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Saga A Heart's Farewell - a poem of grief and mourning

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by CYNICAL21, Jun 9, 2003.

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  1. CYNICAL21

    CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2001
    If I have to explain the identity of the speaker - or the person he's speaking to - then I'm definitely in the wrong fandom. :D

    Personally, I don't think I look anything like George Lucas - and I sure don't have his money. All things Star Wars are his exclusive property - but we sure enjoy playing with them occasionally.

    Your comments, as always, are welcome - and, since it's poetry, I am always prepared for the Good, the Bad, or the Ugly. Just know in advance - that I have wolverinish tendencies - and fight back when cornered. [face_mischief]

    CYN




    A HEART'S FAREWELL


    I gaze into the jeweled canopy of night,
    And recognize each spangle in the dark,
    As memory stirs within me, warm and sweet;
    My heart grows still and I no longer hear
    The orchestrated ebb and flow of life,
    The march of years creeps by on ghostly feet.

    An empty well - that's all I feel at hand,
    A shadowed place where dread and hunger prowl,
    And reach for me with bloodless, clammy hands.
    And I can only coil within myself,
    And know there is no solace to be found,
    As time and tide devour these shrinking sands.

    I feel myself consumed by acid tears,
    By darkness that finds purchase in my soul,
    And know that I must somehow still my fear.
    A child no more, I must not yield,
    Must not allow my spirit to be torn
    And mangled by your choice to leave me here.

    You made a conscious choice to forge ahead,
    To cut the ties that bound me to your heart,
    To teach one final lesson - sharp and rough;
    Without farewell, without a parting word,
    You left me here to understand at last
    That, in the end, I was not good enough.

    The memories surround me, keep me whole,
    Enable me to do what I must do,
    To keep the final word you asked of me.
    But all is but a specter in the gloom,
    A fire forgotten, banked and dying,
    A soul imprisoned, longing to be free.

    And all the years, the dreams have come to this,
    To ashes in my eyes and in my heart,
    To bitter dregs of wine, and frozen breath.
    Alone I face the task you set for me,
    To brave the storm that rises from the dark
    And know there is no freedom but in death.

    The grief that grips me, none will ever know;
    The child becomes the mirror of the man,
    And I will walk the path you set for me,
    Guarding with my life your final dream
    And hope to find a reason to believe
    You might have loved the man I grew to be.

    Fini
     
  2. obi_ew

    obi_ew Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 14, 2002
    :) Beautiful! Summed up perfectly his continued belief that he was never good enough or loved by that man !
     
  3. red rose knight

    red rose knight Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 3, 2001
    What a heartbreaking poem, especially the last two lines. A truly beautiful portrait duty, despair and longing painted in so few strokes.
     
  4. Darth_Tim

    Darth_Tim Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 26, 2002
    Wow...wow...that was...just...um...wow. Amazing, beautiful, and efficient all at once. I know you talk about your tendency to be verbose, but there's not a word wasted, out of place, or superfluous.

    Amazing stuff.

    -Tim
     
  5. CYNICAL21

    CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2001
    I'm blushing here. In case I haven't said it before - no matter how much prose I write - and anyone who reads my work knows I write PUH-LENTY of it, spouting verbiage like Krakatoa blowing ashes - but, at heart, I remain a poet - I hope.

    Thanks, you guys.

    CYN
     
  6. Cascadia

    Cascadia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 15, 2002
    Very beautifully penned! And very emotionally stirring.

    Your poetry is impressive, CYN. I only caught your other poem, One Jedi - I think that's the name - when I saw it up for an award. I must have been on vacation at the time it was posted, but I was swept away when I read it, as I am now, by your deft handling of the mechanics and beauty of poetry.

     
  7. Sheila

    Sheila Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 6, 2002
    Beautiful as well as heartbreaking CYN. I am not surprised that you are a poet, every story you have written on the boards has been beautifully written with each word carefully chosen to convey exactly what you want to convey. It is obvious that you not only love storytelling but the words themselves. This poem was lovely. :)
     
  8. KrystalBlaze

    KrystalBlaze Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2002
    :eek:

    I am shocked by this absolutely stunning work! This is such a beautiful and wonderful piece of work. It's amazing and beautiful. I can't even begin to describe the beauty of it the way it should be described. I loved every line of it! You were pulling my heart the entire way. Very, very good job!
     
  9. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    Ah geez. **daps eyes**

    That was beyond beautiful, CYN. Haunting so that a chill creeps up my spine when I think back upon the perfectly placed words, the emotion trembling so elegantly and deeply beneath.

    I have always considered your fics to be in almost melodic prose, especially when you're describing our favorite Jedi, but when you're writing pure poetry, its...breathtaking. [face_shocked]

    I just don't know about you. Half the time, after I read another masterpiece crafted by you, I want to set to work on my own feeble attempts...and the other half, I want to dash a glass of across the keyboard and be done with the whole thing! [face_laugh]

    This seems to be the anthem for Obi-Wan Kenobi. Beautiful, melancholy...laced with undying devotion. It makes the reader understand that, though his hurt is sharp and eternal, his love for his fallen Master triumphs over all else. His feelings of inadequacy are etched into his heart...

    And no one could describe that as wonderfully as you do.

    Another masterpiece.

    LE

    P.S. Would it be okay if I took a bit of this to put in my signature? It takes a lot for me to want to replace my Lennon (And possibly...Ewan!) quote, but this is just terrific!
     
  10. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2001
    This is your first piece of poetry that I have had the pleasure to read. Very moving!
     
  11. Princess1

    Princess1 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 3, 2001


    Wonderful. Beautiful. Astounding. Heartbreaking. Amazing. Stunning.

    Enough adjective there? :p

    But seriously, I meant everyone of them, thats was a incredible poem I am a poet myself, and obviously you are as well. A very talented one. This is the first one yours I've ever read, all I can say is; you'd better write some more! :D


     
  12. CYNICAL21

    CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2001
    LE - you ARE kidding - right? You're actually asking a writer's permission to quote her? Don't you know being quoted is one of life's sweet rewards? :D Of course you may use it in any way you like.

    Thank you all so very much for your reactions! It is truly balm to my soul. Prose is the product of the mind - but poetry is all heart - and you've made mine beat triple-time for the pleasure of knowing you understand and approve.

    You're a lovely bunch.

    CYN

     
  13. CYNICAL21

    CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2001
    Totally off topic here - but - is it just me - or does Han/Harrison look a lot like Kevin Costner in some of the new banner pics?

    Not that I'm complaining - but I never noticed a resemblance before, and wonder if I'm seeing things.

    CYN
     
  14. Aunecah_Skywalker

    Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 25, 2002
    Beautifully written poem CYN.

    You capture Obi-Wan's inner thoughts perfectly. At first I thought perhaps this poem takes place right after the awful Council scene in TPM, but I guess this is sometime after TPM's finis.

    As far as Qui-Gon goes - why, I thought my dislike for him was starting to slip but now that I've read this, I can safely go back to passionately disliking him again. As much of a Jedi and a swordsman as he is, he definitely isn't (wasn't and never will be) a good Master to Obi-Wan.

    It was so sad to hear Obi-Wan thinking about how Qui-Gon left him alone to bear the burden, how the Master who is supposed to help him reach his dreams has turned them into ashes to fulfill his own dreams.

    Aunecah
     
  15. Darth_Tim

    Darth_Tim Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 26, 2002
    Totally off topic here - but - is it just me - or does Han/Harrison look a lot like Kevin Costner in some of the new banner pics?

    Not that I'm complaining - but I never noticed a resemblance before, and wonder if I'm seeing things. >>

    You have a point - on this banner, I see it too.

    You mean you never saw "Dances With Wookies"? :D

    -Tim
     
  16. CYNICAL21

    CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2001
    LOL, Tim.

    Hey, People; got a little proposition for you. Tim and I were chatting, and something he said sparked a major conflagration in my brain - signifying either a stroke of genius - or a total, irreversible flame-out. :D

    What would you think of an all-poetry thread - something like a challenge thread - where anybody could post their work, but only if it's in verse (free, rhymed, whatever). I think we might get some interesting responses.

    Comments, anyone?

    CYN
     
  17. Darth_Tim

    Darth_Tim Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 26, 2002
    Well, I replied to your PM but I'll say it here too - it's a GREAT idea IMO. Poems, like vignettes, tend to sink very fast and perhaps with enough volume and traffic on an open thread, it might rectify that problem (as well as make them easier to find)

    I'd be happy to move my own poems over there if you do it.

    -Tim
     
  18. AERYN_SUN

    AERYN_SUN Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 1, 2001
    To ashes in my eyes and in my heart,
    To bitter dregs of wine, and frozen breath


    my favorite stanza. wow cyn :eek: that was unbelievable. I read another dark poem before this one a few minutes ago, but seriously, your description is really good.

    ~aeryn
     
  19. KrystalBlaze

    KrystalBlaze Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2002
    I love the idea!

    Poems are a work of the soul and heart, and they always fall because people can't seem to connect with them or something of the sort. A thread for them will have all the poem lovers out in force!

    Great job again.

    I got a printout. [face_blush]

    Would you mind if I put a couple of verses in my sock's bio?
     
  20. CYNICAL21

    CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2001
    Would I mind, KB? Are you nuts? :eek: Of course, I don't mind.

    And I think we've come up with a workable format for a poetry thread. I don't want to put up a lot of restrictions, but it has to have a few guidelines, or else we'll have someone writing - as Tim put it - Republic Lost - which would take forever.

    So, tomorrow I hope, I'll put together a few pointers, and maybe one little example for an opening post - and then, we're off. I'm really excited about this, as I hope to find that we have both lots of poets and lots of poetry lovers to keep the thread afloat.

    Again, thanks to all who expressed interest and/or appreciation.

    Ciao for now.

    CYN
     
  21. astroanna

    astroanna Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2002
    [face_shocked]

    As always, a marvelous piece, Cyn...

    Prose or poetry, you can still convey raw emotion like few others....

    Wonderful!!

    I have to say, though, the last two stanzas really capture exactly what Obi-Wan must feel as he's alone on Tatooine for all those years and he looks back at his Master and everything that happened between them....

    You've painted a wonderful portrait, and I hope to read more poems on the thread you'll (hopefully) start!

    Again, great job!

    :)
     
  22. CYNICAL21

    CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2001
    Thanks, astro - haven't seen you around too much lately - or is it just me? The Boards seem really quiet lately.

    Hey - got a new thread up, begging for poems from all posters - and I can't think of anyone better than you to submit one. You - and Cas, for I always find her prose tremendously poetic, and yours, very graphic. So go take a peek, and then sit down and WRITE!

    OK?

    CYN
     
  23. astroanna

    astroanna Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2002
    [face_shocked] [face_shocked] [face_shocked]

    Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

    Cyn, I am literally blown over by your vote of confidence, and just by virtue of that I'll have to give your poetry thread a try...

    It's coming along quite well, I must say...

    I haven't gotten a chance to read all the poems, but there seems to be a lot of response....

    Incidentally, it's not you, I haven't been around too much lately, but I'm trying to catch up..

    In fact, there's a new post up on "A Destiny Delayed", just FYI...

    Again, thank you soooooooooooooooooooo much, and now I think I'm off to see what I can come up with for a poem... :D

    *begins to chew fingernails nervously*
     
  24. Happy_Hobbit_Padawan

    Happy_Hobbit_Padawan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 3, 2003
    It's amazing what good stuff you'll find digging through the older pages in these forums.

    Well, CYN, I think everyone has already used nearly all adjectives that can be used to describe this wonderful poem, but ... *checks online dictionary and cross-references with the thread* ... I must say this is exquisite. :D

    We likess it very much. Yesss, preciouss, we likess it. :)

    :p
     
  25. AERYN_SUN

    AERYN_SUN Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 1, 2001
    You left me here to understand at last
    That, in the end, I was not good enough.


    Poor Obi-Wan :( My new favorite stanza [face_love]

    ~aeryn
     
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