Before "A disturbance in the Force." JA apprentice - Obi-Wan -Qui-Gon. - 18th Mar 2013.

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Gkilkenny, Nov 29, 2011.

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  1. serendipityaey Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 24, 2004
    star 4
    Oh, very interesting! I loved this little twist in the story, and such original, fascinating concepts. I loved what he said about Qui, and why he was acting the way he was, though it's sad. Great job! Poor, poor Obi! Looking forward to more :)
    Last edited by serendipityaey, Mar 1, 2013
  2. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Ok where did it go, :confused: I just posted it.


    Valairy Scot So will Obi-Wan get the choice to move on or go back? I suspect he will. The choice isn’t his to make.

    Jade_Eyes Great conversations and admissions of regret/remorse. Eagerly awaiting everyone's moment of choice. A moment of choice, I wonder. Thanks.

    Jason200015 Is Andur destined to return to the living as Anakin? Now there’s a thought I hadn’t considered.

    ClaudiaR I am very intrigued with this chapter and I do believe Andur will return as Anakin which makes his descent into the Dark Side even more hideous. Anakin, Anakin who? We shall see where it all heads. Thanks I will add you to PM.

    Earlybird-obi-wan Let Obi-Wan go back and let Andur help him as the friend he is. ANd let Qui-Gon be there as the master for him. Now there’s an idea?

    AzureAngel2 Interesting that you have the concept of re-birth in your story. I am getting more excited with each word that I read. Ah re-birth, they do say it can happen, we’ll see.

    Serendipityaey Oh, very interesting! I loved this little twist in the story, and such original, fascinating concepts. I loved what he said about Qui, and why he was acting the way he was, though it's sad. Great job! Poor, poor Obi! Looking forward to more Yes indeed poor Obi-Wan.
    Last edited by Gkilkenny, Mar 6, 2013
    AzureAngel2 likes this.
  3. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Having so much trouble getting this chapter to post.:oops:


    The Force was agitated and in the murky midst of it all was Qui-Gon and now that he was listening he didn’t like what he was hearing. His words had driven Obi-Wan to doubt himself and it had left him in a state of uncertainty and now he was dying.



    His thoughts raced from one biting conversation to the next and each one had pressed Obi-Wan closer to this point.

    Qui-Gon’s movements seemed sluggish as he ran down the ramp, he felt like the weight of the galaxy was on his shoulders. His com-link continually buzzing sent him into a spiral of despair as in his mind if he answered it, the end would have come. He wouldn’t accept that Obi-Wan had died. He needed to see him and he would ‘will’ him to live.

    If anyone was in the corridors he didn’t see them as he rushed down to the waiting room. His eyes were focussed on the form of a Jedi Master standing with his back to Qui-Gon and he presumed it was Master Kain.



    “Master Kain!” he called out.



    Qui-Gon drew in a halting breath when Kain turned, and he recognised the red stain clinging to the master’s robes. A chill filled Qui-Gon with shame and disgust in him-self.



    “Yes; Master Jinn. The Council said to expect you, I’ve been trying to contact you.” he said showing Qui-Gon his com-link.



    “Where is Obi-Wan?”



    “The healers took him to surgery through that door. No one has come out to tell me anything about his condition, but he’s still alive.”



    Qui-Gon glared and said. “He will live.”

    He stepped past Kain and stretched out. Obi-Wan’s force signature was there, but it was very faint.

    He had to see Obi-Wan and he wasn’t going to wait. He pushed the doors harder than he’d expected and they flew open thudding against the wall. A long grey corridor beckoned to him and he moved quietly forward, only stopping when he reached the surgery doors. He could sense that the healers were frantically trying to save him and no matter how much he wanted to see and speak to Obi-Wan, he would have to wait.

    His intense frustration sent him circling like a caged nexu, and in the end he returned to the waiting room and sat heavily on a seat, ignoring a worried look from Master Kain.



    He closed his eyes and demanded that the Force grant him his request to speak to Obi-Wan. (Obi-Wan please hear my words? I’m sorry for the way I treated you – I do want you to be my apprentice, please answer me.)

    He waited in anticipation, but there was no response, and his culpability rose knowing that he didn’t have much time to tell Obi-Wan he was sorry. He continued to press the force to let Obi-Wan answer him.

    A whisper of a sound in his head stopped his self-pity and he listened. However it wasn’t the voice that he wanted or expected to hear.



    //Why do you call so intently, for the one who you refused to acknowledge in life?\\

    Qui-Gon’s face reddened and he glared at Kain who he presumed had said that to him. However the other Jedi was talking to someone on his com-link. He glanced around, but no-one else was there.



    //Still determined to believe that you have all the answers to all the questions and you are the only one who has been hurt. \\



    //Who are you, where are you?\\ he thought.



    //You do not know? You of all people, so convinced that the Force is eternal, here, there, and everywhere and waiting for you to command.\\

    The voice was definitely inside his head and that revelation made him feel small and shook him to his core. He sensed that whoever was speaking to him was not of this realm. He’d always thought of the Force as an entity that could interact with the Jedi and now he knew it to be true.

    //Then I command the Force to give Obi-Wan back to me so I may train him and raise him to knighthood.\\



    //Yes I know that of you, all your life you’ve concerned yourself with your own personal needs and wishes, never have you cared of what became of others who did not fit into your plans and now you command the Force to bow to your will as though it is greater than the will of the Force.\\



    //Please, I have wronged him and I am guilty, do what you want to me, but I don’t want him to die thinking I didn’t want him.\\



    //You want to apologise, now that it’s too late.\\



    //I wanted him to know that he was worthy to be a Jedi. He was more deserving of the title than I and I would give my life freely if you give him the chance to be what I know that he should have been.\\



    //Obi-Wan is in the hands of the Force now.\\



    //No! Don’t take him, take me instead.\\



    Qui-Gon waited for an answer, but none came and he closed his eyes trying to draw an answer from the Force. Waves of despair flowed through Qui-Gon and his anger engulfed him. He couldn’t release his fears and he felt like he would explode any minute.



    Ooo



    Master Kain was disturbed by the dark fluctuations and ripples in the force that were bouncing around Master Jinn. The flow was agitated and it seemed to him that the man might be on the verge of a breakdown or worse kill someone.

    He sensed that Jinn wasn’t controlling his emotions, and wasn’t coping. He’d retreated into a meditation pose and Kain presumed he was searching the Force for Obi-Wan’s force presence, he was hesitant to disturb the master, but he felt that he should talk to him. However, the doors to the corridor opened and a healer came through and spoke.



    “Master Kain, I’m Healer Dalek, are you Obi-Wan’s guardian?”



    He was about to answer when Qui-Gon rose to his feet and in a second he was towering threateningly in front of him. “I am Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan is my apprentice and I want to see him!”

    Kain felt Dalek’s unease rise as Qui-Gon seemed to intimidate him by his mere stance.

    “Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t realise the boy had a master; you weren’t here when Master Kain brought him in. He’s in critical condition and is on life support, but if you follow me I will take you to him.”

    “Thank you Healer Dalek, lead the way.” Kain said as he motioned for Qui-Gon to follow the healer.

    The walk down the corridor seemed to take forever, and Master Kain wished that the council members were here to cope with Master Jinn instead of him. He didn’t know Jinn well enough to offer him any

    condolences and he was certain that Jinn wasn’t in the mood to be told that there is no death only the force.

    ooo



    Qui-Gon took a deep breath and stepped into the sterile room. He knew Kain was right behind him and although he sought to be alone with Obi-Wan he knew that was out of the question. Master Kain had every right to be there; probably, more so than him.



    The room felt cold and lifeless and almost hidden by tubes and a sheet was Obi-Wan’s pale and motionless body on the bed, surrounded by machines that were whirring and beeping continuously.

    He felt his legs stiffen as he came closer to the only part of Obi-Wan he could see, his face. Such and innocent expression marred only by the grey colouring.



    “Oh Obi-Wan, I wish it was me lying there instead of you. I don’t deserve to be a Jedi and I’ll never forgive myself for what I did to you. If I could give my life in return for yours, I would do it in an instant.” He whispered close into Obi-Wan’s ear.



    He moved the sheet and picked up Obi-Wan’s ice cold hand and wrapped his warm one around it gently rubbing the back of the small limp hand trying to stir up some warmth.

    If he didn’t know Obi-Wan’s condition with certainty, he could imagine that Obi-Wan was only asleep and if he called to him he would wake up.



    “Obi-Wan, Padawan can you hear me, can you wake up for me?” He whispered.

    Qui-Gon waited, hoping for a response, but knowing deep down that it was too late.

    He gazed at the innocent child before him, and wondered when his judgement had become so clouded and his Jedi ideals had given way to the cruel and selfish manner that he’d used to push Obi-Wan away. When did he turn his back on his values and his dedication to the Force, when did he lose faith?

    Abruptly, the lights in the room flickered and then seemed to glow brighter; the sound of air pumping through the machine vibrated through Qui-Gon’s ears and with each pump the sound grew louder, until it slowed to a deafening silence and a gut-wrenching beeping noise filled the room.



    Healer Dalek, the nurse and Master Kain knew that this was the moment they’d all been dreading, but none of them expected or could explain the phenomena that occurred before their eyes.



    Qui-Gon voice seemed to bounce off the walls as he cried out “No!”



    The hand he was holding tingled and he looked at Obi-Wan’s face. His entire body began to glow and shards of brilliant white light leapt out from within him. Wispy white ribbons of luminosity curled around his whole body hiding him from view and then the encompassing white spectra rose slowly off the bed.

    Everyone in the room including Qui-Gon could not take their eyes off the surprising spectacle as the glowing orb rose toward the ceiling.

    Qui-Gon glanced back at the bed, but it was empty. His face contorted in agony and he screamed out for the galaxy to hear.



    “No… don’t take him from me; please don’t go…” A wave of despair and anguish crashed across the flow of the Force causing ripples and Qui-Gon felt his insides burning as he stretched out trying to grasp the glowing orb as it vanished through the ceiling.



    It was beyond his grasp and he felt lost and shattered. His shoulders slumped and he lowered his head to the bed closing his eyes and cursing the day he’d been born; his rage at his stupidity rose within him.

    Obi-Wan was dead and he could never say he was sorry to the youngling.



    “ No…No…No!







    So there you have it I killed Obi-Wan…….[face_devil]
    AzureAngel2 likes this.
  4. serendipityaey Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 24, 2004
    star 4
    Well that's why it wouldn't post!!! :p Lol. How could you?!

    Review coming soon!
    Valairy Scot likes this.
  5. serendipityaey Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 24, 2004
    star 4
    Nooooooo! :( But wow what a way to go. I hope we see Obi's pov again. So so much regret Qui... sigh. I wonder if he's learned.

    Oh Obi, my lovely Obi...
    Jade_eyes likes this.
  6. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Yeah, yeah, yeah - dead only to be resuscitated/reborn.
    Jade_eyes likes this.
  7. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2004
    star 6
    :shock: =D= Wow! Eagerly awaiting more, whatever that is. @};-
  8. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Nope, not resuscitated or re-born try again. [face_devil][face_nail_biting]
  9. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2004
    star 6
    :eek: I was hoping Val was on the mark. :(
  10. ClaudiaR Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2007
    star 1
    Force Ghost? Force Zombie? Force Mummy? Force Vampire? Force Leprechaun?

    I like how you handled this and I hope that Yoda arrives soon, since his craft is likely much faster than the Monument... and I am glad you are teaching Jinn a lesson and that someone (I am thinking Andor) got into his head to tell him a few truths...
  11. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Cloned?

    Or never dead - it was just Geri screwing with our minds (and Qui-Gon's)!
    Last edited by Valairy Scot, Mar 7, 2013
  12. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    No to Ghost,O:) Zombie, [face_nail_biting] Mummy? :confused: Vampire, [face_shame_on_you] leprechaun [face_rofl]
    Not Cloned, cloned![face_sick] Just Dead.[face_skull] ....and screwing with your minds. 8-}
    obimom and ClaudiaR like this.
  13. ClaudiaR Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2007
    star 1
    well I might have missed a supernatural creature.... force genie? force wizard? force elf? force dwarf? force dragon?

    Yes, I am sure this is it... he is a force dragon now!



    Oh Oh Oh!!! Force Fairy or Force Fairy GodParent!!

    yes, this fits Obi...
  14. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Force! where do you get all these from [face_rofl] ! genie. (now he is cute, but not genie material.) wizard (umm kind of but he's no Harry Potter!) Fairy, (No he doesn't have wings.) God parent. (no he was too young when he died.[face_devil]

    dwarf (I beg to differ he's not one of the seven.) dragon.( He's fought a few in the JA books but he hasn't kept one as a pet.)

    [face_coffee][face_tee_hee]
    Last edited by Gkilkenny, Mar 7, 2013
  15. ClaudiaR Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2007
    star 1
    the Force has blessed me with these idas... so ummm:confused:
    Force-Spirit Guide? Force Animal Guide (its the force it could happen)? ... I am guessing Force Elf is out... hummm Force Gnome? Force Troll? (is this what happened to Yoda that made him what he is? ):D

    Force ninja?

    is the choice to have him return or revive only from the Force or maybe Andur can interfere? Though a fic with a dead Obi could be fun... if he can intract with people I say...

    also, I really loved that you had his body disappear into aether that is one thing only Obi, Yoda and Ani do so I guess its a prerogative of the favorites of the Force...
  16. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    The Force is a wonderful entity isn't it, according to Andur he was already a Force-Spirit Guide, Animal, umm No. But anything is possible with the Force.

    Oh, ok i missed Force Elf. Yes definately out. Gnome? isn't that Yoda? As with Troll. Now Ninja, would be a possibility if it was Anakin, he likes Black.[face_devil]

    (A dead Obi fic could be fun)[face_rofl] Well he's dead and if he returns dead it could be hard for him to interact with the living... that wouldn't work would it?:confused:

    I might give it away, but I took his disappearance from Stargate when Daniel died.[face_shhh]
  17. AzureAngel2 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2005
    star 6
    [face_nail_biting]Obi dead!

    And you call a healer Dalek? You have humour indeed, luv.

    I do have Force sensitive Elves in my story as you may know, even the clone of a dead half-blood child (= Sionnach).

    As for jokes about gnomes, be careful. They have walking sticks and can strike back...
  18. ClaudiaR Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2007
    star 1
    Force house elf is a good and valid guess!!! I loved your hint and what you came up with "Force Ascended Enlightened"
    but I still hold he could very well interact as a Force Undead of various types... if you are following Stargate's line then I hope that at least if he returns or gets kicked out from beyond that he may retain at least some memories...
    tehehehe I loved that he discorporated right before their eyes...

    and I hold that Yoda is also one of those guides... :p
  19. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Humour What's that!!! .....I killed Obi-Wan where's the humour in that! [face_rofl] Oh I do love this ( laughing emoticon)

    Yes I do like the Elves in your story and I'm still not sure about Lucien! He seems nice, but..... :)


    I thought you were going to say that he would come in the same manner of clothing as Daniel did. (minus a few items of clothing)[face_blush] I have to be careful of ratings,
    I found that Yoda being so wise and the best of the best, should have seen through Palpatine in canon.[face_shame_on_you]
    AzureAngel2 likes this.
  20. ClaudiaR Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2007
    star 1
    true, especially with the hint Dooku gave them about the senate, the gathering of power...

    The poor boy is 13 so he may have clothes... should he return in an older body... then, well less is better ;)
  21. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Obi dead? And healer Dalek? Now come with the Borg?
    Jade_eyes likes this.
  22. Ocelotl_Nesto Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2004
    star 4
    Obi dead? This could really impact cannon!
    Jade_eyes likes this.
  23. obimom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2010
    star 4
    Finally am reading again... and I hope Obi-Wan survives and I know Qui-Gon will fight for him. :)
  24. obimom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2010
    star 4
    What? Healer DALEK?

    No!! Not a Dalek..they have only one purpose...and now Obi-Wan is dead.

    Where is the doctor? :D

    Interesting how you had him just float away though...[face_thinking]
    Jade_eyes likes this.
  25. windz Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 11, 2006
    Waiting patiently (feet tapping, fingers tapping... :p ) for the next post.
    Jade_eyes likes this.
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