you liked it! :)

    julie_marthe- And many thanks to you too! It's hard to find the right balance between vivid/ powerful and overkill... I hoped it worked :)
     
  14. Reihla

    Reihla Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    May 17, 2002
    Not lurking :D

    Good job on this vignette. It was nice to see that scene from Padme's post-fireside perspective. It lent a whole new element to Anakin's dream sequence.
     
  15. leia_naberrie

    leia_naberrie Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2002
    Nice to see this one up!
    I love the quote/thought lines... the things they ought to have said but didn't.
    This one hurt... really hurt..

    "I will do anything that you ask."
    Anything but this.


    And the dream/comfort thing was ... dreamy

    Anakin had always been so self assured, to the point of arrogance....This was a man of strength, not one to fall prey to simple nightmares.

    I loved this.. the way she sees his arrogance but takes it for the positive thing that it is_ self-assurance not the usual darkish misconstrusion. I've always felt that far from bring 'blinded by love' Padme sees Anakin more clearly than most people - Obi-Wan included. And that little insert definitely shows we are on the same wave-length.

    Great little viggie, sweetie! And spare me the saccharine praise: we both know that the raw material was gold from scratch!
     
  16. RebelScum77

    RebelScum77 Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2003
    Reihla

    Thanks for stopping by (and not lurking)!! :p

    It lent a whole new element to Anakin's dream sequence.

    I guess that's why we write. What we saw onscreen is only a tiny sliver of the events in their lives. GL have given us such a solid story to work around, it's almost an injustice not to think about what happened when we weren't there, imo anyway ;)

    leia_naberrie

    I've always felt that far from bring 'blinded by love' Padme sees Anakin more clearly than most people - Obi-Wan included.

    Absolutely. It's so strange though, Obi has known him for 10 years and Padme far shorter than that. But I think she gets him. Obviously she knows he's arrogant but she also gets the benefit of seeing his kinder, gentler, more vulnerable side- one that he doesn't show to the Jedi.

    And spare me the saccharine praise: we both know that the raw material was gold from scratch!

    Oh, but you deserve it Master Naberrie! :p I can't say thank you enough :D
     
  17. YodaKenobi

    YodaKenobi Former TFN Books Staff star 6 VIP

    Registered:
    May 27, 2003
    wow, great vignette, RebelScum77! You did a great job getting into Anakin and Padme's heads, and describing the conflict between them. Very vivid descriptions all the way around, I'm definitley impressed :) You know these characters well :D
     
  18. rhonderoo

    rhonderoo Former Head Admin star 9 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Aug 7, 2002
    Merry Christmas!
    Great story RS! You got both characters (one of them the absolute hardest character to get right in all of SWdom - you know it, Anakin) spot on. Great read for an insomniac on Christmas!!!

    I've always believed that Padme and Anakin knew each other even before they knew each other....they are two old souls. Let's hope in the GFFA, they are together in the afterlife...as they should be. :)
     
  19. RebelScum77

    RebelScum77 Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2003
    MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL :D


    YodaKenobi

    You know these characters well

    Thank you! :) But in fact they're the only characters I think I know well, that's why I have to keep writing about them :p

    rhonderoo

    Thanks [face_blush]

    I've always believed that Padme and Anakin knew each other even before they knew each other....they are two old souls. Let's hope in the GFFA, they are together in the afterlife...as they should be.

    Absolutely. I guess that's what fan fiction is for :)
    Old souls is a perfect way of describing them. Perhaps they were in love once before and that's why when they found each other again, it was so easy (well I don't know about easy but...). I think there's a plot bunny rolling around in there somewhere ;)
     
  20. Padlei

    Padlei Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2003
    Thanks for clearing that one up! ;)

    Just one question:
    Will you write more fics during AOTC timeframe? I like it when people try to fill in the gaps...
    That's why I do agree about stacysatrip's Bring me to life... One of my favorite fics...
     
  21. RebelScum77

    RebelScum77 Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2003
    Padlei- Thanks for your interest! LOL... hard to get used to that :p I will undoubtedly write more missing scenes or expanded "real" scenes. That's my favorite thing to write. There's SO much stuff that happened in the time frame of AOTC that we never see, and I feel like really trying to wrap my head around it before branching out into other time frames. And if I can manage, I'll try and break out of this A/P cycle... but I don't know if I really want to ;) No, I'm really gonna try.... honest. :D
     
  22. leia_naberrie

    leia_naberrie Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2002
    I've always believed that Padme and Anakin knew each other even before they knew each other....they are two old souls.

    I thought I was the only one who thought that way!

     
  23. stacysatrip

    stacysatrip Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 20, 2002
    Thanks so much for the acknowledgement, RebelScum77! I'm very flattered!

    Lovely vignette. A little angst is always nice to read. You could really see in the film how utterly devestated Ani was after that conversation, and you captured it very well.
     
  24. RebelScum77

    RebelScum77 Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2003
    You're very welcome Stacysatrip... I should really be thanking you :) And congrats on the Winter FanFic nomination!!
     
  25. Lieutenant_Jaina

    Lieutenant_Jaina Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 26, 2003
    Ditto!! Very emo, i love it. though it would've been nice for padme to stay there... :D
     
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