Before A hand at the throat: Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan (updated 12/29: fourth chapter up)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Seremela, Oct 25, 2008.

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  1. Seremela Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2008
    star 3
    Title: A hand at the throat
    Author: Seremela
    Time: Before the Saga
    Genre: drama
    Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, OCs
    Note: The first part is written for the writers workshop 'From Idea to Story' - first challenge: It's introduction time. Pick one or more of your characters and write them as if you were introducing them into a story for the first time.
    Disclaimer: All characters belong to George Lucas and Lucasfilm; I?m writing this solely for fun and no, making no money with it.




    Part 1. A beautiful day

    The three land speeders followed each other closely through the corridor between the huge Bantan trees, traveling through the forest quickly. Rays of sunlight played over the large hovercar in front, the smaller luxury speeder right behind it and the command speeder with its two peace officers bringing up the rear. Mirrem often lost sight of them thanks to the huge branches canopying the corridor, their feathery yellow leaves waving in the soft breeze that made riding the open air speeder she was in just a bit too chilly for her short leather jacket.

    ?Herd animals,? Lord Assim said behind her. ?Look how closely together they huddle. This will be almost too easy.?

    He didn?t need binoculars, the tracking device he held told him all he needed to know. Mirrem risked a glance at it over her shoulder, but the small dots of light didn?t speak to her and she turned back to her visually sighting of the vehicles.

    Two of those dots on the small screen, she knew, represented the bombs that were meant to strike at the heart of the leadership of the Orum. Retaliation for their sacrilege. No more than they deserved for bringing off-worlders into what should have stayed private to their sacred homeworld.

    Her Ro had been livid when he heard. She imagined he still was, or why would he feel the need to accompany them on this strike? He hardly ever did. For the first time since she had become part of his Elites, he was right in the middle of the action himself, his hands on the controls.

    She had heard the rumors though, of his battle readiness when he felt honor was at stake. She had longed for the privilege to fight right beside him ever since. Today she finally was. It exhilarated her, even if it would hardly be a fight, this execution.

    She would be ready for anything anyway. Lowering her binoculars, she looked up at the clear blue-green sky, assessing the wind, again, as she always did on missions. Her mortar gun lay ready at her feet, its load of micro grenades checked and double checked.

    Before they had left the high castle that morning she had seen her Ro stare up at the sky as well, his dark eyes reflecting the first rays of Mazua?s white light from where she peeked over the mountains.

    ?It is going to be a beautiful day,? he had murmured.

    As usual, he had been right. It was a beautiful day, a day filled with the fragrance of the bantans and of the locusms growing around their roots. A day that had the bryani fly from tree to tree to feed on the nectar leaves, before climbing higher and higher to the thin air where they could split and become two, their smaller lights that much brighter than the original.

    ?There!?

    She looked behind her and saw Lord Assim point toward a curve in the corridor. ?We?ll do it there.?

    ?Yes, my Ro,? captain d?Tan said. He leaned forward to give their pilot instructions. Their speeder made a slow turn and moved closer to the target. The soldiers in the back all tensed, ready to do battle if things didn?t go according to plan.

    ?Now,? Lord Assim said softly.

    Mirrem saw something rip out of the big hovercar as well as the luxury speeder, eerie in its silence, the sound of the twin explosions reaching her ears a few seconds later. The hovercar started to topple slowly, turning in the process, flames suddenly visible in the gaping hole where the fusiondrive had been. The lux/>
  2. DaenaBenjen42 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2005
    star 5
    Interesting start... ambushing a Jedi or two and taking them prisoner. Well done. :)
  3. earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Intriguing start with your OC's ambushing the Jedi. That means TROUBLE for the Jedi
  4. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Oh, very nice! The first installment is full of background and promise of more story. The central OC has her own prejudices for her own species but seems to be not a bad person. And she knows so little of Jedi; she has much to learn. And 'uh-oh' for the Jedi (sounds like Qui-Gon to me). Unconscious and captured. I look forward to seeing what happens.

  5. dimyavie Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 3, 2006
    star 1
    I'm intrigued. It sounds like Qui's in trouble, so I hope Obi's there to help! Thanks for writing! :)
  6. Jinngerbread Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 2, 2007
    star 4
    Uh-oh, does indeed sound like Qui-Gon is in trouble. Yay! Oh wait, did I say that out loud? :D [face_mischief]

    Really nice start, do like your OC's, it's always nice to see Jedi from OC pov's. :D

  7. p_stotts Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 21, 2001
    star 4
    Very rivoting! Qui-Gon's in trouble, but where is Obi-Wan, and will he be able to rescue his master? I think the captors are still underestimating the powers of a Jedi master... and his padawan. Btw, how old is Obi-Wan in this?
  8. Seremela Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2008
    star 3
    DaenaBenjen42: Thank you so very much :) I hope I can keep it interesting.
    earlybird-obi-wan: Thank you! Hah, yes, trouble indeed :D
    ardavenport: [face_blush] wow, you make me blush, ardavenport. Thank you so very much for your encouraging words! And yes, Qui-Gon....
    dimyavie: Yup, Qui's in trouble, but Obi-Wan isn't too happy either right now [face_devil] Thank you for reading!
    Jinngerbread: I'm sure you didn't mean to imply you want Qui-Gon to be in trouble, right? Right? [face_mischief] [face_laugh]
    I'm glad you like the start, thanks you for your words!
    p_stotts: Obi-Wan is around and determined ;) I've tried to put Obi-Wan's age in the story itself and I hope that works. If not, please tell me, then I'll have to think of another way. Thank you for reading and commenting!





    2. Standard procedures



    **Start with something that is easy, start with your breathing. Concentrate on it, concentrate on every breath you take.

    Inhale. Exhale.

    Inhale. Exhale.

    Ignore the voices. Don?t listen to them. You are Jedi. Listen only to your own breathing.

    Inhale.

    Exhale.

    Create a quiet place inside yourself. Sit comfortably, both feet touching the ground. Your body will sink deeper into your chair, your mind deeper into the Force. Stay aware of your breathing. Allow each inhalation to be slower, longer, helping you to let your emotions go.

    Inhale? feel them, the anger, the fear, all of them.

    Exhale? let them go, go into the Force. Breathe them out into the Force.

    Again.

    Inhale?.

    Exhale?.

    Now become aware of those in front of you. See them through the Force. See what they feel.**



    Obi-Wan?s eyes flew open, the inner peace he had been striving for shattered. He stared at the two peace officers in front of him, at the other side of the table, in shock.

    ?You think my mast? my teacher and I have something to do with the bombing!?

    ?I tell you, these questions are only standard procedure, little one,? the female officer said in her halting Basic, looking and sounding calm. But Obi-Wan heard the consternation in the rumbling beneath her sing-song voice. He shook his head.

    ?No, no, that?s not true. You think we?re involved.?

    ?Invel? what?? the female said, her rumbling confused.

    ?What is the meaning of this word?? the male officer asked, the sound reverberating from his belly irritated - and also a little frightened. Probably thinking about all the stories he heard of Jedi witches, Obi-Wan thought sourly.

    ?It means that you think my ma? my teacher and I did this, or at least helped. But that?s wrong! I told you he was hurt in the explosion.?

    ?So you say. You also say you have not seen him or have a sound from him after the bombing. That means you can not know. Fff... fact is that he is the only one from the bombed vehicles who is not among the bodies.? The rumblings of the male had become angry, accusatory, although Obi-Wan thought he still heard fear humming underneath. He clasped his hands together tightly, to help keep him from jumping up and scream at the man. It wouldn?t do, not for a Jedi. But it was hard not to lose his temper. After all they had tried to do here in the last four weeks, tried to help, how could they think this of his master? Of him?

    He shouldn?t let a few hours of continuous questioning get to him, he had been through much, much worse. He was a Jedi and he knew what he needed to do, make these officers finally see reason, get out of here and find his master before it was too late.

    Before it was too late? what if it already *was* too late?


    **Concentrate on your breathing. Sit comfortably and concentrate.

    Inhale.

    Exhale.

    Relax the tight grip of your hands. Relax your fingers, one by one. Sink deeper into your chair and feel the Force.

    Inhale.

    Exhale.

    Inha?.**



    A hand on his shoulder broke his concentration.

    ?Please, little one,? the female sang, ?do not try and hide away in your mind. I promise, we d/>
  9. dimyavie Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 3, 2006
    star 1
    Very interesting. I hope the Minister is able to help Obi-Wan. We're still unsure of what will happen with Qui (don't hurt him too badly). Hopefully Obi will be able to help him soon! Thanks so much for the update!
  10. earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Great writing and a great update to your story
  11. p_stotts Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 21, 2001
    star 4
    You're doing a great job so far, Seremela! I'm loving this story, and I think you're portraying Obi-Wan's age very well. A mature fifteen-year-old is still fifteen and prone to all that teenage anxst we parents wish we could step past, but hey, it's just a stage. Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

    I hope Obi finds Qui soon.
  12. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Qui-Gon is missing??? Well, I suppose that's better than finding a body, but I'm looking forward to finding out where he is. :) Obi-Wan is working hard on his patience -- and probably annoying his interrogators [face_mischief] -- but it looks like they'll always be thinking of him as a youngling. I certainly hope that the minister can help him out.
  13. Qui-GonJinn1 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2005
    star 1
    Oooh. I like the sound of this one.

    Loving the meditation process. I might just give it a go.

    ....


    ....

    Oh, I got distracted.

    I hope that Qui is OK. Well. Actually *smirks* I don't because I like Qui-Torture.

    When did I turn into such a sadist?

    Loving it so far and cannot wait for an update!
  14. Seremela Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2008
    star 3
    dimyavie: Thank *you* for reading! And I'm sure Obi-Wan will certainly do all he can to try and help Qui-Gon :D

    earlybird-obi-wan: Thanks, I'm glad you like it :)

    p_stotts: I'm glad his age does come through. I find it tough trying to balance a fifteen year old attitude against the fact that he is also a trained Jedi. Thank you for the encouragement

    ardavenport: Oh yes, everything is better than finding a body (or seeing him get killed :_| ). Let's hope Obi-Wan can show them what he's worth [face_mischief]

    Qui-GonJinn1: Glad you liked it so far and sorry for the late update. As for Qui-torture... we'll just have to see what happens I guess [face_whistling]





    3. The next step


    ?But, Master, why would they chose someone who can hide his feelings as their leader??

    ?The Orum are not alone in the Galaxy, indeed, not even on this planet, Obi-Wan. We have been here for only four of our weeks and we are already adept at hearing a part of their emotions. From all the Orum we encountered, who do you think would do best at negotiations with other species??



    How right his master had been, Obi-Wan thought, following the First Minister and his aide through the small, dark prison cave. He didn?t get anything from the man?s second voice, so he had no idea what he was thinking about the accusations against Qui-Gon. After having lived with the Orum for four weeks it felt? odd. Empty. Listening to the First Minister was uncomfortable, as if the man wasn?t entirely alive; as if an essential part of him was missing.

    He hoped he wouldn?t feel like that about non-Jedi for the rest of his life.

    Through the cave opening in front of him he saw night was already approaching, which meant almost a whole day had been wasted. Who knew what those hours had meant for Qui-Gon?

    The peace officer at the gate lifted his chin at the approach of their small group and sang something to the First Minister. The First Minister answered and the officer put a card in the lock of the heavy gate. Slowly it swiveled inward. The Minister stepped through as soon as they were far enough apart and his aide indicated for Obi-Wan to follow.

    Grateful to finally get outside, he stepped on the ledge before the cave entrance, bracing himself against the inevitable wind. The sun was already sinking and its glaring white light shot up from behind the ragged cones of the hills around him, altering them into hazy shadows. Even with the temporary eye adjustment Obi-Wan had to look away. Instead he looked down into the narrow gorge between this hill and the next, the steep sides plunging almost straight down towards the churning river. He could only just make out the land speeders parked on the bank, the rivers at the bottom of these gorges the only means to fly them through the stony hills.

    On any other planet they would be called mountains, but not on Em-6. What they called mountains here dwarfed the cones around him. It was a daunting planet and Qui-Gon had loved its savage beauty from the moment they had landed.

    Not had loved, loved it still, Obi-Wan told himself fiercely.

    With his eyes he followed the narrow river?s windings as far as he could, until it disappeared behind more of the high hills, jutting up like fingers pointing toward the sky. It was the direction where he had seen the small convoy take his master early that morning, to Baya Prime and negotiations they had nothing to do with. It was where he knew he needed to go now, to find Qui-Gon?s trail.

    ?Come?, the First Minister said, sounding not unfriendly. ?We need to talk and decide what to do next.?

    Obi-Wan turned to him. ?Sir, I know what needs to be done next. I need to contact the Jedi Council and then I?ll go and search for my? for Jedi Jinn.?

    The First Minister cocked his head and wrinkles appeared above his eyes. Obi-Wan waited as they stood regarding each other. Finally the man put his hand on Obi-Wan?s shoulder, his own shoulders drooping.

    ?I agree we need to tal/>
  15. Qui-GonJinn1 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2005
    star 1
    Yay! An update.

    Oh, Obi-Wan....you and your big mouth! Why did you have to say that?

    Hee hee hee.

    I like it. I like it a lot.

    Off you go Obi-Wan, go and find Qui-Gon.

    Though, I doubt it wil be that simple....?

    Cannot wait for the next part....
  16. Valairy Scot Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Oh, dear, but Obi to the rescue (I hope). Well meaning folks can be so irksome, sometimes.
  17. Bkcbookworm Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Dec 5, 2007
    Oooohhhh... your story looks very interesting! I especially love how poor Obi has to deal with everyone treating him like a kid, and believing that he is a slave! Too funny! Please continue writing and I can't wait for your next update.
    :)
  18. Jinngerbread Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 2, 2007
    star 4
    I missed an update, didn't mean to, though. Could you please add me to the PM list so I don't miss anymore? :D

    I'm really enjoying this and oh dear, now they think Qui-Gon's a slaver or something? Poor Obi-Wan, I hope he can go and find him!

    Will we see Qui-Gon soon? :D
  19. p_stotts Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 21, 2001
    star 4
    =D= Very nice! I love how Obi 'jumped.' Hopefully, the Jedi Council will send other Jedi to help in the search. Of course, the First Minister might contact them and tell them to keep off their planet. What a diplomatic conundrum! Great story so far. Please post again soon!
  20. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Ugh, these Orum are infuriating! I'm glad that Obi-Wan has left them, but now he's alone looking for Qui-Gon, which will make it harder. In those mountains, too. Looking forward to Obi-Wan finding his master. :)
  21. Seremela Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2008
    star 3
    Qui-GonJinn1: Thank you, I'm glad you like it so far. And I doubt it will be simple for Obi to rescue Qui too [face_devil]. Sorry for the late update, holiday fic exchange and all that - which was fun! Ehm, and the holidays themselves of course, lol

    Valairy_Scot: Oh yes, ain't that the truth! And Obi-Wan will certainly try :) Thank you for reading.

    Bkcbookworm: Thank you so very much, I hope it will stay interesting. And sorry for the late update, the next one should be faster.

    Jinngerbread: As per request some Qui-Gon coming up! And more is certain to follow [face_love] I'll be happy to pm you and thank you for reading!

    p_stotts: Thank you very much! And I just loved to 'show off' some of Obi-Wan's talents. Heh, I'm not talking about the First Minister, but, well... nope, lips are sealed [face_skull]

    ardavenport: No, it's certainly not an easy situation Obi-Wan finds himself in [face_mischief]. As for the Orum... I'm afraid it's not the last of them.... Thank you for reading!





    4. A difference of opinion


    Hurt, everything hurt. Arms, back, leg, throat?. Oh Force, his throat felt like it was filled with glass, moving, cutting everywhere, making it an agony to breath. Qui-Gon acted purely on instinct, reaching for what had always sustained him no matter what, for the Force.

    Far, so far away. Too far. Couldn?t?. Why couldn?t he reach it?

    Something stopped him, closed off his senses. Drugs? Yes, it felt like drugs.

    He grasped at that awareness. Drugs he could fight, purge from his system.

    Before he could start, liquid fire poured through his throat, burned into his neck?. He knew his mouth opened to scream only because he felt it in his jaws.

    The drugs grew stronger, pulling him down into blackness, blessedly away from the pain and he gave in, too tired and hurting to do anything else. As he slipped away he felt something loom over him, something that made him hid deep inside himself.


    ********************


    Lord Assim stepped back from the sleepweb holding their prisoner, a look on his face Mirrem had never seen there before. It made her feel vaguely uneasy, actually the whole business with the Jedi witch did. Why was her Ro so determined to keep this dangerous man alive?

    No, not man, creature. He might look like them, in a strange, pale kind of way, but he was something else entirely. Alien, more alien in fact than the Orum.

    She felt strangely relieved when her Ro stepped away from the prisoner and turned to Halies.

    ?I trust you will keep him successfully sedated from now on, Doctor?? he asked.

    Halies gave him a quick bow. ?I have calibrated the equipment so they will be able to warn me on time from now on, my Lord.? Her hands were back at the throat of the prisoner, working deftly. Mirrem quickly looked away from what she was doing.

    ?Good. Don?t fail me again.?

    Mirrem heard the threat in the soft words; Lord Assim was really angry then. Halies became utterly quiet and stiff, except for her hands. So she had heard it as well and recognized the danger she was in. By the Sun, every Baya would. Mirrem had to admire her for the way she kept working on regardless.

    Again she tore her eyes from what Halies? hands were doing. The whole process made her slightly nauseas.

    ?It will be all right, d?Cram,? Lord Assim said, suddenly standing right beside her. He put his long, elegant fingers on her shoulder and despite her resolve she shivered slightly. It just felt so? good. Then he was gone through the entrance membrane.

    ?Oh, stop staring after him like a love sick puppy,? Halies said sharply from where she was fitting the small pieces of duranium and silver together around the prisoner?s neck. ?Sometimes I think you forget who he is, what he is.?

    ?He is our Ro, how could I ever forget that? And neither should you,? she accused right back.

    Halies made a rude noise as she stepped away from the prisoner, her eyes still on her work, looking for flaws most likely. Mirrem let the implied />
  22. p_stotts Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 21, 2001
    star 4
    Very ominous! Great post, Seremela. I hope Obi can do something to help Qui, or will Qui have to help himself. Sounds like the healer might be pursuaded over to their side. I look forward to more, despite the evil cliffhanger. ;)
  23. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    These are a very unpleasant pretentious people. Halies is clearly the more sympathetic character. Her healer morals are stronger than her people's superiority complex -- seems like she would be a likely ally for Qui-Gon? [face_thinking] Mirrem should get to know Qui-Gon. I don't know what she sees in her Ro.

    Love to see what comes next. :)
  24. XANl Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 1, 2006
    star 1
    I hope Qui Gon can hold on until[face_praying]
    Obi Wan has a chance to
    rescue.

    Seems like this planet does not care'
    for Jedi intervention.
  25. EGKenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 27, 2005
    star 3
    Great fic so far.

    Please Add me to the PM list.

    Thanks

    EG
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