Call this an off-shoot of the 'What are you drinking???' thread. A Day in the Life of a Lava Lamp. 6:30am: am woken up by inconsiderate cleaners. Glare at them until they finish and go away. Am pleased at self and own scariness. 6:52am: finally manage to get back to sleep after interruption by inconsiderate cleaners. Prats. 8:39am: am woken again by some female daring to sit in front of me. Try glaring at her, but she doesn?t seem to notice. Where DO humans keep their brains, in their heads or something? 8:40am: I do NOT believe it. Inconsiderate human actually had the gall to turn me on. How rude. 8:42am: notice self start to warm up. Another day of performing for a pathetic human with bad hair. I hate my life. 9:53am: despite having warmed up and giving out the best performance of my life, I am ignored by pathetic human. Why do I bother? 10:25am: am noticed by passing male human who comments on my wonderful performance. Took someone long enough. Sit and bask in own brilliance. 10:26am: male human leaves. Am ignored again. Typical. 12:05pm: pathetic human who took over my desk has gone to lunch. Am being ignored by whole office. 12:34pm: am still being ignored by office. Must be due to lacklustre performance today. Am sent into depths of depression ? perhaps I should consider alternate career path. Hear desk lamps do well. 12:59pm: am noticed by company boss. Saved! Desk lamps are underachieving gits. 1:15pm: am being removed from desk by pathetic human. Apparently boss did not like presence. The man has no taste in art. 1:17pm: I resent being placed in this box. Someone of my talent should be worshipped in a town square somewhere, not placed in a small box. 1:54pm: box is boring. 1:55pm: box still boring. 1:56pm: start playing eye spy with myself as it is only game I can think of. Gets boring after the first game as answer is always ?darkness? 2:04pm: am removed from box by pathetic human. Apparently box has gone home sick. Must have been too bright for him. 2:25pm: am back to old brilliant performance 3:33pm: Notice pathetic human looking at me in strange way 3:35pm: pathetic human had the nerve to take my lid off and take a sip of me! Am comforted by fact that pathetic human is now choking and making faces 3:36pm: am taken to other desk after life is threatened by pathetic human. Not my fault I don?t carry a sign saying ?I don?t taste good, don?t drink me? 3:45pm: can still hear pathetic human?s muttering from new desk. Wonder who Rani is and why she won?t be living long. 4:10pm: glorious view at new desk. Roof lamp above me is stunning. Wonder if they will consider date? 4:15pm: inform roof lamp that it?s their loss ? dating me would be an honour 4:25pm: get into conversation with roof lamp next to the last one I talked to. We?re meeting at 5. Hope new pathetic human goes home before then. 5pm: office suddenly empty. Wonder why that always happens now. Notice power to me wasn?t turned off. Yes! Promising for date. 6pm: cleaner turns power off, cutting date short. They?ll pay for this. 6:01pm: sleep.