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Victoria. BC A Day in the Life...

Discussion in 'Canada Discussion Boards' started by Shara_82, Mar 3, 2003.

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  1. Shara_82

    Shara_82 Administrator Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jan 10, 2001
    Call this an off-shoot of the 'What are you drinking???' thread. ;)

    A Day in the Life of a Lava Lamp.

    6:30am: am woken up by inconsiderate cleaners. Glare at them until they finish and go away. Am pleased at self and own scariness.

    6:52am: finally manage to get back to sleep after interruption by inconsiderate cleaners. Prats.

    8:39am: am woken again by some female daring to sit in front of me. Try glaring at her, but she doesn?t seem to notice. Where DO humans keep their brains, in their heads or something?

    8:40am: I do NOT believe it. Inconsiderate human actually had the gall to turn me on. How rude.

    8:42am: notice self start to warm up. Another day of performing for a pathetic human with bad hair. I hate my life.

    9:53am: despite having warmed up and giving out the best performance of my life, I am ignored by pathetic human. Why do I bother?

    10:25am: am noticed by passing male human who comments on my wonderful performance. Took someone long enough. Sit and bask in own brilliance.

    10:26am: male human leaves. Am ignored again. Typical.

    12:05pm: pathetic human who took over my desk has gone to lunch. Am being ignored by whole office.

    12:34pm: am still being ignored by office. Must be due to lacklustre performance today. Am sent into depths of depression ? perhaps I should consider alternate career path. Hear desk lamps do well.

    12:59pm: am noticed by company boss. Saved! Desk lamps are underachieving gits.

    1:15pm: am being removed from desk by pathetic human. Apparently boss did not like presence. The man has no taste in art.

    1:17pm: I resent being placed in this box. Someone of my talent should be worshipped in a town square somewhere, not placed in a small box.

    1:54pm: box is boring.

    1:55pm: box still boring.

    1:56pm: start playing eye spy with myself as it is only game I can think of. Gets boring after the first game as answer is always ?darkness?

    2:04pm: am removed from box by pathetic human. Apparently box has gone home sick. Must have been too bright for him.

    2:25pm: am back to old brilliant performance

    3:33pm: Notice pathetic human looking at me in strange way

    3:35pm: pathetic human had the nerve to take my lid off and take a sip of me! Am comforted by fact that pathetic human is now choking and making faces

    3:36pm: am taken to other desk after life is threatened by pathetic human. Not my fault I don?t carry a sign saying ?I don?t taste good, don?t drink me?

    3:45pm: can still hear pathetic human?s muttering from new desk. Wonder who Rani is and why she won?t be living long.

    4:10pm: glorious view at new desk. Roof lamp above me is stunning. Wonder if they will consider date?

    4:15pm: inform roof lamp that it?s their loss ? dating me would be an honour

    4:25pm: get into conversation with roof lamp next to the last one I talked to. We?re meeting at 5. Hope new pathetic human goes home before then.

    5pm: office suddenly empty. Wonder why that always happens now. Notice power to me wasn?t turned off. Yes! Promising for date.

    6pm: cleaner turns power off, cutting date short. They?ll pay for this.

    6:01pm: sleep.
  2. _Derisa_Ollamhin_

    _Derisa_Ollamhin_ Jedi Master star 4

    Jul 31, 2000
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHaaaaa!!! OMGosh! That's hilarious!

    Shara, you are one fun lady!

    So is this thread a Round-Robin style of thing? Can anyone add a day in the life...?


  3. Shara_82

    Shara_82 Administrator Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jan 10, 2001
    Go right ahead. I'll probably add a few more as time goes on, but if anyone else wants to as well, I'd love for them to use this thread. :)
  4. _Derisa_Ollamhin_

    _Derisa_Ollamhin_ Jedi Master star 4

    Jul 31, 2000
    Well, here's my meagre offering. Hope you like it.


    A Day in the Life ...of A Mouse

    0659: quiet morning, screen dark against the lightening sky.

    0700: Alarm blaring, grumbles and groans from the bedroom... and the first heavy hand of many grabs me and starts rolling me all over. Click.

    0700.10: Click, click, clickety click. Click. Ow! Don't these people have any sensitivity at all?

    0702: Keyboard hears me complaining and makes fun of me. Hate it v. much. Click, click, click. Resolve to come up with horrible punishment.

    0705: Click, click, click... my back is so sore. And my rollerball is dirty again. That's why you can't grab that item you're tyring to drag over to the Trash file... Idiot. Clicking idiot.

    0725: Mr. Clicky has finally seen the time and rushed off to have a shower before work. Peace!

    0726: Keyboard and modem now giggling at me behind my back. Will exact terrible revenge.

    0745: Go ahead and laugh, keyface! You can't point, can you?! Just you clicking wait...

    0820: Wifey's at the keyboard now, click, click. Her hands are lighter, and she at least uses both buttons and the wheel. Roll, click. Ah!

    0910: Nice to be in someone's hands who appreciates me. I heard her commenting on the pnohe that she couldn't live without me. You hear that, you tapping bugger? Couldn't live without [u]me[/u]. Click click click, double-click.

    0930: She's off, and turned the screen off too. Having a nap.

    0935: would be having a nap if weren't for incessant giggling of modem! Grr. Wondering how to interfere with it, so as to make them get a new one... rolling over the possibilities...

    1047: Nice nap. Wifey's back, logging onto her Star Wars message board again. Lots of rolling and clicking to do. V. happy.

    1105: No! No,please! Not the kid! Grubby little hands all over me, too small to move me properly, and she clicks like her dad.... oh mercy, please!

    1112: I swear she just used both hands. [u]both[/u]hands. I ask you. When has a piece of office equipment ever been so misused?

    1118: Stapler and I in "discussion" over who is more hard-used. Will win.

    1126: Kid finally done playing Candyland, taken away to have a bath. Wish I could take a bath. Sigh. Well, can now finish argument in peace.

    1156: Was winning handily when wifey came back to staple something together, and used her [u]fist[/u] on the poor thing's head. Shocked into silence by the abuse.

    1203: Reassuring stapler he does fine work, and doesn't deserve such harsh usage. Am worried that my good impressions of wifey could be so off.

    1340: Stapler and I have come to agreement over how to deal with keyboard/modem rudeness. Tonight, he will staple their cords to make them much shorter. Am overjoyed. :D

    1635: Hubby home again, and avoiding his chores by playing Dark Forces. Ow! Ow! Click, OW!!!

    1821: Hubby booted off by wifey. At first relieved for her touch, then recalled the poor stapler. Not quite possible to cringe away, but felt like it. In effort to avoid her hand, fell off back of desktray. Feel like an idiot. Is my wheel ever red!

    1915: He's clicking back, playing a game with his clicking daughter. Oh, ow! Clicking hell!

    2000: Munchkin's beadtime, at long last. No more heavy, grubby hands! Yay! Considering inviting stapler over for drinks.

    2010: Well it'll have to wait. Wifey's back, clicking like a mad fiend trying to get a page to load. Problems all around, finally checks behind desk to find my friend stapler has done his work well. Am grinning like a fool.

    2015: Not so happy now. As she is unable to go online, she has settled instead for a vicious game of Mortal Pong-bat with hubby. Ow!

    2019: Ow!

    2104: OW!!!

    2140: [face_tear]

    2228: Oh my aching back! Finally they're gone. the screen is dark, and my new friend the stapler is comforting me. keyboard and modem very quiet. Guess they learned their lesson!

    2336: What's this? The door's opening... oh no! He's back! He closed the door behind him very carefully, so as not to wake the wife. Oh, click! Wheeing >
  5. Shara_82

    Shara_82 Administrator Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jan 10, 2001

    That's brilliant, I love it. :D
  6. Darth_Haggis

    Darth_Haggis Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 21, 2002
    Have you guys seen the new Blockbuster commercial with Carl and Ray trying to get the mouse to work? Too bad they're using a real mouse... [face_laugh]
  7. Rani Veko

    Rani Veko Jedi Padawan star 4

    Apr 22, 2000
    I can't help but wonder which family was the inspiration for that brilliance, Derisa. Hmmm... :)

    I have to write one of these, but await inspiration. Now what did Paul do with that stapler? I haven't seen it around for a few days. ;)

    - Rani
  8. _Derisa_Ollamhin_

    _Derisa_Ollamhin_ Jedi Master star 4

    Jul 31, 2000
    I'm glad you guys liked it, it was a spur of the moment thing. :) Fun as all hell to write though! :D

  9. Shara_82

    Shara_82 Administrator Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jan 10, 2001
    They're great, aren't they?

    I'm taking votes for my next 'Day in the Life'. Any suggestions for what I should do next? :D
  10. Rani Veko

    Rani Veko Jedi Padawan star 4

    Apr 22, 2000
    How about an answering machine? Ohh, or a photocopier? :D

    - Rani
  11. Shara_82

    Shara_82 Administrator Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jan 10, 2001
    Oooh, I like the answering machine idea.

    I might take that one on. :D
  12. CrazyMike

    CrazyMike JC Collecting Manager and RSA Canada star 7 Staff Member Manager

    Dec 4, 2000
    Bump !!!
  13. _Derisa_Ollamhin_

    _Derisa_Ollamhin_ Jedi Master star 4

    Jul 31, 2000
    Still kinda waiting for that Day in the Life of an Answering Machine, Shara... :)


    PS: OMG! OPPM!!! That never happens to me! :D
  14. DARTH2-D2

    DARTH2-D2 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Feb 9, 2002
    A Day in the life of a bird bath.

    5:00 am: starting to get light out I awake in all my wonder, notice Im dry. note to self hope I get full soon.

    6:00 am: ligter out and Im still dry. notice grass hasnt been cut in days. maybe I will nap for awhile.

    7:00 am: a rude squirrel wakes me, he must think im some kind of tree, acorns all over my bowl, how awkward if the wading pool sees me. grass is to high and she is out of air. well the timing is good for that. nuts are a fashion foo-pah in the water game, dont you know.

    8:00 am nuts are gone, and im soaked my a garden hose, wading pool is still flat, poor thing.

    8:05 am: big black crow landed for a few splashes and flew away when lawn mower appeared on scene. how am I suppose to perform for my public with that noise.
    8:20 am: lawn is now cut and home owner is now drinking lemonade on the patio.

    8:55 am: 15 assorted birds, a soggy chip munk and three scruffy cats made for an interesting morning show.

    9:30 am: its raining and now im competing with puddles, oh the shame of it, how can I ever face the wading pool again. notes she is full and proper again, what a looker, hubba hubba.

    11:00 am: I think the wading pool noticed me but then she is now fat with too much rain water, the cow, how can she do that to her self. doesnt she know control.

    12:00 pm: rain has stopped and all the puddles are drying up, good bye pretentous muddy nits. the birds are back out and im performing nicely.

    3:00 pm: a cat came along and disrupted my afternoon show, the bluebirds are lovely this time of day. but now the tabby grows fat and im full of feathers, hope im not allergic, do I feel a sneeze coming on..

    4:30 pm: Im clean and so is the backyard. miss pain wading pool went on one of those drain me fast diet plans. the hussie. oh wait she is looking at me again.

    5:00 pm: the guys are over and the bar-be-que is going. hope there isnt a lot of smoke, I look dreadful in charcoal.

    6:30pm: after dinner football game and I got tipped over, oh the shame of it all, I think the wading pool laughed at me. how can I ever live that down.

    6:55 pm: back up and full again. the boys are settled and drinking. the evening birds are out for my after supper show. wish me luck

    8:00 pm: I look great under the lights of padio lanterns, I feel like a million bucks, how do you like me now, Miss-I-got-four-semi-naked-drunkards-in-me-Wading Pool, later she will have frogs. semi laughing here.

    9:00 pm: bubba got drunk way to early and guess what, you guessed it, with all the lovely ground he had to pick me to loose his sloppy joes on. Im a mess and the wading pool is laughing and having fun now.

    10:00 pm: pouring rain never felt so good, the guys woke up fast and ran for the house. serves them right, no tolence at all.

    10:32 pm: rain has stopped and its really dark and im alone, wait is that a skunk.

    10:45 pm: skunk is gone, left no smelly surprises behind. I thought I was gonna gag.

    11:19 pm: muggy summer night and the mosquitoes are out, hope they dont have west nile. how can I explain that one to the wading pool.

    12:00 pm: and it's been a long day, good night world see you at dawn, for a great morning show. if im full of water this time.
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