A Great Scene for the EU (Exploited Universe) in Episode II

Wow, 8 months without a post...until now.

 

The "Exploited Universe!!!"

Man, that's GREAT.

 

Good to see someone's still writing for this thread. Way to go, Zome.

DB, it would be interesting if Roy Halladay was my dad, but I'm about 3 years older than he is so.... no. He sure got a raw deal this season with the crappy relief pitching taking away several of his win opportunities. But ANYWAY...

 

So a few months ago I fell off the wagon and read "Dark Lord: The Rise Of Darth Vader". It's entertaining, and with a minimum of ExUisms that made the post-ROTJ books go from readable to laughable. Anybody else read this? Anybody want to post a parody?

 

The war against the EU must go on!

For all the ExU

/bump

 

Funny, without the Expanded Universe... there would be no more Star Wars.

 

Ah.. one of the funniest threads ever posted on these boards. Especially part 6 with Mace and the council.

 

Darth Holliday

Which EU books were referenced in EU-pisode 2?
I've only read 3 EU books: Darth Bane, Cloak of Deception and Legacy of the Force: Tempest.

 

Timeline: after THEY CAME FROM BEYOND THE OUTER RIM!

CORUSCANT. BOBA FETT has been captured and is being held in an interrogation room with MARA JADE and random EU remnant characters.

MARA JADE: Tell us where the Prequels characters are RIGHT NOW!

BOBA FETT: Never! You're an EU character, out to undermine the true nature of the Star Wars saga! I'd still be in the Sarlacc if it weren't for that damn EUCCC!

MARA JADE: Aw... I'll give you 50000 credits.

BOBA FETT: Fine, I'll tell you where... Hey wait a minute! Just because I'm a bounty hunter...

BOBA FETT tries to reach his blaster with his feet, when suddenly a cloned DARTH SIDIOUS appears in the doorway.

MARA JADE: Mistah' P!

DARTH SIDIOUS: Grrrrr... (Translation: I've had enough of you EU characters...)

DARTH SIDIOUS uses the Force to unlock BOBA FETT's restraints. He then turns on his lightsaber and proceeds to kill every EU remnant character in his path, Episode 3 style.

MARA JADE: Look Mistah' P, I'm sorry for watching the Jedi Channel, breaking your holocrons and screwing up your plans, but...

MARA JADE is interrupted as DARTH SIDIOUS stabs her in the chest. DARTH SIDIOUS then kills the rest of the EU remnant characters.

BOBA FETT: Whoa... you didn't have to do that, you know. At least I get a break from all this "Expanded" crap.

DARTH SIDIOUS' communicator beeps. He picks it off his belt and realizes it is the one and only GEORGE LUCAS.

BOBA FETT: Mr. Lucas, it's an honor to finally meet you.

GEORGE LUCAS: Just call me George. I've got something to tell you.

DARTH SIDIOUS: I sense a disturbance in the Force.

GEORGE LUCAS: There's no more EUCCC, or Anderson, or Zahn, or Hambly. I repeat, there's no more Expanded Universe! Boba, you're going back in the Sarlacc. Sidious, you're getting blown up in the Death Star and not being cloned no more!

BOBA FETT: WOO HOO!

GEORGE LUCAS: And you killed Mara and the remnants, I see. It started when Luke Skywalker was about to admit that the EUCCC were the supreme masters of the Star Wars galaxy...

GEORGE LUCAS fills in the two canon characters on "THEY CAME FROM BEYOND THE OUTER RIM! CHAPTER 14: LIGHT".

GEORGE LUCAS: ...and that's how the entire post-ROTJ Expanded Universe timeline was contradicted by two simple words at the end of the credits.

DARTH SIDIOUS: I have a good feeling about this!

 

Anybody seen Darth Holliday?

His last post was on this thread back in 2004...
http://boards.theforce.net/ASP/user_posts.asp?usr=261124

 

Jedi_Bratzilla? EchoBase? SueAsideRide? jewlmc? Jedi Merkurian? Vertical? Vhon_Gaerikks? DarthZome? Darth_Name?
Darth_Holliday of course.
Even Lord Bane.

Where is everyone?

 

They are with the force now, luminous beings they are.

 

No wonder this thread is going down. When was that post by Sith Star Slayer, 2006?

BTW, I have just witnessed the sickest, most wrong and most contradictory Darth Sidious imitation in the history of Star Wars.

 

Sith Star Slayer posted on January 3 2007.
So did you, ROTS_Obi1.

 

DARTH SIDIOUS vs. MARA JADE FANBOYS chapter 1

THEFORCE.NET, PREQUEL TRILOGY FORUM, EXPLOITED UNIVERSE THREAD. Two MARA JADE FANBOYS have been reading ROTS_FANATIC's fan-fic about BOBA FETT, DARTH SIDIOUS and GEORGE LUCAS.

MARA FANBOY #1: Holy living Force! Did you just see that?

MARA FANBOY #2: What?

MARA FANBOY #1: Darth Sidious killed Mara!

MARA FANBOY #2: That damn canon character... How dare ROTS_fanatic insult the greatest Star Wars character of all time, posting such hogwash*! (*Lord Bane reference)

MARA FANBOY #1: Wait, why don't we post a fan-fic about how Mara gets cloned? Surely that pathetic canon Sith is no match for Mara's godlike Force powers! (No offense to Darth Sidious fans and portraying actor.)

A DARTH SIDIOUS FAN, who had been watching the two MARA JADE FANBOYS insult his favorite character, reveals himself.

DARTH SIDIOUS FAN: Grrrr... I heard that!

MARA FANBOY #2: And tell Darth Sidious to never kill Mara again!

ROTS_FANATIC is reading over the aforementioned fan-fic, the 6th last post on the EXPLOITED UNIVERSE THREAD. Suddenly, two posts appear, the first another fan-fic about MARA JADE getting cloned, the second a message to never write DARTH SIDIOUS killing MARA JADE again.

ROTS_FANATIC: I have a bad feeling about this...

==============================================================================
This story takes place in both the "real world" and the Star Wars world. The Internet, and more importantly TheForce.Net, exist in both worlds.

 

Chapter 2's coming soon...
It'll be my 20th post.

 

ROTS_Obi1, do you want this story to be entirely in the "real world" or should it involve the Star Wars world as well?

Darth Sidious or Ian McDiarmid?
Mara Jade or Zahn (or whoever wrote Mara Jade in the EU)?
Lucas- actually in the Star Wars world scenes or restricted to posting on TheForce.Net?

 

DARTH SIDIOUS vs. MARA JADE FANBOYS chapter 2

CORUSCANT. DARTH SIDIOUS is browsing THEFORCE.NET PREQUEL TRILOGY FORUM when he gets a PM from MARA_FANBOY_1. The PM reads:
Darth Sidious
Stop killing Mara Jade in ROTS_fanatic's stories or I'll rewrite ROTS with EU characters.

DARTH SIDIOUS: ???? Damn EU authors...

Darth Sidious PM's George Lucas. George Lucas PM's back.

George Lucas
Why are the EUCCC back? I just got a PM from an author who will rewrite ROTS with EU characters if I kill Mara Jade.

Darth Sidious
That's not EUCCC. That's a Mara Jade fanboy. Not just fans like your fans, they worship Mara Jade as a goddess. And they're all around the real world!

DARTH SIDIOUS: Mara Jade just keeps coming back...and she completely undermines the canon characters.

Suddenly, DARTH SIDIOUS'S computer switches to a short JEDI COUNCIL FORUMS page. The page is blank except for this text:

darthsidious32, you have been permanently banned from TheForce.Net boards by admin Joruus_C'Boath.
You may log off and return to Jedi Council Forums here.

DARTH SIDIOUS: I have a bad feeling about this...

=================================================================================================
Ideas for chapter 3, anyone?

 

Bump up to 1st. ROTS_Obi1, you there?

DARTH SIDIOUS vs. MARA JADE FANBOYS chapter 3

THEFORCE.NET, PREQUEL TRILOGY FORUM, EXPLOITED UNIVERSE THREAD. The MARA JADE FANBOYS have just gotten a PM from admin JORUUS_C'BOATH.

Mara_Fanboy_1
I just banned darthsidious32 from the boards. You can continue posting EU on this thread.

MARA FANBOY 1: ROTS_fanatic, how do you like this?

Another fanfic about Mara Jade appears on the board, this one demonstrating how Mara Jade is better then Obi-Wan, Luke, Darth Vader and of course Darth Sidious in true EU fashion.

MARA FANBOY 2: All canonists will be obliterated. Once more the EU fans will dominate TheForce.Net! Mwahahaha!

The spying DARTH SIDIOUS FAN interrupts once again...

DARTH SIDIOUS FAN: You realize that is Darth Sidious's line, don't you?

MARA FANBOY 2: Shut up you bastard.

The DARTH SIDIOUS FAN glances at the post, then storms out of the computer room.

DARTH SIDIOUS FAN: I swear I will never read another EU book ever again...

A very familiar-sounding post appears on the thread.

darthsidious64
Registered: Feb '07

Stop posting your Mara Jade fanfics on this thread or I'll give you a Denial of Service attack, Mara_Fanboy_1.

An admin intervenes.

Vertical
Registered: Apr '99

Darth Sidious, please stop flaming Mara_Fanboy_1 on this thread. I don't like Mara either, but I don't post flames on the Mara Jade fan thread. Everyone has a right to their opinion, including the Mara fans.
You need to CONTROL YOUR DARK SIDE.

Meanwhile, on ROTS_FANATIC's computer...

ROTS_FANATIC: More Mara fanfics? Vertical having to intervene on Darth Sidious? I have a bad feeling about this...

===========================================================================================
EXTREME CRAP (AND BAD REAL-WORLD REFERENCE) WARNING! Those of you who are more of the serious Star Wars fan type should not read this...

The worst Darth Sidious impersonation EVER!!!

Impersonator: It is your destiny. Learn to use the FOOD SIDE of the Force...

The impersonator pulls a bottle from his pocket.

Impersonator: Don't make me use my milk-saber...

The impersonator swings his milk bottle around. He then makes a Force lightning gesture.

Impersonator: Or my Force eggs...

The impersonator rambles off into incoherent babble involving chickens and the phrase "I hate Darth Sidious, Star Wars and George Lucas".

ROTS_FANATIC: (in thoughts) I want to be Darth Sidious's apprentice but that is just SICK!

More incoherent babble from the impersonator.

ROTS_FANATIC: (speaking) That is the sickest, most wrong and most contradictory Darth Sidious imitation in the history of Star Wars!

ROTS_fanatic advances on the impersonator, Anakin Skywalker style.

Impersonator: You cannot defeat me...apprentice.

ROTS_FANATIC: I am NOT your apprentice!

The impersonator starts rambling about milk-sabers and Force eggs.

ROTS_FANATIC: Ugh...

ROTS_fanatic storms off, goes home and posts a rant on the Exploited Universe thread.

THE END

To quote Darth Holliday: "Ugh... Why are we even having this conversation?"

 

Bump.

Chapter 4: Sid or ROTSF?

 

It feels like I've seen this for years on here. Wierd.

 

Darth Holliday posted the Exploited Universe on more than one thread.

 

If by "with the force" you mean "bumming around the JCC forum", then you're right.

Merk is the only one from back in the day that I see posting regularly.

Good to see someone is still interested in this though.

 

SueAsideRide, have you seen Darth Holliday anywhere? It's way past Episode 3 and he doesn't have to avoid the spoilers anymore.

EDIT: Still interested in this? I joined TheForce.Net just so I could post in this forum!

 

Post 1 is hilarious.