Before - Legends A Jedi's Sacrifice (a KOTOR fic) authors note--6-27

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by obi_webb, Oct 22, 2005.

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  1. Amon_Amarth Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2005
    star 6
    I hadn't have much time to read the last 4 updates, so I'm going to comment them now. First of all, great job, obi. Things have gotten more inetersting, I really like that =D= . I also like the way you showed Bastila's inner thoughts. I can't wait to see more of Naga Sadow - he's one of my favourite ancient Sith Lords. :D

    But I know Jolee will annoy and pester Teth to no end out there and I like the thought of that
    [face_laugh] Brilliant!
  2. WyoJedi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 7, 2005
    star 4
    Another great update obi! Loved the conversation between Naga Sadow and Bastila. What a tempting offer he made... so glad to see she didn't go for it (although I do like seeing a dark Bastila... but that's beside the point ;) )

    So did Teth hear or not? From what he was saying it seems that he may have heard... but then again he may not have. Well done in making it so ambiguous!

    Can't wait for the next update!

    Cheers,
    Wyo
  3. Kestrel_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    Wow Obi! What an awesome update! That has become my favorite yet! Not only 'cos it has Bastila in it, but also just the sheer eeriness of the piece! It sent shivers up my spine reading it and you know how much I love horror stories!

    Absolutely wonderful m' dear =D=

  4. jaina_clan_solo Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Dec 14, 2005
    star 4
    That was quite the offer that Naga Sadow made... I am glad that Bastila didn't go for it. Something like that can very easily lead to the dark side.

    I still haven't got Teth figured out-- I know he's in all of this for himself, but to what extent is he actually telling the truth (or how skillful he is at lying)

    I can't wait to read more, you keep treating that muse of yours well :p

    jcs
  5. DarkMan77 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Mar 23, 2005
    star 2
    When i read Basttila's confrontation with Naga Sadow's ghost, i had a deja vu. The confrontation with Ajunta Pall in the first Kotor game. hmm.

    I love what you are doing with Teth. I love the fact that we can't be certain about him. I will be waiting for the mystery to be revealed.

    Again an excellent update obi!



    FanFic Greetings [face_peace]
  6. DarthReven Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 8, 2005
    Interesting. Very interesting. I wonder if Bastila will encounter the spitit of Exar Kun.
  7. obi_webb Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 4, 2005
    star 4
    Amon Amarth- thanks amon:cool: always good when a fearless leader from the aor comes and visits! and you haven't seen the last of naga sadow either!

    WyoJedi- i figured you liked dark bastila! you certainly wrote her well in proclivity! bastila certainly resisted the temptation this time, but you never know what's coming next..[face_devil]

    Kestrel Kenobi- your favorite yet? wow, that's quite a compliment coming from you! thanks m'dear[:D] actually as i was writing it i was thinking about your viggie about obi and his creepy night by the campfire.. that was good stuff:cool:

    jaina clan solo- i am attempting to keep the muse happy! i've quite enjoyed what has come of my writing sessions of late, and i'm glad you've enjoyed too[:D]

    Darkman77- course i still had to make it unsure what teth would do![face_devil] cause you usually can't trust the sith..
    but perhaps every once in awhile you can! you'll find out for sure soon enough!

    DarthRevan- all will be revealed in time! there WILL be some more spirit encounters though! who those spirits are, you'll just have to see!




  8. Scoundrel1100 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 28, 2004
    star 2
    Obi,

    Nada Sadow, huh? This could get real crazy real fast, and I LOVE IT! Something tells me you have a nice twist up your sleeve to add to the plot of this little Yavin adventure. I can't wait to see it! It better be so twisted we all get whiplash and break our necks from reading your story!

    Anyway, I like how you did the Naga Sadow conversation. I also like how you were unclear as whether or not "Teeth" heard the whole thing. Hell, for all we know, Teth could've had something to do with the fact that Bastila saw Sadow at all! Very good work! Keep it coming!

    Scoundrel
  9. obi_webb Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 4, 2005
    star 4
    Scoundrel1100- you think there is going to be a crazy twist on yavin iv? what would give you that idea?[face_devil]
    you'll see soon enough! you wanna get whiplash you say, but do the other readers want whiplash as well?
    oh well, the story goes where the story goes! i know there is more then a few things i have planned over the course of this story that should suprise people!
    a lot changes at yavin IV and that's all i'll say!


  10. Stella_Ripple Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 29, 2005
    star 3
    Wow! what a variety of stuff for me to respond to! That's what I love about your story- it has funny bits, and serious bits, and all other kinda in between bits all melded together superbly!

    so i guess....the Eeeeempress of the Sith is heere... *notices blank looks and blushes* sorry, have got phantom of the opera stuck in my head at the mo!

    I know I've said it before, but I love bastilla! She really proved the integrity of her character in the last chapter. I do hope Teth really will co-operate now! Good to see Jolee's and HK's anitcs are unchanged and am loving the feisty Mera! I think it's good for Gando too- so he's not too weighted down by what he has to do, plus he has something else to think about now too!

    great stuff, so glad i'm all caught up now!
  11. obi_webb Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 4, 2005
    star 4
    Stella Ripple- i love your sig:cool: it's always important to say no to deathsticks:p
    always great to see you whenever you get time to stop by! i really appreciate you still finding time to read this, i know how busy you are![:D] [:D]
  12. obi_webb Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 4, 2005
    star 4
    Bastila arrives at the temple first.

    It's obviously an ancient structure, the rock it was constructed of was old and worn away over many years. The jungle itself slowly was taking over the temple, it's vines thickly layered on the outside walls.

    There was one entrance that she could see. There was no door, just steps that led into the vast temple, seemingly inviting one and all inside.

    "And you say no one has successfully been through this temple before Aron?" Bastila asks, standing on the steps.

    "None that I know of. And believe me, if someone has, I'd think I'd know it. I certainly know of many that have tried and failed. Jedi and Sith alike."


    "Heh, you actually sound WORRIED Teeth!" Jolee exclaims with mock suprise, trailing a bit behind Teth, still closely watching him, as he had since they first encountered him.

    "You should be too, old man." he answers, a seriousness in his tone for the first time since they've met him.

    "It's interesting, there are numerous temples on this moon all presumably built by the same Massassi slaves, yet I've never seen two temples that were remotely alike. Some were complex mazes that seemingly looped every which way but where you wanted to go. Some were simply a straight path all the way though, but that path was a gauntlet of every kind of battle droid and mines
    you could think of. And then sometimes there were mazes, battle droids, and on top of that a good deal of the afoementioned
    maze was underwater. Which is actually one of the best ways to keep curious adventurers away. Because the way they built it you couldn't tell how much you had to swim through to get to where you needed to go, plus there were many paths to take, and all but the correct path led to dead ends."


    "That's why all Jedi are encouraged to keep a portable air supply with them wherever they go." Dorak adds.

    "Well I'm not a Jedi and I didn't have one!" Teth retorts defensively. "But as the Force would have it, I happened
    upon a gungan who somehow was stranded on this moon, and all it took was the promise of food and the ignorant creature did all the swimming for me, finding the correct path and marking it for me."

    "Did you give him the food you promised?" Dorak asks.

    "Of course I didn't, it wasn't like i carried with me the kind of kind of grub those creatures probably would eat anyway
    and FURTHERMORE.." he starts..

    But Bastila is quick to inturrupt, not interested in hearing anymore squabbling, or anything else that will keep her from
    getting to finding what she came here for. "SHUT up Teth." she says, and he does just that. "We're all in this together right
    now. Bickering back and forth will get us nowhere. We know what we have to do. We know what we came here for. Let's do this and get off this moon."

    She doesn't wait for any of their approval of what she just said. She doesn't give them any oppurtunity to argue, or get one last verbal shot in at the other. She walks into the temple.

    She is tired, impatient, still heart broken, and not in the mood to listen to anyone that disagrees with her. She has no clue what to expect from all this, still no real idea if she can trust Teth Aron, and after all this, she has no clue what will come next. She feels a strong sense of darkness inside of her and for a more then a moment she isn't sure it it's just this place or if it is something inside of her that she thought long dead.

    She keeps going down the path before her and the only light from the sun shining through the open entrance behind them get farther and farther and gradually begins to fade. She saw windows from the outside, but those were higher up in the temple and this path was the only one she could see and it just leads down.

    The four of them don't talk for some time as they continue on and Bastila is so lost in her own thoughts so that when Teth Aron finally breaks the silence it startles her. "This is another good way to kee
  13. WyoJedi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 7, 2005
    star 4
    Very nice. I like the banter going on, and the fact that Naga Sadow is watching them. His little barbs toward Bastila are great too. THe dark side seems to still torment Bastila... I wonder how she'll fare when they get to the real danger in the temple.

    =D= =D=

    Cheers,
    Wyo
  14. yuna_kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 2006
    star 3
    i see you have a dark side obi![face_devil]

    as usual excelent! =D=

    keep the great fics coming:D
  15. Amon_Amarth Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2005
    star 6
    Naga Sadow tempts Bastila; cool. :cool:
    Very nice update, can't wait for more. :) =D=
  16. jaina_clan_solo Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Dec 14, 2005
    star 4
    Wonderful post! [:D]

    And Naga Sadow, whether all of them know it or not, is with them every step. He simply watches, and waits.

    I detect some rather bad and sinister things awaiting them all further inside the temple [face_worried] It seems as though their journey so far has been too easy... never a good sign in SW.

    The more I learn about Bastilla the more I like her... Dorak appears to be pondering that point, but Bastila is tired of waiting. "Well, we won't get across standing here debating..."


    And much to their suprise she suddenly starts towards the bridge.
    She isn't afraid to take control.

    I'm looking forward to seeing what troubles lay in their path next!

    jcs
  17. Force-Deity Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 21, 2005
    star 2
    Great Job Obi. Your Fic is one of the best ones I've read.
  18. Stella_Ripple Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 29, 2005
    star 3
    great post!
    lol! that description about bastilla being tired and still heart broken etc, certainly made you feel she's one dame not to mess with!
    i love the bickering, one of the reasons i think an outsider works so well (at least in terms of readability if not amiability!) with the intrepid trio!
    and oooh i liked how you've got only Bastilla hearing Sadow, wonderful blend with the dialogue and speech and the creepy big brother is watching you feel!

    slightly scrambled, but you'll muddle through it, i know...hope :D
  19. Scoundrel1100 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 28, 2004
    star 2
    Obi,

    Man! Sorry, this is the first I've had a chance to reply to your chapter. Loved it! I loved the fact that you keep Sadow messing with everyone. Yes, everyone, not just Bastila. He's screwing with Bastila directly, but Jolee and Master Dorak indirectly, meaning they're definitely going to be affected on this little trip if Sadow is successful with either convincing Bastila or making her lose her cool. I can't wait to see what develops with this Naga Sadow part. Oh, and Teth: what's so cool about him being temporarily in the group is that we as readers don't even know if he's oblivious to Sadow, or if he heard Sadow's and Bastila's conversation. Teth is the wild card, and no one's tipping their hands. You keep the damn suspense so high, it's great! And reading about Sadow's messing with Bastila is a lot like the suspense of having to wait to see if the Emperor's B.S. goads Luke into giving into his hatred to cut him down or not. WHAT'S BASTILA GONNA DO?!! heh... Bring it!!

    Anyway, loved it. As always, keep it coming!!

    Scoundrel
  20. obi_webb Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 4, 2005
    star 4
    first off, shame on me for forgeting to thank kestrel kenobi for her help with this last chapter!
    kes, thanks so much! your input and support are very much appreciated![:D] [:D]

    next chapter should be up soon.. i have a good deal of it written, i just have to tweak it a bit.

    WyoJedi- bastila will have to face more in this temple then she realizes.. thanks, as always for your comments!

    yuna kenobi- dark side? ME? i don't know what you're talking about[face_devil]

    Amon Amarth- thank you fearless leader! as a naga sadow fan, i'm glad you approve of my use of him! his role in this is certainly not over either..

    Jaina Clan Solo- yeah, sometimes there is a lull before the storm... [face_devil] the next chapter i do belive fully qualifies as a storm!:p oh and [:D]

    Force Deity- thanks man! it really means a lot knowing that someone thinks highly of your work!:cool:

    Stella Ripple- course i muddled through it! i'm used to your sometimes slightly scrambled ramblings;) always wonderful to see you scoutmaster [:D]

    Scoundrel1100- your comparison with bastila/sadow to luke/emperor is quite appropriate! as you've gathered, i'm really trying to keep you all guessing with Teth Aron- i have a feeling that some events that happen soon here will be a SUPRISE to all of you.. always a pleasure to read what you have to say!
  21. Kestrel_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    Obi - I'm so glad I could help you with this and that I got a sneaky peak before you posted! :D ...I love this post, I can imagine Bastila and co creeping through the Temple and all these indiana jones type traps popping up! [face_skull] and Naga Sadow watching them! [face_worried] ...

    Wonderful scene you've set up - I can't wait to see what happens next! More soon!

    Bravo =D=
  22. DarkMan77 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Mar 23, 2005
    star 2
    You are getting more sinister with every post obi [face_devil]
    I like it!
    Keep up the excellent work my friend.



    FanFic Greetings [face_peace]
  23. obi_webb Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 4, 2005
    star 4
    Kes- more soon, you say? well it wasn't exactly soon, but it certainly is more:p hope you enjoy[:D]

    Darkman77- i think the sinister trend continues here! [face_devil]


    --------------------
    "Okay, I have a question for everyone." Jolee announces, as they all continue down the darkened hallways of the Massassi temple. "On a scale from one to ten, how mad do you think Nada Sadow is on how easily we're getting through his little deathtrap maze?"

    Bastila groans, not at all in the mood for jokes.

    Teth Aron shakes his head. "I still don't think that it's going to remain this easy."

    "That's not answering my question Teeth! One to ten!" Jolee insists.

    "Oh all right, five!. " Teth concedes. "But only because Sith Lords of his stature, alive or dead, always are fairly upset about something, i'm not saying it's because of us!"

    "Fair enough." Jolee remarks. "All right, Dorak, one to ten?"

    Dorak answers but Bastila doesn't hear it, all she hears is Naga Sadows voice. "Shall I tell you my level of displeasure, Bastila? Do you really want to know?"

    Get out of my head!

    "Pull out your lightsaber, murder your friends, then turn around and leave this temple the same way you came in."

    Shut up!

    "I know your life and I know why you're here and you do not want to go farther into this temple! Kill your friends, turn around, and leave!"

    This time she doesn't even reply in thought, she just tries to bury his voice in her head.


    Jolee and the the two other men continue chatting about anything and everything. She couldn't bring herself to join the conversation. They were starting to act like this was just
    another day raiding yet another Sith temple. Couldn't they tell something was wrong? Didn't they realize that something was not as it seemed?

    Of course, you're the only one hearing ancient Sith spirits in your head. Perhaps that would explain why you're a bit spooked. she thinks with a slight bit of sacrasm as she mentally scolds herself for getting rattled so easily.


    They continue their trek forward, slowly navigating the mazes and surviving the traps. It does remain a fairly easy task getting through for four as experienced in such matters as they are.

    It's not so much a question of whether they can make it though, but how long will it take. How many times will they go in circles through the same dark corridors before they chance upon the correct path? How long will it take to destroy the squads of battle droids guarding the rooms?

    A matter of time, she tells herself. She's lost too much time already. Gando could very well be in the Sith Empire at this very moment and she can only imagine what he could be facing there.

    She should be with him. He should never have left on his own.


    She will have plenty of time to chide him for his actions. All she had to do was find out where he went. She told herself from the start she would follow him anywhere.


    There was light coming from the windows above them from outside. They had worked their way from the steady downward descent from the beginning of their adventure to gradually higher and higher
    into the Temple itself. She noticed one set of windows when she was just outside the Temple and they were fairly high up in the structure, close to the roof.


    "Are you sure we're going the right way Teeth?" Jolee asks. "We're getting awfully close to the top of this structure and I very much doubt that Naga Sadow kept his ancient library of Sith secrets on the roof."

    Teth gives Jolee an exasperated look. "I've told you a million times even though I have a more then fair idea of what to expect in Temples like this, I've never actually been in this
    Temple itself. I'm as lost as you are!"

    "I think we've explored all that has been availiable to us so far." Dorak says cutting in. "I don't think we've missed anything. Either we're
  24. Amon_Amarth Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2005
    star 6
    Very good post, obi. Very interesting and a little dark. I really like it. =D= :)
  25. WyoJedi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 7, 2005
    star 4
    Wow obi! So much good stuff in this post I don't know where to start...

    I loved the banter between Jolee and Teth... quite an odd couple you have there. And then Naga Sadow continuing to torment Bastila, that was a nice touch. The duel with Teran was amazing, and I was surprised when Bastila's hand was severed. But then having her emotions take over and almost killing Teran was well written. I could really feel her anger and frustration.

    And that the holocron was one made by Revan... that was a surprise. Now the question is whether it was before or after the Star Forge quest. Should be interesting to find that out. Of course, first our intrepid adventurers have to get out of the temple... nice cliffhanger with that as well.

    From start to finish, this was a great update! I look forward to more.

    Cheers,
    Wyo
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