Beyond - Legends A Fairy Tale ... A tongue-in-cheek version of SW events, known and...not likely - NEW July 26th

Title: A Fairy Tale
Author: oldjedinurse
Timeframe: SW Recap and Speculative AU
Characters: The main culprits
Genre: Humor
Summary: A fairy tale look at the SW expanded universe. Its all speculation, folks! Well, almost all of it. There are some elements of truth. Really. I think. *Shrugs*

Disclaimer: George owns everything. Just playing?don?t sue me!

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*SPECIAL NOTE* Okay, I couldn't stop tinkering with this, so I went away, performed a proper edit, and brought back a new, slightly updated version. I hope you like!

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POTENTIAL HUMOR ... I hope ... Place all beverages at a safe distance...



A Fairy Tale: Second Edition


Once upon a time, a pirate and a princess fell in love.

The princess discovered her long-lost twin brother, and together with their friends, they defeated the most evil being in the galaxy?their father.

Despite obvious cultural differences and potential genetic issues, the couple married and produced three children. First came twins, a girl and a boy, followed in a few years by a third child, another son.

While the pirate and the princess were raising their family, her brother?the pauper?admitting his true feelings for the woman he loved and they married after a stormy ten-year relationship.

She was a trained assassin and smuggler who had spent most of her life in league with the twins? evil father.

The murderous bride soon gave birth to a son who, in his early years, quite rightly wanted nothing to do with his family?s heritage.

All of these children were puppets of the devil.

The daughter of the pirate and the princess became a soldier at the age of sixteen. Starting, uh, everything rather early, she had relationships with several boys and men, most significantly with the handsome son of her father?s most hated enemy. She toyed with them all, ultimately tossing each one aside to pursue other goals since being a war hero, brilliant pilot, cunning tactician and casually gorgeous was never enough for this selfish little princess-wanna-be.

Her twin brother started life as a completely uninteresting and rather silly boy whose only talent was telling horrible jokes. Fearful that he would become a holonet comedian, his parents sent him for special tutoring at the academy run by his uncle. This training laid the foundation for the young man to become the galaxy?s next great evil.

The twins? younger brother was a mechanical prodigy. His talents caused many an explosion that scared the bejabbers out of their neighbors. Tricked into fixing his father?s dilapidated starship, the young man finally found an outlet for his abilities and settled into his teen years with a promising future that seemed somehow out of place. Of course, there was the small matter of commandeering his father?s ship just in time to leave the pirate?s dearest friend and co-pilot to die on a planet that was cracking in two, but everyone got over that.

The pirate and the princess survived war after bloody war to see the fruits of their love destroy everything they had fought to save.

Their daughter fell in league with a colony of insects, forgetting who she was and learning to communicate using arm rubs and throat clicks. The bugs got her hooked on a powerful street syrup, which caused a complete change in her personality as well as confusion and memory loss. She never actually recovered her former self nor showed any signs of good judgment. The rest of her life was spent trying to stir up new conflicts, accompanied by her faithful?and tree-like?manservant.

Her twin brother was imprisoned by a crazy chicken and returned from captivity well on his way to eventual insanity. For a time, he fooled his family into believing he was fine, but when he orchestrated the deaths of millions everyone finally said, ?Ohhhh.?

His uncle, the omniscient academy professor and most revered thinker

 

That was funny! I enjoyed it

jcs

 

Oh my gosh. That was freaking hilarious. I would quote my favorite lines, but I'd end up quoting over half of the stuff. Well done as always.

 

This was hilarious, oldj!

Thank you for the beverage warning. I moved my drink far, far away.

The murderous bride soon gave birth to a son who, in his early years, quite rightly wanted nothing to do with his family?s heritage.

This is right on so many levels. Like most fairy tales, warped, wicked, funny. Great job! I love when you write humor.

 

awesomely done, oldj
very amusing

~ Mags ~

 

Thank you for the warning - I pushed my entire lunch aside as a precaution.



Brilliant, Scrubs. Just brilliant!

 

Fearful that he would become a holonet comedian, his parents sent him for special tutoring at the academy run by his uncle. This training laid the foundation for the young man to become the galaxy?s next great evil. Actually, as the holocomedian, he may have been more evil.


Well, except for the despot hero with his harem of Twi?lek females.

Very amusing.... and eerie.

Great work!
~Fels

 

Ohmygosh! I never noticed that before! but when you put it that way...


LOL moment:

Her twin brother was imprisoned by a crazy chicken and returned from captivity well on his way to eventual insanity.

 

great job, oldj, this was just hilarious! kind of depressing if you thought about it realistically, but the way you wrote it it came off very funny.

Her twin brother was imprisoned by a crazy chicken and returned from captivity well on his way to eventual insanity

I loved this line. I laughed so hard...

And what of the only person who could have stopped all of this, the third child of the pirate and the princess? Just past puberty, he kissed a girl and then he died.

ROTFLMAO!!!!

Well, except for the despot hero with his harem of Twi?lek females.

good, at least Jag got a happy ending, he's the only one in this story that deserves it

Okay. Where the heck are the fairies and what did they do to this story? Huh?

Would someone please explain this to me?

I know!! i mean, some angst in profic is good, but TSW just really killed a lot of my enthusiasm.

anyway, this was great, i loved it!!

 

Replies soon, but first -- a quick APOLOGY to my first eight readers. I have updated to a "Second Edition" with some minor enhancements.

Sorry for any ensuing confusion!

oldj

 

Great job oldj! That was hilarious!

 

Darn, I guess I'll just have to reread it.

 

Her twin brother was imprisoned by a crazy chicken

Bawk! The emoticons here just don't do this justice.

He kissed a girl and then he died.

You know we're right back to the age old fictional theme that "sex kills"

It comes from fairy tales

Brilliant!

 

I loved this.

 

Oh yeah, hilarious! I love it!

 

Thanks, jcs! I was hoping people would have a laugh with this!

Yay! Thanks, Piggy -- and you don't have to re-read it! I just made a few tweaks. Thanks, though!

Glad your drink and computer were saved! Thanks for the great review -- I'm happy you liked this!

Thanks very much, Maggy!

So glad your lunch was safe, Scoundrel! Thanks a lot!

LOL! You could be right about the holocomedian. People might have groaned to death. Eerie? Yeah, it is a bit. Sadly true! Thanks!

Perspective is everything, isn't it? LOL! I'm so glad this made you laugh! Thanks for the R&R.

I'm so glad you laughed so much! There is a lot of not-so-nice truth here, but looking at it differently can sometimes be helpful! Thanks very much!

Thanks for being a faithful reader and supporter, Wyn! Glad you enjoyed!

Thanks so much for taking the time to look at this and respond! I hadn't considered the "sex kills" theme, but you're right!! LOL! As far as "brilliant", I'm honored to receive that comment from you.

My thanks in return! Glad to have entertained.

Thank you, Sil! Laughing is good.


~ oldj ~

 

This is so very true! I really hate where they're taking the books. I, uh, didn't heed your beverage warning and as a result, my computer is soaked... Just to let ya know...

 

*giggles*

I love it, Oldj!

 

I read the beverage warning. However, since I rarely actually burst out laughing at stories, I sat down to read, lemonade in hand.

Then came this:

Her twin brother started life as a completely uninteresting and rather silly boy whose only talent was telling horrible jokes. Fearful that he would become a holonet comedian, his parents sent him for special tutoring at the academy run by his uncle. This training laid the foundation for the young man to become the galaxy?s next great evil.

And I narrowly avoided spitting all over the computer.

Her twin brother was imprisoned by a crazy chicken and returned from captivity well on his way to eventual insanity. For a time, he fooled his family into believing he was fine, but when he orchestrated the deaths of millions everyone finally regained their eyesight and said, ?Ohhhh.?
His uncle, the omniscient academy professor and most revered thinker of his time, had already apprenticed his own son to the evil nephew and so the family circle seemed complete.

The whole thing was just too hilarious! I loved the jokes about Jaina's "tree-like" manservant, and Allana being raised by wild animals.

Seen as a hero to the hundreds of beings still alive throughout the galaxy, the old boyfriend was put in charge of everything. He had become somewhat eccentric over the years, and so his first and only official order was to have his mother?s old holovids transmitted across the galaxy in an unending loop for the rest of time.



Great job!

 

Of course, there was the small matter of commandeering his father?s ship just in time to leave the pirate?s dearest friend and co-pilot to die on a planet that was cracking in two, but everyone got over that.

Her twin brother was imprisoned by a crazy chicken and returned from captivity well on his way to eventual insanity. For a time, he fooled his family into believing he was fine, but when he orchestrated the deaths of millions everyone finally regained their eyesight and said, ?Ohhhh.?

Seen as a hero to the hundreds of beings still alive throughout the galaxy, the old boyfriend was put in charge of everything. He had become somewhat eccentric over the years, and so his first and only official order was to have his mother?s old holovids transmitted across the galaxy in an unending loop for the rest of time.

So good. Great Job!!

 

I've got to say the beverage warning was helpful, thanks for that.

But, OMG!

That was just too funny for words! Sick, more than a bit twisted, but that's what makes the best stories! I loved it!

 

Uh-oh! Hope your computer survived! Seriously, thanks for clicking here and for the feedback. Hope you enjoyed it!

Thank you, Myra! We need to see some humor in the situation, I think...

Hi, j_o_e! Also glad your computer is okay! It makes my day when I can make you guys laugh! Thanks very much.

Another happy customer! Thanks so much, Jessoass!

Sick? Twisted? You're absolutely RIGHT! LOL! So glad you enjoyed this -- thanks very much!


~ oldj ~

 

You know what's so sad? This is the 'canon/truth', as the profic writers see it!

Very funny and insightful. Thank Goodness for Fanfic!

 

Hehehehe! Favorite part...

Seen as a hero to the hundreds of beings still alive throughout the galaxy, the old boyfriend was put in charge of everything. He had become somewhat eccentric over the years, and so his first and only official order was to have his mother?s old holovids transmitted across the galaxy in an unending loop for the rest of time.

Such a good son.

 

There are sad elements, for sure, PT, but I'm happy you saw the humor, too!! Thanks a lot!

Thanks!

~ oldj ~