Before - Legends A Jedi, or Something Like It (LSF Exile/Atton - Atton's journey to becoming a Jedi - now complete!)

Title: A Jedi, or Something Like It
Author: obaona
Timeframe: KOTOR-era
Characters: Atton, LSF Exile
Genre: drama, introspection, Jedi philosophy
Summary: Atton's journey to becoming a Jedi, on board the Ebon Hawk.
A/N: Thank you to Pallas-Athena for beta'ing! This will be the start of what will hopefully be a series of missing scenes from KOTOR 2, mostly following canon.

This story is a two-parter (17 pages seemed a bit much to post at once), the next part will be up soon.

---

He watched her a lot ? he knew he watched her a lot, he wasn?t in denial about that or his jealousy, as Mira claimed ? but even though she seemed aware of his attention, she didn?t appear to mind, never questioned him on the subject. He wondered if it was that she was used to it, that this is how it had been for her in the Mandalorian Wars, with so many at her side, fighting and killing on her command. He wondered if they felt no hesitation, if they were as drawn to her as he found himself. Even their enemies, the Sith, seemed drawn to her, usually attacked her first of all of them, even though the better tactic would be to kill the weaker companions first.

But the others ? well, Atton felt that the others, though they felt the pull as much as he did ? she never looked back at them. She talked to them, listened to them, of course, but they didn?t have her attention in the same way. He thought. Hoped, maybe. Bao-Dur?s damn laughter came to his mind.

She was meditating in the cargo hold when Atton came to find her.

?What are you doing?? Atton asked, sitting opposite her.

She smiled. ?Playing pazaak.? She had no cards before her, but Atton would have known what she meant anyway.

?Care to share a game?? he asked, settling down in front of her.

?It?s strange, actually. When I play pazaak in my head, it?s when I hear you the loudest. Like you?re answering me, almost,? she said.

Atton was startled, and didn?t know what to say for a moment; he hadn?t considered that in teaching her that technique ? a derivative off the one he had used so long against the Jedi he had captured ? would have that particular result. But he didn?t mind so much, not if it was just her. ?Well, I guess I?m okay with you in my head. But playing pazaak isn?t really why I?m here. I was wondering if you?d mind teaching some more about the Force. About controlling it.? So it didn?t control him. The way he could move before thinking, the Force [i]telling[/i] him what to do ? it was a little creepy, even as the Force felt beautiful to him. ?I mean, I can feel it ? like I?ve never felt it before, when I?m around you.?

This was, as far as he was concerned, merely the natural evolution of their relationship - that Atton was saved, he believed, for this purpose: to be there for her, as a protector if he was able, someone to just slow her enemies down if he wasn?t able stop them. Which was the more likely, really.

She looked at him thoughtfully. ?The more you touch the Force, the more you?ll get comfortable with it,? she said, as if reading his thoughts. He was pretty sure she wasn?t, but still. ?I was thinking I could train you some basic thought techniques, so we can fight more together, more aware of each other and what the other is about to do. It works well for groups of Jedi, and can improve our ability to defend ourselves so much nothing can get through.?
Atton nodded. ?What do I need to do??

?Sit with me, as you are, and meditate. Then we will go through the basic forms of lightsaber combat together, the ones I already taught you. I will do them at different speeds, and you need to match me ? without looking, without seeing.?

?Like the old witch??

She smiled. ?Not all of her teaching is so cynical as she is.?

?Whatever. I still don?t like her.?

?Well, this is a fairly basic Jedi technique. It raises one?s awareness of his or her surroundings, and masters and apprentices use it to strengthen their bond as well as their fighting ability.? She paused, and then added, ?It probably would have helped us in th

 

Wow! It's so wonderful to see another obaona story posted!!! This was, as I expected, exceptional. Can't wait for the second part. The characters are amazing and your writing is stunning. As per usual.

 

I enjoyed this very much. The characterizations were great and the writing was captivating from beginning to end. Definitely looking forward to more missing scenes.

?It?s strange, actually. When I play pazaak in my head, it?s when I hear you the loudest. Like you?re answering me, almost,? she said.

I really liked this line.

 

Hey look, it's an Atton who isn't dripping with angst! I love your rendering of him- his devotion to the Exile, his uncertainty about the Force, everything that made him an interesting character in the game is beautifully depicted here. I eagerly await the next part.

 

Yay, oba

I love the gradual progression of the characters' development, how you can really see them reach the conclusions that they did in the game. I like how open Atton is with the Exile about Kreia, that he told her what was going on. It really show the trust he has in her in a way that the game clearly wanted to be there but never managed to show as convincingly.

 

VaderLVR64: It's good to be back? Thank you!

dark_jedi_lover: I'm glad you like that line, because I almost took it out. I wasn't sure if it made sense, though I wanted it to show how close they were becoming. (I've always loved that part of the game, where he teachers her that skill.) Thank you!

Commander-DWH: *laughs* I guess I don't see him as a character dripping with angst, though there's plenty of potential for it. Atton strikes me as largely a practical kind of person, for some reason. Anyway, you pointed out all the things I wanted to show - I started writing this as I was playing through the game, and these were the things I noticed. Thank you!

Pallas-Athena: That part of the game always bugged me - that he doesn't tell her what Kreia is up to (unless you count her hallucination in the tomb on Korriban). Because he's so devoted to her, I think he would tell her one way or another. Thank you!


Okay, last part. Feedback is appreciated!

---

Piloting was its own kind of shield, Atton thought. Pulling on emotion or playing pazaak were one thing, piloting was another ? soothing in its predictability, its mechanics, its function. All things he knew how to do, and could do them well. Naturally, most of the time piloting was making course adjustments, being attune to the machine in general, knowing when it was jerking to the right or left, if the hyperdrive was functioning perfectly. Those were all things one could feel as a pilot, in how the ship responded and how it sounded. Pilots were, by nature, half mechanics, because you had to know at least some of how a machine worked to use it at its maximum capability. And then you learned how to push and push to the very limit of that capability, and use it with the greatest skill and creativity to kill your enemy and leave you alive.

Atton was a very good pilot.

Force training had made him better. As much as he had understood a Jedi?s weakness during his time in the Sith, he hadn?t properly understood how [i]far[/i] the Force could bring one, in the right circumstances. Mostly because he?d avoided those circumstances as a Sith, and rarely worked with Jedi as a Republic soldier, though he, like the rest, had seen from a distance and known how important the Jedi were to the war effort. And he?d caught himself thinking about the kind of Jedi he?d hunted down as a Sith. Not Jedi like the Exile, not like Revan ? not the most powerful of the Jedi. Seeing the situation of Force sensitivity and training from this point of view had made him rethink a few things. Ever since that one, that Jedi who found him ? he?d found himself rethinking things about the Jedi. Because of the Exile, of course. But also because of the training she?d given.

He could feel the ship moving through hyperspace. She?d mentioned, offhand, that some Jedi could guide a ship through hyperspace without a navicomputer, by sensing stars and planets and all the other stellar miscellanea, even to the degree that a Jedi using the Force could navigate closer and more dangerous paths that a traditional navicomputer would refuse to try due to possible stresses on the ship ? even be pulled out of hyperspace entirely, and into the gravity well of some star.

He wasn?t ready to try anything like that. But it intrigued him, the possibility.

But now, it was the old boring stuff. Making multiple jumps on the way to Onderon, just in case Sith or bounty hunters were on their tail. It wouldn?t help any if they already knew where the [i]Ebon Hawk[/i] was going, but if they didn?t, it was a good precaution that could at least save them a couple of fights.

She came into the cockpit during one of their brief stopovers, as Atton programmed the navicomputer to take them another short, random distance.

?Hey,? she said softly.

?Taking a break from the old witch??

?Well, this is practically the one place she?s guaranteed not to go.? She came up behind him, glanced at what he was doing, but there was no urgency to her tone or sense in the Force.

?Ha. What can I do for you

 

That was really beautiful. Your writing style flows so elegantly. I really enjoyed your Exile and your characterization of Atton, as well as how you wove the other characters in without them actually being there, that they all affect one another. I love that you wrote such a rich relationship without it rolling into romance. That's a tough line to walk. Well done! I can't wait to read more from you!

 

SoA: Thank you! This is my first time writing these characters, so I'm really glad they make sense! At this point of the game, I think their relationship is more of a friendship - it develops into something else later on (they never even talk to each other about it in the game, only other people!). I hope to have another fic up soon, and am working on another.

 

It's funny... I played through KOTOR several times, Dark, Light, male, female, and ultimately felt like the characters and story could conceivably work no matter who you picked Revan to be. In some ways, I did think that a male Revan fit the character arc and interactions better than a female one, but not in any decided way. Probably just 'cause I'm a boy. You know, sexist and all.

And I always thought Revan was so infinitely more interesting a character than Exile, so between that and rampant bugginess, I only played through the second game once.

But I'm in the middle of another run through it, over the past week or two, and I've come to the realization that KOTOR2 just flat out needs a Light Side female Exile to really, really work. And as I've made my way through a good chunk of the game, I've come to appreciate the story arc in a way that I never did the first time. And I've been trying to work out exactly why that is, why the Exile works better as a woman (the Light/Dark disparity is simpler to figure out, what with the much more interesting tension between Kreia and LS Exile than with DS Exile).

But you've uncovered the reason perfectly, and it's Atton. The fact is that a good story needs a compelling character for the dramatic narrative to hinge on, and with both of the KOTOR games it can't be the protagonist/player who carries that significance (in part because the choice of who that player is is up to you). In the first, it was Bastila who pushed the story arc forward, and in the second, it seemed at first to be Kreia. And in some ways she is important in that way, but her gradual reveal as antagonist (as one antagonist, I should say) only reveals the Exile's story through contrast.

I think what I'm trying to say is this: the story doesn't really have room for Atton, when the Exile is male. His investment in the mission and in the Exile seems to be either insincere or out of place, and his climactic conversation before agreeing to be trained as a Jedi loses all of its significance as soon as it is over.

But with a female Exile, it all starts to make more sense.

And I'm interested to see how the rest of the game plays out this time around (though giving up the Force Storm spam makes the fighting a lot slower... the curse of being Light and not Dark...).


But anyways, that's all kind of an aside to me saying that I LOVE what you did with this story. The demons from Atton's past would certainly draw him to the Exile, and the gentle growth of their friendship+ seems entirely natural.

Good grief, is there anything you write that isn't--well, if not pure gold, then at least a solid silver?



EDIT: Let me remark on what I said earlier, and be a little clearer. In both KOTOR games, the player is clearly the central figure around whom all of the story revolves. It's even more dramatic, in many ways, for the sequel (what with the whole wound in the Force thing). But what the first story had was someone to shed light on Revan's character as the events of the plot unfolded (two people, perhaps, since Carth is with you the whole way through). But in that game, no matter who you chose Revan to be, the picture you got back was always reflected off of your interactions with Bastila and her role in the story.

And I don't think that KOTOR2 has the same strength as a story for each permutation of the Exile. And I had wondered why that seemed to be the case. I know that at least part of it is the rather patchy treatment of each supporting character, with perhaps the exception of Bao-Dur (who always struck me as rather genuine, despite his near uselessness as a party member, and despite the abrupt end to his own back story).

What I am getting at is I think Atton was set up throughout to be more important to our perception of the Exile than perhaps any of the other party members (excluding Kreia, and also taking into account the fact that his role in things kind of vanishes abruptly, too, at a certain point).

And it didn't make sense to me why he and his story were so important, until I played it through Light Side, and a

 

?I just wish you could see yourself as I do.?

?What do you see, then?? he whispered.

She stood, looking down at him. Touched his face, her fingers trailing from his temple to the curve of his jaw. He stopped breathing. ?I see Atton. Not Jaq. Atton.?

I loved this part. You perfectly articulated what I believe is the essence of their relationship. This was another wonderfully written post.

 

TheCrazyRodian: No, I completely understand what you're saying. I think. The first time I played Kotor2, I played through as a LSF, but it actually wasn't until the second time I played it that the storyline really made sense or worked for me. The first time, I was very confused in general by events, and didn't understand why I as the character was doing all these things. But having Atton as this outside character viewing 'me' as the Exile made 'my' motivations more clear, once I really started paying attention. That allowed me to engage in the story more fully, I think, the way I had in Kotor1. (It also helped that I paid more attention to Kreia, who I completely ignored the first time through on account of finding her really annoying.) When I played through as LSM, Atton basically loses all interest, because he has no real reason to care what the Exile thinks - there's no 'in' where he naturally becomes emotionally invested in the Exile. It may start, for him, as pure lust, but it doesn't end that way. I think having that character arc really shows you the power of the Exile to make bonds and draw people to her and her way of thinking, which makes for the clearest characterization (outside of what you bring to it) among all the options. I think the tension between the Exile and Kreia also gets more interesting, because I think it brings this almost motherly slant to it, which to me comes off oddly and less intense when I play as a man (though granted, the Handmaiden is a lot more interesting than the Disciple).

Anyway, I'm glad you liked it! I wanted to show their friendship and that they do get close, as well as explore how someone like Atton would really handle his past as a light side character - since that's lacking in the game, I felt the urge to fill it in. My first time writing these characters, too, so WHEW. Thank you!

dark_jedi_lover: Thank you! You picked out one of my favorite parts. With her believing in him that much, I think it's natural that he loves her - even if he's not convinced himself of his redemption.

 

It's been a while since I played KoTOR2. And even longer, since that, that I played LSF, so I had to tab over a couple times to remind me of exactly what was going on and who all these people ("who's Mira? is that that Handmaiden person? ... oh, j/k" etc) were.

I loved it. Atton was definitely one of my favorite characters while playing through that game, and I love your description of his relationship with the Exile and his development as a Jedi (or something like one ). I also really enjoy, as I always have, your depiction of your characters and their relationships and interactions with the Force, and I liked your description of the Exile's awareness, here, of her own ability to draw people to her.

Man, I want a KoTOR3.

Yay, oba.




EDIT: Sigh. I started up KoTOR2, and how my brother's playing it.

 

vader_incarnate - Hey! Nice to see you here. Atton was one of my favorite characters too (his description of Republic Senate rules pazaak is classic). I find his story arc interesting - how he goes from a Jedi killer to a Jedi - which I guess is why I wrote this story. I'm glad their interactions with the Force work, as the Force and how the character (if a Jedi) interacts with it is pretty important. The game kind of implies that the Exile doesn't see what's happening until near the end of the game, but even on my first time through I noticed it, so I wanted to tackle that, too.

You and me everyone else wants KoTOR3. I don't think it's going to happen, though. Damn it.