Beyond - Legends A Jedi Must Not Love (NJO L/M angst vignette, character death)

Title: A Jedi Must Not Love
Author: duskwings
Timeframe: NJO, some time after Star By Star
Characters: Luke, Mara
Genre: Vignette, Angst, Character Death, L/M
Keywords: Responsibility, Duty, Love, Jedi, Death
Summary: Mara and Ben have gone missing on the way to the Jedi base in the Maw. Luke is worried, but he doesn't realize how high the stakes are until the Vong contact him.
Notes:

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[b]A JEDI MUST NOT LOVE[/b]

[i]Padme: "Are you allowed to love? I thought that was forbidden for a Jedi."
Anakin: "Attachment is forbidden."[/i]

Luke Skywalker paced. Five days ago, Mara had left to drop Ben off at the Jedi base inside the Maw. Three days ago, she should have reached the Jedi base and called him, but he hadn't heard from her since she'd left. Two days ago, the Vong had left a present on the grass: a biological creature that looked like a bowl filled with jelly, and a tag that said, quite legibly, "Luke Skywalker."

The scientists were still analyzing it, checking it for all sorts of poisons, and trying to determine its use. They hadn't even let him near it.

So here he was, in his small quarters, pacing back and forth, worrying. He would have been worried enough without the Vong "gift," but this added an even deeper layer of worry. It probably wasn't a coincidence that Mara and Ben had disappeared just before the Vong sent a cryptic gift addressed to "Luke Skywalker."

He couldn't even feel her through the Force. It was as though she didn't exist any more. But she wasn't dead--he would have felt it. How could he not have felt her death? They were linked.

But he couldn't feel her.

He tried hard to reassure himself that she was fine--she was Mara, after all, and she could take care of herself, as well as their son--but he couldn't stop worrying. What had happened? Had the Vong captured them? Or had they become lost in hyperspace? What was wrong?

He should have gone with them. He should have assured his son's safety. But he was needed here, to deal with the survivors of Coruscant and his sister's loss. He was needed, and so he'd had to say goodbye to his wife and son.

He should have gone with them.

He was a Jedi Master. He was [u]the[/u] Jedi Master, the head of the Jedi order, their leader. He was supposed to embody the Jedi code, embody peace, calm, and serenity. But here he was, pacing back and forth in his cramped quarters.

He made a conscious effort to stop pacing, and collapsed down into one of the armchairs. But his fingers twitched and danced across the armrest, drumming out his nervousness to anyone who would care to listen.

Where were Mara and Ben? What was wrong?

He tried to sink into meditation, tried to focus his mind inside and outside all at once in the traditional meditation, but his mind sprayed fearful thoughts--what had happened to Mara? Was she dead, along with their baby boy? Were both of them lost in hyperspace, never to emerge again? What had gone wrong?

He gave up with an exasperated sigh, then stood up and began to pace again.

Back and forth, back and forth, ten steps there, ten steps back. Ten steps, over and over.

His stomach ached with worry, his eyes burned with his alertness. What had happened? Mara should have been back already, she should have been in his arms with a sad smile on his face telling him how beautiful their baby boy was and how much she loved him and how much it hurt to leave him. But she wasn't there. She hadn't even called.

The door chime sounded through his quarters. He rushed to the door, opening it quickly. Was there news of Mara, of Ben?

But it was only Danni Quee, standing in front of the door with the Vongs' gift in her arms. "Can I come in?"

"Of course," Luke replied smoothly, hiding his anxiety with a gentle smile. She walked into the room and set the Vong device down in the center of the floor. "What have you found?"

"We've checked it out. As far as our instruments can tell, there are no poisons on

 

You did it right, very right...wow...

That's Luke and Mara, all right. Too sad. Off to find some happy fic to read now.

I write mostly (all right, nearly all) L/M, and I'd say you were pretty dead on.

So sad. *shakes self* It was only a bad dream, Emmi, only a bad dream.

Well written, though.

 

I agree with Emmi. Characterizations were good. Thank goodness the NJO hasn't done this.

I need to find a happy story now.

 

Agree with all of the above.

Go to the Happy Place! Go to the Happy Place!

I can just picture Mara telling him not to betray the Jedi or she'd, "skin you alive."

Very good, if EXTREMELY sad! Good job, Duskwings!

 

Your writing style was good. Your characterizations of Luke and Mara were good. I just don't want to even think about a scenario like this ever happening. So I hope you'll turn your future writing talents to happier themes.

 

EmilieDarklighter - That's good. I'm glad I got the characters right in this one. Sorry it's so sad, but the plot bunny just wouldn't leave me alone.

RebelMom - I think that if the NJO did this, even I would stop reading. But luckily, this is fanfic, so it didn't happen.

Dancing_Jansons - Yeah, I thought I had Mara down, it was Luke I was worried about, especially since it's so Luke-centric.

Jedi-2B - Yeah, I think that's the reaction that this entire viggie has gotten. Very good, very sad, but everyone needs to go read something happy afterwards. I'll see what I can do about writing happier stories.

-duskwings

EDIT: Thank you all for reading and replying! I can't believe I forgot to say that . . . I think I'm braindead. Blame exams.

 

Only four replies . . . ah, well. Uppers just before dinner, and then I'll hope someone replies by the time I'm done . . .

-duskwings

 

Oh sad fic..... But it was a good one. I could see Mara threatning to skin him alive lol ... but oh this is sad.... I sure hope they dont think of doing this in the NJO!!!!! I'll go into depression if they do that!!!!

 

Sash - Yeah, I don't think anyone would want to read the NJO if that happened . . . I mean, it's dark now, but just think how dark it would be then. *shudder*

-duskwings

 

Poor Mara and Ben.

 

That was a great story. The characters were well portrayed and the emotions written to a point you could feel them. Such a sad ending though *cries*

~Priestess

 

JediMasterKobe - Yeah, poor Mara and Ben. And poor Luke!

Sith_Priestess - Thank you. That seems to be the general consensus--well-written, characters spot-on, but way, way, way too depressing. I don't know about the first two, but I definitely agree with the third.

Thanks for reading! And if there are any lurkers out there, I would greatly appreciate more responses.

-duskwings

 

I guess Luke didn't care that he sunk into Dark Side to destroy his apartment

What a terrible situation for him to be placed in. Thank god that was only a viggie. Very well done.

 

PadmeLeiaJaina -
I guess Luke didn't care that he sunk into Dark Side to destroy his apartment
I think he would care if he were in a more settled state of mind, but he just sacrificed his wife and son for the sake of duty. As Jacen said in Destiny's Way, it is not darkside to feel rightful anger, and Luke certainly has the right to feel angry about his situation. He can't get to the Vong, obviously, so he takes it out on the nearest thing possible. He does, in some ways, go darkside, but it's sort of temporary--he stops destroying once he really gets down to mourning.

What a terrible situation for him to be placed in.
Yeah, it is, and that was my reason for writing it. He had to choose, and that choice shows my interpretation of why, as the title says, Jedi are forbidden to love.

Very well done.
Thank you.

-duskwings

 

*dies*

 

obaona - [face_shocked] No! Don't die! *calls an ambulance in, and paramedics revive obaona* It's not that bad, is it? Just sort of . . . depressing. OK, very depressing. But don't die!

-duskwings

 

[face_shocked] Omg.....I don't know what to say....

It was really, really good...so sad....so good....I'm so confused....

[face_shocked]

~JMJ

 

JediMasterJaina - Well, I think I'll take both the so sad and the so good as compliments . . . it was meant to be sad, and I'm glad it was well-written. Of course, it is rather depressing . . .

-duskwings

 

Dead? Ben too? *whimpers* Why? Poor everyone!

 

joy_noel - *hands out tissues* I'm sorry! The plot bunny bit me and wouldn't let go!

-duskwings

 

*AT Field goes off the scale (note: the more messed up a person projecting one is, the stronger the AT Field*

I am going to rip Nom Anor apart with my bare hands and eat the pieces!

You don't murder small children under any circumstances.

Very good viggie, but Nom Anor is so dead when I find him.

*Evangelion Unit-01 produces energy wings, then flys off to find Nom Anor*

 

That was a beautiful, yet very sad piece. I thought your characterizations of Luke and Mara were dead on, but Mara and Ben's deaths and Luke's anguish literally made me cry. How sad, but good at the same time. I'm so glad nothing this bad has happened in (hopefully, they never will) in the NJO. Wonderful job!

 

Star-Lead - I'm assuming that's your AT field, showing how upset you are . . . although it could be mine. I agree--if this had happened in the NJO, I think I would have gone after Nom Anor (and Del Ray ) with (metaphorical) guns blazing. But luckily, this is just my own twisted fantasy. I'm glad you sort of liked it, even though it sent your AT field through the roof . . .

LianaMara - *passes out tissues* I'm sorry it's so sad, but the plot bunny was gnawing on my mind for a long time, and I just had to write it. I'm glad you found it well-written, though.

I sort of wish I hadn't written it, considering the amount of angst I put all you readers through, but I really love it. Not because it kills Mara, not because it tortures Luke, but because it's so much deeper than all the other stuff I've written--it's not my typical "Kyp and Jaina get together" piece that has little point; to me, at least, it shows exactly why Jedi cannot love--the choice between duty and love is one that no one should ever have to take.

Anyways, yeah. I'm done preaching for the day.

-duskwings

 

I'm assuming that's your AT field, showing how upset you are . . . although it could be mine.

Cmdr. Fuyutski (EVA reference - Twin AT Fields detected, Blue pattern. Power level extremely high. Even an EVA can't sustain that kind of AT Field level!

Hope that answers the question.

 

Hey, that was pretty good. I particularly enjoyed the lack of mush. It's interesting to see Luke react to that situation, becuase it's a constant risk for him, being such a prominent figure. Thanks for directing me. I think 'For A While' is still my favorite, though.