Before A Dream so Real - For the First Sentence Challenge

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Jedi-Gon, Apr 11, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
  1. Jedi-Gon Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 1, 2007
    star 1
    Title: A Dream so Real
    Author: Jedi-Gon
    Timeframe: Pre-Saga, Pre-JA. Qui-Gon and Tahl are both knights.
    Genre: Drama, Angst, slight Romance
    Notes: SW belongs to GL. For the First sentence challenge. My first Qui/Tahl piece.

    A/N: A quick piece for the first sentence challenge. Enjoy! :)

    ----------------------------------

    It was her, he just knew it, but it couldn?t be ? she was dead. Her bronze skin was clammy with sweat, and her beautiful green/gold eyes were half closed in eternal sleep. Dark crimson stained her tan tunic, and her hair was torn and tangled.

    Qui-Gon, his face paled a considerable amount, rushed to Tahl?s side.

    The protestors had come out of nowhere. Blasters in hand, eyes blazing, with an assortment of grenades and detonators at their disposal, they had come crashing through the thick forests, and had invaded the negotiations that were supposed to be occurring at noon. Obviously, they were not pleased about the treaty between the Working Union and the Senate. And because the Jedi were the ones who had arranged the negotiations to start with, they were a prime target.

    Tahl had been surrounded. Even with the training of an elite knight, it was impossible for her to block that amount of blaster fire. And now that the dust had settled, it was evident just how impossible it was.

    Qui-Gon cursed under his breath. It couldn?t end like this. It couldn?t! He had to apologize first; He had to reconcile with her. He and Tahl had had an argument the day before, and hadn?t spoken since. Rare was the occasion when the two friends were truly angry with each other, but that morning had been one of those times.

    And this was one of those other times, when he wished desperately that they he could take back what had already been said.

    As he neared, he could barely make out the slight rising and falling of her chest, and when he knelt by her, he could faintly hear raspy, uneven breaths. But Qui-Gon knew she wasn?t alive. Nor was she dead; she was caught up in between the two extremes. But how long before she faded completely, he didn?t know. Yet.

    As tears started to track down his cheeks silently, Qui-Gon kneeled, reached a large hand up behind Tahl?s head, and propped her up. With his other hand, he lifted her tunic up slightly to examine the damage to her torso. He closed his eyes tightly, sending more tears falling. No amount of bacta could cure that, even if the healers could reach them on time.

    Tahl would die.

    ?Tahl?? He asked in a small voice, silently begging the Force to hear her voice just one last time. Answering his silent plea, Tahl?s eyes moved microscopically, and she looked up at him with an otherworldly gaze.

    ?Qui?? She asked quietly, using his nickname from their younger years. Qui-Gon nodded earnestly.

    ?Yes, it?s me.? Qui-Gon answered, carefully drawing his friend closer as he hunched over her weak, fragile frame.

    ?Qui, did you know that the Force looks kind of green?? She asked, a vision invisible to him dancing in front of her eyes. Qui-Gon shook his head in response. She smiled, not even seeming to notice his despairing features. ?It reminds me a bit of you.?

    ?Tahl, I?m sorry, I?m so, so sorry.? Qui-Gon interrupted, ?Please forgive me.? His tears fell on her tunic. She turned her head towards him a bit.

    ?It?s an odd feeling, you know, Qui? Dying, that is.? She continued on, her voice growing distant, blissfully unaware of whatever he had said. ?And I suppose I?ll only be here a moment longer.?

    ?No!? Qui-Gon insisted, ?Tahl, please stay here. Stay with me.? His voice was begging. Tahl?s slender hand brushed Qui-Gon?s cheek. ?I?ll see you again.? Her eyelids fluttered, and a girlish smile graced her lips for but a second. ?Goodbye, Qui.? With that last whispered farewell, she became limp in his arms. Qui-Gon?s throat tightened.

    ?No!?


    ?No!? Qui-Gon sat bolt upright in bed. His chest heaving, he glanced about him. His sheets were tangled about his waist, and he was covered in sweat. He spott
  2. JediKaren Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 26, 2007
    star 3
    nice. very interesting.
  3. Jinngerbread Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 2, 2007
    star 4

    ?Good.? She said, picking up his pillow off the ground. She placed it behind his head.

    ?And you?ll stay here with me?? He asked, already drifting closer to sleep. She smiled, and placed a kiss to his cheek.

    ?Always.?




    Awwwwwww, I'm a sucker for a mushy ending, that was very sweet. [face_love]
  4. Takianna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 22, 2005
    star 3
    Wonderful! Such depth!!!! Loved it!
  5. Lola64 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 10, 2005
    star 4
    Qui Gon's dream was a little too real for my liking also. I have this heartbreaking feeling that it'll still come to pass tomorrow, though thankfully he got his chance to apologize.

    This piece was very sad and beautifully written. Excellent job using the sentence. =D=

    I have to tell you when we think these sentences up we guess what possible directions the participants will take them. It's always a treat to read something we hadn't come up with. :)
  6. slow_dawn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 18, 2006
    star 2
    Nice work. I always enjoy your characterization of Qui-Gon. Well done!


  7. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    That was very sweet in the end but she should have listened to him more. She might still die but at least he apologized.

    Good job. I liked the way you built the tension in the story.
  8. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    Awwwww....that was lovely

    [face_love] [face_love] [face_love] [face_love]

    I'm glad to see Qui and Tahl are happy....at least for now.

    Great response to the challenge

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  9. JediLuminaraUnduli Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2008
    star 2
    Awwww.. so cute [face_love] :p @};- Well done!!! Bravo!!!
  10. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
  11. Seremela Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2008
    star 3
    Ow, that dream was so sad - and the feelings between them so real. I'm glad they had this warm moment together, but I'm still afraid for the next day.

    Beautiful piece.
  12. mujapple-juicey Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 21, 2008
    star 4
  13. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Lovely piece of writing with Tahl and Jinn.

    Nice to see them together.
Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.