Saga A Father's Eyes - Jedi Purge Challenge single post.

Kohn pulled at his collar, the tight fit of the new uniform choking him. He paced in his quarters, stopping to marvel at the expanse of space outside his window. A well worn pistol belt hung from his hip, the leather tattered and discolored from use. Soft music played over the cabin?s comm system, soothing the rage that constantly boiled inside him. There was a slight rumble, and the deck trembled slightly. The stars outside the window faded to streaks, as the ship entered hyperspace.

He sat on the edge of the bed, pulling off his ceremonial boots and tossing them to the side with disregard. A promotion, he thought. How trivial. He would have fought on with or without the new rank or the credits. Glory and rank were not the desires of a true warrior. No, Kohn decided, he was not interested in the medals or promotions lavished upon him. His was a battle with destiny. His life was taken from him, and now he yearned to end the lives of those responsible.

He unbuttoned the formal jacket, folding it over the back of a chair. The row of medals over the breast pocket sent shimmers of lights across the room and onto the ceiling, dancing with the rhythmic movement of the ship. Kohn regarded the medals, his mind drifting to the circumstances of each, finding he could not remember them all. Amused, he unbuckled his pistol belt, and hung it over the jacket. Shiny medals, trinkets. Carved of precious medals, and pinned on his chest with great ceremony and protocol, they meant nothing to him. Battles won, lives taken. Still, the insatiable hunger remained, haunting his dreams, claiming his every thought. He would not stop until they were gone. All of them.

Kohn stood, pulling open the wall locker opposite the bed. There, he opened a small metal case of simplistic design. Inside, he retrieved a picture, two small girls, blonde, cheerful smiles on their tiny faces. His fingers traced the image, as if touching the faces, longing to hear the laughter of so long ago. He carefully set the picture down, removing another larger image from the case. A woman, young and full of life, she smiled for the image, holding her two daughters close to her chest. A message was scribbled on the front of the image, in handwriting that could only be that of a child. We miss you.

Kohn choked on the emotions welling in this throat, placing this image gently on top of the other, to the side of the case. The bottom of the case lifted to reveal a lower compartment, lined with a soft fabric. There he kept the shining trophies of his quest. Lined up in perfect order, each of them unique, each with a story to tell. Kohn ran his fingers over the lightsaber hilts, his mind recalling with vivid details the Jedi to whom they belonged. Tomorrow, he thought, another will be added. He smiled, slowly placing the images back into the case, and closing the locker. Tomorrow.

Sleep. Kohn hated sleeping. The demons came at night, when he slept. He pulled back the sheets on the bed, slipping under the light blankets. The room dimmed, the dull hum of the hyperdrive hypnotic. At some point, he fell into troubled sleep.

*****

Dreams haunted him. Usually, he used a synthetic sleep aid to ensure he was well rested, but before a hunt, he took nothing. The nightmares came, burning his soul, searing images into his mind. The cries of his children, the wailing of his wife. The smell of death. The tiny limp bodies he buried in the field behind the ruins of his home. Yes, the rage was good. It fueled him, driving him to near madness at times. While other officers fought for promotions and increased rank, Kohn fought for revenge. His own life a mere tool. The troopers at his disposal, weapons.

The morning was like many others, cold wind sweeping across the streets, Kohn up early to open the shop. His wife would dress the children and prepare them for school while he prepared for the morning business. The sun was just rising on the horizon when he saw the first transport. But this one was different. It didn?t

 

This challenge has me inspired for some reason. I wrote two of these, and I can see myself running a whole series about this new OC I developed just for the challenge.

I really want critiques on this stuff, though. Pacing, storytelling, whatever you think could be changed or made better.

Thanks!

 

Whoa. That was profound. I loved the connections of the eyes, the one thing that could be taken away by someone who he was robbing of his life.

 

My other purge fiction features this Kohn guy, and he has black, lidless eyes. This fic takes us to when he lost his natural vision, and they were replaced with the black orbs Torin sees in the other story.

I also like the idea of his family being stripped away from him even more, driving him even more insane. He's evil for sure, but he was made evil, not born in such a way. Or so I like to think. And as a father, I can see how mad a guy could get after losing his family.

And, this purge challenge is from the other end of the spectrum, not the Jedi just the Jedi's killer. I thought it would be fun to write that side of the story, too.

 

I like it a lot. The pacing felt right on, the tension just high enough, and the anticipation... Very nicely done, all in all.

 

Wow that was intense! Wow I like your OC! He's sooo sadden and full of hate due to his family being taken from him. He underestimated the kid, which should give folks pause All Jedi regardless of age can be dangerous.

Loved the deal about the eyes too, he'll never see their faces except in his mind and with the implants that you mentioned. How sad!

 

Dreams haunted him. Usually, he used a synthetic sleep aid to ensure he was well rested, but before a hunt, he took nothing. The nightmares came, burning his soul, searing images into his mind. The cries of his children, the wailing of his wife. The smell of death. The tiny limp bodies he buried in the field behind the ruins of his home. Yes, the rage was good. It fueled him, driving him to near madness at times. While other officers fought for promotions and increased rank, Kohn fought for revenge. His own life a mere tool. The troopers at his disposal, weapons.

Very intense and well written. I would love to see some more with this OC. You did a great job on this. Wonderful challenge response.

 

I almost feel sorry for the bad guy! I mean, he's killing the innocent Jedi, sure, but... dang...

Excellent Job, rugby!!

 

Thank you all for the comments. I really like Kohn, because he is raving mad, but at the same time has a reason to be insane. It gives me an interesting angle to write on. I will do more about him. He's being integrated into my main fiction piece, Jedi Betrayed, which I swear I will finish