Saga A Jedi's Dilemma (series) Update 9/10/06 (Part 2, ESB Luke)

A/N: This is a repost but it was also meant to be a part one of four. So please R&R and enjoy.

~*~

A Jedi?s Dilemma
Part One

By: Karen aka Jedi of Twilight

(Luke?s thoughts in ROTJ as he heads to be captured)

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless
Lost under the surface

Moving silently through the thick forest of Endor, I feel a sense of dread coming over me. In the darkness, I walk towards my end, one way or another. I?m tired of being used by both sides-lied to by my mentors and tempted to evil by my enemies. I?m not their knight in shining armor. Where do I go from here? Where do I turn to for help? I have no one to guide me now and nothing to show me whom to believe. I cannot trust anyone. I?m being consumed my fears!

I don't know what you're expecting of me

What am I doing? I continue heading towards the Imps? lines and know I have to face my father and the emperor. What am I supposed to do and what are my choices? What am I doing?!

Put under the pressure
Of walking in your shoes

You?ve put the mantel of the Jedi on me! Everyone wants me to be a Jedi Knight, but what do I want to be is my question. I?m going to do what the Jedi Order of old should have done. I?m now taking over the mission they failed to do. I am their last hope.

(Caught in the undertow / Just caught in the undertow)

I?m drowning in my fears as I walk helpless in the darkness. My light saber swings at my belt, almost mocking what I am. Nowhere to go but to the man who use to be my father. I?m drowning in my sorrow and in my hope.

Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow / Just caught in the undertow)

I go to save my friends and you condemn me, and I know now how you lied to me. My choices no matter how right they are seem to haunt you. I can?t leave my friends!!!

I've
Become so numb

I don?t care what everyone wants from me! I?m dying inside and I know what I have to do. To reach my destiny I have to face the emperor and my father and bring the light back. Am I kill to my own father or give in? I?d rather kill myself than become one of them!!!

I can't feel you there
Become so tired

My mentors, where are you? I am in my darkest hour and neither of you are with me. Always alone, only I can be the light to stand against the darkness!!!
So much more aware
I'm becoming this

Feeling the Force flow through me I know the truth. I am a Jedi.

All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you

Why was I chosen to be the weapon, the last Jedi left, to stand against my blood and the master behind him? I will not be you who lied to save yourself face and gave me reason to fight against the monster who was my own father. I want to me, Luke Skywalker. I know now that I am not a Jedi of Old. I?m the new and I am not like you. I believe in the good of my father!!! My jaw clenches and my eyes glow with the ancient knowledge of the Force. It will guide me to the right path and fulfill what must happen.

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly
Afraid to lose control

You were scared that I would become my father and tried to shape me into a weapon to strike the enemy you were afraid to face yourself. I am told what I want to hear, and you, Obi-Wan Kenobi, twisted the truth to tell me what an honorable man my father was and how he died at the hands of the evil enemy. Yes, this enemy is evil, but you forgot to tell me that this evil creature is my own father!!!

'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you

I will never be your weapon for you, and I will not kill my own father. I will redeem him, even if means my death. You should have no worries because you trained me, but I won?t be what you want. I am NOT the weapon you wanted to shape into. I am NOT my father and will not follow his choices, but I love my father, not the monster, and I will bri

 

Nicely done! I especially liked these lines:

My light saber swings at my belt, almost mocking what I am. Nowhere to go but to the man who use to be my father. I?m drowning in my sorrow and in my hope.


Good work!

 

VaderLVR64 Thank you so much!
I'm glad you liked it and that was one of my favorite lines.
Also since I'm back from college I'm going to continue all my stories & hopefully finish this one. Three parts to go...

UP!

~Amilight

 

What a great story! And you know what's funny? I did a songfic about Luke surrendering (though it took place while he did) and guess which song I used?

Linkin Park's Numb!!!

Isn't that creepy?

 

Binder-lover Well, it is a great song!
Thank you so much and this is a repost-I did it a while back (i decided to edit before continuing on). Ah, this is part 1 of 4 actually...I'll try to get part 2 up soon.

Thanks-you've given me motivation!

~*Amilight

 

UPPERS

This is waiting for this weekend b/c of college work & my other stories. I haven't forgotten it, though!!!

~*Amilight

 

Uppity!

 

'Allo everyone who's reading & especially to those responding (feedback is great appreciated!)

I've had a really bad semester (though good grades-don't know how I pulled it off) but I justy finished my summer session so I'm back at writing my stories & poems/songfics (whatever you want to call them). My grandpa died almost two weeks ago & I recently came back from his funeral across the country (USA from east coast to west coast-CA was 104 F degrees but it's better than the DC metropolitian area-doesn't humidity suck?).

Binder-lover Thanks & the next part is definitely for you & your support!

The notes for the second songfic got destroyed-always check your pockets, especially when you have impatient siblings who throw all your stuff into the laundry before you can think that you are fogetting something!

I'm rewriting it after I finish this reply on notebook paper & will put it together with the lyrics (can you see how the writing literally sings together around the lyrics?).

The plans? I'm writing four songfics for the OT saga that I've started backwards!

This will probably be updated before the stories, oh my readers are going to kill me! Well maybe not so much...they'll probably come after me-dead people can't write afterall!

~God Bless & sorry for the delay and craziness!

~*Amilight

 

*pulls self out and away from a rabbit hole*

Okay, family issues and other things threw me into a small depression & writer's block. I'm sorry, but I'm not posting work that is less than acceptable/adequate. ^^U

I lost some of the parts for the next songfic, but I'm attempting to recreate them. If I'm not able to, then I will rewrite the entire songfic. Don't worry, I am back on the internet and will be balancing school work (which I can easily handle if I don't wait until the last second-no, I will not procrasinate b/c I won't survive if I do! XD)

Anyway, I'm giving a heads up to why I haven't posted already. You have a strong desire to strangle me, don't you (as well as the people who read the original Jedi Dilemma)? *winces*

I'm going to set this as a series now-probably not just Luke-but that will depend on me and especially the feedback.

Thanks,

~*Amilight

 

Aha, hi everyone. I finally got my act together after so long (especially since I made the first version of the ROTJ Luke POV a long time ago)...

Anyway, please enjoy and R&R!!!

~*~*~*~

(The lyrics are Linkin Park?s From the Inside)


Jedi?s Dilemma (Part Two, ESB, Luke POV)
Defiance

By: Jedi_of_Twilight (a.k.a. Karen or Amidala22)


I don't know who to trust
No surprise

Now that I look bitterly at the stars, I see that my secret is mine alone. No one will understand just as before because I am a Jedi.

Everyone feels so far away from me
Heavy thoughts sift through dust
And the lies

I have been alone for so long, separated because what I am. With shadows looming over me, I am caught in this web of deceit. I am hunted and feared?and I have no idea what the truth is anymore.

Trying not to break
But I'm so tired of this deceit

How can I stand this? No one will understand?I am the son of the traitor, the darksider, and the second in command to the evil emperor. No one here will trust me?I am falling apart and just wishing I could disappear.

Every time I try to make myself
Get back up on my feet
All I ever think about is this
All the tiring time between

Falling, I cannot seem to break away from these dark thoughts in my head. What am I? Why didn?t anyone tell me? Why, why?why, Obi-Wan?! All I think about is this dark secret that continues to haunt me. Lost the darkness, I feel my life and light slowly fading away?

And how
Trying to put my trust in you
Just takes so much out of me

You?re trying to guide me but how can I trust you? You lied to me. You looked me straight in the eye and lied to my face! I can?t do it?I can?t go on with this knowledge?why didn?t you tell me?!

I take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
'Cause I swear / For the last time
I won't trust myself with you

What is the truth? Questioning all that you have taught me, I see that you always had some hidden purpose. What am I, your puppet?! I will not listen because right now I don?t care anymore. Liar! I will never, ever trust you again!

Tension is building inside
Steadily

Who do I trust? What can I do when I am plagued with who my father is?! I wish he was dead?then he wouldn?t haunt my dreams. Sleepless nights, everyone is watching me?

Everyone feels so far away from me
Heavy thoughts forcing their way
Out of me

I alone know who I am. No one else can?they will not understand that I am not him! I want to die but I can?t. There must be a way to stop this without me going crazy. I?m starting to lose my mind. Why, Obi-Wan?!

Trying not to break
But I'm so tired of this deceit

I can?t take it anymore, someone will find out! Everyone thinks I?m a target because I?m Jedi but what if they knew the truth?what would they do?

What would Leia think?

Every time I try to make myself
Get back up on my feet
All I ever think about is this
All the tiring time between

I?m fighting to live with this knowledge but I won?t die. I have to save Han-he?s only in that position because of me. Simply because my father wanted me to be a decoration for his precious, evil emperor.

And how
Trying to put my trust in you
Just takes so much out of me

Obi-Wan, just tell me why you kept this from me. Did you think I would really go running after him? He?s a monster and a murderer?my father is evil.

Now, how can I ever trust you when you lied to me! I have to take everything you said with a grain of salt.

I take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
'Cause I swear / For the last time
I won't trust myself with you

I won?t believe you or what I?m becoming because of you. It?s over?I?m making my own path-away from you. I?m not evil but it seems I picked up your ability to lie.

Stay away from me!

I won't waste myself on you
Waste myself on you
You

Your lies are meaningless, Obi-Wan. I will not follow you or y

 

*sigh*

Yea, I know I deserve the silence for not posting the second part a longtime ago (but I finally got to finish it).

UUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!

 

Great work!

You allowed me to suffer and left me in the dark. What do you want from me? I?m going my own way and staying true to the light. I am a Jedi but I am not like you.

I will not be like you!

Nice!

 

Well, that's different.

Hmmm...I don't have much to add except that its pretty creative Twi. Interesting putting thoughts to music...any other songs you're working on?

 

Thank you for the replies! Gives inspiration and makes me happy!

VaderLVR64 Thanks & that's one of my favorite parts.

The other one I hope you liked was:

"Tension is building inside
Steadily
Who do I trust? What can I do when I am plagued with who my father is?! I wish he was dead?then he wouldn?t haunt my dreams. Sleepless nights, everyone is watching me?"

Moffy Thank you but what do you mean by "different"?
Hmmm...I will take as a compliment.

As for more songfics I do have more in mind. For this second part I had another song that would work but I decided to stay with From the Inside by Linkin Park because it was what I originally intended. That and the song rocks and fits in my viewpoint on how Luke felt when he learned he was lied to and that horrible knowledge that his father is so very evil.

Thank you again for you nice comments! (I'll take anything though-smiley face, whatever)

~God Bless,

Amilight

 

I like it a lot! My favorite part was when he wondered what Leia would think. Maybe for the next one you could do when he tells Leia that he's her brother and Vader's her father!

 

"Different" from your other writings, that's all.
Its good to try different styles and so forth.

 

Thank you, Everyone! Every reply makes me happy!

Binder-Lover Thank you so much. I also liked that part and it's something I know Luke would be constantly worrying about.
Hmmm...that's a good request-I'll see what I can do.

Right now I have a Star Wars songfic that is not related to A Jedi's Dilemma dancing in my head and I'm almost done creating it. Then I need to work on my stories...I really need to update. ^^U

Moffy I was kidding but thank you for coming to tell me anyway.
Like I've said before, I don't like everything I write to be the same. I go about each story from different angle from the suspense in Shots in the Dark to the direct, all out mystery and battles in Angel's Plight (under Amidala22 name). Watashi Wa Kigen Ga is just a crazy story unto itself.

I've very touched that you care & I will continue making my stories in my own personal style with each story having it's own little curveball.

I will find a song for Binder-Lover's request before doing one more ESB Luke piece before entering ANH. Also A Jedi's Dilemma is a songfic series (I'm sure you figured that out, eh? ) for all Jedi. At this moment I've decided that this particular thread is for Luke & Leia, our favorite Jedi Twins.

Thank again & God Bless,
~Amilight

 

Thank you!

 

*comes in and looks around*

>_>

<_<

Hello?

 

This looks good, Twi. I have copied it to my desktop and will review later.

 

Ah yes ? I remember the original version you did of this and I loved it. And this adds even more to the idea of Luke feeling betrayed.

I don?t want to be a Jedi like the kind you were. You wanted me to kill my own father and end the cycle of evil. No, I will not kill my own blood but I will do what you could not! I will save Anakin Skywalker from the cloak of Darth Vader
Ooh! Beautiful metaphor there in that last line.

Obi-Wan, you wanted justice but not the death of the people of the galaxy. You felt the pain and betrayal of my father?s decision to be controlled by the emperor Palpatine. Just as Yoda was disappointed in me, every Jedi blamed your teachings of my father. How did you feel? You were chosen to face him and you failed! You wanted to kill him and you almost turned into your enemy.
Good point here. The battle with Anakin DID push Obi to the edge.

Yay for my ability to find all the worse situations in life.
That is a very Luke moment. Even in the direst straits he still has that laconic humour. Nice little insight you show there.

And the second songfic (From the Inside):
Oyah! This captures Luke?s conflict beautifully ? great choice of song again.

I won?t believe you or what I?m becoming because of you. It?s over?I?m making my own path-away from you. I?m not evil but it seems I picked up your ability to lie.
Wow ? that is a very hurtful thing for Luke to say, showing the intensity of his emotion at this point. Very understandable though ? good work.

What I was is gone. My hope shattered and my innocence gone, just like my right hand.
Brilliant.


Where were you when I was defeated and left to that monster? No, he?s not my father! I refuse to believe that he?s my father! You liar, how could you? Obi-Wan, why?? Why didn?t you tell me?
I really like the way you show Luke?s conflict in that bit ? he?s both in denial and yet, deep down, he KNOWS that Vader is his father. You bring his despair and confusion to the surface well.

These are wonderful pieces, Twi. And I commend your choice of Linkin Park to show the anger/grief/despair in Luke. Perfect vehicles for the task.

 

I'm sorry everyone, I am over my head in midterms, exams, and finals. I will escape the maddness next week and have a small break before term papers are due. Please give me some time before I fall over. I had a virus attack my computer but wasn't nasty but inconvenient. Yes, inconvenient because it corrupted index files and moved the entire "my documents" folder under the index corrupted "unknown". Luckily my stories were in a personal folder so they were fine. I had a small meltdown though when I thought I had lost everything. I don't usually cry but I was freaking out!

I'm okay now, so all is well for me at the moment. Okay, I have my German class soon (and the midterm is this Thursday), so I have go read the chapter, which is mostly in German. My God, I'm in a 101 class & I'm surviving because I'm remembering upper level German I learned from an evil teacher in high school. Not good! ^^U

Okay for the Replies:

Binder-lover lol, I'm trapped in school work and deftly avoiding falling down a rabbit hole!

Tahi Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it and especially since you picked up on both my meanings and metaphors. The cloak of Darth Vader metaphor just hit me over the head. *rubs her head* My muses and their inspiration!

About the insight: I can relate to Luke somehow-not the super evil father of course-and it makes it easy for me to get inside his head. I love Luke and since I'm a Star Wars freak, I have a lot of useless trivia bouncing around my head!

Ah, as for Linkin Park, their songs just work so well for me! Thanks again!!!

Anyway, I'll do what I can to update but not right now. School calls & I can't ignore it!

God Bless & thank you for all your kind words!
~Amilight