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Before - Legends A Jedi's Sacrifice (a KOTOR fic) authors note--6-27

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by obi_webb, Oct 22, 2005.

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  1. jaina_clan_solo

    jaina_clan_solo Jedi Padawan star 4

    Dec 14, 2005
    Long is good :D

    Another wonderful update! The opening line to the chapter was great, Jolee trying as always to keep their minds and moods from sinking too low.

    By the end though... wow... they found out why everything was too easy on the way in. It's being saved for the way out. [face_worried] I do hope that they will last long enough (and keep the holocron intact long enough) to get the information they needed.

    I really felt for Bastila battling an enemy that none of the others can hear, and then loosing her hand to Teran. It seems that she's reached a point of barely being able to keep her emotions in control, and I fear that things are only going to get worse.

    Great post!

  2. Kestrel_Kenobi

    Kestrel_Kenobi Jedi Master star 4

    Sep 26, 2005

    You wicked person you! Poor Bastila! And then Revan/Gando appearing wow...
    That aside ( ;) ) this was a wonderful, intense chapter and it wasn't too long...not long enough...esp with the evil cliffie! Honestly I could read your stuff all night. [:D]

    Don't forget I'm taking you to lunch over this though! ;)

  3. DarkMan77

    DarkMan77 Jedi Youngling star 2

    Mar 23, 2005
    Wow obi excellent stuff! Things keep appearing, eerie, very eerie, me like it :)
    Keep up the great work my friend.

    FanFic Greetings [face_peace]
  4. Scoundrel1100

    Scoundrel1100 Jedi Youngling star 2

    Nov 28, 2004
    Dammit Obi, you're freakin' crazy, AND I LOVE IT!!!

    First, the desperation... There were a couple places in there during the temple trek where Bastila was unsure of her chances of survival. (e.g. "It can't end like this. Not this way."). This was done very well. The reason I'm commenting on it is because as you added this particular element to Bastila's psyche, it made me think of how she's come all this way, and now even though there'd be no story if she died, there is still a chance she won't survive...and what's worse is that she herself knows this. I love little pieces like these added in, because they show (as I've mentioned in a previous post) that you're not above making your character flesh and blood, and you make her even more valueable by having her realize her own mortality. She can be killed, because even though she's a Jedi, she's still just a person and not a hero...she's just a woman who will stop at nothing to find Gando at whatever the cost (missing hand).

    Second, the anguish... You're on the verge of driving Bastila over the edge mentally and emotionally. This is an awesome way to cause the reader to attach even more commitment and emotion to the character. I love how you have her now. She's deprived of sleep. She's worn the hell out. Even though they're her friends and companions, she has to listen to old man Bindo and Master Dorak with all their drama. She's been traveling with someone of whose intentions she's unsure. She's had to deal with the spirit of Naga Sadow himself. To top that all off, she's now missing a damn hand. Put her through the wringer, man, put her through the wringer! How bad does she want Gando back? You make her prove it with each new agonizing step she takes. You're putting her through hell, and I must say that it's all warranted. I mean you're not just ripping her apart for no reason. I love what you've done here in this chapter.

    OH, I almost forgot. To top all that off, you had her seeing Gando the very man she loves desperately, in a holovid as Revan, a role she's come to desperately hate. That's like watching an ex with someone else being happier than she deserves to be, or at least happier than you are after just after you've broken up. Ouch, man... I'd say to give her a break, but I love what you're doing too much. It's more compelling this way.

    Damn, son! With all my raving about your chapter, you should hire me as your PR person, propaganda spreader, and publicist!!! LMAO!! KEEP IT UP!!!

  5. obi_webb

    obi_webb Jedi Master star 4

    Aug 4, 2005
    Amon Amarth- glad you like fearless leader:cool: always a pleasure to see your comments!

    WyoJedi- yes, i hoped to raise some questions with the revan holocron! there is much in gando's past that i hope
    suprises you! all will be revealed in time!

    jaina clan solo- glad the length worked for you:) as i told you earlier, i was a bit worried since this was my longest chapter yet. now i do believe you have
    some writing to do? i think you are feeling very inspired to write at this very moment! i'll be waiting for an update pm:cool: [:D]

    Kes- aw, you're a sweetheart[:D] even though you're taking me to lunch for this;) hey, and you didn't think it was too long either! good deal!=D=

    Darkman77- thanks as always, my friend[face_peace]

    Scoundrel1100- that's exactly the kind of reaction i wanted to hear:) i've really tried to put bastila through the wringer! even though it sometimes draws the wrath of certain bastila fans:p
    and i appreciate your comments even more, since i know you've said you didn't even used to like bastila!
    gando's journey is indeed a hard one, and he hasn't even got to the difficult part yet, but it is a journey he chose to go on. bastila however, is forced along a path she would much rather not be on. but she deals with it, because she wants to find gando no matter what.

  6. Ulic_Starwalker

    Ulic_Starwalker Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jul 3, 2006
    :eek: wow.

    Poor Bastila but I really liked the last chapter. Good work. :)
  7. Stella_Ripple

    Stella_Ripple Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 29, 2005
    WOW! talk about kickstarting the plot!!!

    great build up there with the voices in her head, admist the usual background of Jolee speak lol, then the fight with Teran! whew! poor bastilla! that was close, a little too much of a brush with darkness! Yowch! and that was an icky death!!

    Aaand the Revan holocron wins the cookie!! :eek: That was great! Brillian characterisation of his monologue- i could totally hear that in my head and it totally worked. you know the kind of 'vilain' that is smart and smirks? as opposed to the arrogant ones that laugh maniacally? yes? yes. well that was him :)

    And a review isn't over until I've laughed at Jolee, is it? "WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE! THIS PLACE IS GONNA FALL APART!!" Jolee yells. rofl! that was a classic cave collapse reaction!

    Thanks for a wonderful piece! =D=
  8. DarthReven

    DarthReven Jedi Youngling

    May 8, 2005
    Well, really interesting post. This had so many great things about it, I cant pick 1. Bastila losing her hand was very unexpected. It definentaly added suspense, made the fight reall. I had 1 minor problem with it, being that she didnt really seem to have as much pain as I though she would(look at mace). Besides that, I had no problem. And weird ending with Revan. THAT was unexpected...
  9. Trayus

    Trayus Jedi Youngling star 1

    Nov 15, 2006
    A very intriguing story. I'm quite impressed- you've captured Revan/Gando quite well, taking into account all that we know of him from KOTOR and KOTOR II. Bastila is also depicted promisingly, and Jolee is as cantankerous as ever.

    The entire Yavin IV experience has been delightful to read. I wondered, when mention was first made of a spirit, whether we weren't going to see Exar Kun rear his ghostly head, but I suppose he's still trapped in his temple. I don't think Bastila's out of trouble with the dark side. Her grief and frustration are still affecting her judgment, and her core nature, even tempered with age, inclines her strongly to the Darkness even as it makes her strong in the Light.
  10. Darth_Drachonus

    Darth_Drachonus Jedi Master star 3

    Oct 4, 2005
    Add me to your update list please. I'm impressed
  11. obi_webb

    obi_webb Jedi Master star 4

    Aug 4, 2005
    i haven't forgot about this! i've just had a difficult time writing of late... but i'm working on the next chapter and it should be up in the near future!

    Ulic Skywalker- the face of shock you used in your reply is exactly the reaction i was hoping to get:cool: thanks for your reply!

    Stella Ripple- so glad you enjoyed it scoutmaster:D i'm glad i made it clear right away what kind of villain i pictured revan to be. the smart smirking ones are the ones i find the most interesting. mostly those are the most dangerous ones too! i hope you're well and i talk with you soon [:D]

    DarthReven- esteemed mandalore! it's been awhile, my friend! good to see you back around! as for the pain of bastila losing her hand, you may be right. but i really didn't want her to scream, or focus on the pain too much. so i kinda glossed over that aspect. i appreciate you coming back to this after being gone awhile and i hope you continue to enjoy!:)

    Trayus- i'm glad things have intrigued you so far! and it's always nice when my vision of gando/revan is appreciated. it can be kinda tricky, cause so many people have so many different ideas of who revan was.
    as for exar kun, i really debated about putting him in. i always enjoyed the character. ultimatly i decided it really didn't serve the story to add him as well.
    i'm glad you found this, and enjoyed what you read!

    Darth Drachonus- i hope you continue to be impressed as this goes! i have a LOT planned for this that i think is pretty exciting. i'll be more then happy to pm you when i get the next update up. (soon!)
  12. obi_webb

    obi_webb Jedi Master star 4

    Aug 4, 2005
    He was close. At their current speed they would be reaching the borders of the Sith Empire in four hours. Right now they were far beyond the borders of known Republic space.

    He sits in the pilots chair, checking the nav charts that Mera uploaded into the computer, seeing so many names of planets he's never even heard of. Or perhaps he has, and he has simply forgotten. He wonders if in the end, it really mattered.

    It didn't change what he had to do.

    In another life, he would see all these worlds and simply view them as chess pieces. Tools for him to use as he saw fit. Which planets should he conquer to gain the greatest stategic

    But that was a long time ago.

    He told Mera everything. His past as Revan. Everything with Bastila. How he got to Sullust where they met. His suspicions that when he arrives in the Sith Empire it won't be for the first time.

    It was unexpected, because out of all he told her, the part she responded the most to was Bastila. Though she had done her best to keep her reaction hidden. It affected her though. That much was certain. He sensed jealousy. Though he wasn't sure how deep those feelings went.

    Often when a Master and a student develop a bond in the Force, the news that the Master has a deeper bond with someone else is not taken well.

    He would not press her about it. She needed to talk about it. But she needed to do so on her own, and without prompting from him.

    She'd been staring into a datapad for about an hour. Looking like she was studying, but he could tell her attention was elsewhere.

    After a few more minutes he finds out what she was really thinking about. "Do you really think Bastila won't follow you here?" she asks, as she puts the datapad down and looks at him.

    A question he tried not to think about. He had no clue what he was about to face in the Empire, but he knew it would be the most difficult thing he's ever faced. He knew Bastila would go with him without hesitation. To her, staying behind would not be an option.

    But he'd feel like he was inviting her into the darkness. A place where he wasn't even sure he was strong enough to survive. And he would never want her to go though that. Never.

    After a moment, Gando answers. "I think she might try. Even though I begged her not to. But I hope and I pray that any record in the Republic that would hint to where the Sith Empire is has been long lost to time."

    Mera thinks about this for a moment, then replies. "If i really loved someone, I would never give up in finding them.
    I would search for them until the last bit of strength left my body."

    Not the reply Gando wanted to hear, and perhaps that is why his tone is a defensive one when he says, "If you really love someone Mera, sometimes you must let them go. Sometimes there isn't a choice."

    Mera wants to argue, but Gando can sense it, and he stops it before it begins.

    "I just want her to be safe." Gando says, letting his tone and demeanor show that he didn't want to continue on the subject, "I hope whatever she's doing, I hope she is learning to be happy."

    In the back of her mind, Bastila Shan knows there is a good chance she could die in the next 4 minutes.

    The temple was falling apart all around them, and trying to avoid falling debris and staying on solid ground was starting to demand just as much of her attention as the immense battle droid with a blaster and a buzz saw for hands, and a still readily apparent energy sheild.

    She does her best to fight the growing panic and anxiety she is feeling, and stay calm and centered in the Force. Even with her abilites diminished with only one hand, the Force is still there, and her connection is as strong as ever. Stronger, she tells herself. She lets if flow through her.

    The buzzsaw arm seems especially focused on Bastila, and she dodges it's wild swings, as she takes another oppurtunity to weaken the droids sheilds with her lightsaber whenever she
  13. Amon_Amarth

    Amon_Amarth Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Jan 27, 2005
    If so, does that mean that the Sith Empire is where Gando was from?


    Brilliant new chapter, obi-webb. =D= I like where this story is going. I especially liked the last sencence, but now I can't wait to read more. [face_worried] :p I hope you'll update soon. :) Once again, great job! =D=
  14. WyoJedi

    WyoJedi Jedi Youngling star 4

    Nov 7, 2005
    Wow! So many great events in that chapter. Bastila using Force Lightning, Revan having a family in the Sith Empire, Naga's continued temptations... Wonderful!

    So, is Mera in actuality Gando/Revan's daughter from the Sith Empire? Now you have me really curious...[face_thinking]

    I can't wait to read more. Keep up the great work obi!

  15. Darth_Drachonus

    Darth_Drachonus Jedi Master star 3

    Oct 4, 2005
    Excellent. Keep it up. Very intruiged with where this is going
  16. jaina_clan_solo

    jaina_clan_solo Jedi Padawan star 4

    Dec 14, 2005
    I'm really glad that you got a chance to get something written last night [:D] the marathon writing session definately paid off!

    I really like the contrast between the scenes with Gando, and having the group on Yavin IV hearing Revan taunting them.

    I can't wait to see what happens next inside the Sith Empire

  17. Kestrel_Kenobi

    Kestrel_Kenobi Jedi Master star 4

    Sep 26, 2005
    Wow! Wonderful to see such a fantastic update! I loved all of it...Yippee! Bastila and co. got out alive! :D ...although I'm thinking Force lightening [face_thinking] [face_worried] ...

    Really liked the Gando and Mera scenes as well. Very nicely done. =D=

    I can't wait for more obi - this really is an exciting story and I look forward to seeing what you throw at us next! ;)


  18. obi_webb

    obi_webb Jedi Master star 4

    Aug 4, 2005
    i promise you'll see the next update MUCH MUCH sooner then before! the sith empire is going to be very exciting for me to write, and i hope it's as exciting to read

    Amon Amarth- expect more suprises to come! i don't want to give anything away, but there are a lot of things i've been hinting at in this story for awhile that will be revealed soon.

    Wyojedi- i've been trying to fit a lot more in the chapters then what i did at the beginning of the story! now i just need to work on getting the chapters done as quickly as i did at the beginning.:p
    a lot of it was writers block though, and now i feel i'm past it now!
    i like that you're trying to guess some of the future suprises i have in store! as for mera being gando's daughter... well, you didn't expect me to actually tell you if you were right or wrong did you?;)

    Darth Drachonus- thanks:cool: i'm making good progress on the next chapter, so expect it sooner rather then later!

    jaina clan solo you're a big reason the writing marathon happened, so thank you[:D]
    revan and gando certainly are very different, but revan is
    always a part of him and we'll see more showing that very soon.

    Kestrel Kenobi- you are right to be worried about the force lightning![face_devil] how bastila deals with the darkness growing in her, and also how her companions deal with it, is a big part of her story in what's to come!
    thanks as always for your constant support[:D]
  19. drevan1138

    drevan1138 Jedi Youngling star 1

    Apr 7, 2006
    It's nice to see another post. I've been following this story from the beginning, although this is the first time I've posted. I like the surprises you threw in. It's always interesting to see how other people write Revan. Keep up the good work.
  20. obi_webb

    obi_webb Jedi Master star 4

    Aug 4, 2005
    drevan1138- face_cool] it certainly is one the most interesting aspects of kotor that so many people have so many different views of revan. i'm glad you like mine!

    i'm reminded of what i planned on doing at one time for a reply to the possible lurkers on my story i don't know about.
    i'd just have
    lurkers- and give some random reply to any lurkers that were reading so they wouldn't feel left out of my replies :p
    and it could be silly too and i could pretend like i'm replying to actual comments..

    lurkers- no, i didn't plan on having the smurfs show up in the sith empire, but actually now that you mention it[face_thinking]

    ok, so it's late and i haven't slept yet so i'm goofy![face_clown]
  21. DarthReven

    DarthReven Jedi Youngling

    May 8, 2005
    nice! Besides the obvious( mera is related to him) there is still tons of intruige. Bastila going DS is always fun:)

    I would love to write more, but I have a project on Blackholes to write.

    even if i cant express it, great job! keep it up!
  22. obi_webb

    obi_webb Jedi Master star 4

    Aug 4, 2005
    DarthReven so if mera WASN'T his daughter, then there would be no complaints? i'll admit it would be very easy to walk away from this chapter and get the idea that is coming.. maybe because it is coming? wait, maybe it's not! where did i put the story notes again?;)
    i'm glad you are continuing to enjoy the story, esteemed mandalore! you've been here since the beginning, and i really appreciate that.
  23. obi_webb

    obi_webb Jedi Master star 4

    Aug 4, 2005
    i wanted to include the next gando section of this chapter as well, but bastila's part ended up being longer then expected and i didn't want to shorten what i had in mind for the introduction to the sith empire. so that will be next! and soon!

    The hyperspace coordinates to reach the borders of the Sith's Empire were on the ship's computer. Jolee and Dorak were attending to that, and Bastila made sure she wasn't around or within listening distance when the Revan holocron was played one more time.

    She did not want to hear that again. She didn't want to even think about it. It surely would spend enough time as the center of her dreams anyway.

    She had wanted so badly to forget about the person Gando once was. But she knew deep down, that Revan's influence on the galaxy was so great, his influence would be felt long after his death. Something like this was bound to happen sooner or later. It's no comfort to her though.

    Gando knew that his actions as Revan could not be washed away as easily as his memories of them had been. And she imagines that was a big part of why he felt he had to go.

    But does he even realize what he might face there? The prospect of Revan having family in the Empire of the Sith was not a pleasant one. The power that one of Revan's blood would wield in a place that was surely overflowing with dark power was a terrifying thought.

    She is in the process of getting a hot cup of tea in an attempt to calm and comfort her, when Teth Aron appears in the doorway. She is really in no mood to see anyone at the moment, expecially him, but he had kept his end of the bargain and was a help to them escaping. So she holds back the
    comment expressing her annoyance, and lets him speak.

    "I have a favor to ask of you.." he starts.

    Not what she wanted to hear. He was holding the holocron, so Dorak obviously kept their end of the bargain. To her, that meant their business together was concluded. Still, she says nothing and lets him continue.

    "Dorak has given me the holocron. And for that I thank you. You Jedi have kept true to your word, as I suspected you would. And now I take it you will be heading to the Empire of the Sith soon?" he asks.

    "And that has what exactly to do with this favor you're asking?" she asks, her tone implying that it was none of his business.

    "I would assumed you would have guessed." he replies. "If you are going, I want to go with you."

    Like she would allow THAT to happen.

    "Teth, you have been a great help to us, and for that I thank you. But I will not allow you to come with us. There is enough unknown danger in what we are soon to face already..."

    "Exactly." Teth says cutting her off. "And we've proved with all that just happened, that we work well together."

    "And you've proved that you work well with others when it is to your benefit." Bastila snaps. "But what happens when you decide this situation is not to your benefit anymore? Would you attempt to kill us, as you did your previous travelling companions? I'm sure you wouldn't think twice! I'm so sick and tired of the Sith and their stupid, selfish, illogical ways it makes me sick and furthermore..."

    She stops herself short of the rant she was about to go on. He certainly got her point, she can tell by a subtle shift in the expression in his face. It's disappointment. But what was the cause of that feeling? Was he disappointed simply for not being able to hitch a ride with them? Or did he hope somewhere down the line to betray them, and now he feels robbed of that chance?

    Those were both possibilities. But there was another, less likely one. Perhaps he was attempting to abandon the ways of the Sith. His experience working with three Jedi may well have started to change him. She certainly didn't expect things to end as peacefully between them as they seemed to be ending now.

    Teth Aron could be thinking a million different things at this moment, but Bastila isn't given time to debate them,
    because w
  24. Kestrel_Kenobi

    Kestrel_Kenobi Jedi Master star 4

    Sep 26, 2005
    YAY! First reply! [face_dancing]

    ok, the ending to that chapter was [face_sick] ...

    He unslings his backpack, and reaches into it. Bastila had no clue what to expect, but she would never have guessed
    in a thousund years that Jolee would pull out her severed hand and hold it in front of her.

    "I thought you might want this.."

    It is a rare instance when Bastila is rendered speechless. She feels her mouth actually drop.

    "I grabbed it on the way out of the Temple." he explains.


    But lovely Bastila-filled update! Not sure about what happened between her and Teth - I have a feeling she made a mistake there [face_thinking] ...maybe...

    So happy to see an update and such a Wonderful one m'dear =D=

  25. WyoJedi

    WyoJedi Jedi Youngling star 4

    Nov 7, 2005
    "Jolee, why in the name of the Force would I want that? It's not like they can reattach it!"

    Jolee furrows his brow. "They can't?" he asks. "I thought for sure I heard of someone who managed it.. Or maybe that was a cure for foot warts.... Huh."

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] Classic Jolee! I love that character.

    Bastila was a little abrupt with Teth, but I don't blame her. But have they truly seen the last of him? I wouldn't be surprised if he showed up in the Sith Empire later.

    Great update. Bastila... can't go wrong there :D

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